An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Not A Good Look

12:30 PM |

Did you just spit?!?


Picture it ladies. You see this foine piece of man across the way. He sees you. You start walking towards each other as if in slow motion. And just before the two of you get close, he cocks his head to the hear a rumble from his chest...and *Hhhhhhhhhhhccccccc-PTooooooooo*. He lets loose a nice big ol' stream of chest snot. (Record scratch - pause - ewww).

Yea. I want to kiss that.

It doesn't matter if you are a super model or a toothless gremlin. Spitting is so not a good look. I understand that sometimes it simply must come out but can you at least do it out of sight. As in not while we are face to face having a conversation. As in not when we are walking together. Dismiss yourself for a bit and spit.

And while I'm asking. Can you spit in the grass? It's bad enough I have to walk around duck poo, low flying hornets, gum, spiders.........

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Acting Right

12:00 PM |

Ladies across the country are constantly screaming that they want a real man. Men's responses to them: You be a real woman. Each tends to point the finger back at the other when in reality they both need to sit back and look at themselves. What are you doing to allow that man to be the man? What are you doing to make that woman feel like a woman?

Ladies, if you want a man to treat you like a woman, you need to act like a woman. Be confident, not conceited. Be powerful, not a b!t&h. Be intelligent, not stuck up. Be poised and respectful. Be loving and attentive. You don't have to be docile to be a woman, and you should not be. That's not what makes a woman. You can be strong, but if that man has the ability to take care of some of the things you need taken care of, let him. Allow him to do nice things for you. Give him the opportunity to lead if it so fits. Respect yourself. How you present yourself to that man is how he will treat you. If you want to be treated with all the respect a true woman deserves, then you must behave accordingly.

Gentlemen, if you want to be treated like a man, you must act like a man. Regardless if a woman is respectful to you or to herself you must always be respectful to her; even when you walk away. You must be confident. You must at some point be about your business and handle your business properly. You have to display some form of intelligence (stupid men destroy the world). You too, must be loving and attentive. Be trustworthy and honest. Be a man of your word. Be confident but be secure enough to acknowledge the fact that you can't always do it by yourself. You are the pillar in which many family's are built upon, so you have to be strong. If you are able to do those things, in your moments of weakness, you will most certainly have a woman there to have your back.

Fellas consider this: A woman, especially a black woman, has often had to navigate this harsh world on her own. She's had to make hard decisions and take control. She will only relinquish some of that to you if you have proven yourself worthy. I mean think about it like this: If Jo-Jo never shows up to work on time, are you going to trust him to be there to open the store every morning? Of course not. It's no different for a woman. So you have to establish yourself as someone she can count on; someone she can trust. You cannot expect her to cook, clean and be a domestic and sex goddess to you if you don't do what you need to do.

Ladies please remember: A man will only act like a man if you allow him to be that. Don't emasculate your man every chance you get. Don't constantly undermine his decisions. Treating him badly, yelling, being hateful will get you no where. Being kind but never letting him take the lead role is just as bad. If he has proven that he can handle business, let him. Be secure enough to trust him. And know that if things do fall apart, you can pick up the pieces (together or apart).
Respect yourselves. Respect each other. Put good in and you'll get good out.

The cycle of expectations...

As you grow up, what you require out of a partner changes. (Or at least it should). What was good enough at 16 should not be good enough at 35. What you could tolerate at 25 you will not put up with at 40. And that is as it should be. Ideally, as a person you have matured, grown, made advances in your life that make it absolutely impossible to continue dealing with the same 'type' of people. So here's kind of my summary of the dating requirements at the various stages of life:

Teenage years:
You require nothing but a driver's license typically. And even that isn't fully required. You guys need little to nothing from the person you are dating. Everything you need right now should (in an ideal world) be coming from a parent or some other adult in your life. Too tragically for many that is not the case. But really at 16, dating should be fun. Hanging out, no cares, no worries, just the two of you enjoying your time.

Let's just be honest we all know that dating as a teen comes with teenage type drama, but it really shouldn't be that way. Too many of you young people are entering into grown up relationships with no grownup experience. Take some time and be a child. You only have a few years at this age. What do you really have to have drama over? He's cheating?? Of course he is. He's a 16 year old boy who just discovered what his ding-dong could do.... anyway... I'm off track....

College years - 25ish:
This is where the dating scene starts to evolve a bit. For many who went to school in the south, this is where you start to seek out your potential wife or husband. Your requirements here are a bit more evolved, but still have a few of the requirements of your teenage dating years. You want to get out there and meet people. Have fun. Party. And as you get towards the end of your college career and post graduation, you start to look for someone who has goals and aspirations. Someone who is starting to work towards those goals. Someone who can take this journey to the top together with you. Neither one of you have too much of anything. It doesn't even really matter if you are not 100% sure of what you want to do. But that's OK because you can get it together. We can figure it out. You help me, I help you, kind of thing.

Post 25 - 35:
Now it starts the time of standards. Many have gotten to at least level 1 of their future goals. Some are even farther than that in their master life plan. You have houses, cars, expenses, (sometimes kids). You are working towards getting to the next level in your career. So you are looking for someone who is as close to your level as possible. Someone who can add what they have to what you have to help you build your empire. Someone who has absolutely nothing at this stage in the game starts to be a bit more unacceptable. At this stage, you are way to busy and have too much going on to be dragging someone else along with you.

--These are my assumptions. I'm not there yet on the scale so I can't really speak from experience. But this is what I will be doing when I hit those ages--

At this point, you either have all of what you want or you are really super close. So why on earth would you waste your time dealing with someone who has nothing, or is still struggling to make it? You've been there and done that. You're ready to be happy and comfortable. That doesn't mean you're settled in and not moving about. It just means that you don't have time for drama, excuses, or empty promises. I think here, you're looking for more stability.

Post Mid-life:
This is the stage I think it reverts back to your teenage years. You just want to have fun. You're fully settled in. You need no one for anything really other than companionship. So as long as they aren't in the relationship for your money, you have no problem dealing with someone who doesn't have anything. As long as they treat you well, support you anyway they can, and are someone you truly enjoy spending time with then it's all good for you.


Essentially, your requirements from your potential mate are yours and yours alone. However, regardless of what dating stage you are currently in, you must have standards. It is not cute to be in the street at 40 trying to pull out another 40 year old's weave because you caught her sleeping with your man. At some point you have to simply put away childish things. Don't put up with bs just to have someone to lay beside at night. Love yourself enough to know what you will and will not tolerate. If you expect more from yourself at certain ages, the you must expect more from the person/people you choose to spend your time with.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Random Thought

1:08 PM |

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

No One Else

11:58 AM |

You can only talk to me, me and me....

You know the saying 'if you've never met his friends or anyone from his family you are not his girl'? Well what about the opposite? What if your girl or guy never wants to meet your friends, never wants to meet your family, AND never wants you to see them either. What does that mean? (they're crazy)

This whole, 'it's me or them' attitude is crazy to me. Removing 'distractions' from a relationship will only help in certain contexts. Sometimes, the reason you are not getting the time you want or feel you deserve is because they simply don't want to give it to you. Honestly, if you're relationship is so fragile that it can't take your partner having their own life, no matter what you do it won't survive. And that has nothing to do with the friends or family. So you can try and pull him or her away from them as much as you want to, but you still may not get what it is you're looking for. Besides that, it makes you look childish and insecure.

Even if the family and friends are of an unfavorable crowd, who are you to tell another grown person who they can or cannot hang out with? Especially when it comes to family. Regardless of how bad they are, it is your partners responsibility to deal with them. If the person you are with starts to see family and friends as a problem, and you mean anything to them, trust that they will handle that. You are not a dictator, not a warden, often times you're not even the wife or husband. You can suggest they distance themselves. You can even restrict the time you spend with them. But you simply cannot force your partner to not associate with people that were there before you existed and will be there long after you're gone.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Moment of Simple

12:00 PM |

Working for the weekend...

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Not A Good Look

12:07 PM |

The wanna-be model...

You've seen these chicks. The appropriate model height. Crazy skinny. Squared off, man-like, jawline. Arm out cradling a purse with their noses up side-eying everyone's outfits behind their big, bug-like hater shades. Frequently rude. Inappropriately conceited (because many are just not cute). Always thinking every guy who says hello to them is sweating them. Why? Because, they're a 'model' *hair flip*. Let's break this look down, shall we?

The Body Wave Weave:
The wanna be model uniform almost ALWAYS includes a bra-strap length body wave weave. The weave looks like it is straight out of the package: never combed, never properly separated.
Typically jet black. It is always parted down the middle. Always. Often the wave of the weave starts just above the ear, leaving the top part of the hair flat to the scalp. Depending on how the girl takes care of the weave it can either be quite greasy looking or super dried out and starting to frizz.

The Mid-Drift Shirt:
Apparently the wanna-be model uniform this year includes a loose-fitting mid-drift showing shirt. The shirt can often be in the shark-bite style (shorter in the front, longer in the back) or 80's style (off the shoulder with the bra strap showing). Luckily this girl is 'naturally' skinny so you'll usually see no flab around her middle. (Doesn't mean the belly is toned by any means). And sadly, at least in my opinion, the belly button often looks a bit weird. Not all the way an inny. Not quite an outtie. Just weird looking. Sometimes, the wanna-be may forget to handle her um..happy trail. So there may be some whiskers showing.

The Skinny Jean and the Peep Toe Platforms:
To complete this look, the wanna-be will almost always be sporting a pair of low-rise, skinny jeans and peep toe platforms. Since she is a 'model' the shoes will usually be fabulous. Not necessarily appropriate for whatever it is she is doing or wherever she is going, but hot shoes none-the-less. Legs are of course ultra skinny but often bowed with the accompanying pigeon-toed stance. Often these jeans can be swapped out for a ultra small mini-skirt, but that is just for kicks. Fortunately for us non-models, the visible thong is no longer the thing to do, so we will not be seeing g-strings peeking through. Just a whole lot of crack cause apparently it's cool to go commando these days...(yea, my eyes are rolling).

This is not a good look for many reasons. Number 1: The look is played. Do something else. Number 2: Many of our gender transitioning brothers adopt this as their go-to look. In other words, you are often mistaken for a man. Number 3: The rudeness and self-centeredness that often comes with this look. You are 'trying' to become a model. In other words a wanna-be. So who are you? There is more to life than being cute. And unless you are being paid for your cuteness, you need to stop treating it like it's your occupation.