An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, February 15, 2010

Absences Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

12:22 AM |

Thoughts on LDRs....

Another age old question: Can a long distance relationship work? Most people are totally polarized on this subject. Either they strongly agree or they strongly disagree. I have yet to be in a conversation where someone was in the middle on this subject. Can it work? It depends.

In order for a LDR to really work, the people involved have to be 100% committed to making it work. The minute the responsibilities shift weight to one partner, the relationship will become strained and eventually topple over. If one person is always the one to travel, always the one to call, always the one to initiate everything, they will soon get tired and things will come to an end.

However, your standard Susie and Jim couple can't just enter in a LDR. Each person has to have complete trust in the other. You must be confident in your relationship and confident in the love your partner has for you. You have to be able to communicate and be honest with each other. If there is no trust, no confidence, no honesty then the LDR will not survive.

LDR's do have their advantages. You truly get to enjoy a person for what they have in their head and heart and less for the body. You spend more time talking to one another and learning about them. Each person gets to go off and have interesting things happen to them and bring the stories and experiences back to share with one another. Because you aren't able to physically be with that person as much, your mental connection has the possibility to grow and be strong. And for many once the mind is stimulated, when the two of you do meet again, the body is sure to be stimulated.

I think what people do have to understand is that LDR's cannot be a permanent situation. And if you look at it that way then anyone can make it through the long distance period. The reason they are not permanent situations is because at some point relationships need to move to the next level. Be it engagement, living together, marriage. That cannot happen when two people are living in separate cities. So at some point a discussion needs to be had about when the move will happen, who's going to do the big move, etc. Know that if one person picks up their life to move to the other, there are going to be some expectations, so be ready.

All in all, I think that with the right people, the right relationships, the right circumstances a long distance relationship can really work. But understand that it is work. If the two are committed to each other and the relationship, while it may be hard at times, LDR's can be just as rewarding as one that's not so long distance.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dating Game

11:22 PM |

Or the lack there of...

Oh, it's that time of year again. The time of year I have to work extra hard at checking my disillusionment so it doesn't become overwhelming bitterness. I'll explore that deeper later.

Tonight, I had a conversation with my sister about how we would like to go on a date. (Not with each other smarty-arty). She, being the one with the boyfriend, I would assume dates often. I usually don't ask probing questions too much about her relationship, so I don't know, but judging on our conversations I don't think it happens that much. I remember when I was with my ex-es we didn't date either. We just "hung out".

Most "date" conversations I've had with guys proceeds as followed:

So...when am I going to see you again...

I dunno, what were you thinking...

I dunno. When you wanna get up?

Let's just stop this merry-go-round right here. JUST ASK. You want to see me, I want to see you, pick a day, have a plan, ask me. Say "Hey, I got tickets to the game Saturday, wanna go and get drinks afterwards?" Or, "Have you seen the trailer for the movie [insert movie here]. Want to go tomorrow?"

Why must I get a wedgie sitting on this metal pony going around in circles on this mind-numbing ride? Don't give me this mess about how you may not know if I'll say yes or whatever. If we've even gotten remotely close to having a date type conversation, I'M INTERESTED.

So you may ask.."Why I always gotta be the one to ask you out". Answer, you don't. I have no problem planing something to do. However, sometimes I just want to feel like a lady. Court me. Wine me. Dine me. Make me feel like your proud to show me off. Make me feel like you want to share your interests with me. We don't always have to be just "hanging out".