An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Thursday, February 13, 2014

How To Be A Great Boyfriend

A definitive list...

The other day I was reading a post that gave a list of things for women to do in order to be a better/good girlfriend. So I thought as Valentine's Day approaches it was only fitting for me to give a bit of advice for guys on how to be a better boyfriend. At first I was thinking of compiling a list of things for you all to do, but I know guys like to say that we need to keep things simple, so I've managed to come up with the best list of all: a one item list.

The one and only thing I think guys need to do in order to be a good/better boyfriend is...

Mean what you say and say what you mean. If you say you'll be home at 2, then come home at 2. If you say you're picking us up at 9:30 then you should be pulling into the driveway at 9:25. If you say you care about us, then nothing you do or say will be contrary to that statement. If you say you'll never hurt us, then your words and your behaviors will never cause us to cry. If you say you will be there when we need you, then you will not hesitate to make us a priority when it counts. If you say we can trust you, never do a thing that would betray that privilege of trust we have given you.

Whether it's a promise to take out the trash or the commitment to be faithful, what you say carries more weight that you know. Flaking on the small stuff will leave us no room to believe that you will stay true to the larger things. So take care to be a man of your word in every sense. That alone will improve your boyfriend status.

Oh, and don't be the asshole that says...well I guess I'll never say or promise to do anything and then they can't get mad when I don't do it. While you would be correct in that thought process, this is not the post for that. I'll address that issue with the ladies later. 

Happy Valentine's Day people. Be good to each other.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Can't Be Friends

8:28 PM |

Sometimes it's best to say goodbye...

Many months or so ago I wrote a post outlining whether or not I thought it was possible for exes to be friends. In general, I do think that it is possible with a few things taken into consideration. You can read my full thoughts here. However, I think I need to really take a moment and address the issue of whether or not you should actually even attempt to be friends after a breakup.

People, not everyone is meant to be your friend. That includes people you were once dating, once intimate with, once thought you would spend your life with. There are some really toxic people in your life and it may not be until you have spent some time away from that person or away from that relationship that you realize just how toxic that person was to you.

If trying to maintain a friendship with that person still leads to constant arguments, constant stress, constant irritation, why on GOD'S GREEN EARTH are you trying to keep that person in your life? In any other situation you would have let that friend fall by the wayside. But because you two once had a relationship you feel that that person requires a bit more of your effort or patience. STOP yourself.

Really take the time to ask why it is important to keep that person as a part of your circle of friends. What benefit does it give you to still have regular or irregular contact with that person? How much of a friendship do you wish to have with this person: a casual acquaintance? a true friendship? For what purpose?

Think I'm wrong for asking 'what's in it for me?' Hate to tell you, no I'm not. There is no friend in your life that doesn't serve some type of purpose. Whether it's shared interest, shared perspective, laughter, a shoulder, connections, motivation, a history, upbringing, lifestyle, whatever...every friend you know provides some type of light into your life. If this person isn't adding to your glow and you're not adding to theirs what purpose do you serve each other?!?

Sometimes, it is in neither parties best interest to even attempt to try and retain any type of communication, contact, friendship, anything. Sometimes you just have to let it go. Walking around with too many strings attached can leave you tangled and tethered to a place you no longer wish or need to be. There is nothing wrong with just saying goodbye.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Deal Breakers

What you won't do for love...

As ladies we are always told in every self-help and relationship book ever published that we need to establish what our absolute relationship deal breakers are. In other words, out of our multi-page list of requirements for our potential partner, what are the ones we are absolutely not able to compromise on. After watching an episode of a series on my favorite YouTube channel, Black&Sexy.TV (go support), I began to wonder if guys are ever thinking about their absolute deal breakers.

Like I said, as women we are encouraged to come up with this list all the time. But I don't think I've ever overheard guys having that conversation. However, for guys I think taking time to think about this concept is equally important. Not only for the sake of exploring the things you ultimately want out of your relationship, but to see if the person you are currently with or considering spending the rest of your life fits  your requirements. I'm not talking shallow things like looks or can she cook. I'm talking having and raising children, money and finance topics, and general life wellness goals.

Too often I think guys assume that women want what they consider to be typical women things.
One example can be having children. I think many men assume that women want to be mothers. However there is a population of women who have no desire to be a mother. If having a family is a deal breaker for you, wouldn't it be important to know this woman you have fallen head over heels for and probably want to marry doesn't want children. I think many of these types of conversations never happen because people assume that the other wants what most "typical" women/men want. However some of these things can be major game changers and warrant honest discussions.

In general I think too many couples push forward onto the next phases of their relationships without having open conversations about what their expectations and desires are. I think both parties need to honestly put their expectations, hopes and dreams on the table and talk it out. See where you can meet in the middle on some topics. See where you just simply will not give up or compromise on. Sometimes what comes out of these conversations may reveal a deal breaker to you that you might not have even considered. Remember marriage is supposed to be till death. Are these things that you can live with or without?