An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

4:18 PM |

...take a ride with me

So the other day I was thinking, why is it when you have a silent bathroom visit there is no other person in the facilities, however when your visit is a little less than silent and just as deadly there are people in every stall? And speaking of every stall, I think women should institute the some of the same rules men have. 1. If there are empty stalls don't sit in the one right next to me. Go one down. 2. Stop talking to me. Don't you see I'm handling business here???? And regardless of the fact that we don't technically hold anything, you still have to wash your hands. (Nasty heffas). Speaking of nasty. Why do fast food people feel the need to put the ketchup and salt packets directly on top of the fries? There's no telling where those things have been. I didn't even ask for either in the first place....

10:40 PM |

Procrastination Flow Chart
...because this is what I'm doing right now

Why I'm Not A Poet

9:34 PM | of my random poems....

I want to write like the people I see on Def Poetry
The one's who spit prose and verses so effortlessly
See when I write my thoughts get lost
Between my mind and my pen
Spelling errors
Damn gotta start over again.

I want to write like the people I see on Def Poetry
The ones who spit with so much power they pull the audience out their seats
See when I write my rhymes are flawed
Using vocabulary like I was ten
Wrong similes?
.......Or Metaphors?
Damn gotta start over again.

I want to write like the people I see on Def Poetry
The one's full of emotion, passion, sprinkled with real comedy
See my emotions are passing strangers
My wit only funny to my friends
Is that Brown calling?
......Lost my place.
Damn gotta start over again.

I want to write like the people I see on Def Poetry
The one's who spit prose and verses so effortlessly
The ones who spit with so much power they pull the audience out their seats
The ones full of emotion, passion, sprinkled with comedy.
The one's who inspire and spit so influentially.
But I realize I can only write like me.

8:40 PM |


10:56 PM |

Day Five: Aruba
the final port...

Aruba is probably the most up to date (Americanized) port we've been in. We took a long tour of the island. Only I believe it was the western half because the other half is a preserve only accessible by Jeep. There are many large rock formations on the island that if you use your imagination you can see different creatures and objects in them. One was large enough that you can climb on top of it and see a majority of the island. One beach had piles of smaller rocks. The people that visit this place, put the rocks in piles and make wishes. It's said to make wishes come true. We visited the old gold reserve and heard stories about the genocide that occurred once settlers discovered there was gold on the island. We got a chance to put our toes in the sand, did some more shopping and ate non-boat food. My parents have a time share there that is in a great location. I think next time I travel to Aruba I'll stay there. After returning to the ship we saw the NY kids we met at the bar and once again shit it down. They were rather entertaining. We made plans to hang with them the next day. The last day was spent at sea. We partied, chilled, played cards and watched movies while we sailed back to Puerto Rico. Overall I enjoyed my trip. I enjoyed all the islands, but I'd like to spend a little more time at a lot of them. I love vacationing but I hate traveling. This was a very relaxing cruise. The crowd was older (one foot in the grave older), married or coupled up, families and the activities were mostly for them. Next time I travel on a cruise I'll look for one more for my age and get a group of people to travel with. Volunteers?

10:23 PM |

Day Four: Bonaire
the beach...

Bonaire is an island in the Netherlands Antilles, and as such, is a part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands. Bonaire has consistently ranked as the finest snorkeling and scuba diving destination in the Caribbean for the last two decades. So we decided to hit up the beach. We only had 5 hours at this island and when it appeared that we may have to wait an hour or so to get a cab, my father said "Fuck this I'm going back to the boat" and it was just us girls. We planned to go to pink beach but it washed away with the storms. The beaches around the island are also topless beaches as well. The one we went to only had one topless sunbather (great cause I don't really want to see another woman's stuff). The island beaches have a shorter shoreline than what I'm use to. Laying out, the water quickly came up to get me, so I just left my soaked beach towel and played in the sea for a while. You could go our far from the shore because the water was really shallow. The part of the island we were on didn't seem really populated. It looks like they're still developing or rebuilding this side. So it wasn't too much to see, and that was good because it was my first day of real relaxation. I laid out, listened to music, put my toes in the sand, and got some sun (yes us dark people do tan and I personally like to get a little sun. My legs were rather pale). Aside from the brief showers it was really nice.

9:52 PM |

Day Three: Grenada
a cultural visit

Today was the first island I arrived to that didn't feel immediately submerged in tourism. The young one and I got up and unable to find our parents we went ahead to shore. Because we got a brochure about some awesome discounted jewelery we did some shopping at the little shore mall. We decided to go into the city and met up with our parents and walked to see a statue my mother wanted to see. The land is beautiful to me. The people are rebuilding in the wake of hurricane Ivan, but it's really pretty to me even in this over cast day. We walked the streets and I can't really describe the feeling that I got here. It just felt very natural, relaxing, and as odd to say it, like home. Like I wasn't truly a tourist there. We ate at a place called The Nutmeg. It's right on the water. This is one of the oldest Grenada restaurants. It's located on the beautiful Carenage. My mom and the young one had a roti. It was a short day at Grenada, and we didn't really do that much touring but I really enjoyed my time there.

9:05 PM |

Day Two: St. Kitts
Indecision runs rampid

So we're at a short port call in St. Kitts. St. Kitts is located in the Leeward Islands, is a federal two-island nation in the West Indies. The group we came with stated they had made arrangements for the tour of the island. We were supposed to meet him at 10. The rest of our party (including the organizers) didn't show until about 10:45. When they did arrive, we discovered that nothing had been arranged for our tour. The group babbles and talks (while in the blazing hot sun) and randomly separates. We decided to stay in the harbor and do some more shopping in the harbor area. I personally was tired of shopping and my legs/heels were really bothering me. The group dispersed and wandered the shore's shopping area until about 11:30 or so when they all decided to take a taxi tour. We were assured we'd have plenty of time to get back, shop and board the boat. The tour took us around the entire 30 mile island through the "real" parts including gang neighborhoods, public official's houses, public official's sister's house, driver's house and all. We went by the sugar cane areas, heard stories of the history and killings done by settlers, tasted Carib beer, and drove through all of the villages on the island and read about each. All in all the mountains, volcano and shoreline was beautiful. However time was ticking ticking away and departure time was rapidly approaching. My family is a little more schedule conscious than the others in the group, so we were the first to mention time was short and we needed to get back. Slowly but surely others started mentioning it to the driver, who kept saying we have time, we have time. Tension started building and soon no one in the bus was talking or making remarks about the sights. In a not so mad dash and two more very unnecessary stops later, we make it back at 2:25. Last call was at 2:30. After we boarded the boat, we had a good dinner and went to the most soulless Motown review. The young one and I went to the bar on the upper level of the ship and met some kids from NY that were pretty cool (mad young but cool none the less). The friends of our parents we went with were also up there in their drunken stupor. I think they were trying to hook me and the young one up with our new NY friends. (Mind you two of them had been drinking since we flew out of NC two days ago. ) We had some good drinks, danced a little and tripped out with them until 3am. All in all a good, long and somewhat rocky day.

12:36 PM |

attempting to have fun on the high seas

So slowly but surely the truth of my current location has come out. I am vacationing for a week on a cruise through the islands with my family (minus one sister who is getting that PhD...stop reading this and go work!). Truthfully only my job knew I was leaving. Being that I often vent my frustrations about bills and money, taking a trip seems counter productive. Fortunate for me, my parents have entered this live like a baller phase of their life and are taking us along. So I'm traveling for free. Anything I buy is on me. And according to my students I really need a break. Not that I have to explain myself. But I didn't want to discredit the truth in my blog.

Back to the lecture at hand. We boarded out boat in San Juan. Needless to say that was no easy task. Aside from all the necessary check points they messed up our room assignment. However they upgraded us to a room with a widow. We also had to grab our luggage out of the hall in front of our old room assignment. Everyone was irritated and snipping at each other so we were off to our normal travel start. The view of Puerto Rico at night made up for it. (A few drinks helped too). The we were off to our first stop: St. Thomas. We were very touristy (and I don't usually do the tourist thing). The island is beautiful. There's a lot of high roller shopping downtown in the diamond district. No purchases for me here. Though I did manage to find something I liked better at the dock to buy. The young one did grab up some rum which we somehow managed to get back to our room. Check the pictures.

12:15 AM |


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

The Pursuit of Happiness

11:01 PM |

...journey, destination or a state of mind

Every time I go home, I am asked the question "Are you happy?" Sometimes I simply say yes unconvincingly (judging by the questioner's facial response and a condescending "okay"). Sometimes I say I'm content. Immediately I ask myself why do I always get this question. I know I carry my distaste for all things stupid, annoying and downright infuriating on my face. However, I wasn't aware that I was unconsciously displaying any signs of me being unhappy. To be honest I never really think about it. I'm just so used to just "being" that whether or not "just being" is making me happy never really enters my mind. Sadly at this point I'm not sure what will make me respond to that question with a yes.

The destination???

Unfortunately, I'm still trying to find my place. Am I supposed to be in the city I'm in? Am I supposed to be teaching? I'm always moving but I'm still stuck in the same place, same situations. That's probably because I don't know which direction I'm supposed to be moving towards. When I was in school I had a lot of pipe dreams. After graduation the real world came crashing down on me and accomplishing my dreams shattered into the reality of trying to survive. I don't even know if what I wanted then, is what I need now. And because I don't know, will I ever find that happiness? Is happiness a destination? When I reach that goal I'm supposed to have for myself, will that make me happy?

The journey???

So I began to not thing of happiness as a point in my life. My attempt was then to take pleasure in the simple joys of every day life. Be happy doing every day things and reveling in the new steps and direction (or lack there of) my life was taking me in. Then, I began to teach. And being that I look every day at the faces of the new idiots that are going to one day control my future, even little miss sunshine (which I'm not even remotely close to being) couldn't hold on to all her happiness. Suddenly my daily journey doesn't hold much pleasantry either.

A state of mind???

All in all I think we all know that happiness is really in the state of mind. Right now my state of mind is pretty clouded and jaded. To be completely honest, I don't believe I've been this cynical since high school. But I do believe that if you wake up every day with the intention to be happy, you will be. Your situations and surroundings may suck, but all in all you have that happy place in your person to retreat to. Some days it may be a lot harder to find that happy place, but it's there.

It's not to say that I'm unhappy. I don't think you always have to be an either or. That limbo of in between is where you often find the most clarity in my opinion. Happiness can sometimes lead you to looking at your world through rose colored glasses. Blinding you to the reality of your situations. While you don't want to always just exist, I don't think anyone should feel the pressure to always be happy. Not being happy is not the same as being unhappy. I don't think there's anything wrong with just being. Because when you really find that happiness, it will be much more fulfilling, appreciated and recognizable.

1:29 AM |

apparently shared by others...

10:57 PM |