An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, December 31, 2007


11:25 PM | reflections on 2007

As you can see it's clearly 11:30pm on New Year's Eve and I am yes, on the blog. That means I ended up going no where. However it's still "early" and anything can happen. Last year I left the house at 11:45pm. So we'll see. Anyway. Though I'm by myself on New Years, I'm not alone. I had a great time on the phone with my sisters. I've been talking to my homegirls via text and cell all night. And though most of us would like to be somewhere, many of us are quite content being where we are and not pressed about it. I mean why spend tons of dollars to be around complete strangers, possibly have the party broken up, and may not have a good time? Why go uptown where they don't treat my people fairly. No point. I look good. I feel good. I'm happy. My neighbors have been popping off fireworks since the sun has gone to bed. And I'VE GOT A FULL BAR!!! So I'm GREAT! ...Understand what that means???....I'm GRRREEEAAATTT!!!!

As I reflect on this year I did well for myself. I've gotten more exposure as a freelance graphic designer. I've made great progress and am respected as an instructor at my school. I've got good friends and reconnected with old ones. I've lost weight and am still losing getting closer to my goal. I got a new house. I got a new car. I can pay my bills. I though I've had my low points this year overall, things have been good for me. If I can give any advice it'd be this:

1. Let go. Your heart will thank you for it.
2. Enjoy the minutia. Every day is a new start.
3. Don't set unrealistic expectations/resolutions. You'll just let yourself down.
4. Be happy and positive. It's hard but it makes life better. Like the new Batman trailers say "Why so serious".

I think everyone should take the time to really reflect on this year and the things they have accomplished and over come. And if this year hasn't been too good for you, in 20 minutes 2007 will be the past. Let it go and move on from this point. My sister met someone that told her 2007 was supposed to be the end of the bad things so 2008 is supposed to be great. I believe all things in your life happen for a reason. Whether you're meant to know the meaning or not. Learn, grow and progress. I wish you all health, wealth and happiness.


Saturday, December 29, 2007


12:13 AM |

...think twice before being simple!

I saw this comic and it sparked this. There is great freedom in being a freelance designer. However all graphic designers have come up against this obstacle before. Maybe not to this extreme, but we've all come across those really simple clients. Those who think we are magical, water into wine, statue of liberty disappearing, saw man in half, pixie dusting hobbits who can pull anything out of thin air. Please understand that designing is an art. It takes more time, talent, commitment, creativity, organization, insight, observation and patience than anyone who is not in the field can imagine. If you don't know what your company does, what makes you think I'm able to create a brand for you? And if you know so much, what the heck do you need my skills for? My advice is given with the understanding that I am current on the industry trends, understand the psyche of people, know the psychology behind color, understand the visual innuendos of placement and alignment, know what prints well, what fonts are legible in small formats, what will replicate well in black and white, reverse, four color process, spot color and web. What we create for you will be representing your company, your product to all. There's so much that can be done with subtitles that can either increase your revenue or hurt your company's image. Don't belittle my intelligence or my talent by being stupid and condescending. Understand if you give me a pig, I will put the prettiest shade of lipstick on that bitch, but guess what it'll still be a pig. And do expect to pay me for the pain and suffering I have experienced by trying to wrap my brain around the asinine assignment I have been given.

....Moral of this rant: Be good to your graphic designer.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

'Twas The Night Before Christmas

12:23 AM |

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring but me and my mouse.
On the computer I surf, I blog and I type
Waiting for the youngest to make it in for the night.
My grandma was nestled all sung in my bed
While I lay on the couch with a tiny pillow for my head.
The presents were all wrapped.
The food pre-prepaired.
No milk and cookies for St. Nick
We're too old for that affair.
I reminisce over the days when there was such a clatter
And I arose to find the cookies missing from the platter.
When the tree would stay lit all through out the night.
When I would come downstairs and find my new bike.
When we lost all power because of the snow
But cooked breakfast Christmas morning with out the oven or the stove.
Memories are like candy, some can be bitter to eat
But during this season I hope yours are sugary sweet.
Be thankful each day that you're blessed to be alive
And enjoy your holiday with your loved ones by your side.
May your day be filled with laughter, be merry and bright.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Random Thought

11:07 PM |

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Random Thought

8:49 PM |

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Top 5 Reasons It's Better Partying at 25+

1:37 AM |

...not a forward, just my own thoughts

5. House parties have turned into "get togethers" and that usually means BYOL (Bring your own liquor) and food! By this age you have should some true friends that will actually stay after or return the next day to help you clean up after a party at your house.

4. If you party like we party, the host/hostess after the party gets to keep the liquor. Big BONUS! Of course you're free to take your bottle, but people will look at you crazy. It's the least the guest can do after they've wrecked the house and used up all your toilet paper.

3. Most of your friends are too grown and have too many responsibilities to get completely trashed when you go out. Since you all usually meet up somewhere, all people are responsible for getting themselves home which kinda eliminates the need for a designated driver. And we all know being a DD with a bunch of drunks is no fun. If they do get smashed, they have their own home to go back to even if you have to take them. Usually they have a significant other to come get them.

2. Most of the clubs for you have ample space, seating not reserved exclusively for VIP's, and AIR CONDITIONING (what a concept). Some even serve food. So that means you can party and chill and not worry about sweating out your "perm".

And the number 1 reason for partying when your 25+

1. You probably won't be dodging or running from bullets at the end of the night!!!

...not a call to action, but a legitimate question

I'm not totally sure why this topic came to mind. It could be the result of some truly horrible dates I've been on. It could be the saturation of effeminate male figures on my television. It could be the fact that I see little girls leading little boys around by their noses at my school. It could be that god-awful I Love New York finale I got sucked into watching. I just had to ask the question: What happened to the man?

While this may seem like I'm sending women to the dark ages, hear me out. There was a time when men commanded attention. They were strong and assertive. They were heads of their homes. They weren't afraid of getting their hands dirty. When I was in school, while the guys did a lot of skirt chasing but it wasn't like they were jumping every time their woman said jump. Truthfully most of the girls were following mindlessly behind the guys. Now all I see are guys failing to handle business because their woman is whining about "quality time". (Please don't get me started on that....wait get me started...I'll come back to that issue in a minute.) What happened to the man???

I'm an assertive woman. I don't want man who will buckle to my every whim. No where in there do I say I want an asshole or someone who will beat my ass. That's not what I'm saying. I want to feel confident that I have someone to lean on. Some one to support me. I need to know that when I'm at my weakest moment, I have someone by my side that has my back. If I feel scared, he'll protect me. If I want a follower or someone to obey my commands, I'll get a dog.

Truthfully I know that this decline in a strong male presence has to do somewhat with the lack of the man in the role of the father in the homes. Our male population is saturated with those brought up by women only. While I think it gives men sometimes a hyper sensitivity to our needs, which can be a plus, I think it doesn't necessarily give them any example of how a true man handles business. Plus it also can set up the pattern of the women running this because that's all they've seen. Not to say women can't raise strong men, they've done it and done it well for years. But you can't deny that this could be a factor.

All in all I'm saying men, be men. Be strong and handle business. To address the woman and the quality time issue I mentioned before, it's really simple. If a woman is truly down for you, then she won't block you from achieving your goals. She won't have a problem with you handling business. And women let them. True you may not get as much time as you may want, but if he's truly down for you, he won't leave you behind when he makes it. I know this may sound old fashioned but truly this goes both ways. As I'm climbing I'd want my man to support me, just as I would support him. But I can get support from a wet noodle. MAN UP!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Random Thought

7:39 PM |

Why I Don't Sleep

2:15 AM |

...ignoring the voices in my head

I lie here sneezing and hacking away with this cold that's awakened suddenly like a sleeper cell in my body. As I wait for my Nyquil to kick in, crying through the indigestion its given me, I wonder why I'm still even up to feel these symptoms in the first place. No matter what my day has required of me or what task lie ahead the next, I still find myself awake long after I should be. It's a well known fact that a lack of sleep can lead to numerous problems including variations in mood, depletion of energy and some studies even link it to weight gain. Knowing that if I got more sleep I would feel better during the day and be twice as productive as I am, I still continue to stay awake.

It's not that I can't sleep so much as I don't want to. My most creative thoughts come long after the sun has gone down. I have project ideas, illustrations I want to draw, a crochet blanket to finish, sites to browse and information to collect. I have tomorrow to plan for, and items to organize. However my lack of motor skills and inability to focus visually usually leave me unable to complete what I started. I can't quiet my mind long enough to make getting to bed at a normal hour possible.

I said all of this to actually say this: Why do we constantly do things we know are contrary to what we should be doing? I know I need more sleep. I've done the research, know what I need to do, know that I'll feel better in the morning but I continue to keep myself awake. I guess the voice in my head that tells me the right thing to do is easy to ignore. But why? We all have that voice. What has the little voice told you to do that you've ignored? Why won't you listen?

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Wakko's 50 State Capitols

1:24 AM |

...just for lawrenorder

Just as a side note. Our cartoons were silly, some seemed really pointless. But there were some that really did have some content that would contribute to the learning environment. And truthfully it can and will stick.

And for a bonus, it's taped off dude's tv but see if you remember.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I Reminisce

2:55 PM |

... cartoons, cartoons!

My sisters and I used to watch this little show called Animaniacs. Here are two of our favorite things from that show. Well at least they were mine.

Yakko's Universe:

Yakko's World:

Yakko's World - Funny bloopers R us


2:17 PM |

...can you beat it?

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


8:10 PM |

1:12 AM |

....the hell???

Dec 10 - Asia

A 36 year-old woman accidentally gave birth in a train traveling from Tai Dong to Tai Pei. When the train reached the next station, an hour and a half later, the mother was immediately sent to the hospital while rescuers tried to pull the baby from the toilet bowl opening. The 6.6 pound baby girl is now in stable condition.

Aug 29 - Kansas City, Mo

A 20 year old woman allegedly tried ti flush her newborn son down the toilet at a McDonald's after giving birth in the bathroom. Workers became concerned after the woman didn't return from the restroom. The workers quickly called paramedics after checking on the woman, and paramedics were able to revive the baby. Allegedly the woman told paramedics that she tried to flush the baby down the toilet several times, and that, at 32-weeks pregnant, she didn't know she was with child. Seriously??? This is what you come with???

12:35 AM |

...for when the "unexpected" happens

Bella and Linda is this online boutique that carries what they describe as one-of-a-kind items and accessories. While browsing this site, I came across a series of "Must Kits" created by Urban Aid. These kits compile a lot of the little things that can help to make life's uncomfortable situations a little more bearable. Just to highlight a few that caught me off center:

For the Ladies:

SHAME ON YOU KIT you can be clean on that walk of shame

Includes: 1 toothbrush (and toothpaste) 1 panty (one size fits all thong) 3 condoms 1 "emergency" phone card 1 packet of pain reliever 1 "leave behind" note.

For the Gentlemen:

THE CLEAN GET AWAY KIT you can be fresh on the ride home

Includes: 1 pair boxers 1 disposable razor 1 shave cream (1.28 fl.oz.) 2 condoms 1 toothbrush (and toothpaste) 1 packet of pain reliever 1 "leave behind" note.

Pick some up for those sneak-ay freak-ay's in your life.

12:44 AM |

...part 2

As you may know from part 1 I love movies, and it really looks like 2008 will be a good year to spend some time in the box office. The screen writer's strike may affect the release dates of movies in 2009 if a resolution is not reached (another subject for another time), so it's best to enjoy what is already, ready. So what's on deck???


Yes, those that graced us with the Matrix trilogy have brought the classic series by anime pioneer Tatsuo Yoshida to life. Starring Emile Hirsch (that kid from that bad movie The Girl Next Door), Christina Ricci, Susan Sarandon, John Goodman and Matthew Fox as Racer X, the movie is set to be released May 9, 2008. The colors and the effects in this movie remind me of another animation turned live action movie that I can't remember the name of (no seriously, I can't and if you know let me know). The effects look good and I think it was smart of them to keep with the fantasy element than to attempt to make it true to life.

I have yet to see the first one, not out of lack of desire, just a lack of time. This next installment appears to be as enchanting as the first. The children return to a very different Narniam 1300 years later.
The Golden Age of Narnia has become extinct, Narnia has been conquered by the Telmarines and is now under the control of the evil King Miraz. With the help of the Narnians, led by the mighty knights Peter and Caspian, the children embark on a remarkable journey to restore magic and glory to the land. in this one and new adventures ensue. This movie is set to be release May 18, 2008.

Just before Harrison Ford is too crippled to make another, Lucas Films have gotten one more Indiana Jones out of him. It's my hope that this movie does the others before it justice and respectfully closes out this franchise. I am also glad that Mr. Ford agreed to don the legendary hat, leather coat and whip one more time because I have a feeling that good ol' George may have tried to create one with out him. (the horror!). Because production of this just wrapped October 31, 2007 there's no trailer I can find out yet. They haven't even gotten fully into editing yet. Either way this movie is scheduled to be released May 22, 2008.

Let's not forget ol Sly Stallone when speaking of revivals. He is back as Rambo and he's still kicking ass and taking name. He's hired to take some do-gooders "trying to help" the people of Burma up a river. Then the chaos and killing ensues. Stallone looks to be in shape and ready. However I don't foresee this one being as graceful a conclusion as the Indiana Jones saga. Look for this one January 25, 2008.

In other notes, Nicholas Cage states that he's willing to do a Ghost Rider 2 (another movie I didn't see...wonder how he was in it). They are also confirming actors to star in the upcoming GI Joe movie. Ray Park will take on the role of Snake Eyes. Sienna Miller has already agreed to her role as the Baroness. Where's my popcorn......

8:09 PM |

....I'm not the only one who has these

LMAO!! email that raised some good points

It seems like every time I turn around someone else is getting married. I already have three weddings next year blocked out on my calendar, with one more friend planning to be engaged by the spring. In the last three years, at least 10 people I know have gotten married. And I don't keep my circle of associates that big. So when I got this forward I thought it brought up some good points to share with those who are in relationships with the person they think may be "the one".

--Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A --

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.
Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework. Another perspective.... There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.... It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention.... Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

Happiness keeps You Sweet, Trials keep You Strong, Sorrows keep You Human, Failures keep You Humble, Success keeps You Glowing, But......... . Only God keeps You Going!

1:18 AM |

...a rock formation at a lake in Burma

I found this image on This is a rock formation that reveals an image that can only be seen on a specific day once a year. If you can't see it, look at the vertical photo.

12:06 AM |


6:22 PM |

....what the crap is this?

I saw a commercial today that stopped me dead in my tracks. I've stopped working just to say that this one of the dumbest toys I've known. Now I'm aware that this toy has been around since 1973, so it's not new. Neither are the commercials. But this commercial I feel has taken things one step too far.

For those who are unfamiliar with the Baby Alive doll, it's a doll that's supposed to look, act and feel like a real baby. Meaning that it cries, eats and poops. Their commercials usually show little girls having so much fun feeding and changing diapers. You know, start that domestication of the woman real early. Anyway.

So back to why I'm annoyed. The commercial this time featured a boy doll and a girl doll. Well this time while the little girls were changing the baby, the boy doll proceeds to "urinate" in the air on the little girl. It was quick so I may have been imagining it. At least I thought. Then I watch the mother of the little girls in the commercial duck the spray as well. They all laugh and giggle. But really, why showcase a baby doll having projectile piss??? I know REAL little boys do this but honestly, why put that feature in a baby doll? This is what they waste my technology on? Maybe it's just me. I never saw the appeal of playing with a puking, pissing, pooping doll anyway.

12:59 AM |

...just what the doctor ordered

I get so tired of trying to get my simple students to be creative (at an art and design school no less...what a concept). Really it's wearing me down. A student told me today she thinks I'll quit in a year. Apparently I was mindlessly wandering the halls with a look on my face that said "screw this, these kids are stupid, they don't pay me enough for this mess". So at home I'm waisting valuable sleep time and stumbled upon a photo blog that had images of some creative advertising. Had to let all 4 of you take a look. Good stuff.

View others on Sutra's Photo Blog.

12:35 AM |


11:01 PM |


12:21 AM |


4:18 PM |

...take a ride with me

So the other day I was thinking, why is it when you have a silent bathroom visit there is no other person in the facilities, however when your visit is a little less than silent and just as deadly there are people in every stall? And speaking of every stall, I think women should institute the some of the same rules men have. 1. If there are empty stalls don't sit in the one right next to me. Go one down. 2. Stop talking to me. Don't you see I'm handling business here???? And regardless of the fact that we don't technically hold anything, you still have to wash your hands. (Nasty heffas). Speaking of nasty. Why do fast food people feel the need to put the ketchup and salt packets directly on top of the fries? There's no telling where those things have been. I didn't even ask for either in the first place....

10:40 PM |

Procrastination Flow Chart
...because this is what I'm doing right now

Why I'm Not A Poet

9:34 PM | of my random poems....

I want to write like the people I see on Def Poetry
The one's who spit prose and verses so effortlessly
See when I write my thoughts get lost
Between my mind and my pen
Spelling errors
Damn gotta start over again.

I want to write like the people I see on Def Poetry
The ones who spit with so much power they pull the audience out their seats
See when I write my rhymes are flawed
Using vocabulary like I was ten
Wrong similes?
.......Or Metaphors?
Damn gotta start over again.

I want to write like the people I see on Def Poetry
The one's full of emotion, passion, sprinkled with real comedy
See my emotions are passing strangers
My wit only funny to my friends
Is that Brown calling?
......Lost my place.
Damn gotta start over again.

I want to write like the people I see on Def Poetry
The one's who spit prose and verses so effortlessly
The ones who spit with so much power they pull the audience out their seats
The ones full of emotion, passion, sprinkled with comedy.
The one's who inspire and spit so influentially.
But I realize I can only write like me.

8:40 PM |


10:56 PM |

Day Five: Aruba
the final port...

Aruba is probably the most up to date (Americanized) port we've been in. We took a long tour of the island. Only I believe it was the western half because the other half is a preserve only accessible by Jeep. There are many large rock formations on the island that if you use your imagination you can see different creatures and objects in them. One was large enough that you can climb on top of it and see a majority of the island. One beach had piles of smaller rocks. The people that visit this place, put the rocks in piles and make wishes. It's said to make wishes come true. We visited the old gold reserve and heard stories about the genocide that occurred once settlers discovered there was gold on the island. We got a chance to put our toes in the sand, did some more shopping and ate non-boat food. My parents have a time share there that is in a great location. I think next time I travel to Aruba I'll stay there. After returning to the ship we saw the NY kids we met at the bar and once again shit it down. They were rather entertaining. We made plans to hang with them the next day. The last day was spent at sea. We partied, chilled, played cards and watched movies while we sailed back to Puerto Rico. Overall I enjoyed my trip. I enjoyed all the islands, but I'd like to spend a little more time at a lot of them. I love vacationing but I hate traveling. This was a very relaxing cruise. The crowd was older (one foot in the grave older), married or coupled up, families and the activities were mostly for them. Next time I travel on a cruise I'll look for one more for my age and get a group of people to travel with. Volunteers?

10:23 PM |

Day Four: Bonaire
the beach...

Bonaire is an island in the Netherlands Antilles, and as such, is a part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands. Bonaire has consistently ranked as the finest snorkeling and scuba diving destination in the Caribbean for the last two decades. So we decided to hit up the beach. We only had 5 hours at this island and when it appeared that we may have to wait an hour or so to get a cab, my father said "Fuck this I'm going back to the boat" and it was just us girls. We planned to go to pink beach but it washed away with the storms. The beaches around the island are also topless beaches as well. The one we went to only had one topless sunbather (great cause I don't really want to see another woman's stuff). The island beaches have a shorter shoreline than what I'm use to. Laying out, the water quickly came up to get me, so I just left my soaked beach towel and played in the sea for a while. You could go our far from the shore because the water was really shallow. The part of the island we were on didn't seem really populated. It looks like they're still developing or rebuilding this side. So it wasn't too much to see, and that was good because it was my first day of real relaxation. I laid out, listened to music, put my toes in the sand, and got some sun (yes us dark people do tan and I personally like to get a little sun. My legs were rather pale). Aside from the brief showers it was really nice.

9:52 PM |

Day Three: Grenada
a cultural visit

Today was the first island I arrived to that didn't feel immediately submerged in tourism. The young one and I got up and unable to find our parents we went ahead to shore. Because we got a brochure about some awesome discounted jewelery we did some shopping at the little shore mall. We decided to go into the city and met up with our parents and walked to see a statue my mother wanted to see. The land is beautiful to me. The people are rebuilding in the wake of hurricane Ivan, but it's really pretty to me even in this over cast day. We walked the streets and I can't really describe the feeling that I got here. It just felt very natural, relaxing, and as odd to say it, like home. Like I wasn't truly a tourist there. We ate at a place called The Nutmeg. It's right on the water. This is one of the oldest Grenada restaurants. It's located on the beautiful Carenage. My mom and the young one had a roti. It was a short day at Grenada, and we didn't really do that much touring but I really enjoyed my time there.

9:05 PM |

Day Two: St. Kitts
Indecision runs rampid

So we're at a short port call in St. Kitts. St. Kitts is located in the Leeward Islands, is a federal two-island nation in the West Indies. The group we came with stated they had made arrangements for the tour of the island. We were supposed to meet him at 10. The rest of our party (including the organizers) didn't show until about 10:45. When they did arrive, we discovered that nothing had been arranged for our tour. The group babbles and talks (while in the blazing hot sun) and randomly separates. We decided to stay in the harbor and do some more shopping in the harbor area. I personally was tired of shopping and my legs/heels were really bothering me. The group dispersed and wandered the shore's shopping area until about 11:30 or so when they all decided to take a taxi tour. We were assured we'd have plenty of time to get back, shop and board the boat. The tour took us around the entire 30 mile island through the "real" parts including gang neighborhoods, public official's houses, public official's sister's house, driver's house and all. We went by the sugar cane areas, heard stories of the history and killings done by settlers, tasted Carib beer, and drove through all of the villages on the island and read about each. All in all the mountains, volcano and shoreline was beautiful. However time was ticking ticking away and departure time was rapidly approaching. My family is a little more schedule conscious than the others in the group, so we were the first to mention time was short and we needed to get back. Slowly but surely others started mentioning it to the driver, who kept saying we have time, we have time. Tension started building and soon no one in the bus was talking or making remarks about the sights. In a not so mad dash and two more very unnecessary stops later, we make it back at 2:25. Last call was at 2:30. After we boarded the boat, we had a good dinner and went to the most soulless Motown review. The young one and I went to the bar on the upper level of the ship and met some kids from NY that were pretty cool (mad young but cool none the less). The friends of our parents we went with were also up there in their drunken stupor. I think they were trying to hook me and the young one up with our new NY friends. (Mind you two of them had been drinking since we flew out of NC two days ago. ) We had some good drinks, danced a little and tripped out with them until 3am. All in all a good, long and somewhat rocky day.

12:36 PM |

attempting to have fun on the high seas

So slowly but surely the truth of my current location has come out. I am vacationing for a week on a cruise through the islands with my family (minus one sister who is getting that PhD...stop reading this and go work!). Truthfully only my job knew I was leaving. Being that I often vent my frustrations about bills and money, taking a trip seems counter productive. Fortunate for me, my parents have entered this live like a baller phase of their life and are taking us along. So I'm traveling for free. Anything I buy is on me. And according to my students I really need a break. Not that I have to explain myself. But I didn't want to discredit the truth in my blog.

Back to the lecture at hand. We boarded out boat in San Juan. Needless to say that was no easy task. Aside from all the necessary check points they messed up our room assignment. However they upgraded us to a room with a widow. We also had to grab our luggage out of the hall in front of our old room assignment. Everyone was irritated and snipping at each other so we were off to our normal travel start. The view of Puerto Rico at night made up for it. (A few drinks helped too). The we were off to our first stop: St. Thomas. We were very touristy (and I don't usually do the tourist thing). The island is beautiful. There's a lot of high roller shopping downtown in the diamond district. No purchases for me here. Though I did manage to find something I liked better at the dock to buy. The young one did grab up some rum which we somehow managed to get back to our room. Check the pictures.

12:15 AM |


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

The Pursuit of Happiness

11:01 PM |

...journey, destination or a state of mind

Every time I go home, I am asked the question "Are you happy?" Sometimes I simply say yes unconvincingly (judging by the questioner's facial response and a condescending "okay"). Sometimes I say I'm content. Immediately I ask myself why do I always get this question. I know I carry my distaste for all things stupid, annoying and downright infuriating on my face. However, I wasn't aware that I was unconsciously displaying any signs of me being unhappy. To be honest I never really think about it. I'm just so used to just "being" that whether or not "just being" is making me happy never really enters my mind. Sadly at this point I'm not sure what will make me respond to that question with a yes.

The destination???

Unfortunately, I'm still trying to find my place. Am I supposed to be in the city I'm in? Am I supposed to be teaching? I'm always moving but I'm still stuck in the same place, same situations. That's probably because I don't know which direction I'm supposed to be moving towards. When I was in school I had a lot of pipe dreams. After graduation the real world came crashing down on me and accomplishing my dreams shattered into the reality of trying to survive. I don't even know if what I wanted then, is what I need now. And because I don't know, will I ever find that happiness? Is happiness a destination? When I reach that goal I'm supposed to have for myself, will that make me happy?

The journey???

So I began to not thing of happiness as a point in my life. My attempt was then to take pleasure in the simple joys of every day life. Be happy doing every day things and reveling in the new steps and direction (or lack there of) my life was taking me in. Then, I began to teach. And being that I look every day at the faces of the new idiots that are going to one day control my future, even little miss sunshine (which I'm not even remotely close to being) couldn't hold on to all her happiness. Suddenly my daily journey doesn't hold much pleasantry either.

A state of mind???

All in all I think we all know that happiness is really in the state of mind. Right now my state of mind is pretty clouded and jaded. To be completely honest, I don't believe I've been this cynical since high school. But I do believe that if you wake up every day with the intention to be happy, you will be. Your situations and surroundings may suck, but all in all you have that happy place in your person to retreat to. Some days it may be a lot harder to find that happy place, but it's there.

It's not to say that I'm unhappy. I don't think you always have to be an either or. That limbo of in between is where you often find the most clarity in my opinion. Happiness can sometimes lead you to looking at your world through rose colored glasses. Blinding you to the reality of your situations. While you don't want to always just exist, I don't think anyone should feel the pressure to always be happy. Not being happy is not the same as being unhappy. I don't think there's anything wrong with just being. Because when you really find that happiness, it will be much more fulfilling, appreciated and recognizable.

1:29 AM |

apparently shared by others...

10:57 PM |


10:23 AM |

THE POWER OF PRAYER friends and their religion

Before anyone completely freaks out, take time to read this all the way through before passing judgment. I know I'm stepping into tricky territory, but being that this is my blog, I want to talk about what I'm thinking right now so here it goes. I've never been one to really believe in that whole "Power of Prayer" idea. Not that I completely disbelieved it. But you see it so many times where people say "O I was so broke but then I prayed and money came to me", when really pay day finally came around. So very quickly that whole idea about the power of prayer really started to lose it's significance or true meaning. I see it more as a 'think positive, positive things will happen' type thing. You put good energy out into the universe and hopefully that will be returned to you. And usually those people who have prayed about their situations, have gone out the next day and been more proactive about changing than they were before. That usually is what makes the difference; not solely the prayer.

With that said, I have a friend who to me has always been on the overly religious side. However when you look and what she's managed to overcome by keeping her hope in her faith, I think it would be hard for anyone not to believe she believes it. She's always been one to take her problems to God in prayer. However when she and her husband were expecting their first child, their faith was really needed. As the child was developing, they noticed she had a hole in her heart. They thought that after birth she was going to have to undergo extensive open heart surgery. They prayed about it and less than 2 weeks later, the hole was closed. The baby had more problems after she was born, some related to the heart some not, but she would always tell me she was praying about it. And with out fail or interaction from the doctors a majority of her problems solved themselves. Here 2 months later, the baby is home and doing fairly well but she still has more surgeries to undergo. The mother needs to be home with her baby and her maternity leave ends Wednesday. Her husband a few weeks ago got laid off from his job. They prayed. He now has been offered and even better newer position with more benefits that will be of help to his family. This is just a very rough and brief synopsis of what has been going on in their lives. There have been countless other times where things have appeared to be going into a very bad place but the two of them have always managed to come out unscathed. When I ask how they dealt with it all she told me was they prayed. And because she is who she is, I know it's said with truth and belief, not just as a saying.

So what is it? Is it really just about praying to an omnipotent force to change your situations? Or is it really just a way to keep positive and hopeful? I don't know. She is a really positive person. Always has been. So it could just be positive karma returning the goodness she's ALWAYS put out into the universe. Whatever it is, I admire her faith. I don't know where I lost mine or how the connection got severed. I think there's something beautiful and calming about faith like that. Maybe one day I'll get that back.

12:27 AM |


There are things in life we all hold on to. Sometimes it's as simple as an old toy. Sometimes it's grudges, anger, distrust, hate and hurt. Whatever it is, there comes a point where, in order for you to move on, you have to find a way to let go. While it may not seem like these burdens are holding you down, this extra baggage you carry makes your journey a lot more cumbersome and tiring. The load you're carrying may not break your back, but if you look close enough you'll see it is slowing you down. And if you are not acknowledging your baggage, you will unknowingly pass it along to the ones closest to you.

But how do you let go? I think it starts by first letting yourself see what you are holding on to. You have to ask yourself why you are carrying this around. Once you figure out what it is you are carrying, how you let it go will be up to you. I feel that letting go is not the same as forgiving. It's also not the same as forgetting. It's not that you're telling the person that wronged you it's ok. There's a way that you can decide that you are not carrying this anymore without doing either. My process will be different that the next man's and it'll change for each situation. So there will be a way for you to. You just have to discover what it is.

I know that this all is easier said than done. There's a lot I haven't let go of either. But I had a chance to let some of what I was carrying go this weekend. I feel much better for it. Hopefully I'll be able to do the same with the rest. I recommend you all try and do the same.

4:22 PM |


11:29 PM |

...h, i, j, k, lmno, and p

Do you know what this says?

5:45 PM |

...inside a beautiful mind

Watch what an amazing autistic man can create from his photographic memory.

1:28 PM |

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL every single way

There is a principle in design called the Golden Section or the Divine Porportion. This proportion is based on Phi (= 1.618033988749895... ). What it is, is simply the ratio of the line segments that result when a line is divided in one very special and unique way. You divide that line so that the ratio of the length of the entire line (A) to the length of larger line segment (B) is the same as the ratio of the length of the larger line segment (B) to the length of the smaller line segment (C). See diagram:

What this means is that there is a division of space that makes objects more appealing than others. Those objects are usually ones that are able to be divided with this Golden Section. This proportion is found in the solar system, plants, art and architecture, DNA and the human face. Those that are established as "beautiful" usually have this proportion represented on their face with respect to the distance from the ear to the eyes, the eyes to each other, the eyes to the nose, the nose to the mouth, etc. It is the underlying reason why people are considered beautiful or their bodies considered perfect. See how to measure it out. Create a ruler for yourself and see how your object of desire measures up.

It is all too known that the standard of beauty that was set was done so based on the European ideals of what beautiful is. With the history of slavery and the domination/occupation of some of the worlds most beautiful cultures by said people, it was taught/beat/forced into our heads that what we were was ugly. Sadly even with all the knowledge we possess today (and I mean we as in ALL people of color), there can be studies done on our children that still show the preference to the European standard of beauty. And as much as the standard as evolved to include the desire to have the curves and fullness in certain parts of the body that a majority of people of color have naturally, it is still very much centered around the old standards. This is an old debate that will probably never evolve to the point where I'll begin to see women who look like me be dubbed as the most beautiful women in the world.

Which is worse: The pressure to live up to the standard of beauty or The pressure to BE the standard of beauty? I don't think I would want to BE the standard. It would still be nice to be appreciated nonetheless.

5:05 AM |

....Princess Peach better do some yoga, her man's coming!

Insomnia leads to surfing and surfing lead me to The People's Mario. Animaion done by Celarent. The way they are remaking things I wouldn't surprised to see a Mario Brothers like this on the shelf. (It would have to get out of Nintendo's hands before that would happen though. Odds...not likely).

4:55 AM |

...random picture

Remember when you told people you had a MAC and they looked at you like you just stabbed them in the throat? It's amazing how things change. Click on the image to get a closer look.

3:08 AM |

LET'S ALL GO TO THE MOVIES spoilers only trailers

There are some new movies coming out that look promising.

For the Thrillers:

Starring Hayden Christensen, Samuel L. Jackson, Jamie Bell and Rachel Bilson.

A sci-fi thriller. A genetic anomaly allows a young man to teleport himself anywhere. He discovers this gift has existed for centuries and finds himself in a war that has been raging for thousands of years between "Jumpers" and those who have sworn to kill them.

Staring Anthony Hopkins, Christian Slater, John Turturro, and Michael Clarke Duncan

This is film written and directed by Anthony Hopkins. Hopkins describes his first screenplay as "about a man, who's caught in a slipstream of time falling back on itself and he remembers his own future.

Alien vs Predator Requiem
Starring Reiko Aylesworth, John Ortiz, Johnny Lewis, David Paetkau, Chelah Horsdal

Another installment in this on going series. You know what it's about. This time the battle is on the earth's surface. This is a red banner preview so be of age.

For the Kids (and Kids at heart):

Staring animated characters

A film from folks over at Pixar. The year is 2700. WALL-E, a robot, spends every day doing what he was made for. But soon, he will discover what he was meant for. Should be good fun for all.

Horton Hears A Who
Staring more animated characters

Horton the Elephant struggles to protect a microscopic community from his neighbors who refuse to believe it exists. The makers of Ice Age have put together this one. From the trailer the animation looks really true to the Dr. Seuss style and I love that.

For the Hero:

Iron Man
Starring Robert Downey Jr, Terrance Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges and Samuel Jackson

When Tony Stark is forced to create a life support suit to keep him alive after an accident he decides to use the technology in his suit to fight crime. All you comic book heads, have you seen it? Probably. But if not here you go. What I like to point out is the bad ass Audi at the beginning and that beautiful Terrance Howard that pops up in there as well.

The Dark Knight
Starring Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Morgan Freeman, and Gary Oldman.

Batman and James Gordon join forces with Gotham's new District Attorney, Harvey Dent, to take on a psychotic bank robber known as The Joker, whilst other forces plot against them, and Joker's crimes grow more and more deadly. (Kinda sounds a little like the original). The teasers and trailers I've found really do just that: Tease. But this is certainly promises to be the darkest of the Batman series. I'm curious to see how Heath Ledger does as the Joker.

Looks like 2008 is shaping up to be a good year for movies. FINALLY!