An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Thursday, September 29, 2011

LOL :-)

1:00 PM |

Digital dating...

Some things are great to say in a text message. Things like "Hi" or "Have a great day at work" or "Can you pick up some eggs on your way home". Some things are not great to say in a text message. Things like "We need to talk" or "Are you sleeping with my sister?" or "Got my test results".

Now a days it seems like a major component of relationships seem to be how available you are through chat, text messages and your Facebook wall. People can apparently be 'talking' (hate that word) for 3 months on chat and consider that actually dating.

Where dey do dat at?????

What happened to actual face to face quality time? You know, coming over and hanging out to do something other than just smacking bellies. Going out and enjoying each others company. Actually holding hands and being close.

Today I saw a commercial for a board game and I that would be nice. Picturing playing it by a fire in these colder months with someone special.....

Most of you guys get a thrill if your man 'gives' you some fertilizer for your Farmville plants. This computer ish is just....nothing really. It's nothing at all.

A computer screen, miles of DSL wire, a cell phone and satellite signals provide people a way to hide. Not get close. Keep people at arms length. Or be a complete punk. This way they can say what they want, break up when they want and never have to face the person they are hurting. OR it makes them completely obsessive, falsely attached and stalkers. Either way you look at it, it's not good.

What this digital world is great for is for those who can't see their loved ones on a daily basis. Allows military members to see their loved ones. Long distance couples the ability to keep their relationship alive.

But when you are two apartments over from your boo, I need you to get up and go knock on a door.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Random Thought

12:00 PM |

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

What's the Sitch?

6:25 PM |

Making problems out of posies....

I often come across blog posts, questions, threads or conversations involving people asking others what's going on with their mate. And I've discovered that there are two kinds of people out there asking these questions. People that are really just reading entirely too far into people's actions and words. Trying to figure out if there is some covert operation going on behind the scenes. Transforming "I want chicken" into "You're terrible in bed". And people that are completely oblivious and in denial about what is really going on.

I don't get people sometimes. One minute you're talking about your man hasn't been coming home, other girls keep calling the house, you only see him after midnight, he won't take you to meet his mom, he says he doesn't love you and you have the nerve to ask if he's cheating on you and should you stay with him. The next you're ready to break things off because he sent you THX in a text message instead of 143 and that means he must be up to something.


I am not one to say ignore your instincts because typically they are right. But some of you are just so off out there. Not every man is out there doing dirt behind your back. Not every girl that smiles at you in the office is trying to get in your pants. At the same time if he's dogging you out, HE'S DOGGING YOU OUT! If you think she's sleeping with your best friend, she is. No need to say 'probably is'. Ain't no probably.....IT IS! I mean...have you listened to your story? Read your post? Do you hear yourself?

All in all I think people need to just stop and think sometimes. Check themselves. Not every conversation or actions in a relationship have to blow up into a huge situation. And if the person you are with has you living in a constant state of paranoia you need to let that go. At the same time, you can't be so desperate and afraid of being with out someone that it makes you hold on to something that is sooo toxic for you. It's not good for you mentally or physically.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Moment of Simple

12:00 PM |

You see my chest....

Saturday, September 24, 2011

It's My Blog-a-versary...Yeahhhh!

I am 6 years old today!

I can't believe that 6 years ago to this day, I started Confessions of a Disillusioned Black Girl. That's right. Saturday September 24, 2005 was the first ever post and things change. Looking back through my archives I've talked about so many things. Some more random than the next.

When I started this blog it was just going to be a way for me to start putting some of my writing out there. I always had this dream of publishing a book of poems and the title of this blog is actually supposed to be the name of that book. But, being the reclusive artist that I am, it was very hard for me to share what I had written (still is to this day). Other than a few close friends and family members, no one even knew that I wrote. So I figured that if I started a blog and shared a few here, it would get me over my anxiety. I wrote a very simple poem, hit publish post and there it was. I was 'out there'.

I only published a few more poems, until the urge seemingly died. I think I had honestly forgotten all about this blog. If you notice on my archives there is not 1 single post in 2006. Then, after a random reunion with my old friend Tony Stark, he actually encouraged me to start blogging again. He had started The Stark Files and suggested that I start writing again. And with that, in 2007, phase II began. I wrote a lot. (Mostly because I think I was competing with Mr. Stark to be the one who wrote the most on their blog). I was writing about everything. Videos I loved, articles I read, football information for women, my thoughts on world events and my own personal grievances with everyday irritations. This is also when the Random Thoughts and ideas for Acting Right originated.

But I had not quite found Professor Locs would say...voice yet. And once again, I started finding less and less to write about. After a while, I started to write about the topics my friends and I discussed and debated over. I wrote about being friends post break up, the roles people often play in relationships and my irritation with childish behavior as adults. But the real jump off point had to be when I shared my thoughts on the other woman. And the rest, as they say, was history.

I have learned a lot over the years. Took a few blogging seminars and some great lessons from a master blogger herself Alease M. at the School of Creative Business. I'm slowly getting over my hesitation to 'put myself out there' and have already begun implementing some of the lessons I've learned from Alease. This blog has grown so much with what I've done so far that I'm excited to see how far I can take it.

So what does the next 6 years hold for this Disillusioned Black Girl? Big things, my friends (with fingers crossed). So keep reading! I thank all those who have supported and encouraged me. Thank you to all those who follow and share me. A special thank you to those who inspire me to keep writing.

Friday, September 2, 2011

How To Love

1:20 PM |

How do you learn?

So you'd never really think anyone would have been spurred to discuss something based off a Lil' Wayne song, but the overplay of his track 'How To Love' actually made me think. Specifically the chorus. For those who are unfamiliar it goes:

You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love

You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love

How many of us are really actually taught how to love? I mean even if you came from a 2 parent household and what is traditionally thought of as a loving family, are you learning how to love? Or are you learning just how your parents love? And what if you don't have that? Where do you learn it? Is it something that can even be learned?

Can't learn it from music. Can't learn it from movies. All those sources either romanticize, demonize, or over sexualize love. You can learn to give and receive affection, but that's not necessarily love. Many often confuse affection, and sex with love and that's wrong too. And granted many of us learn to love by those around us giving love to us but that's not the same as romantic love. I mean your friends and your granny loves you but not the same way a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife would.

When you watch a husband help his sick wife go to the bathroom and you may often hear people say 'now, that's love'. Why? Nurses do that. Husband's don't get paid for it, so is that what makes it love? You may watch a wife support her husband through a loss of a job and people will say 'now, that's love'. Is it? Isn't that just being supportive?

Is love a combination of several different things? Take support, affection, caring, concern, throw that all into a pot and mix it with unconditional, a bit of passion, and desire, bake for 6-12 months and *poof* you have your love soufflé. No two people show, give or receive love in the same way. I guess in the end we have to decide for ourselves what love looks like. And, in turn, teach the ones we are with how to love us.

But there are so many of us don't love ourselves we're so unable to teach someone else how to love us. And if you can't figure out how to teach do you learn?

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

12:00 AM |

Another year...

So once again I'm able to sit here, 30 minutes to my birthday and reflect on the year that's passed. And really... I'm good. I'm actually really good. Got over a big financial hurdle. Booked my ticket to visit the Young One in LA this weekend (woot!). Still have my job. Getting my piano playing skills back. Started making jewelry again (look for the ability to purchase it soon). I'm writing my books (working on 2). Got some plans for something new for this blog. In general...getting my Renaissance woman on. And though I'm still not 100% sure of what my next direction will be, I've put my wheels in motion so I'm going somewhere. (I may look still, but real killers move in silence).

So what I've learned this year is to truly live the quote by President Roosevelt: "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." You may not have everything. You may not even be where you want to be. But why be miserable? Happiness does not equal complacency. If you can find a way to be happy now, imagine how happy you will be when you actually 'make it'. If you always search for happiness in things, situations, conditions, you'll always be miserable. So just be thankful you're breathing and enjoy life.

Thank you to my students, family and friends who have already sent me birthday wishes. (One doesn't need to be a stranger - yea...I'm calling you out!!) And at the same time I'll do my best to be less of a stranger as well. And with that, I blow out my candles...