An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, July 28, 2008


11:29 PM |

When did good enough become good enough?

Many women are put to bed as children with great fairy tales of a noble Prince Charming riding in on his white horse to rescue the princess and whisk her away to a life of love and happiness. We are told to wait for the knight in shining armor: the one. While all these fairy tales end up filling many females heads with nonsense of perfection (and I don't really believe in the one), they do teach girls to set standards (no matter how ridiculous they may be). They allow girls to decide what they want in a man and make it OK for them to begin an introspective look into what they would like in a partner. They inspire them to look for what their heart desires and wait on the one that will fulfill them. And while many woman may feel like they have settled for the one they have, they really are just compromising on some ridiculous expectations.

After many discussions with my guy friends, they are not always told similar things. Many speak of one main phrase "If you get a good girl, keep her." What usually constitutes a good girl? Domestic goddess, kind hearted, faithful, trustworthy...etc. You know, the standard. (Kinda describes a dog doesn't it?...) There is not much discussion about whether or not this "good girl" fulfills their other needs. Men are just as complex as women (sort of). They require many areas of support and have needs that are never expressed. I guess I get to her it because I am soooooooo very often "the friend". Sometimes, that "good girl" does nothing to support the other needs of that man. I mean most of the time the discussion about relationships and marriage usually paint a picture of a man being miserable anyway. Succumbing to the whim of their wives/girlfriends ever changing mood. So many choose to stick with the one they have rather than face the possibility of a life alone searching for something better. I mean they're going to be miserable anyway, right?

I can't help but to wonder why. When did settling for good enough become OK? How do you intend to spend a lifetime with a person you can not be open with emotionally, spiritually, sexually, etc? Your partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, should be as close to your best friend as possible. This should be someone you feel completely comfortable around. This is supposed to be the person that at the end of the day, when everyone else is gone, is there for you completely. Someone supportive of your dreams, keeps your fears at bay, allows you to be expressive about anything and everything in every way imaginable without fear of ridicule or rejection. Is that too idealistic? Unreasonable? Fanciful? I don't think so. If you don't feel like you can share the most intimate parts of yourself with that person, what are you really doing?

I'm not saying you have to look for perfection, because in reality that does not exist. However you have to find that one you feel like you can be yourself around, in every way. I think by truly settling, you are doing not only yourself a disservice, but your partner. They deserve to be with someone they have totally; mind, body and soul. I know there are always compromises, however that is not the same as settling. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't want to be anyone's good enough.

Searching for inspiration...

I've been missing a lot of inspiration lately. It's been affecting my creativity, my motivation and my drive. I used to find a lot of inspiration in music videos because it combined the two things that inspire me the most (music and imagery). In part it's always been a dream of mine to work on music videos in post production or even directing them. But you know...pipe dreams.... However I came across a Gnarles Barkley video that I found visually interesting. The way the director combined the dialogue with the lyrics and the visuals added such depth to the story and the feeling behind the song/scene that alone none would have been able to. So watch. But be advised, it's not for the squeamish.


8:13 PM |

Taking time to unplug....

Email, text messages, cell phones, VoIP, Blackberries, iPhones, Wi-Fi, caller id on your tv, instant messenger, 24 hour news and television. It seems like every day there are new technological advances to make us even more connected. While it makes it easier for us to connect with people across the globe, it gives those same people unlimited access to our free time. That free time that was once a chance to unwind, relax and reflect. It is to the point of addiction for some people. Those who have this nagging need to constantly be on the phone, texting, emailing, IM-ing.

I think everyone should take at least 1 hour (at bare minimum) every day to disconnect. No telephone. No TV. No computer. Do something else or do nothing at all. Give your mind some time to relax and unwind. Quiet time. Not to go to sleep, but to be awake with no disturbances. Your body needs that time. Your mind needs that time. You'll be amazed at how relaxed you feel through out the day when you takes those moments to yourself. Think of all the impulsive decisions that would not be made to your regret if you used the time to yourself to think about those things. You get a chance to remove yourself temporarily from your life and take a reflective step back. You give yourself an opportunity to refocus and reflect on what your goals are for the day, for the week, for the month, even for the year.

The world won't crumble if you cannot be reached at that very instant. It's time to chill. TTYL....

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Random Thought

11:16 PM |

In Color...

Saturday, July 19, 2008

The Answer

2:29 PM |

So you can stop asking....

So I get asked this one questions far too many times: Why don't you go anywhere? Why? Well I've got 5 main reasons why I CHOOSE to keep my ass in the house.

5. Rude people: It seems as customer service improves, people patronizing these establishments are getting ruder and ruder. There is a thing called personal space; BACK THE FUCK UP. No you don't absolutely HAVE to look at the same pair of jeans that I am looking at right this minute. And excuse me but she was in the process of getting those shoes for me. Judging by the 15 boxes you have at your bench you've been in here for about an hour so if you really wanted them you would have already gotten them already. Oh and the rude bitch who stood in the only available parking space in front of the store jabbering away on your cell phone, just be aware that the only thing that kept your ass from having metal Audi rings embedded permanently in your fat ass was the police man sitting in the median. I work in that area, don't let me catch you in the cross walk!

4. No particular place to go: Truthfully I'm not a browser. Spending hours in the mall around poorly dressed children and families is not appealing to me. I'm in a city full of couples and young families. Crying babies, public displays of affection and such just don't make me want to spend a whole bunch of time wandering around. Plus, everyone I ever knew seems to be here. Bumping into the dude I sat next to in Pre-Cal sophomore year will only lead to awkward how have you been conversations when neither of us really care. Plus, it's hot outside. My black ass doesn't need anymore sun.

3. Price of gas: Hello....

2. Bad Drivers: The traffic here is awful. Not to mention that driving here is just impossible. Cruisers-in-the-left-lane, non-signaling, below-the-speed-limit-driving, break-happy, fake-handicapped-hang-tang-having, swerving-between-the-lane-drivers! By the time I get to where I want to go I have a head-ache from frowning and all I want to do is take some Tylenol and lay down.

And the number one reason I don't go anywhere is.......

1. I'M BROKE! Things aren't free. Gas is expensive. Everything costs. Hell, even a salad is pushing $10 these days. I'm just trying to stay afloat and break free of this living check-to-check lifestyle. So until things get in order, I'ma keep it on the couch.

So there you have it. Now you know. So shut it. show is on.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Nigger is still Nigger

11:45 PM |

I don't give a damn how you spell it....

So I was thinking today about our need to try and "take the sting" out of many derogatory words/phrases. Re-orient, reclaim, re-write the meaning. In some ways owning it. My question is why? For example:

Why is it so important for black people to own the word nigger? Why must we put rules on who can say it and who can't? Regardless of who says it and how it's said it still means NIGGER. Why is it important for us to take ownership of a word that was used to degrade, belittle and dehumanize our people? No matter how many times you say it, no matter how ebonically incorrect you spell the shit it's still nigger. But that's not the conversation I'm trying to have here.

Ladies, bitch and hoe are not terms of endearment. Why on earth would you want to considered a female dog. A dog? Really? "Man's best friend". If you look at what a dog's positive traits are supposed to be: loyal, faithful, obedient..that's exactly opposite of what a bitch is supposed to mean. And hoe...aka whore...meaning 'you'll do something strange for a little piece of change' (thank you Mike Epps). Get real. There are too many rules on how you can say these words, what context, who can say it, who can't, "she don't know me like that to be callin me no...", what tone of voice can be used..blah, blah, blah....

Overall I hear this argument of taking over the use of these derrogatory words in effort to take the hateful meaning out of it. Essentially removing the power from these words. However I think in our effort to remove the hate from these words we are created generations who are racially, socially, culturally insensitive. I think this misguided effort has taken it from: these are hurtful words, don't say them, they mean this to..who cares if you say them, it's just words, you know I didn't mean it like that. This is why you have people putting "ghetto names" beside black people in yearbooks, drunken frat boys dressing up in black face for parties, hanging nooses in high school courtyards and not understanding why that was not ok.

I guess what I'm saying is that words, phrases, terms all have meaning. It doesn't matter who says it, how it's said, the underlying meaning of those words are still there. We should always be concious of how we use these words. That goes for bitch, hoe, faggot, "that's ghetto" (cringe), the ever increasingly popular "that's gay" and all others. Until we do, we are secretly say it's ok for reporters to refer to a politicians wife as a "baby mama" and excusing all other infractions. It's not that I'm being an overly sensitive liberal (Fox news can kiss my ass). It's not that I can't take a joke. Bottom line: it's not ok. Point blank. Period. Get concious and step your dialogue game up.

Comments on a video...

So today I was browsing one of my sites of interest and I came across this video by NY OIL called " Y'all Should All Get Lynched". Now of course the use of the word lynched stopped me in my tracks and the fact that it was animated made me watch. Though I'm not 100% sold on the need to use the word lynch because it has such a profound historical significance. I don't think that there is a way anyone can truly use that word without a certain sting of the actuality of that word. But nonetheless, the video I found to be visually interesting and the music that accompanied it. Take a look: