An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Thursday, November 10, 2005


2:15 PM |

So it's been awhile since I last wrote, but I just had to express how stupid the people are. Now while I love the city I live in, I saw the dumbest stories on the news last night.

First lets start off with the leading story for the evening. There is a man that is on "patrol" in one particular area dressed up as a police man. He primarly works in the area around this strip club (why am I not surprised). Not only is this man not a cop, HE'S A 7 TIME CONVICTED CRIMINAL!!!!! The icing on the cake.....he carries a gun! So, knowing this, and the man's full name and address he was arrested......AND LET OUT ON BOND! The thing the police stated they were most concerned about...."That he was not trained as a security guard/police man and he has a gun and that he may hurt himself". HIMSELF? What about us?!?!? The area he "patrols" is down the street from campus. How is he still wandering around? How was he even eligible for a bond??? This city (though I love it) has such an issue keeping repeat offenders locked up. There is no way in hell this man should be out of jail. I don't give a damn if his only crimes are stealing gum off the candy kiosk in the mall. 7 TIMES??? Career criminal with a policeman's uniform and a gun on the streets. Before they did a story on a man who keeps stealing stuff out of cars everytime he gets released from jail. IN THE SAME DAMN NEIGHBORHOOD! The neighbors don't even bother reporting all the burgleries because they know who it probably is and they know he just keeps coming back. Why is this allowed to happen?? What is going on here people???!???!??

And so now that I feel that the legal system here is partially incompetent (especially because they spend so much time tasering students fighting in the cafeteria and not enough time arresting real criminals) they have to go and show me how completely stupid they are. The very next story on the news was a report about the police departments newest wepon against crime......A CD! Ooooo I feel safe. What the hell is a CD supposed to do to fight crime? Am I supposed to take it out like a ninja star and throw it at my mugger? How is that a new weapon against crime? I got about 20 CD's in my car now. If I get pulled over will I get arrested for possession of concealed weapons? Let's try keeping the criminals behind bars. See what that does to your crime rate. IDIOTS.

Thursday, October 6, 2005


11:55 PM |

My girl Brooklyn Sarah has asked that I answer these questions with her in my blogg tonight. So here we go.

10 Years ago:

I was 16. Looking back that was one of the best years of my life. I passed my drivers test the first try. The first of my girls to get a car...well not get a car, got my mom's old Mercedes Benz. But man, I worked that car!! My crew was in a slight unrest because two of them were having issues with eachother. Over a boy of course. I got to see Boys II Men in concert for my birthday. Then for my girls birthday later in that year I got to see the Phattest Hip Hop Tour in the 95. I saw Jodeci, Aaliyah, Biggie, Mary, and so many other's I can't think of right now. Amazing. I just remember the freedom. I little part time job so I had some driving cash. Going to Mio's/Tony's Pizza for the lunch specail EVERY DAY. It was a great feeling and something that I did not take advantage of or even realize what I was experiencing then. That's how it always is.

1 Year ago:

I was the most depressed I've ever been. 25 and had no clue about what I was going to do. Had graduated but no job. No job prospects. Living in self doubt, because realistically when you've interviewed as many times as I had and still had no job, you start to believe it's you. I was unsure about everything. I don't think that's a place I want to visit right now.

Tomorrow I will:

Spend a chunk of my day teaching a program I'm unsure of, with new kids for 3 hours. Then I'll hang around for a brief moment and go and get my money from this client. FINALLY. And that's all I know. If it's raining tomorrow, then I'll just be chilling at the house.

5 top locations I'd like to run away to:

In no particular order-
1. Hawii because I've never been
2. Cali cause I'm just curious
3. Some carribean island
4. NY
5. Spain

5 things I'd do with 1000 bucks:

1. Pay bills
2. Pay bills
3. Pay bills
4. Buy something I need like a bra or something i don't need like some shoes
5. Eat

5 bad habits I have;

1. Licking my fingers when I'm eating
2. Playing in my hair
3. Tuneing out people
4. Cursing
5. Digging under my nails

5 tv shows I like:

1. Girlfriends
2. House
3. The Shield
4. Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends
5. Family Guy

5 biggest joys at the moment:

1. I'm working doing somethng I like
2. Ritz chips in sour cream and onion
3. I'm breathing
4. I've got the greatest friends on the planet
5. Cartoons like the Boondocks

Ok. I think that's that. Not nearly as deep, but my mind is scattered at the moment.

Saturday, October 1, 2005


12:24 AM |

So as I rolled my self off the couch the other night to get some dinner, I decided that I was going to do what I had been thinking about for the last two weeks and get some doughnuts. Lucky for me the Hot light was on and I picked up the obligatory dozen (because to get 6 assorted variety costs comment on that for right now) and returned to my home. I ate my meal and just let the doughnuts sit. For 6 hours they sat there. Though I wanted to eat, I was too full with Wendy's. Finally I got tired and decided to drag myself to bed, but I said FIRST....I MUST HAVE A DOUGHNUT. I can't go to bed. Not with out one....I mean the hot light was on.....HOT LIGHT....that means fresh. Just one.....but nooooo.....I didn't eat just one.......I had two. RIght before bed. Scarfed them down like it was my last meal. And ploped in the bed. Woke up this morning....not hungry mind you. And ate 2 or more. In total today I believe I had 5. And they have just settled in my stomach like cement. Now I've seen the Unrapped on Food Nework about the thing. But something magnetic is in that doughnut. Something, that makes eat it though you are so bubbling on the inside. The hot light draws you to the store like a mosquito to a zapper! I've got a friend who will eat those things in lieu of dinner. OOOO you're a slick one Mr. Kreme. I don't know how you do what you do but I got your number. And now....for a doughnut.


12:11 AM |

This is a poem by another talented poet I know ;) Enjoy.

His mind's eye is open to the world eternal
culture, society, science, fiction
and the universe;
He who dreams are fantasy bound
mystic lands, magical kingdoms, mystical quests, enchanted forests
and supernatural beings;
He whose own soul is rooted to Mother Earth
like the mighty Oak
deeply embedded,solid as the mountains;
He whose very essence burns brighter than the sun
and as brilliant as the Northern sky,
elegant as a single winter rose;
He whose words echos the moral pains into the night
sorrow, love, happiness, sadness, lust and passion;
He whose words flow like a stream in an untouched forest
pure, majestic, life giving;
O' yes
To sip from his stream is to drink from Mother Earth's bosom,
to stand in it is to bask in the glory of the ages
He who is the Poet
the teller of the past
the seer of the future
the keeper of time
the overseer of creation.

Monday, September 26, 2005


11:01 PM |

"Good morning" the deep voice beside me sighed
And Cheerfully I responded "morning" trying not to cry
I so wished that morning never came
Because I knew things would continue the same
You'll roll out of bed and brush your teeth
While I continue to lay beneath the sheets
You'll undress, turn on the shower and call my name
And i'll get up and help you wash your back like always
Then we'll go at it just one more time
And you'll tell me the things i do just "blow your mind".
I'll get dressed and go down to the kitchen
While you tell me you can't stand your wife's bitchin
You could never taste the tears I cried in your eggs
When you tell me about what lies ahead.
how you really "love me" but you "can't get away"
Because "little Amanda got sick the other day"
And you'll tell me the same lies you told me last week
About how your mom "can't take it now, her heart's too weak".
When the food is done, I'll bring you your plate
And you'll tell me it must be fate
That "I have found someone as loving as you"
And we'll be together when "I'm rid of that shrew".
I'll sit in front of you and watch you eat your food
And secretly wish your lies were true.
When you're done you'll put your plate in the sink
And turn around, smile at me and wink
And i'll hand you your coat and open the door
As you prepare to leave me once more
You'll take your things and tenderly kiss me on the cheek
And you'll walk out of my life again until next week.

Sunday, September 25, 2005


8:44 PM |

These poems are from my ABC series.


Can you?
Can you
Calmness and
Clarity in this
Cavity I’ve kept
Can you
Cherish my
Collect and process my
Change and embrace my
Can you
Color my existence as I
Complement yours?
Can you?


Light hearted
Lingers in the halls.
Light from the sun
Leaks through the
Lines in the Venetian blinds.
Look and
Listen. No reason to
Lament the
Loss of
Lived here.


Persistence has
Produced the
Possibility of a
Promise that is
Powerful enough to face all
Perils and
Potent enough to generate lasting
Passion. A
Promise that is
Pious and
Playful and
Pleasurable. A
Possibility of a
Promise is
Please, don’t
Play games.


2:06 AM |

~Quote: "People living like they got no mamma's"~ by I don't know or remember

Jay Z
Asked for a moment of clarity
But I need more than a moment to release all that's within me
Cause I've been around for almost a quarter of a century
And I still depend on my parents financially
No job
No life
And with all of this I'm actually
Trying to walk this earth happily
When in actuality
My roof leaks
My car squeaks
My windows are all drafty
My clothes are old
Can't afford to have a cold
And with all of this I'm supposed to be happy
I got classes I can't pay for
Phone that's been disconnected
Mortgage I can't afford
Yard probably infested
And there's nothing I can do
And I'm not through
Cause I got more that I need to say.

I'd given myself until the age of 25
To prove there was a reason to be alive
Something inspiring
Something profound
When all I've been able to find
Death, destruction and despair
People living without a care
When in a second it could be gone
Just like dust in the air
Stupidity has become infectious
Children have lost their minds
Greed and gluttony are the main dish
How long will it take for us to find
Out the rules of self preservation
Every species does it but us
"In God we trust"
That we can live a life full of sin
And still get in
And have all that's good bestowed on us
All because we want it to be
That's not enough for me
But I got more to say.

How am I supposed to be an adult
When I fear what my parents say
How can I make my own way
When I feel I have to obey
In an effort to please everyone
No one ends up happy
Life would be so much easier
If their opinion didn't matter to me
But it does
And that's just the space I'm living in now
Pretty soon I'll take my bow
And allow
The world to disavow
All knowledge of me
So then I may be free
Let me be free


1:44 AM |

I realize
That the circumference of my thighs
Is steadily growing before my eyes.
And much to my surprise
I'm slowly witnessing the demise
Of my little girl body. And I
Sometimes want to cry
Cause I can't understand why
I can no longer zip my fly.
And I can no longer deny
That the area above my thighs
Is starting to get a little wide.
And I still try to hide
These pouches on my side
And I will continue to try
Until the day I die,
Because my middle
Has got a little jiggle
But up top I'm still little?
And basically my frame
Is still the same
Just a little weight gain
I really shouldn't complain
And you should do the same.
Because I know
I've got a little roll
And it's starting to show
It's my body remember
I see myself naked in the mirror.
So keep your worries about my health
And your comments to yourself
Just let me be
I love you, but please


12:01 AM |

If you give me just 7 days
I can rid your
of all the excess
Cat Dander
and if you act now for only 19.95 plus shipping and handling
you too will be able to make
Pancakes in your portable hot tub connected to the lighter in the dash of your car while running a
Vacuum that is so silent you can hear a pin drop on the other end of your
Hands free
Internet ready
Picture taking
Headset that works well with any cellular phone!
And at no extra cost to you we will throw in a guide to
Changing your life forever by increasing your energy along with your libido to develop important skills to get you that dream job that you've always wanted that comes from a 2 year degree from the national institute where a simple drawing test can qualify you do to the work of 12 graduate degree educated individuals from real institutes of higher learning.
Late night quick fixes
to all of life's most pressing issues
Because the most important thing in my life is how to obtain washboard abs while simultaneously cooking a 5 course meal in one
Tefflon coated frying pan that is also a
Double stack
Veggie steaming
Fondue pot!
'Cause we can't live without the countless compilations of music jam packed on 2 cds or 2 cassettes, foundation that covers up countless signs of ageing, imperfections and just plain ugliness, lipsticks that makes your lips appear bigger, insta-facelift eye cream, toupees you can swim in, bras that stick to you and give you instant cleavage.
Everything you need a more
All at the late night insomniac store.

Saturday, September 24, 2005


12:36 PM |

Some people write poems just to be writing rhymes
Put some words on a page without giving it any time.

Some people think it's the thing to be able to write a verse
And don't care if they come off sounding stupid or perverse.

Some people write poems to tell the story
Of their pitiful lives so they can receive some glory.

Others write to receive world wide fame
And some do it to just keep them sane.

But who's to say that a poem has to come from the heart
Or has to rhyme to play the part?
Who's to say you can't write about idle shit
About your fingers or your toes and have that be it?