An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Man Not woMan

10:38 AM |

Can't stand a man with female traits...

Sometimes I get asked, "What do you like in a man?" I'm still working that out. I'll be posting that list here when it does finally get developed. One time I was asked, what I don't like in a man. That can simply be put into these words: I like a man. Not a man with female tendencies. Then I get a look of confusion. What does that mean? Well...4 major female traits that tend to turn me off when I see them displayed by men.

4. Primpin', Primpin' is a no-no, little girl.

Want to go with me to get mani-pedi's? Great. Love a man who has nice hands and feet. Keep those caterpillar brows in order or remove that unappealing back hair with a regular waxing done by a professional? FABULOUS! Love to be decked out in the latest styles and trends in fashion? Get it! I think it's great when a man takes pride in his appearance. But if you take more than an hour to get ready, we have problem here. You don't like to wait 2 hours for women to get ready, then please don't make me wait either. Time is of the essence and I hate to have to sit and wait. Just so you are aware, I can go from busted to diva in less than 30 minutes. I need for you to be able to do the same.

3. Excessive crying, is female tendency.

Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with a man crying. There are times and circumstances that truly warrant it. Who knows, sometimes maybe you guys do get like women and just feel the need to lock yourself in a room and cry for no reason at all every once in a while....perhaps?...Maybe? That's ok. What is not ok is for you to be a cry baby. Meaning if we get into an argument/discussion and I say ohhhh...I dunno...."that's a bitch move"....I'ma need for you to not march upstairs and lock yourself in a room and fall face down on the bed crying. Accusing me of being mean. Man. MAN UP! Nothing I ever say to you will be from a place of trying to hurt you or belittle you, etc. I'm just not that chic. Either way....really?....does this have to even be said?

2. If you are a man and have ever in your life uttered the words "You should know what I'm thinking", that is a female tendency.

Men, you hate it when women throw that line at you so I had better NOT hear it come out of your mouth. Not if you want to be My Boo. If you have spent any time at all with me, or have read my blog you can clearly see that I don't have whatever that magical female ESP is. I'm going to be honest. If whatever you are thinking/feeling/wanting comes from a place of assumption and not a place of dictation, I probably will not get it/know it/do it. I've been told many times I think like a man, and more than likely you've probably said it to me yourself. So going on that logic...NO I don't know what you are thinking. Don't get mad at me for that ish either. Just tell me what you want.

1. I..can't stand...a chatty-ass man.

If you are: A) always on your cell phone talking or texting, B) gossiping or C) present a mini dissertation to someone when you are asked "How are you today", that is a female tendency. I may say a lot here and some days I may say a lot in real life. However in general, I am not a chatty person. I like a man who can talk and can express himself. But not in excess. And there is nothing wrong with being on the phone, just please exercise restraint when you are with me. It's very rude to sit and text constantly when you another person. Put the phone down and pay them some attention. And if you ever pull up a chair next to me and start whispering "Boo, did you hear what old Mrs. Mary up the street said about JJ in apartment 216", I'm looking at the front door...

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Miss Independent

Shouldn't you love her because she has her own...

There's always talk about what's bad about the independent woman. How she "acts like she doesn't need a man for anything". Or how she "doesn't know how to act like a lady". Meaning she tries to pay for everything, be domineering or whatever. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Let's just set the record straight, shall we? Ok.

So. What must be understood is: A woman is independent out of necessity and circumstance, not always simply out of choice. Meaning there were things that occurred in her life that allowed her to develop into this strong woman you see before you. She's had to learn how to pay our own bills, change the tire and get maintenance on the car, fix things around the house, etc. Not because that's what she SO loves to do, but because that's what she's HAD to do. That doesn't mean that when a man comes along that's willing to help take off some of her burdens, she doesn't know how to lay them before his feet.

I don't know of any woman on the face of this earth that would not like to be taken care of or that doesn't want some help. I hate to do blanket statements, but I truly believe that EVERY woman would appreciate the help. Don't think for one second that because she can handle it on her own that she is incapable of letting you handle it for her.

Understand that many independent women have been doing it by themselves for so long, they are not just going to trust just anybody with the responsibility of taking care of them. You must be able to show and prove to that independent woman that you are trustworthy, faithful and reliable. She must know that without a doubt you will be there to pick up the pieces when things sometimes fall apart. Because trust me, every independent woman has had to bend down and pick up those pieces alone a time or two. No matter how put together she may seem.

What you are really saying when you say that "independent women act like they don't need no man" is that you don't know how to be that MAN for that woman. Apparently you are insecure about your ability to be a man and a provider to that independent woman. You're showing that you do not think you can be of any value to that woman. Instead of putting it on the woman, look into the mirror and figure out why what you have to offer comes up so short that she still feels the need to handle business on her own.

And to all of my beautiful independent women out there, please, acknowledge your good man when you get him. If he has shown to you that he can support you, provide for you, take care of you...let him. Be sure to do the same thing back. Let him know that you value what he has done for you and that you are willing to do for him and support him as well. Remember relationships are not one sided. So don't expect him to do for you, what you won't do for him.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Alive After 5

9:28 PM |

Kiddies in tow....

So I have to put this out there. I don't know what is in the Kool-Aid, but is it me or does it seem like the whole world is having babies?? It seems like no matter where I go I can't not be surrounded by all you 'loving' parents with 50 million damn hollering kids. Don't get me wrong I love kids. But what I don't love is seeing the critters out at night after certain hours.

For instance tonight, I witnessed a woman coming in to a bar....A BAR PEOPLE! With a child in tow that couldn't have been more than 5 years old. Oh and I forget to mention it was about 9pm. Now in grown up terms 9pm is early. The night hasn't even started yet. But for me, when I was a child of less than 5, I didn't even know what 9pm was. Let alone would my mother have me in a sports bar eating french fries and having a conversation with the waiter about not taking a shot.

Let alone would I be an infant in a restaurant crying my eyes out at 11pm at night. Parents looking around at the angry patrons like 'I don't know why he's crying'. I know why you simple bastard, it's 11 PM!!! He needs to be in a crib somewhere or at home crying his eyes out. I'm trying to eat my lasagna and drink my wine in peace.

I come out late trying to avoid this very thing but seems like no matter where or when I go, there's kids everywhere! I'm sorry, but when you become a parent there are certain things you can and can't do. If you can't find a sitter, then you can't go out. At least not A) when your child should be in bed, and B) where and when it is inappropriate for a child to be. AND PLEASE..if your child has impulse control issues, either get him right or leave him at home.

I know. It's not very nice. But be real. Put some boundaries on your children when you can and teach them what's appropriate. There is a social order to things and some things that are just the proper thing to do. So long as that social order doesn't impede on someones inalienable rights, it should be learned so they can function as a normal human being. So that when these miscreants grow up, I can focus on teaching grown ass kids how to be successful in their careers and I don't have to deal with giving home training to unruly grown people.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Mass Appeal

3:05 PM |

R.I.P. Guru...

Monday, April 19, 2010

The End

11:54 AM |

This wasn't how it was supposed to be...

The story goes: Boy meets girl. Boy dates girl. They laugh, they share, they love and things are great. Then...things take a turn. One is not happy. The other feels neglected. It appears that the relationship has run it's course. It's been a few years now and boy and girl have occupied a great space in each other's lives. How does it end?

As much as I hate to say it, sometimes, it's just over. It'd be nice if when relationships ended, there were no loose ends, nothing to tidy up, a nice clean break. But the reality is, many times, it's just over. And the over can be U-G-L-Y.

There are so many ways to break things off with a person, but I feel the most cowardly way to do so is the Disappearing Act: POOF, they're gone. After you've spent some time with anyone at all, how do you not have even the slightest respect to send them off with a least a "F-U, I'm out"? Let's be honest. That's a bitch move. In an effort to spare feelings, you leave the other more torn up, and more confused than if you were to just end it.

If you're on the receiving end of a POOF it's up to you to determine how you'll find closure. It may be a final text, a closing voicemail, a letter, or maybe nothing. However you do it, get it over with and consider it done. I feel that anyone who doesn't have the decency to end things with you, doesn't deserve the time you'd spend wondering and waiting and pinning over what was.

Saturday, April 17, 2010


10:28 AM |

Are you paying attention?

Picture it. You've met some one. They appear to be great. You hang out, you enjoy each other's company, things seem to be going really great. Time passes and then the bottom falls out. It can be anything. They can be flaky and unreliable, overly aggressive with a bad temper, a kleptomaniac, they could even have another lover. What happened? Why didn't I know?

Many people will say that the reason they never noticed their partner's 'bad habits' are because when you first start dating your not dating that person, you are dating their representative (Chris Rock). I'm sure every woman has heard at some point, 'Don't show him all the crazy on the first night. Wait until you got him to show him the crazy.' We're taught, from when we are young, to always put your best foot forward. Don't spread family business out in public, etc. I do believe in some respect you have to hold some things back. No need to put all of your business out there all at once.

However, I believe the main reason people don't notice the true nature of their partner is because they are 'blinded' by the bliss. When relationships are new, everything is butterflies and daisies. "Ain't it cute the way he cussed out the waiter when my food wasn't right? He's so protective and caring." Later you realize he was a rude prick.

When your relationship is over you can always look back and see the signs. When a person turns out to be crazy you can always look back and see the signs. You just can't see it while you're in it cause you're blinded by the bliss. It doesn't matter how well a person 'acts', they will always reveal their true nature. It may not be a blaring, naked man in the middle of the streets, reveal. But it will be a reveal. You just have to be open to receiving those signs.

And you can try and grey area it all you want to, but remember: if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck........

Friday, April 16, 2010

Think Like A Man

12:47 PM |


I have always heard that I think like a man. (Often I hear that I just am a dude.) I don't take it wrong. (I clearly know I'm not a man, the mirror tells me so every morning). I've heard it from my female associates but more often I hear it from my male counterparts. They usually mean it in some ways as a compliment. But really...what the hell does that mean?

I don't think the way I think is necessarily "male" like. I wouldn't really know cause I've never been inside the mind of a man. I just think that things don't have to be as complicated as everyone makes them out to be. I really apply the K.I.S.S.(Keep It Simple, Stupid) method to my life and my thoughts as much as possible. I try to look at all sides of things and get an understanding of what its make-up is. And at all times, I try to use a little bit of common sense.

Does that make my thought process male? Really, what does "you think like a man" mean?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Moment of Simple

10:39 AM |

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Do You Qualify?

2:10 PM |

Figuring out what you want...

The discussion about what people want out of a relationship or in a partner has seems to come up a lot more these past few days. My friends and I discuss it often, but it wasn't until I was directly asked by someone recently that I heard a car came to a screeching halt in my mind. "What do [I] look for in a man?" I was asked. My response? Ummm...... (the pause allowed them to speculate and fill in the blanks leaving me with an easy out).

What do you look for in a partner? As many times as we're asked, how many have truly honest, feasible and serious answers? Many answers I hear from people are ridiculous, often made jokingly and not realistic at all. We brush the question off and continue about our conversation. But if we don't have any honest, realistic qualifications about what we want, how will we know when we've met someone that meets our requirements?

Everyone has requirements, or things they need from someone else. If you didn't, it wouldn't matter who you dated, what you guys did on a daily basis, where you went out, etc. You'd never get in arguments because they'd never upset or disappoint you, and you'd never break up with someone. Quite often, we're unaware of what we need or want until we get someone who's not giving it to us.

In high school I had a list of 46 things I wanted out of a guy. As I grew up and looked back on that list some of the requirements were just crazy. But as you grow, the requirements change and evolve. At some point we all have to sit down and figure out what we want. If we don't, how will we know we've met that "one"?