An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year's Eve

Let's make it a great night....

I usually write this closer to the end of the day, and while I don't have any big NYE plans, I don't intend to spend it on this computer. So, here we are. Another year has passed. Time to reflect on the past year and time to prepare for the next. While 2011 wasn't terrible for me, I'm still glad to see it go. Wasn't necessarily the best year. However I am grateful that I was able to see it.

So, time to make some promises. Good ol, resolutions. Last year I decided not to make any if I remember correctly. And I held true to that. I figured I'd just go ahead and do whatever I wanted and if I didn't do something, then no big deal. Well, what ended up happening is I pretty much did nothing really. Or at least I felt like I did nothing. I have nothing really significant to say I accomplished last year. (Though I did visit LA and that was one of my things to do). But all in all, 2011 was pretty stagnant for me. So maybe that no resolution thing wasn't the best idea.

So this year I will probably make some resolutions. Exactly what they'll be are to be determined. Not quite sure honestly. So how about this: In 2012 I resolve to do something! I think that'll work. And, I plan to honor as many superstitions traditions as I possibly can. So that means New Years Day I will not be paying any bills, nothing will leave this house before something comes in (including trash), I need a tall, dark and handsome man to be the first one through the threshold, and he should be bearing a gift and I think he's supposed to kiss the person who lives there.....something to that effect....not sure, it's never happened so...yea.... (The likelyhood of that last one happening is slim to none but the Young One is in town so perhaps...). I'll make as much noise as one person can possibly make at the strike of 12 to scare the devil out and open the doors to let the old year go and allow the new year to come in. And I'll finish it off with the traditional southern New Years Day dinner for luck, wealth and prosperity. (Or is it health? *shrugs*). Either way I'm going to bring myself and this house as much luck as possible!

And you know they say whatever you spend New Year's Eve doing is how you'll spend the rest of the year. So all you people with drama, you better let it chill for one day. Enjoy yourself or you'll be dealing with drama all year.

I plan to bring in the new year doing what I hope to spend the next year doing. That includes writing (check), spending time with family (sister's here so check), enjoying friends (some should be over later unless plans change so check), and doing things I like to do (shopping, making jewelry, being creative...which will be a check by the time this post is published). So I think I'm off to a good start.

So while I may not have solid plans for next year I have some plans for today. Time for me to get up and get it moving. To everyone who made it to today, I'm happy that you're here. Let's be thankful we had a chance to know the ones who were not able to make it with us. I wish all of you all the success and happiness the next year can bring.

And if the 2012 predictions end up coming true, it's been one great ride! Peace and blessings to you all. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Friday, December 30, 2011

Acting Right

12:00 PM |

After reviewing the previous rules, I felt it is necessary to outline the rules for house parties and other various group functions that occur at a persons place of residence. While many of the rules from Section A do apply, there are several others that need to be addressed.

#1. Never show up empty handed unless instructed to do so. You should always offer to bring something to the party. This goes for frequent visitors and especially for new visitors. For new visitors this is a sort of 'thank you', if you will, to the host for ... I hate to say allow but, allowing you to come into their home. For frequent guests, this is obviously someone you know well, so it's just the nice thing to do.

#2. If you are a guest to the party and do not know the host, do not invite extra people. It doesn't matter if the host has said it's OK or hasn't. AND this goes double if you haven't even told the host you have extra people coming. You are already an extra person. You don't know this host well enough to invite people to their house. Who says the host wants all these strange people to know where they live? And while the host may be open to it, I wouldn't even ask. Let's just say don't do it and leave it at that.

#3. If you are a frequent visitor to these parties, you should at the very least offer to help clean up after functions are done. Many times the host will say that's not necessary. Some will insist that you go home or sit down, but the offer is still a good gesture. And really if everyone cleaned up after just themselves, much of the work is done. Sometimes, simply picking up stray cups, plates, napkins or arranging dishes in a common place is good enough to help take some of the stress off the host after the party is done.

#4. The liquor stays at the hosts house. YOU....DO....NOT....take the bottle you brought over to the house back when you leave. It doesn't matter if it's completely full, never opened, or only has a little bit left. You shouldn't ask to take the bottle back. The only time you leave with the liquor you brought is if the host puts it back into your hands. This is another way of saying 'thank you' to the host for opening up their home.

#5. If you are a visitor to the house party and no one but the person you came with knows you, don't be a wallflower. After you take a moment to assess the situation, mingle with the other guests. Make new friends. Play a game of Spades. At the very least talk to the host. Don't sit on a couch on your phone the entire evening. And most certainly don't be a creeper and just stare at everyone all night from the corner. House parties are probably the lowest pressure situations. Many attendees are already drunk by the time you get there. You don't have to worry about money for food or drinks. It's not about trying to holler at the most people or get a bunch of numbers by the end of the night. It's just fun. Just get in there, meet some new people and have a good time.

#6. Don't eat, drink and run. Don't come to someone's house and eat up all their food, drink all their liquor and then poof like a fart in the wind. It's just rude.

#7. If you break something, offer to replace it. This is someone's house. This is someone's stuff. Don't just hide it either. How would you feel if something in your house just showed up broken the next day? In this instance, even if the host says don't worry about it, I'd still replace it.

#8. This should go without saying but, I'll say it. Don't bad mouth the party or the party goers during, before or after on any kind of social media, or verbally to anyone. That's in such bad taste. Here these people are, many who probably don't know you, offering you a good time and a place to hang out for the evening. Giving of their food, their liquor, their home, and many times themselves. It is incredibly rude to be disrespectful, to their face or behind their back. If you didn't have a good time, then just don't return or leave early. There's absolutely no reason to talk shit. None. What. So. Ever.

With the New Year just a day away, many of you will be either out at parties or visiting other people's home. I thought I would just give out some guidelines and some things to consider as you being to usher in a new time. If you haven't always been the best, it's the perfect time to start anew. As always: Respect yourselves. Respect each other. Put good in and you'll get good out. ♥

Thursday, December 29, 2011

They Just Can't Handle Me

12:27 PM |

Maybe you're just a bitch...

We all know or have seen this girl. The one who is always talking smack about a guy she just went out with. The chic who is always talking down to men. The one who puts her dates through homeland security style interrogations. Constantly asking questions, challenging men in conversations like she's in a boxing match, but never letting the man finish his answer. Often dismissive, rude, and disrespectful. Asking questions she already knows the answers to, to see if the guy will lie or tell the truth in a effort to trap him in his suspected lie. You know, just about every brown-skinned Black woman they cast on any reality television show.

When these women are called on their ish, their first reaction is "Men can't handle me because I'm a bit aggressive" or "I just know what I want and I'm not putting up with no bull" or "He just wasn't man enough to handle me" or whatever the buzz word excuse is.


Perhaps you're just a bitch. Let's just really call a spade a spade. There's agressive and dominant, and there's rude and inconsiderate. There are ways that you can find out if the man you are sitting across from has any of the qualities you want without being condescending, abrasive and disrespectful. And really, while we're being honest, many of you rude chics out there are being a bitch to these guys because you're attempting to cover up your own insecurities and issues.

If you're going to be a bitch, then be that. Admit that's what you are. Stop passing off your hatefulness as standards, your displeasing disposition as high standards, and your rudeness as honesty. You're making the chics with legitimate standards, and dominant personalties look bad.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas in the Hill

8:50 PM |

....Was a letter from Santa and the dough's for me....

It's Christmas Eve at home in the Hill
Mom ordered pizza and and tonight we'll chill
The real food's prepped for tomorrow's feast
And Santa put gifts under Christmas trees

Family playing games at the house tonight
It's so hot out side, kids are riding bikes
On the tele-tele is the yule log
As we laugh sipping wine never egg nog
Grandma staying over so I'm out on the couch
But it happens every year so I ain't no grouch

No grouch
No grouch
No grouch……

Rhymes so loud and proud you hear it
It's Christmas time and I got the spirit
Love and thanks, not fights or pouts
And that's what Christmas is all about
The time is now, the place is here
And the whole wide world is filled with cheer

My name's Miss A with the mic in my hand
And I'm chillin and cool'n just like a snowman
So open your eyes, and lend me an ear
I want to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

All or Nothing

7:15 AM |

Do you really want to be someone's 'everything'...

This past holiday I had the pleasure of returning home. And while driving about the town, the local radio station decided to play every Beyoncé song in existence. That lead me to ponder this one line she has in the song 'Irreplaceable'.

"Since I'm not your everything, how about I'll be nothing..."

How many of you ladies out there want to be everything to your man? Show of hands? Really? That many? My question to you is....WHY? That's a lot of pressure and let's be honest, none of us are that fly to be everything to someone.

You've heard those out there saying they want to be the mamma, daddy, sister, brother, the sun, the moon, the wind, the stars, the mountains, everything to their partner. What for? Don't they have those already? If not, then fine....go be that. But for me, I don't care to be all these other people, these other things for you....I want to be your woman.

I want you to be able to bring your interests, your friends, your family, your life together with mine and make a beautiful union together. Share and learn from each other. Not lose ourselves in our relationship but be there as a support as we grow and accomplish our dreams together. In order for that to happen, I can't be your 'everything'.

Don't get me wrong. At some point, I'd want to be someone's priority, and maybe even muse. But I don't think I'd ever want to be someone's everything. Nor would I want someone to be that for me. I'll reserve that 'everything' position for my (future) child.

Bottom line, we're all fallible. If you let someone put you that high on a pedestal, you'll break your neck when you fall. And trust me, we all fall at some point.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Moment of Simple

12:00 PM |

"...And I'm gonna always love you...."

Thanks to Lawrenorder for sharing this one with me. I had almost completely forgotten about it.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving good blog reading people! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend of holiday meals, shopping and family time. And maybe...just've reflected on all the good things in your life and your at least grateful that you have a weekly grind to get back to on Monday. Might not be the grind you want but at least it's something.

I think it's important to take some time out of your days to reflect on your life and where you are at this very moment. Compare it to where you were a year ago, 6 months ago, a week ago. And have an honest discussion about what is actually really good in your life. Sometimes we get so bogged down with the daily stress of living that we forget to do just

We have to remember that no one really has the perfect life. Even when we get everything we want, that level of living comes with its own requirements, responsibilities, highs and lows. (Notice I said when, not if). It's all about how you handle it. Truthfully, if you can't be happy with what you have right now, living where you are today, doing what you do today, how will you know how to be happy when you 'make it'.

Like I always say, happy is not complacent. You don't have to live a miserable existence to motivate you to want more. You just have to want more.

Gobble, gobble, y'all!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

R.I.P. Heavy D

8:36 PM |

What I say. I really and truly adored his music. And I have never seen a man like him, move like he did. The energy he brought to his live performances was electrifying. I enjoyed him as the counselor on Boston Public. I loved him as Regine's mis-matched boyfriend on Living Single. I was so happy to see him close out the Hip-Hop Awards this year. Didn't think that would be the last time I got to see him perform. These things always make you think..... R.I.P. Heav.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Blame It On The Rain

12:00 PM |

Don't put that blame on us...

Let's talk about the ship jumpers. The turn coats. The switch hitters. The dudes who after bad experience after bad experience with black women, they decide they're through. Done with black girls all together. That black girls are just hateful, evil, all around bad news. That in order to avoid dealing with 'drama' and 'attitude' they've decided to just date women of other races.

Let me tell you something.

If YOU are always dating rude, black girls with attitudes, dealing with girl after girl after girl that's just terrible, what is the common denominator? YOU BITCH. YOU are obviously making bad decisions. That has nothing to do with the fact that these girls are black. If YOU have always dated black girls who were bitches, sluts, gold-diggers, what makes you think you'd be able to make better choices with the women from another race?

YOU are choosing poorly. YOU should re-evaluate your selection process. It's not about her race. It's about YOU. Katt Williams says to us women--and I paraphrase-- if you are over the age of 25 and still talking about men ain't shit, then we need to figure out what it is about our oochie that keeps attracting 'aint shit' [negros]. Well fellas, if you're always complaining about how fucked up black women are you need to figure out what it is about your dick that keeps picking fucked up women.

Now don't get me wrong. This is not about wether or not I approve or disapprove of interracial dating. You date who you want to date. But don't blame all of black womandom for your dating missteps. Choose better.

Punk ass.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

LOL :-)

1:00 PM |

Digital dating...

Some things are great to say in a text message. Things like "Hi" or "Have a great day at work" or "Can you pick up some eggs on your way home". Some things are not great to say in a text message. Things like "We need to talk" or "Are you sleeping with my sister?" or "Got my test results".

Now a days it seems like a major component of relationships seem to be how available you are through chat, text messages and your Facebook wall. People can apparently be 'talking' (hate that word) for 3 months on chat and consider that actually dating.

Where dey do dat at?????

What happened to actual face to face quality time? You know, coming over and hanging out to do something other than just smacking bellies. Going out and enjoying each others company. Actually holding hands and being close.

Today I saw a commercial for a board game and I that would be nice. Picturing playing it by a fire in these colder months with someone special.....

Most of you guys get a thrill if your man 'gives' you some fertilizer for your Farmville plants. This computer ish is just....nothing really. It's nothing at all.

A computer screen, miles of DSL wire, a cell phone and satellite signals provide people a way to hide. Not get close. Keep people at arms length. Or be a complete punk. This way they can say what they want, break up when they want and never have to face the person they are hurting. OR it makes them completely obsessive, falsely attached and stalkers. Either way you look at it, it's not good.

What this digital world is great for is for those who can't see their loved ones on a daily basis. Allows military members to see their loved ones. Long distance couples the ability to keep their relationship alive.

But when you are two apartments over from your boo, I need you to get up and go knock on a door.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Random Thought

12:00 PM |

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

What's the Sitch?

6:25 PM |

Making problems out of posies....

I often come across blog posts, questions, threads or conversations involving people asking others what's going on with their mate. And I've discovered that there are two kinds of people out there asking these questions. People that are really just reading entirely too far into people's actions and words. Trying to figure out if there is some covert operation going on behind the scenes. Transforming "I want chicken" into "You're terrible in bed". And people that are completely oblivious and in denial about what is really going on.

I don't get people sometimes. One minute you're talking about your man hasn't been coming home, other girls keep calling the house, you only see him after midnight, he won't take you to meet his mom, he says he doesn't love you and you have the nerve to ask if he's cheating on you and should you stay with him. The next you're ready to break things off because he sent you THX in a text message instead of 143 and that means he must be up to something.


I am not one to say ignore your instincts because typically they are right. But some of you are just so off out there. Not every man is out there doing dirt behind your back. Not every girl that smiles at you in the office is trying to get in your pants. At the same time if he's dogging you out, HE'S DOGGING YOU OUT! If you think she's sleeping with your best friend, she is. No need to say 'probably is'. Ain't no probably.....IT IS! I mean...have you listened to your story? Read your post? Do you hear yourself?

All in all I think people need to just stop and think sometimes. Check themselves. Not every conversation or actions in a relationship have to blow up into a huge situation. And if the person you are with has you living in a constant state of paranoia you need to let that go. At the same time, you can't be so desperate and afraid of being with out someone that it makes you hold on to something that is sooo toxic for you. It's not good for you mentally or physically.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Moment of Simple

12:00 PM |

You see my chest....

Saturday, September 24, 2011

It's My Blog-a-versary...Yeahhhh!

I am 6 years old today!

I can't believe that 6 years ago to this day, I started Confessions of a Disillusioned Black Girl. That's right. Saturday September 24, 2005 was the first ever post and things change. Looking back through my archives I've talked about so many things. Some more random than the next.

When I started this blog it was just going to be a way for me to start putting some of my writing out there. I always had this dream of publishing a book of poems and the title of this blog is actually supposed to be the name of that book. But, being the reclusive artist that I am, it was very hard for me to share what I had written (still is to this day). Other than a few close friends and family members, no one even knew that I wrote. So I figured that if I started a blog and shared a few here, it would get me over my anxiety. I wrote a very simple poem, hit publish post and there it was. I was 'out there'.

I only published a few more poems, until the urge seemingly died. I think I had honestly forgotten all about this blog. If you notice on my archives there is not 1 single post in 2006. Then, after a random reunion with my old friend Tony Stark, he actually encouraged me to start blogging again. He had started The Stark Files and suggested that I start writing again. And with that, in 2007, phase II began. I wrote a lot. (Mostly because I think I was competing with Mr. Stark to be the one who wrote the most on their blog). I was writing about everything. Videos I loved, articles I read, football information for women, my thoughts on world events and my own personal grievances with everyday irritations. This is also when the Random Thoughts and ideas for Acting Right originated.

But I had not quite found Professor Locs would say...voice yet. And once again, I started finding less and less to write about. After a while, I started to write about the topics my friends and I discussed and debated over. I wrote about being friends post break up, the roles people often play in relationships and my irritation with childish behavior as adults. But the real jump off point had to be when I shared my thoughts on the other woman. And the rest, as they say, was history.

I have learned a lot over the years. Took a few blogging seminars and some great lessons from a master blogger herself Alease M. at the School of Creative Business. I'm slowly getting over my hesitation to 'put myself out there' and have already begun implementing some of the lessons I've learned from Alease. This blog has grown so much with what I've done so far that I'm excited to see how far I can take it.

So what does the next 6 years hold for this Disillusioned Black Girl? Big things, my friends (with fingers crossed). So keep reading! I thank all those who have supported and encouraged me. Thank you to all those who follow and share me. A special thank you to those who inspire me to keep writing.

Friday, September 2, 2011

How To Love

1:20 PM |

How do you learn?

So you'd never really think anyone would have been spurred to discuss something based off a Lil' Wayne song, but the overplay of his track 'How To Love' actually made me think. Specifically the chorus. For those who are unfamiliar it goes:

You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love

You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

How many of us are really actually taught how to love? I mean even if you came from a 2 parent household and what is traditionally thought of as a loving family, are you learning how to love? Or are you learning just how your parents love? And what if you don't have that? Where do you learn it? Is it something that can even be learned?

Can't learn it from music. Can't learn it from movies. All those sources either romanticize, demonize, or over sexualize love. You can learn to give and receive affection, but that's not necessarily love. Many often confuse affection, and sex with love and that's wrong too. And granted many of us learn to love by those around us giving love to us but that's not the same as romantic love. I mean your friends and your granny loves you but not the same way a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife would.

When you watch a husband help his sick wife go to the bathroom and you may often hear people say 'now, that's love'. Why? Nurses do that. Husband's don't get paid for it, so is that what makes it love? You may watch a wife support her husband through a loss of a job and people will say 'now, that's love'. Is it? Isn't that just being supportive?

Is love a combination of several different things? Take support, affection, caring, concern, throw that all into a pot and mix it with unconditional, a bit of passion, and desire, bake for 6-12 months and *poof* you have your love soufflé. No two people show, give or receive love in the same way. I guess in the end we have to decide for ourselves what love looks like. And, in turn, teach the ones we are with how to love us.

But there are so many of us don't love ourselves we're so unable to teach someone else how to love us. And if you can't figure out how to teach do you learn?

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

12:00 AM |

Another year...

So once again I'm able to sit here, 30 minutes to my birthday and reflect on the year that's passed. And really... I'm good. I'm actually really good. Got over a big financial hurdle. Booked my ticket to visit the Young One in LA this weekend (woot!). Still have my job. Getting my piano playing skills back. Started making jewelry again (look for the ability to purchase it soon). I'm writing my books (working on 2). Got some plans for something new for this blog. In general...getting my Renaissance woman on. And though I'm still not 100% sure of what my next direction will be, I've put my wheels in motion so I'm going somewhere. (I may look still, but real killers move in silence).

So what I've learned this year is to truly live the quote by President Roosevelt: "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." You may not have everything. You may not even be where you want to be. But why be miserable? Happiness does not equal complacency. If you can find a way to be happy now, imagine how happy you will be when you actually 'make it'. If you always search for happiness in things, situations, conditions, you'll always be miserable. So just be thankful you're breathing and enjoy life.

Thank you to my students, family and friends who have already sent me birthday wishes. (One doesn't need to be a stranger - yea...I'm calling you out!!) And at the same time I'll do my best to be less of a stranger as well. And with that, I blow out my candles...

Monday, August 29, 2011

Moment of Simple

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Not A Good Look

1:00 PM |

Pleated pants.....

Dear men of the world,

It is no longer acceptable for you to adorn your lower body with pleated pants. It doesn't matter the brand, the color, the length, the position of the pleats, if they are in fact 'back in style' - Just Say No.

While the pleated pants do offer a bit more space and coverage for your valuables in the front, it generates one of the top unappealing physical traits (in my opinion) on a man: Man Hips. Pleats make your waist look tiny and your hips look big. Giving you a curvy silhouette that should only be reserved for a woman's body.

Now nature will often bless you with a curvier lower half than most. Especially if you're brown. Can't fault you for that. And to be honest, there's nothing wrong with a man who has just enough junk in his trunk. Us ladies like to peer at that too. This is why you should find fits and shapes that make you look sophisticated and streamlined. I cannot stress enough how important it is for a man's dress clothes to be fitted properly. Failure to do so makes you appear a bit immature and unprofessional. And no woman wants that.

So gentleman, while you're out there shopping for you latest look remember to look for flat front pants. Because pleated pants and man hips are just not a good look.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Dating ≠ Smashing

1:00 PM |

Can a man just date a woman?

SO, let me pose a question:

If a guy says that he's dating multiple people, do you automatically assume he has a legion of fuck buddies?

I ask this in reaction to something I read in a comment on a video about dating and being single. The person commenting basically assumed that since this person was casually dating multiple women, he was in fact fucking them. All of them. And randomly gathering new ones weekly.

Is that really what you think about when someone says they're dating multiple people? That this dude is really just out there poking his stick into a bunch of random chics? Is that what dating is to you?

I think it would be nieve for us to believe that men were not out there having random sex because many do. And even guys who are dating has those he is actually sleeping with. But, I think it's shallow to reduce all men to that most primal and doggish level. Just because a man is out there dating, it doesn't mean that he's just out there smashing everything that moves. Think about how many times you've done dinner and a movie with a guy and didn't give him the goodies. You could have seen him several times after that and then ended things without ever having sex with him. So why not think that (some of) the girls this guy is seeing are doing the same thing?

Not every guy out there is chasing scandalous chics. The girls he's dating could be just as respectable and 'good' as you are. And if he's being honest with you about seeing other people, it is not unreasonable to assume he's been just as honest with them. We need to give guys a bit more credit. Otherwise, we could miss out on a guy that is really great.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Acting Right

12:00 PM |

The weekend is here. For many of you that means it's time to hit the clubs. Before you head out best dressed like a million bucks, let's discuss how to behave at a club or party (these rules apply to both).

Rules for the Ladies:

#1. Be respectful.
It is important to remember to be respectful when denying dances and advances from men. Unless that man gets rowdy with you, there is no need for you to jump off rowdy with him. Even if he does get ignorant, just find your group and walk away. No need to let a sorry man ruin your good time or take you to a less than lady like place.

And just so you are aware, protocol dictates that when you refuse a dance or a drink from one man, it is improper to immediately accept a dance or drink from another man. Not saying just because you deny one you can't accept from another the whole night. Just don't bounce the guy on the left to get with the guy on the right.

#2. Hold your liquor.
If you can't drink, don't drink. I'm all for going out, getting 'nice' and having a good time, but it is sooo not cute to be the sloppy girl in the club. Too much alcohol only leads to foggy memories of late nights, regrettable early mornings and vomit on your shoes.

#3. If you don't want to be there, then don't be there.
There's nothing worst in the club to be the girl with the shit face on the entire night. Hating on every song the DJ plays. Not dancing. Not drinking. Just out there on the floor being miserable. If you got to the club and it didn't turn out the way you expected it to, then leave and go somewhere else. If you don't feel like going out that night, it's better to just stay home. If you hate the clubs, then don't go to the clubs.

#4. Don't be a tease.
Ladies, boo'd up or single, often like to go to the clubs just to get out. We want to dance, drink, listen to good music and hang with the girls. What's important to remember is that 99% of the time, that's not why guys are in the club. They are there to see you ladies. Holla at you ladies. And if things go well, smash you ladies. If you are out just to have a good time or are already taken, don't spend the whole night with 1 guy dancing, accepting drink after drink, being all sexy-flirty on the dance floor. He's spent the whole night trying to get something to pop off with you when there was no chance. Don't do that.

Rules for the Fellas:

#1. Be respectful.
If you get turned down, let it be. Even if the girl is rude to you. Just push on. There are way too many chics out there for you to waste your time getting fresh with this lame chic. The only girls who don't like a well-put together, smooth man are chics you don't need to be dealing with.

#2. Ask a girl to dance, don't just pounce on the booty.
It doesn't even have to be a verbal asking like back in the day. Most will settle for eye contact, head nod and a frontal approach. Nothing is worse than having a 220 pound, sweaty unknown man suddenly grind his junk all on your, back breathing hot Hennessy breath on your neck. And if all you can do is grind, you can't dance boo-boo. If a girl moves away when you start all that, don't keep pulling her back. You may just get smacked. Remember rule #1.

#3. Don't be a looky-loo.
Just as you hate girls with the shit face on all night, we hate guys that post up at the wall and stare you down all night. I'm not talking just standing and not dancing. I'm talking about straight up stare down. Never approaching. Never buying a drink (not even another for yourself). Just standing up against the wall, sipping through the stirrer, watching. If all you want to do is drink and stare at the T&A - go to the strip club.

#4. Have a good time.
Nothing is more attractive than a man who's out enjoying himself. Laugh. Dance. Drink. Get silly. Have fun.

Those are just a few rules to consider before you nights out this weekend. As always: Respect yourselves. Respect each other. Put good in and you'll get good out. ♥

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Random Thought

12:52 PM |

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Look Out For:

12:00 PM |

The Taker...

We all know that every relationship involves a bit of give and take from both people involved. Sometimes individual wants will need to be compromised in order to fullfil the needs of the unit. But, if you stop for a minute, you may notice you're the one always giving in.

The Taker is very good at what they do. They have an excellent game. If they didn't, many of us would sniff out their digging ways quickly. Takers will often give you just enough to make you think that the relationship is even, when it really isn't. They'll distract you with good sex or affection or other things to take your mind off the fact that they're just no-good. Now many people associate Takers with gold-diggers. That's a shallow way of thinking. Today Takers want more than just your money. Takers want your time, your self-esteem, your dignity, your pride, your goals, your soul.

The Taker will monopolize all of your time, while giving none of theirs. For example, if you've ever called up the person you are seeing when they are busy and they don't come to you, but if they call you they throw a fit when you don't drop everything - that's a sign. Takers will always expect gifts for holidays, birthdays and other special occasions but your gift is never even remotely comprable (if you receive one at all).

And while we're on this gift thing: Fellas. I know many of you like sex. But sex is not an acceptable 'gift' when you've just drop tons of money on a Valentine's Day gift, birthday gift, etc. No matter how freaky it is. Get your standards up! That's how girls get over.

Takers will argue you down in public, make you worry about unnecessary things when you need to be focused on your business, take you away from family and friends to separate you from some of your strength and support, try to make your world exist only because of them. A Taker only truly values their own wants and needs and as long as you can give them what they want they'll continue to stay with you.

If you do find out you are with a Taker, be prepared to fight to cut them loose. Takers don't go down easily. They can be some of the most vindictive and manipulative people out there. Cut them off completely. Make sure there is no longer a way for that Taker to get in. Be strong.

Relationships should not be blinding. Take some time. Keep your eyes open. Pay attention to the signs. Remember a person will always reveal their true selves. You just have to be watching to see it.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Moment of Simple

12:38 PM |

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Random Thought

12:54 PM |

Sunday, August 7, 2011


12:00 PM |

And do something...

Black people I'm tired. I'm tired of all the talking. All the complaining. All the 'planning'. All the 'demanding'. All the rhetoric. All the promises. All the colloquialisms. I'm tired of 'Fighting the Power'. Tired of being 'Black and Proud'. I'm tired of holding my fist in the air. I'm tired of fighting the war or drugs. Tired of pulling up my struggling black brothers. Tired of all the conferences. Broke from the conventions. Worn out from donating my time. Exhausted and feet swollen from marching.

Where are we going?

Black people: Stop with the marches. We've marched for black men. We've marched for black families. We've marched for black women. We've marched for hunger. Marched for Aids. Marched for dimes. Marched for the Coby show. We've taken the concept of the historic March on Washington and bastardized it's meaning by marching for the sake of marching.

Now you can say you're doing all of this to raise awareness, but raise it to whom? Everyone who's in attendance knows what the problems are. When are you, as the supposed leaders, going to take all of this momentum, all of this rhetoric, all of these words and do something about it? When are we going to stop talking about our problems and do something?

We're all aware. We all know what the problems are. We no longer need to 'shine a light' on ANYTHING. We need to make some solid plans and execute them. We need to determine what our official end game will be. We need some freaking realistic and tangible GOALS. With out those we'll be marching around in circles for the rest of eternity.

So I'm sorry. If you don't plan on doing anything more than talking, I need for you to really shut up. Stay off the networks. Get off my radio programs. Don't send me emails. I can't get behind another rally. Another march. Another protest. I'm not buying anymore fucking buttons. No more bumper stickers. No more bootleg t-shirts. It's time to get our shit together and fucking DO SOMETHING.

Saturday, August 6, 2011


7:58 PM |

No one wants complete honesty...

Most people will say that when they're looking for a mate, one of the key things that person must be is honest. And while there is a great beauty in pure, unadulterated honesty, we all know that we honestly don't want to hear everyone's honest thought, opinions and comments.

Ladies, can you imagine what you actually may hear if your man was completely honest with you all of the time? Think of all the questions you ask him:

Do these pants make me look fat?
Didn't you have fun at my mom's house?
Isn't my new hair cut cute?

If the answer is no, I doubt you really want to hear it. I mean of course you'll say you do.....but...really. Come on now.

Fellas, same goes for you. Think of all the questions you ask your girl:

Whose is it?
Do you like it?
Did you c.....?

Do you really want to you?......Cause we really can tell you.....

Didn't think so.

Really what people want out of their mate is trust. The two are not mutually exclusive so by asking for a trustworthy person you'll ultimately get some honesty there. When you ask for trust you can believe that when it's appropriate to be honest they will be. Trust that when they're not honest, it is about the little things, done so to prevent offending the one you love or hurting feelings. Trust that when they are honest that they're not doing so to be mean or rude, that it's only for your benefit. I think that's what I'd prefer. Because everyone can be honest, doesn't mean they're all trustworthy.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

You Are Not My Daddy

2:39 PM |

Not calling you that either...

Riding back to my house today after work the oh so lovely local radio station decided to play that song 'Wetter' by Twista. If you're not familiar with the song be thankful, there is basically a woman singing:

"I'm callin' ya daddy, daddy
Can you be my daddy, daddy
I need a daddy, daddy
Won't you be my daddy, daddy"

Ok. I have a daddy. And even if I didn't have a daddy, there is no reason I even want to think of him know...all of that is going down. That's incest. Get that patriarchal meat. *shudder* That's sexy??? The only way you'll get me to call a man I'm with daddy is if I'm talking to my kids about their daddy. And only when I talk to the kids that are say under 10. Outside of that....not gonna happen.

That does it for you fellas? A grown-ass woman whispering give it to me daddy in your ear? What the fuck?

And while I'm at it, don't call me mommy either. I will never be your mommy. Don't want to be. I don't find that cute, sexy, hot, none of that. How about we leave the parents out of our bedroom all together. Not even pictures. Cause even with the lights off...there eyes will be there.....

I'm just saying....

Monday, August 1, 2011

Moment of Simple

6:29 PM |

Saturday, July 30, 2011

You Smelt It, You Dealt It

7:11 PM |

Point one at me, you have 3 pointing at you...

So here you are in your relationship...chugging along...everything is all gravy. You're vibing with them, they're apparently vibing with you then all of a sudden...they start trippin. They're looking through your phone, checking up on where you're going, claiming you're checking out the next man in line at the grocery store, accusing you of cheating. And you're left standing there, shields out wondering where in the world all of this came from.

Usually most of that noise is comes from a guilty conscious. They know what they've managed to have time and desire to get into, so they think you could very well be doing the same thing. Why wouldn't you be doing the same thing? How could you not be doing the same thing? And they're going to start flapping around and clucking to distract you from focusing on them.

Before you go above and beyond trying to prove to your significant other that you're not out there doing them wrong, you may want to stop and watch them for a second. You may find out that, in the midst of this slanderous hurricane, they're the one who's been out there double dipping their fun stick.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Good Look

11:40 AM |

Respect the personal space...

I often spend so much time on here talking about the grimier side of people, I think it's time to recognize some of the good things people do. Today I have to say thank you to all of those who are respectful of someone else's personal space.

People often forget how important that personal space is. Think about how the perceptions about the dynamics of a conversation can change just based on the proximity of the people involved. People standing farther apart tell a different story than two standing face to face. Fight vs respectable disagreement. Casual conversation vs intimate discussion.

Sometimes the respect of that personal space is just polite. For example, today at the drug store the person behind me actually waited in line at a nice distance. Giving me the privacy to check out the items I needed and complete my transaction without having to hide the credit card screen under my hand for fear of prying eyes. Too often I find the back of my neck warm from the nostril air because the person behind me is right up on me. So thank you respectful stranger. And thank you to all those who respect the bubble.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Random Thought

3:21 PM |

I watched this today, and I just had to post it.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Not A Good Look

8:19 PM |

They're called an undershirts for a reason...

I really do hate to make my 'Not A Good Look' posts about actual looks, but with it being as hot as it is I really must say external 'wife beaters' and white t's are not the business. Now I can sort of give you a pass if the t's are fresh out of the box, and excellent quality. But let's just be honest here...those are not the one's you fellas are wearing.

If you're T is so thin I could watch TV through it and all of your unruly, taco meat is visible through the shirt, you should not be wearing that alone. If you're shirts are so stretched out you could take it off by sliding it down around your hips, that is not grocery store appropriate apparel. If your shirts are so stained it looks more like a denver nuggets jersey, you don't need to wear that out in public.

If you really just need a white T, there are plenty of places you can get an appropriate one from for a good price. Cause, boo, beat down beaters and raggedy white T's are just not a good look.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

R.I.P Amy Winehouse

3:36 PM |

I've seen some comments and some overall cavalier attitudes towards this news. But wether it is expected, unexpected or deserved, notification of someone's death is nothing to be callous about. Wether we know that person, think we know that person or hate that person, each and every one of us mean something to someone. Respect that.

R.I.P to a very young woman with a beautiful voice whose 'love' ultimately cost her her life.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Be Easy on the Best Friend

10:40 PM |

They are not your 'yes' man...

So I'll be honest, the inspiration for this post came from after watching an episode of Basketball Wives. (Don't judge me - hear me out). Back story: In the episode one of the ladies made remarks against her 'best friend's' man. She apparently has not celebrated in the engagement or be the most excited about the relationship. The remarks she made about the relationship were on a radio show and ultimately brought these issues to the surface. The hurt woman is upset that her best friend isn't happy for her or apparently supportive.

I understand that it hurst to have your friend not be happy for you when you are so happy or excited about your situation. And, while I do believe that it was wrong for the girl to say those negative comments about her girl's man on the air, I think people need to stop expecting for their friends to co-sign every decision they make. It is not the responsibility of the best friend to be your yes man. And them not supporting every decision you make does not make them haters either.

They are your friend. They are the ones that are often left carrying you when you've fallen down broken. They're the one's who's shoulders are soaking wet from letting you cry on them. They're supposed to be there not only to support you but to also help you keep from making poor decisions, because they truly care about you. It would be wrong of them not to call you on your shit from time to time.

And let's be honest. How many times do you expect for your friend to sit quietly while they watch you continuously make the same mistakes over and over and over again. Eventually those constant conscious mistakes and those poor decision making skills start to make a person question wether you are the type of person they need to be associating with. And sadly the relationship starts to erode.

I can honestly say that I've watched several of many of the people in my life make decisions I have not agreed with several times. All you can do is speak your piece in the most respectful way possible (sometimes) and hope that your friend, being your friend, hears it in the way it was intended.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Moment of Simple

12:00 PM |

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.....

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Acting Right

9:37 PM |

Ok. Let me just say this. LADIES! There is absolutely no reason for you to be going through your man's phone, texting random girls in his phone book, or calling and playing around. NO. FUCKING. REASON. AT. ALL.

And fella's if you're doing this...really.......I-I-I-can't even. Just grow some balls.

I feel like I shouldn't have to say anymore but I know I do, it's such a rampant problem.

Apparently you have some trust issues. And those issues have nothing at all to do with that chic you're calling. What needs to happen is you need to figure out why you can't trust your man. If he's cheating then deal with HIM. Decide if you want to even put up with this. I mean do you really want to be like that dog in the yard barking at everyone that comes by? Eventually the kids in the neighborhood are going to start throwing rocks at your ass.

If he's not cheating then, honey, get some help!

So it's not trust issues you say? Then what is the problem? Are you 12? How the hell can you claim to be a grown ass woman and still find it funny to prank call women in your man's phone? What if the number is a client? His boss? A co-worker? Here you are making your man look terribly unprofessional, irresponsible, and childish. Jeopardizing his potential to make money.


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Random Thought

12:00 PM |

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Too Much To Ask

12:00 PM |

Women and their requirements....

Why is it that when women list the traits they want in a man the first thing people say is "oh you're asking for too much"? Turn on any talk show, any radio show, open any dating/relationship book and one of the main things you'll see them recommend to women is to 'adjust' their requirements. I will admit that many women have a laundry list of things they want in a man (many of them they do not even possess themselves). It would be different if those were the only expectations we were talking about. But they are not, and I don't understand why everyone feels the need to tell women what they are asking for is unreasonable.

As a woman, I am expected to be a wife, a mother, a god-fearing woman, a freak, strong yet compassionate, a good cook, a good maid, often a doctor, a caretaker, physically fit but curvy, intelligent but not a know-it-all, a tailor, a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker..... BUT! If I have a series of requirements for my mate, I'm asking too much?

The minute one of us begins to put requirements on what we want in a man we are just being unreasonable, unrealistic, and irrational. Why? Are you as a man not as diverse in your talent as us women are? Are you not able to live up to higher expectations? Why must I lower my standards to prevent a lifetime of loneliness?

From the beginning women are brought up knowing they will have a lot of responsibilities. We know we have many roles we need to fill, and many tasks we need to master in order to be that 'perfect' wife and mother. We know that in order to compete in this male driven world, we have to be 10 times better than our counterparts in order to be successful. We are brought up knowing that we have to 'bring it' in order to make it.

The same goes for you guys. Especially if you are a minority male. You know all the things you've had to make yourself become in order to be successful. Sadly, many of you were not fortunate enough to be groomed by a man on what it takes to be a wonderful husband or father. But honestly, many of us ladies don't hold that against you. Many of you have grown to become wonderful and successful men and fathers without that.

Instead of attacking the requirements, why not just step up to the plate. Be the best you, you can be. Man up! Cause all the whining and complaining you do about my requirements only lets me know that you are so not on my level.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Love Is Not Blind

12:00 PM |

It's just ignorant....

Love is not blind. You saw that person when you first met them. You saw something to make you go over and start up a conversation. You see that person almost every day. You see what they do almost every day. You see how they act towards you and other people. You see everything everyone else sees and more. So love is not BLIND!

Love is ignorant. Love makes you ignore your partners faults. It makes you dismiss inappropriate behavior. It makes you accept things you would normally not let anyone else get away with. It mutes the little voice of reason inside. And while sometimes, the ability to ignore the little things is what makes love great, it's also what allows 'love' to go so bad.

Now there's no need to discuss how good love is here, because most people who use the phrase 'love is blind' are not doing so in a positive situation. It's only applied when things are bad. Just another way of passing the responsibility. It's what people use to dismiss inadequacies, flaws, and overall incompatibilities in their mates. It's what people use to explain how people could be married to serial killers and not be aware. It's what people use to justify staying in an abusive relationship. It is probably one of the biggest cop-outs of personal responsibility EVER!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Let Me Clear My Throat

1:12 PM |

Stupid, mother-f^#&ing, b!%ch-a$$...

You know....I don't understand how shitty people think they're going to end up with Mr./Mrs. Wonderful. Here you are, a horrible human being. Self-centered, disrespectful, rude, common and ignorant and you think you deserve a man or woman that will worship the ground you walk on?

Bitch please.

That Golden Rule stuff they taught you in elementary school just went in one ear and out the other. You put in shit, you get out shit. But, because you're cute (or think you are) you feel like that makes it ok for you to be a complete fucker to everyone around you. Those rules don't apply to people like yourself. Your 'above' that cause you know, like, you're cute so......

You're looks. That's it. That's the only thing you feel you need to bring to the table. You can't read. You can't write. You talk like a deaf, LD, 3rd grader. And we are supposed to just deal with your fucked up ass attitude cause we should be so honored that someone that looks like you even bothers to 'grace' us with your presence. I mean it's not totally your fault. Hey, people have allowed you to get away with this behavior before, so why ruin a good thing by being...I don't know...a good person.

All you bobble-headed barbies and blow-pop minded pretty boys need to recognize that there's only so much surgery can fix. You're not going to be cute forever. Hell you may not even be cute to that man/woman tomorrow. There's always something flyer, hotter, younger around the corner that can turn your mate's head faster than you ever did. And because you have no viable life skills and no friends (cause're a dick), when they get tired of your ass, you'll be the hottest homeless bitch on the corner.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

If Hey Says It He Means It

12:00 PM |

No means no!

Ladies, we all know that at times we hear what we 'want' to hear. We see what we 'want' to see and that's that. We all know that many times when a guy says one thing he really means another.

He says: Yea I'm single.
Translates to: Yea I kick it with a couple of girls, but none of those chics are my girlfriend.

So to just blindly take him at his word would just be naive of you. However, if a man says he's not looking for a relationship right now, he's not feeling you in that way, he doesn't see this relationship going any further than it is, then please believe he's telling you the truth.

If you are truly dealing with a MAN, he was brought up to say what he means and mean what he says. This is the one time where 'I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now' really translates into I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW. But women don't want to hear that.

Women hear 'right now'. So to many women that means, there's a possibility in the future you will actually want to be in a serious relationship. That means she can wait you out, wear you down, 'convince' you that she are the one for you. This way when 'not right now' turns into 'right now', there she is. Arms wide open. *GOTCHA*

Ladies, you go out of your way and enter into a girlfriend/wife role prematurely. Trying to show him all of your good qualities. Simulating what a relationship between the two of you could be. This way he'll just have to change his mind and realize that you are who he wants to be with. You and only you.

Stop that. Ladies, I know it's hard. Especially if this man is showing you he possesses all of the qualities you are looking for in a man. You only end up hurting yourself in the end. While he may be Mr. Right to you, to him you just may be good enough for right now. Him kicking it with you now doesn't mean he'll want to be with you in the end. Truthfully, if he was really looking for a serious girl you've already knocked yourself out of the race. The simple fact that you're giving him the girlfriend goodies with out any of the boyfriend responsibilities doesn't really make you look good. It's just ups his player status. He's had to do no work and you give him everything.

So ladies, if you're going to date, date. If it evolves it evolves. But don't get your feelings caught up in a man who is not ready to get his feelings caught up in you.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Moment of Simple

8:18 PM |

How many of you remember this TV special?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Not A Good Look

12:30 PM |

Did you just spit?!?


Picture it ladies. You see this foine piece of man across the way. He sees you. You start walking towards each other as if in slow motion. And just before the two of you get close, he cocks his head to the hear a rumble from his chest...and *Hhhhhhhhhhhccccccc-PTooooooooo*. He lets loose a nice big ol' stream of chest snot. (Record scratch - pause - ewww).

Yea. I want to kiss that.

It doesn't matter if you are a super model or a toothless gremlin. Spitting is so not a good look. I understand that sometimes it simply must come out but can you at least do it out of sight. As in not while we are face to face having a conversation. As in not when we are walking together. Dismiss yourself for a bit and spit.

And while I'm asking. Can you spit in the grass? It's bad enough I have to walk around duck poo, low flying hornets, gum, spiders.........

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Acting Right

12:00 PM |

Ladies across the country are constantly screaming that they want a real man. Men's responses to them: You be a real woman. Each tends to point the finger back at the other when in reality they both need to sit back and look at themselves. What are you doing to allow that man to be the man? What are you doing to make that woman feel like a woman?

Ladies, if you want a man to treat you like a woman, you need to act like a woman. Be confident, not conceited. Be powerful, not a b!t&h. Be intelligent, not stuck up. Be poised and respectful. Be loving and attentive. You don't have to be docile to be a woman, and you should not be. That's not what makes a woman. You can be strong, but if that man has the ability to take care of some of the things you need taken care of, let him. Allow him to do nice things for you. Give him the opportunity to lead if it so fits. Respect yourself. How you present yourself to that man is how he will treat you. If you want to be treated with all the respect a true woman deserves, then you must behave accordingly.

Gentlemen, if you want to be treated like a man, you must act like a man. Regardless if a woman is respectful to you or to herself you must always be respectful to her; even when you walk away. You must be confident. You must at some point be about your business and handle your business properly. You have to display some form of intelligence (stupid men destroy the world). You too, must be loving and attentive. Be trustworthy and honest. Be a man of your word. Be confident but be secure enough to acknowledge the fact that you can't always do it by yourself. You are the pillar in which many family's are built upon, so you have to be strong. If you are able to do those things, in your moments of weakness, you will most certainly have a woman there to have your back.

Fellas consider this: A woman, especially a black woman, has often had to navigate this harsh world on her own. She's had to make hard decisions and take control. She will only relinquish some of that to you if you have proven yourself worthy. I mean think about it like this: If Jo-Jo never shows up to work on time, are you going to trust him to be there to open the store every morning? Of course not. It's no different for a woman. So you have to establish yourself as someone she can count on; someone she can trust. You cannot expect her to cook, clean and be a domestic and sex goddess to you if you don't do what you need to do.

Ladies please remember: A man will only act like a man if you allow him to be that. Don't emasculate your man every chance you get. Don't constantly undermine his decisions. Treating him badly, yelling, being hateful will get you no where. Being kind but never letting him take the lead role is just as bad. If he has proven that he can handle business, let him. Be secure enough to trust him. And know that if things do fall apart, you can pick up the pieces (together or apart).
Respect yourselves. Respect each other. Put good in and you'll get good out.

The cycle of expectations...

As you grow up, what you require out of a partner changes. (Or at least it should). What was good enough at 16 should not be good enough at 35. What you could tolerate at 25 you will not put up with at 40. And that is as it should be. Ideally, as a person you have matured, grown, made advances in your life that make it absolutely impossible to continue dealing with the same 'type' of people. So here's kind of my summary of the dating requirements at the various stages of life:

Teenage years:
You require nothing but a driver's license typically. And even that isn't fully required. You guys need little to nothing from the person you are dating. Everything you need right now should (in an ideal world) be coming from a parent or some other adult in your life. Too tragically for many that is not the case. But really at 16, dating should be fun. Hanging out, no cares, no worries, just the two of you enjoying your time.

Let's just be honest we all know that dating as a teen comes with teenage type drama, but it really shouldn't be that way. Too many of you young people are entering into grown up relationships with no grownup experience. Take some time and be a child. You only have a few years at this age. What do you really have to have drama over? He's cheating?? Of course he is. He's a 16 year old boy who just discovered what his ding-dong could do.... anyway... I'm off track....

College years - 25ish:
This is where the dating scene starts to evolve a bit. For many who went to school in the south, this is where you start to seek out your potential wife or husband. Your requirements here are a bit more evolved, but still have a few of the requirements of your teenage dating years. You want to get out there and meet people. Have fun. Party. And as you get towards the end of your college career and post graduation, you start to look for someone who has goals and aspirations. Someone who is starting to work towards those goals. Someone who can take this journey to the top together with you. Neither one of you have too much of anything. It doesn't even really matter if you are not 100% sure of what you want to do. But that's OK because you can get it together. We can figure it out. You help me, I help you, kind of thing.

Post 25 - 35:
Now it starts the time of standards. Many have gotten to at least level 1 of their future goals. Some are even farther than that in their master life plan. You have houses, cars, expenses, (sometimes kids). You are working towards getting to the next level in your career. So you are looking for someone who is as close to your level as possible. Someone who can add what they have to what you have to help you build your empire. Someone who has absolutely nothing at this stage in the game starts to be a bit more unacceptable. At this stage, you are way to busy and have too much going on to be dragging someone else along with you.

--These are my assumptions. I'm not there yet on the scale so I can't really speak from experience. But this is what I will be doing when I hit those ages--

At this point, you either have all of what you want or you are really super close. So why on earth would you waste your time dealing with someone who has nothing, or is still struggling to make it? You've been there and done that. You're ready to be happy and comfortable. That doesn't mean you're settled in and not moving about. It just means that you don't have time for drama, excuses, or empty promises. I think here, you're looking for more stability.

Post Mid-life:
This is the stage I think it reverts back to your teenage years. You just want to have fun. You're fully settled in. You need no one for anything really other than companionship. So as long as they aren't in the relationship for your money, you have no problem dealing with someone who doesn't have anything. As long as they treat you well, support you anyway they can, and are someone you truly enjoy spending time with then it's all good for you.


Essentially, your requirements from your potential mate are yours and yours alone. However, regardless of what dating stage you are currently in, you must have standards. It is not cute to be in the street at 40 trying to pull out another 40 year old's weave because you caught her sleeping with your man. At some point you have to simply put away childish things. Don't put up with bs just to have someone to lay beside at night. Love yourself enough to know what you will and will not tolerate. If you expect more from yourself at certain ages, the you must expect more from the person/people you choose to spend your time with.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Random Thought

1:08 PM |

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

No One Else

11:58 AM |

You can only talk to me, me and me....

You know the saying 'if you've never met his friends or anyone from his family you are not his girl'? Well what about the opposite? What if your girl or guy never wants to meet your friends, never wants to meet your family, AND never wants you to see them either. What does that mean? (they're crazy)

This whole, 'it's me or them' attitude is crazy to me. Removing 'distractions' from a relationship will only help in certain contexts. Sometimes, the reason you are not getting the time you want or feel you deserve is because they simply don't want to give it to you. Honestly, if you're relationship is so fragile that it can't take your partner having their own life, no matter what you do it won't survive. And that has nothing to do with the friends or family. So you can try and pull him or her away from them as much as you want to, but you still may not get what it is you're looking for. Besides that, it makes you look childish and insecure.

Even if the family and friends are of an unfavorable crowd, who are you to tell another grown person who they can or cannot hang out with? Especially when it comes to family. Regardless of how bad they are, it is your partners responsibility to deal with them. If the person you are with starts to see family and friends as a problem, and you mean anything to them, trust that they will handle that. You are not a dictator, not a warden, often times you're not even the wife or husband. You can suggest they distance themselves. You can even restrict the time you spend with them. But you simply cannot force your partner to not associate with people that were there before you existed and will be there long after you're gone.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Moment of Simple

12:00 PM |

Working for the weekend...

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Not A Good Look

12:07 PM |

The wanna-be model...

You've seen these chicks. The appropriate model height. Crazy skinny. Squared off, man-like, jawline. Arm out cradling a purse with their noses up side-eying everyone's outfits behind their big, bug-like hater shades. Frequently rude. Inappropriately conceited (because many are just not cute). Always thinking every guy who says hello to them is sweating them. Why? Because, they're a 'model' *hair flip*. Let's break this look down, shall we?

The Body Wave Weave:
The wanna be model uniform almost ALWAYS includes a bra-strap length body wave weave. The weave looks like it is straight out of the package: never combed, never properly separated.
Typically jet black. It is always parted down the middle. Always. Often the wave of the weave starts just above the ear, leaving the top part of the hair flat to the scalp. Depending on how the girl takes care of the weave it can either be quite greasy looking or super dried out and starting to frizz.

The Mid-Drift Shirt:
Apparently the wanna-be model uniform this year includes a loose-fitting mid-drift showing shirt. The shirt can often be in the shark-bite style (shorter in the front, longer in the back) or 80's style (off the shoulder with the bra strap showing). Luckily this girl is 'naturally' skinny so you'll usually see no flab around her middle. (Doesn't mean the belly is toned by any means). And sadly, at least in my opinion, the belly button often looks a bit weird. Not all the way an inny. Not quite an outtie. Just weird looking. Sometimes, the wanna-be may forget to handle her um..happy trail. So there may be some whiskers showing.

The Skinny Jean and the Peep Toe Platforms:
To complete this look, the wanna-be will almost always be sporting a pair of low-rise, skinny jeans and peep toe platforms. Since she is a 'model' the shoes will usually be fabulous. Not necessarily appropriate for whatever it is she is doing or wherever she is going, but hot shoes none-the-less. Legs are of course ultra skinny but often bowed with the accompanying pigeon-toed stance. Often these jeans can be swapped out for a ultra small mini-skirt, but that is just for kicks. Fortunately for us non-models, the visible thong is no longer the thing to do, so we will not be seeing g-strings peeking through. Just a whole lot of crack cause apparently it's cool to go commando these days...(yea, my eyes are rolling).

This is not a good look for many reasons. Number 1: The look is played. Do something else. Number 2: Many of our gender transitioning brothers adopt this as their go-to look. In other words, you are often mistaken for a man. Number 3: The rudeness and self-centeredness that often comes with this look. You are 'trying' to become a model. In other words a wanna-be. So who are you? There is more to life than being cute. And unless you are being paid for your cuteness, you need to stop treating it like it's your occupation.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


12:00 PM |

Too long to be Random Thoughts...

So...there was a bug in my closet on a hanger and (since I'm scared to kill bugs that are at eye level) I decided to ignore it and hope it goes away. Now that it has gone away I'm scared to discover where it ended up.


I hate gnats.


Artists should stop re-releasing albums with more tracks. Your loyal fans went out to help you achieve week 1 records and now we get only half an album?!? Stop that.


Every day I walk past a trunk full of clothes, two laundry baskets full of clean clothes, a hamper full of dirty clothes that need to be taken down to the washer and dryer full of more clean clothes, to stand in a closet full of clothes and say "I have nothing to wear".


Why when I pass those Canadian geese on a sidewalk, I hold my head down and don't make eye contact like I'm passing a big dog. Those damn things are scary. And like my height.


I saw two birds in an argument on the ground today. I had to stop my car to see who would win. They looked like they were saying:
"You feeling froggy sucka then jump"
"You wanna start something with me?"
"Yea I'm calling you out...start somethin"
"Nah, dude I'm cool"
"Oh now you're cool? Gettoutta here with that"
Losing bird finally flies off.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Sexed Simple

12:25 PM |

Dick Dumb and P***y Punch-Drunk...

Let's just be honest here. If you are smacking bellies with someone, attempting to smack bellies with someone or thinking (plotting) about smacking bellies with something, you are not in your right mind. And unfortunately, 85% of the major (or even sometimes minor) decisions you will make will be ill-advised.

Why ill-advised? Because the thought making power is no longer in your head. It's in your heart (and other places). And we all know that the heart has crazy persuasion techniques. (The other places just hold you at gun-point and make you do what they want). Those two can take a sane person and make them crazy. Take a logical person and make them irrational. So you have to be aware that any decision you make in this state could seriously be biased.

Think I'm off? Even those of you in a serious relationship have at some point or will at some point have to make a decision that could impact your relationship. Often, you have, or will, turn down opportunities that are good for you in favor of what is perceived as good for both. Sometimes, the decision is so minor that it's no big deal. Other times, it has been a major deal. Sometimes it works out, and other times it doesn't. And if things didn't, or don't work out, you're now somewhere, often times, regretting your decisions.

As hard as it may be at some point, your head and your heart are going to have to really have a serious conversation in which you're head has to make your heart listen. Though you'll never really be sure of what to do, you can do your best to be aware of what's driving your decision making.

Until then, all you p***y whipped, dick dumb, relationship reckless, ding-dongs be careful with whom you share your thoughts with. Some one may just burst your heart shaped bubble.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Moment of Simple

We don't like you...