An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, September 30, 2013

Moment of Simple

Dedicated to my old roomie...

This is dedicated to my old roommate from a long time ago back when we shared a dorm room in school. Instead of an alarm clock, I would set the timer on my stereo and wake up to 1 of two songs. The first was Method Man and Mary J Blige's All I Need. The second was this lovely tune that I probably only used a few times because the longer my stereo 'alarm' went on, the louder it turned up so by the time the beat dropped it was really REALLY loud.


Wednesday, September 25, 2013


It's my Blog-a-versary!

September is a big month for me. My birthday is in September. Parent's anniversary is in September. Got a few friends and family who's birthdays are in September. I need to renew my hosting account before the month ends. And I started my blog in September. It's the Disillusioned Black Girl's Anniversary! Well, technically it was yesterday but alas, close enough! I started this blog back in 2005. It's been 8 years. Can't really believe it.

So to honor this occasion, I'm going to write in a category that I haven't written since December of last year. This blog-a-versary post is.....


Girls in head scarfs...

This lady looks airbrushed and lovely right. Prepping for bed, hair secure and safe from night time damage. Nothing about this image says she's ready to go out in public. I don't care how much make up is added on to her face. She should never leave the house with this on her head. Too many of you think it's OK and no matter how many of us stand up and scream PLEASE STOP! You continue. So let me add my voice to the plea...

STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! I don't care what the reasoning is. I don't care if you're just going to run a quick errand, not getting out of your car, just woke up, hair not looking right. I. DON'T. CARE. You cannot rationalize or justify this behavior to me. I've talked about it once before a long time ago, and was just recently having this conversation again with a group of my students so allow me to repeat myself.

Stop it!

It doesn't matter what the iteration of this offense is. Wether it's the sleep cap with the elastic band that ruffles at the bottom, the satin scarf in all it's various shades and patterns, the mesh wrap with the velcro closure for those ladies that wrap their hair at night, or the rollers - bet not let me catch you in public in rollers - it's not ok.

There are so many other bad hair day solutions. A pony tail. A hat. An actual decorative scarf. Gel to slick the short styles down. A wig. Most Walmarts and grocery stores are 24 hours. If you're hair isn't done or presentable, you have time to get it together. There is no reason to wear your sleep gear out in public. If the task needs to be handled before you can complete your follicle maintenance routine then please see the list of acceptable bad hair day solutions.

There are so many people you have the potential to encounter on every excursion out of your house. Regardless if it's a quick run to the store or a walk out to the mailbox. You just simply never know who may be watching. So why not put your best foot forward. Plus we as Black women have so much mess and stereotypes to overcome, let's not continue to add fuel to the fire.

This should go without saying. Every woman on the planet knows that sleep caps, scarves, rollers, hair wraps in public are just NOT GOOD LOOKS!

For more advice on what you should probably stop doing immediately - take a look more Not A Good Look posts.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

What Guys Can Learn From Romance Novels

1:00 PM |

Part I: How to win a girl's heart...

So lately I've been reading a lot. And one time, unbeknownst to me, after reading several books, I found my self engrossed in none other than a romance novel. Now this is surprising for me because, though I write about relationships, I hate to watch romantic comedies, let alone read about anyone else's "wonderful" romance. (Bitter much? Yea, probably). But anyway... After the first, I read another, then another, then another. And what I've discovered is that they're basically revealing the same concepts about attraction and the art of falling for someone. Quite honestly, the concepts in these books are really guidelines about how to win a girl's heart and at the same time, what you should avoid doing if you don't want to get caught up.

Let's explore the first: How to win a girls heart (What women are attracted to).

1. Appearance:
Let's face it, women are drawn to pretty just like men are. However we have a broader spectrum of what we constitute as attractive. In most of these books the men are described as absolutely stunning. And why wouldn't they be - it's a romance novel - who wants to read about two mudducks getting it in...


Appearance isn't always in the face and body. I even read a book about a guy who had bad burn scars but the woman was still drawn to him. Often it's in the way you present yourself.  How you dress, how you groom yourself. So if you want to catch the eyes of the ladies, keep up a good maintenance routine on yourself. Find your best assets and highlight them.

2. Confidence:
Fellas, I can't stress enough the importance of being a confident man. Not cocky! But secure in who you are, what you do, where you're trying to go in life. And carry yourself in a way that displays that you know these things. That is sexy as hell.

3. Personality:
While appearance and confidence are key, the thing that ultimately draws in the female of choice in these books is personality. There are usually other men in these books with confidence and attractiveness, but they don't get the girl. Why? Because they're assholes. So don't be a jerk.

4. Security and Support:
Most of the books I've read involve some type of crime/rescue situation. But one thing I can say that women want is security. Not necessarily that you'll beat up every bad guy that comes around. We know you all aren't Batman. But what we want to know is that, no matter what happens, you have our backs. With all the chaos, and craziness that goes on in our lives, we just want to know that if we need to lean on you, you won't let us fall. Make us feel safe and you'll get everything.

5. Show your softer side:
Every man has a soft spot for something. Kids? Elderly? Puppies? Whatever it is, show it to the lady you're trying to attract. That embeds that kind and caring image into our minds. Showing your awareness to the needs of others helps women see how you'd be able to show awareness to our needs. Get it? Get it? ----Probably not----

So there you have it. The top 5 things a guy can learn from reading romance novels - Getting the girl. In Part II I will explore the top 5 things a guy can learn about not getting caught up.