An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Curse of The Nice Guy

11:10 AM |

It's not an insult...

Tell a man you know that you think he's a nice guy and watch his reaction. He will usually look at you like as if you just shot him full of lead. Why? What is wrong with being a nice guy? A friend of mine hates the fact that girls tell him all the time he's a nice guy. I don't understand why that's an insult.

There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy. Growing up as little girls, we're told to wait for our Prince Charming. That's what many women are looking for. What girl doesn't want a man who is sweat, caring, know an all around nice guy?? But don't forget that Prince Charming often fought beasts, killed dragons, beheaded witches for his love.

Don't be a candy-ass. If you get told you're 'too nice', then you're being viewed as a push-over. Women like nice guys, but what we don't like are push-overs. Being nice doesn't mean you stop being a man. Handle business, take charge, make your woman feel like she is safe, protected and secure. Have a thought in your head; an opinion. Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself and for your lady. And if you do meet a girl who doesn't like nice guys, watch her....really....I mean it......something may not be right in there.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


1:00 PM |

Are you really an 80?....Really?

Oh...the 80/20 rule. If you are unfamiliar with it, the rules is as followed: Most people get 80% of what they need out of their current relationship but have a tendency to go chasing after the 20% they're not getting believing that's what they truly want. Thank you Mr. Perry for bringing that to the masses.

When you think about people cheating and what/who they usually cheat with you can clearly see the application of the 80/20 rule. And with this rash of cheating ways of the married men in hollywood lately, this idea has even more substantiating evidence. I know what...I'm not even going to go there.

Please be aware that this rule or idea only applies to the ones that are truly 80's. Just because you're in a relationship with some one does not mean you or the one that you are with are the 80%. You have to give it to be it. And if you are not putting in work into your relationship, you could find yourself being the 20 and the new girl/guy being the 80. Check yourself.

However, don't let fear of possibly not getting out there what you're getting at home keep you in a relationship that's unfulfilling. This rule doesn't mean that there's not someone better out there. (It also doesn't mean you should be jumping from person to person searching for something better either). Be sure you are truly getting what you need out of your relationship and be sure you are giving your partner what they need. Because then, it doesn't matter how bad ass that 20% is, your partner won't even notice.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Random Thought

10:04 PM |

Saturday, March 20, 2010

More Than Friends

8:40 PM |

Where would that end.....

The other day in another random conversation, the topic some how came up about friends having 'more than friends' feelings for each other. For example, situations similar to the movie Brown Sugar (I reference it because I just flipped past it and it made me think about this again). In case you are unfamiliar, the brief synopsis is: Friends for forever, know that they both have an attraction/love for one another, but it took them long trials, time apart, drama to get together finally. Sorry for the spoiler.


I have been told before that many times the decision is made not to act on those feelings towards the friend because they did not want to jeopardize the friendship. Knowing that many times relationships can go bad, most friends choose to just stay friends and enjoy what they have rather than to risk the possibility of losing that persons existence in their life all together.

The other side that was recently expressed hinged on the fact that by not exploring the possibility, you are potentially missing out on someone who could be a true love. If the two of you are truly friends, you should not even have a desire to screw that person over so much that the friendship completely disintegrates. True it may change the dynamics a bit, but overall the friendship should be able to survive the exploration. Strangers can remain friends after the end of a relationship, why couldn't life long friends?

There are always risks involved in every decision made. Just because you are friends, doesn't mean that you'd be good lovers. It also doesn't mean that things will turn out badly just because you decided to go to the next level. I guess it boils down to how much and what you are willing to risk for a shot of love? How mature are the two parties involved? How are they typically in relationships? Why not take a shot and see what happens? It's not like you don't know the person. The best love is supposed to be built around friendship anyway. Why not just jump?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Feelin' Good

10:31 AM |

A moment of positivity......

All too often on this blog I write about things that bother me, things I hate, things I think are stupid and it's been good for me. A great way for me to release my feelings without having to upset or alienate anyone I know. But today as I was dwelling in my irritation and my overall disdain for everyday things, I stepped on the scale and realized that I have reached one of my weight loss goals. FINALLY!

Helen Keller has this great quote: "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." I think it's very easy for us to see what's wrong with our lives. It's something that we're constantly reminded of, have to deal with, work around, etc. And it makes it easy for the good things to pass us by.

I've been truly burned out these past few weeks. But when I took a step back, in a phone update to my mother, I realized I've got some great things on the horizon: possibly having a video installation I've worked on with my co-workers in a museum, possibly helping to shop a collaborative piece to a major tv network, getting great reviews for a piece or two I've worked on with my co-workers by our new school president, getting praised for the show I've been putting on at the school, losing weight, eating better, feeling great.

So if you do nothing else with your day, take stock of what you have accomplished and the progress you are making towards your goals. Acknowledge the sunshine in your life from time to time. You'll feel much better for it.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Moment of Simple

7:26 PM |

A loaf of bread......

Before you wreck yourself...

People are always going to have some type of opinion. About sports, the weather, that girl's clothes, doesn't matter. So when they have an opinion about you, you have to take it for what it is. Molding or changing based on what others think of you is not a good way to live your life. You'll never be able to please everyone.

However, there does come a time when you have to kind of check yourself. These last few weeks, I've been told about myself by SEVERAL people, from all different areas of the country, who know me from many different points in my life. And many of them have said the same things about me. So when you hear the same thing from several different people you have to start looking inward and trying to figure out how you are being perceived in that fashion.

The difficulty comes in with trying to make a change, if you so choose too. I know for me personally I was never really aware that I come off in certain ways. So how do I go about fixing it? It almost makes you hyper-focused on what you are doing, what you are saying and how you are presenting yourself that you almost exacerbate the quality you are trying to control.

All in all you have to decide wether or not the quality you're being told about is something you want to change. Be certain that the people that have told you about yourself are doing so (hopefully) not in a hurtful way. And ask them for examples, how or what you do that makes you come off in that manner. Especially if you don't know what you are doing. This way you can evaluate yourself and grow. Nothing good ever comes from just burying your head in the sand.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Can't Control It

11:14 PM |

Love the one you're with....

You are familiar with the phrase "You can't control who you fall in love with", right? It's usually used when someone is defending something like an interracial relationship, older man and a 12 year old (don't worry I don't literally mean 12, that's what I say when I mean really REALLY young). But it's always the fall back like that's a good answer or response. Like love is this mystical force that tackles you down when you least expect it.

Really? So. Last time I checked love was one of our emotions. So if I understand this correctly, I'm supposed to control my anger, my fear, my sadness, but love is not controllable? For real?

I don't believe that love is this microwave emotion. I think it takes time to grow and develop and become stronger. So if you really don't want to fall in love with someone, then don't spend time with them. Don't hang around them. Don't get close, share feelings, all those things you do with someone you're trying to build a bond with.

People throw this love thing around so carelessly. Like it's a new trend like apparently having babies has now become (but that's for another post). "I just met jo-jo yesterday but he bought me a soda when I was really thirsty so that shows he loves me and I love him sooooo much". Hooch please.

Don't tell me that love takes time to grow and develop and then turn around and say you can't control it. It's a cop out.