An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, July 30, 2012

Moment of Simple

R.I.P. Sherman Hemsley

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Interested, Flirting or Playing Games

1:00 PM |

Interested Signal #1...

So a few months (or a year) ago, I was having a round table discussion with a few of the fellas discussing one of our more favorite of topics: stupid girls.  Out of the conversation a question arose.  How do you tell if a girl is genuinely interested, just flirting or is out to play games?  So I lit up the signal in the sky and asked a conglomerate of ladies the question.  What do you do to let a guy know you're interested - or better yet - how do you behave around a guy you are interested in?

How I know I was talking to real ladies and not silly girls is that it took them a minute to think really hard about this question.  They don't typically play a lot of games so they really focused in on what their behavior was like when they were in the presence of a guy they were feeling.  Was there anything they did differently?

---Interested Signal #1---
Always Around

All of the ladies I talked to said one of the number one things they do when they are really interested in a guy, is to try and find ways to interact with them on a daily (or frequent) basis.  They will even sometimes go out of their way to be in their guy of choice's presence.  Not to the degree where it's inconvenient or overt, but still being sure to find some time and some way to be where he is.  It could be something as simple as changing their route to the break room at work to walk by their desk.  They could change where they park so they could have a chance to walk out to their cars together.  Perhaps they may think of random but seemingly relevant questions to ask the guy or someone around the guy to give them a reason so spark up a conversation or be in their general presence.

But remember I said this is not overt! No one's trying to be brought up on stalking charges.  It will often be very smoothly played and subtle.  Which is why this is often overlooked by many guys because let's just be honest - most of you all are oblivious.

What I think is important for you guys to understand is that these 'chance' meetings are expertly coordinated and are scheduled in a way to give the girl the most information she can get in the shortest (or maybe longest) amount of time possible.  In these meetings we're noticing and taking note of EVERYTHING.  We can find out if you're single, how well you take care of yourself, what you may have done the night before, if you have any kids, sometimes without ever asking a direct questions.

We're also looking to see if and how your behavior changes when we're around.  Do you smile more, are you open or closed off, or do you seem bothered.  This allows us to determine if you could potentially be interested in us as well.  If we're not getting any vibes from you that you could be interested, we'll surely move it along.

If you've ever had a woman come around all the time and then suddenly stop or you start seeing her less and less frequently, she's probably picked up on something that alerted her that you were either a) not interested or b) not the person she thought you were.

Now is the a sure fire way to tell if a girl is interested?  No.  Remember this is just one indicator.  There are several more to come...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Did You Really Just Do That??

12:00 PM |

A guy's guide to avoiding social faux pas...

Fellas, fellas, fellas.  Gather round.  We need to have a discussion.  We must talk about what is and is not appropriate behavior when you first meet a woman. There are some things you should and absolutely SHOULD NOT do. Think of these as general guidelines you can use to help you establish appropriate social boundaries.  If you are currently doing any of the following don' must stop immediately!

Greet the young lady with a handshake or, if the opening is there and it seems appropriate, a hello/nice to meet you hug.

Get fresh. Keep the hug appropriate.  It is not an opening to get a little poke, a squeeze, a feel.  It should not be weirdly lengthy. No rubbing of the back. Don't be a horn-dog. Same goes for the handshake.  When it's over, let go.  No rubbing your thumb against the back of her hand or taking your middle finger and running it down the palm of her had as you pull away (-_-) 

I mean really.

Stick your hands in the girls hair all the way to her scalp.  She is not a puppy.

Point out grey hairs.  I don't care if it is supposed to be a compliment.

Squeeze her thigh and say 'oh I like that'.  I really shouldn't have to tell you that.

Make an effort to remember her name.  I'm not good with names at all. There is no harm in having her repeat it.  Sometimes, things get crazy, it's hard to hear or you've just had 1 too many drinks and it may have slipped your mind. 

Call her baby, baby girl, sweetheart, sweetie, boo or any other random 'term of endearment' or by some other abbreviated form of her name.  You never know what she may or may not like.

Ask appropriate conversation starter questions.  Things like "Where are you from?", "What do you do for a living?", "Have you ever seen Flashdance?".  I mean, really anything that could generate more than a 1 word answer, and hopefully spark up a conversation.

If you have asked her all of these great opened ended questions, that would actually require more than a 1 word answer and all you get back from her are 1 word answers...

Move it along.

If she's not making eye contact, not trying to help extend the conversation either with her answers or follow up questions, she's not interested man.

Ask her why she's single.

That honestly can go for any one of any sex and any age. What kind of answer are you expecting?  What? Am I supposed to say...."oh well I stabbed my last boyfriend and the courts say I can't be within 100 yards of a single man that favors him".  Like... how are we supposed to answer that question?!?

And if she does say that she's single, I don't think your follow up question should be "You like men right?"


While I can't knock you for trying to be certain, especially these days, there has to be a better time and a more tactful way of asking that question.

Get caught looking at her goods.  Come on, man.  Watch those eyes. We can feel you looking at us. You're stare can go from endearing to just totally off-putting really quickly.  I'm not telling you not to look.  That'd be totally pointless.  Just don't get caught doing it.

Feel free to give appropriate compliments.  You can say that she's pretty, or you can compliment her style of dress, or the way she walks, but it has to be done tastefully.  Most girls really do like a compliment or two.

Over do the compliments.  One is nice.  Two can be seen a sweet.  Three may even make you seem like you're really into her.  But beyond that you start to sound insincere, pushy and like you're fishing for a compliment back.  If the girl says 'thank you' or 'oh, that's sweet', just leave it at that.  Don't keep harping on it.

Be creepy! Some of you fellas can say the word 'beautiful' and make a girl feel like she's just been stripped searched by the TSA.

And while I'm on it...

Be a creeper.  While it is OK to talk and socialize with more than one person at a part or a get-together (depending on its size), you don't want to be the guy that has honestly 'hollered' at every girl in the place, outside in the line into the place, in the parking lot next to the place....

Hopefully these guidelines will help clear up any confusion or answer some deeply held questions you may have had.  As the world turns, I will continue to bring forth more tips to help you in your socializing adventures.

Until next time fellas.  Meeting adjourned.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Moment of Simple

This week is dedicated to the know I love ya!

Friday, July 20, 2012

Not A Good Look

12:00 PM |

Black smokers lips...

I gotta tell you.  When you have managed to smoke you way to lips that are as black as the tread on your tires, you might have a problem.  I mean, what more can I say? This is not sexy boo!

For me, lips are the first thing I look at on a man. And while we all know that black men's lips come in all shades, shapes and sizes, we know when lips are black because of melanin and when they are black because of a 3 pack a day habit. And when I identify your lips as smoker lips, it only makes me wonder...
Bet he tastes like an ash tray...or blacks...or the 'cherry' flavored ones....
*Pause*....waits for that phlegm filled cough/throat clearing....
Can I smell the smoke....*sniff*sniff* yea I can smell the smoke...
Menthols?!?  Really....
Did he just say he doesn't smoke...just a black every now and then (negro you smoke)....
Them lips are saying more now than then...
What your teeth look like?
This kid's gonna die....

And thus I have managed to miss any game you might be trying to spit at me at that moment. Heard not an ounce of what you said.  Nothing.

I'm sorry sweetie, not going to even get preachy about the danger of the habit, it's just all around not a good look.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Do You Think About Me?

Not particularly...

At some point all of us has ended a relationship with the oh so wonderful saying 'we can still be friends, right?' For many of us we have every intention of attempting to maintain a good friendship with that person after the intimate relationship ends. Really, we used to like that person to some degree, so why not attempt to maintain some type of friendship.

However, things can go so wrong after that relationship ends (one not wanting to let go, always trying to get back together, etc) that make you not even care wether or not you ever hear from that person again.  It's not that you wish them harm, or hate their guts.  Sometimes, you can just be so tired that you become indifferent.  And I think indifference is worse that hate.

Worse than hate?  Yes.  Worse than hate.  Indifference is where you honestly don't care one way or the other.  If you talk...fine.  If you never talk again...fine.  Essentially you have become a non-factor in your former significant other's life.  You don't count, you don't matter, you are in fact - nobody.  And being nobody to someone that was such a big part in your life is tragic.  At least with hate you know there are still some feelings there.  You matter enough to get on that persons nerves.

So what do you do when that person you are feeling meh about resurfaces?  Do you bother to even entertain communication?  Do you ignore?  I think it all depends.  I think it's OK to attempt at least one time to be cordial.  Catch up.  See how they're doing.  Because you honestly don't hate them at all.  You can exchange pleasantries, and go on about your business. Or you could find your self accidentally opening a window in which that person thinks they can climb back in.  They begin to call every week/day, they text all the time, want to hang out, get mad when you don't, get mad when you don't immediately return calls or text back, and you're left like 'what the hell' and you're back into this weird relationship/friendship thing that is just annoying, so then you ignore and it doesn't matter, and you're mean and it doesn't matter what you do or say they still come back around.  Like nothing ever happened.  And then it just becomes sad....

But then could be just my situation.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Moment of Simple

Share It Maybe...

Because 2 of my most favorite people got the original song stuck in my head today, I decided that today's Moment of Simple would be the parody of the original.  Enjoy.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Benefits of Black Women

8:13 PM |

Thank you!