An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Friday, September 2, 2011

How To Love

1:20 PM |

How do you learn?

So you'd never really think anyone would have been spurred to discuss something based off a Lil' Wayne song, but the overplay of his track 'How To Love' actually made me think. Specifically the chorus. For those who are unfamiliar it goes:

You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love

You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

How many of us are really actually taught how to love? I mean even if you came from a 2 parent household and what is traditionally thought of as a loving family, are you learning how to love? Or are you learning just how your parents love? And what if you don't have that? Where do you learn it? Is it something that can even be learned?

Can't learn it from music. Can't learn it from movies. All those sources either romanticize, demonize, or over sexualize love. You can learn to give and receive affection, but that's not necessarily love. Many often confuse affection, and sex with love and that's wrong too. And granted many of us learn to love by those around us giving love to us but that's not the same as romantic love. I mean your friends and your granny loves you but not the same way a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife would.

When you watch a husband help his sick wife go to the bathroom and you may often hear people say 'now, that's love'. Why? Nurses do that. Husband's don't get paid for it, so is that what makes it love? You may watch a wife support her husband through a loss of a job and people will say 'now, that's love'. Is it? Isn't that just being supportive?

Is love a combination of several different things? Take support, affection, caring, concern, throw that all into a pot and mix it with unconditional, a bit of passion, and desire, bake for 6-12 months and *poof* you have your love soufflé. No two people show, give or receive love in the same way. I guess in the end we have to decide for ourselves what love looks like. And, in turn, teach the ones we are with how to love us.

But there are so many of us don't love ourselves we're so unable to teach someone else how to love us. And if you can't figure out how to teach do you learn?