An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Sunday, March 9, 2008

You, Me & She

7:58 PM |

... thoughts on the other woman

I know my thoughts on this topic will probably make me very unpopular but hear me out. There are always talks about the "other" woman. You know, the one who sleeps around/dates a man who is already in a relationship. Mostly these talks involve people bashing the other woman, often painting the picture of this seductive siren lurking in the recesses of the bar just waiting to sink her talons into your man. This is not the woman I am discussing today. I've known many who have been the other woman, and while I cannot deny the existence of those predatory women, not all women caught up in that situation are like that. To be honest, I think the other woman gets a bad rep. Not every "other" woman has been out there preying on your man. Nor is she a "whore" (thoughts on this word to come soon). Many are women just like me and you who, despite their best efforts, find themselves involved with someone who is attached.

How many times have you said: "Well she knew he was taken, why was she messing with him in the first place." Why should you put all the responsibility on her? If your man is approaching her, shouldn't the focus of your irritation and anger be at him? Why is it her responsibility to watch out for your relationship? It's obvious your man isn't trying to watch out for it and he has more of a responsibility to you than she does. It's very possible that this woman has done her best to avoid getting involved with your man, but due to persistence, has found herself attracted to the very same things that attracted you to him.

So am I saying that "cheating" is ok and that there's nothing wrong with being the other woman. No I am not. I'm saying that we need to remove the stigma and stereotypes from the other woman and start looking at the one who stepped out. Be mad at him. And, since I'm really being honest, look at your relationship and figure out why he feels the need to want to be with someone else. If it's more than a one night stand situation, he's finding something in that other woman that he's not finding with you.


A. B. said...

I am subject to agree with you on this matter. It also brought back conversations I have had with women who "share" men. They both enjoy the guys company they both know the other woman exist but don't mind. To me this sounds like an extremely dangerous situation for any man to be in but hey to each his own.

Great post.


Tony Stark said...

Your tongue has been sharp of lately 'ole girl ;) nice!

Anonymous said...

I disagree with the last two sentences. I know you're not necessarily blaming the woman for her man cheating, but that's the way it sounds. I don't like the whole "She must be giving him something you're not giving him...." excuse because if a man was not happy with his relationship he can LEAVE instead of cheating....

But I TOTALLY agree that people blaming the OTHER woman and NOT the married man is RI-D@MN-DICULOUS! He's the one who took vows! Not her. She needs to be cuttin' a nigg@ instead of blaming the other woman.

Anonymous said...

Right on point!

Kim said...

So.... I don't know if I've read anything lately that I agree with more!
Every other woman ISN'T a terrible woman. There is a difference in a mistress and a one night stand. If a man has a mistress, there is something other than sex that Mr. Man must be searching for and apparently is "finding". IF someone's to be cursed Mr. Man is the best canidate for the chose words.

Great post! I love it!!

Anonymous said...

Drawn to the page by Mr. Stark. Interested in the topic.
Agree with the statement, "the other woman gets a bad rep" but in a devils advocate type of way.
It's easy to be upset with her, assuming she is a true "other girl" meaning that she has knowledge of wifey or the relationship that he is in. I can't call her a bad person though. Maybe some women should be praising the other woman. Not because she's doing "things" with your man, but because of the fact she is keeping your man...with you! Again we are speaking of the true "other girl" the one that is available all times a day/night when you, being the girl are too tired, or too busy, or have a headache. She's the girl that waste all her damn time being the cheerleader for your man while he's playin' Madden all night with his boys because you didn't want to go. (of course his boys know about her and keep quite. How else would the alibi work)she's the one who does the porno stuff that you feel you are to special to do. Summed up she is everything you are not. But I disagree with saying she's better than wifey. She is just different. She is what you're not. That doesn't necessairly mean she does what you do better. For a true "other girl" does not resemble you in the slightest bit. A true "other girl" would be exactly opposite from you and she assist in the things you don't do. All great teams are great because of the strength of the role players. So for all her assist she should be praised. Sent Christmas and thank you cards. Because she gives your man completeness, and keeps him coming back to you for the other half. It's better to be a starter and come out of the game for a few minutes, than it is to be cut from the team because you lack some of the necessairy skills. Scoring from the bench is valuable, so instead of sitting there mad cause someone else is getting some playing time. Stand up and cheer because in the long run, she's wearing the same jersey and ultimatly helping YOU win.
Again I'm being the devils advocate on this one. The reason why MR. Stark calls me The Shock Jock. This is not aimed at you either it is intended for the bitter wifeys', but I like where you was goin' on this one. Hot topic...Keep doin' your thing.
Real Talk.