An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, August 29, 2011

Moment of Simple

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Not A Good Look

1:00 PM |

Pleated pants.....

Dear men of the world,

It is no longer acceptable for you to adorn your lower body with pleated pants. It doesn't matter the brand, the color, the length, the position of the pleats, if they are in fact 'back in style' - Just Say No.

While the pleated pants do offer a bit more space and coverage for your valuables in the front, it generates one of the top unappealing physical traits (in my opinion) on a man: Man Hips. Pleats make your waist look tiny and your hips look big. Giving you a curvy silhouette that should only be reserved for a woman's body.

Now nature will often bless you with a curvier lower half than most. Especially if you're brown. Can't fault you for that. And to be honest, there's nothing wrong with a man who has just enough junk in his trunk. Us ladies like to peer at that too. This is why you should find fits and shapes that make you look sophisticated and streamlined. I cannot stress enough how important it is for a man's dress clothes to be fitted properly. Failure to do so makes you appear a bit immature and unprofessional. And no woman wants that.

So gentleman, while you're out there shopping for you latest look remember to look for flat front pants. Because pleated pants and man hips are just not a good look.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Dating ≠ Smashing

1:00 PM |

Can a man just date a woman?

SO, let me pose a question:

If a guy says that he's dating multiple people, do you automatically assume he has a legion of fuck buddies?

I ask this in reaction to something I read in a comment on a video about dating and being single. The person commenting basically assumed that since this person was casually dating multiple women, he was in fact fucking them. All of them. And randomly gathering new ones weekly.

Is that really what you think about when someone says they're dating multiple people? That this dude is really just out there poking his stick into a bunch of random chics? Is that what dating is to you?

I think it would be nieve for us to believe that men were not out there having random sex because many do. And even guys who are dating has those he is actually sleeping with. But, I think it's shallow to reduce all men to that most primal and doggish level. Just because a man is out there dating, it doesn't mean that he's just out there smashing everything that moves. Think about how many times you've done dinner and a movie with a guy and didn't give him the goodies. You could have seen him several times after that and then ended things without ever having sex with him. So why not think that (some of) the girls this guy is seeing are doing the same thing?

Not every guy out there is chasing scandalous chics. The girls he's dating could be just as respectable and 'good' as you are. And if he's being honest with you about seeing other people, it is not unreasonable to assume he's been just as honest with them. We need to give guys a bit more credit. Otherwise, we could miss out on a guy that is really great.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Acting Right

12:00 PM |

The weekend is here. For many of you that means it's time to hit the clubs. Before you head out best dressed like a million bucks, let's discuss how to behave at a club or party (these rules apply to both).

Rules for the Ladies:

#1. Be respectful.
It is important to remember to be respectful when denying dances and advances from men. Unless that man gets rowdy with you, there is no need for you to jump off rowdy with him. Even if he does get ignorant, just find your group and walk away. No need to let a sorry man ruin your good time or take you to a less than lady like place.

And just so you are aware, protocol dictates that when you refuse a dance or a drink from one man, it is improper to immediately accept a dance or drink from another man. Not saying just because you deny one you can't accept from another the whole night. Just don't bounce the guy on the left to get with the guy on the right.

#2. Hold your liquor.
If you can't drink, don't drink. I'm all for going out, getting 'nice' and having a good time, but it is sooo not cute to be the sloppy girl in the club. Too much alcohol only leads to foggy memories of late nights, regrettable early mornings and vomit on your shoes.

#3. If you don't want to be there, then don't be there.
There's nothing worst in the club to be the girl with the shit face on the entire night. Hating on every song the DJ plays. Not dancing. Not drinking. Just out there on the floor being miserable. If you got to the club and it didn't turn out the way you expected it to, then leave and go somewhere else. If you don't feel like going out that night, it's better to just stay home. If you hate the clubs, then don't go to the clubs.

#4. Don't be a tease.
Ladies, boo'd up or single, often like to go to the clubs just to get out. We want to dance, drink, listen to good music and hang with the girls. What's important to remember is that 99% of the time, that's not why guys are in the club. They are there to see you ladies. Holla at you ladies. And if things go well, smash you ladies. If you are out just to have a good time or are already taken, don't spend the whole night with 1 guy dancing, accepting drink after drink, being all sexy-flirty on the dance floor. He's spent the whole night trying to get something to pop off with you when there was no chance. Don't do that.

Rules for the Fellas:

#1. Be respectful.
If you get turned down, let it be. Even if the girl is rude to you. Just push on. There are way too many chics out there for you to waste your time getting fresh with this lame chic. The only girls who don't like a well-put together, smooth man are chics you don't need to be dealing with.

#2. Ask a girl to dance, don't just pounce on the booty.
It doesn't even have to be a verbal asking like back in the day. Most will settle for eye contact, head nod and a frontal approach. Nothing is worse than having a 220 pound, sweaty unknown man suddenly grind his junk all on your, back breathing hot Hennessy breath on your neck. And if all you can do is grind, you can't dance boo-boo. If a girl moves away when you start all that, don't keep pulling her back. You may just get smacked. Remember rule #1.

#3. Don't be a looky-loo.
Just as you hate girls with the shit face on all night, we hate guys that post up at the wall and stare you down all night. I'm not talking just standing and not dancing. I'm talking about straight up stare down. Never approaching. Never buying a drink (not even another for yourself). Just standing up against the wall, sipping through the stirrer, watching. If all you want to do is drink and stare at the T&A - go to the strip club.

#4. Have a good time.
Nothing is more attractive than a man who's out enjoying himself. Laugh. Dance. Drink. Get silly. Have fun.

Those are just a few rules to consider before you nights out this weekend. As always: Respect yourselves. Respect each other. Put good in and you'll get good out. ♥

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Random Thought

12:52 PM |

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Look Out For:

12:00 PM |

The Taker...

We all know that every relationship involves a bit of give and take from both people involved. Sometimes individual wants will need to be compromised in order to fullfil the needs of the unit. But, if you stop for a minute, you may notice you're the one always giving in.

The Taker is very good at what they do. They have an excellent game. If they didn't, many of us would sniff out their digging ways quickly. Takers will often give you just enough to make you think that the relationship is even, when it really isn't. They'll distract you with good sex or affection or other things to take your mind off the fact that they're just no-good. Now many people associate Takers with gold-diggers. That's a shallow way of thinking. Today Takers want more than just your money. Takers want your time, your self-esteem, your dignity, your pride, your goals, your soul.

The Taker will monopolize all of your time, while giving none of theirs. For example, if you've ever called up the person you are seeing when they are busy and they don't come to you, but if they call you they throw a fit when you don't drop everything - that's a sign. Takers will always expect gifts for holidays, birthdays and other special occasions but your gift is never even remotely comprable (if you receive one at all).

And while we're on this gift thing: Fellas. I know many of you like sex. But sex is not an acceptable 'gift' when you've just drop tons of money on a Valentine's Day gift, birthday gift, etc. No matter how freaky it is. Get your standards up! That's how girls get over.

Takers will argue you down in public, make you worry about unnecessary things when you need to be focused on your business, take you away from family and friends to separate you from some of your strength and support, try to make your world exist only because of them. A Taker only truly values their own wants and needs and as long as you can give them what they want they'll continue to stay with you.

If you do find out you are with a Taker, be prepared to fight to cut them loose. Takers don't go down easily. They can be some of the most vindictive and manipulative people out there. Cut them off completely. Make sure there is no longer a way for that Taker to get in. Be strong.

Relationships should not be blinding. Take some time. Keep your eyes open. Pay attention to the signs. Remember a person will always reveal their true selves. You just have to be watching to see it.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Moment of Simple

12:38 PM |

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Random Thought

12:54 PM |

Sunday, August 7, 2011


12:00 PM |

And do something...

Black people I'm tired. I'm tired of all the talking. All the complaining. All the 'planning'. All the 'demanding'. All the rhetoric. All the promises. All the colloquialisms. I'm tired of 'Fighting the Power'. Tired of being 'Black and Proud'. I'm tired of holding my fist in the air. I'm tired of fighting the war or drugs. Tired of pulling up my struggling black brothers. Tired of all the conferences. Broke from the conventions. Worn out from donating my time. Exhausted and feet swollen from marching.

Where are we going?

Black people: Stop with the marches. We've marched for black men. We've marched for black families. We've marched for black women. We've marched for hunger. Marched for Aids. Marched for dimes. Marched for the Coby show. We've taken the concept of the historic March on Washington and bastardized it's meaning by marching for the sake of marching.

Now you can say you're doing all of this to raise awareness, but raise it to whom? Everyone who's in attendance knows what the problems are. When are you, as the supposed leaders, going to take all of this momentum, all of this rhetoric, all of these words and do something about it? When are we going to stop talking about our problems and do something?

We're all aware. We all know what the problems are. We no longer need to 'shine a light' on ANYTHING. We need to make some solid plans and execute them. We need to determine what our official end game will be. We need some freaking realistic and tangible GOALS. With out those we'll be marching around in circles for the rest of eternity.

So I'm sorry. If you don't plan on doing anything more than talking, I need for you to really shut up. Stay off the networks. Get off my radio programs. Don't send me emails. I can't get behind another rally. Another march. Another protest. I'm not buying anymore fucking buttons. No more bumper stickers. No more bootleg t-shirts. It's time to get our shit together and fucking DO SOMETHING.

Saturday, August 6, 2011


7:58 PM |

No one wants complete honesty...

Most people will say that when they're looking for a mate, one of the key things that person must be is honest. And while there is a great beauty in pure, unadulterated honesty, we all know that we honestly don't want to hear everyone's honest thought, opinions and comments.

Ladies, can you imagine what you actually may hear if your man was completely honest with you all of the time? Think of all the questions you ask him:

Do these pants make me look fat?
Didn't you have fun at my mom's house?
Isn't my new hair cut cute?

If the answer is no, I doubt you really want to hear it. I mean of course you'll say you do.....but...really. Come on now.

Fellas, same goes for you. Think of all the questions you ask your girl:

Whose is it?
Do you like it?
Did you c.....?

Do you really want to you?......Cause we really can tell you.....

Didn't think so.

Really what people want out of their mate is trust. The two are not mutually exclusive so by asking for a trustworthy person you'll ultimately get some honesty there. When you ask for trust you can believe that when it's appropriate to be honest they will be. Trust that when they're not honest, it is about the little things, done so to prevent offending the one you love or hurting feelings. Trust that when they are honest that they're not doing so to be mean or rude, that it's only for your benefit. I think that's what I'd prefer. Because everyone can be honest, doesn't mean they're all trustworthy.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

You Are Not My Daddy

2:39 PM |

Not calling you that either...

Riding back to my house today after work the oh so lovely local radio station decided to play that song 'Wetter' by Twista. If you're not familiar with the song be thankful, there is basically a woman singing:

"I'm callin' ya daddy, daddy
Can you be my daddy, daddy
I need a daddy, daddy
Won't you be my daddy, daddy"

Ok. I have a daddy. And even if I didn't have a daddy, there is no reason I even want to think of him know...all of that is going down. That's incest. Get that patriarchal meat. *shudder* That's sexy??? The only way you'll get me to call a man I'm with daddy is if I'm talking to my kids about their daddy. And only when I talk to the kids that are say under 10. Outside of that....not gonna happen.

That does it for you fellas? A grown-ass woman whispering give it to me daddy in your ear? What the fuck?

And while I'm at it, don't call me mommy either. I will never be your mommy. Don't want to be. I don't find that cute, sexy, hot, none of that. How about we leave the parents out of our bedroom all together. Not even pictures. Cause even with the lights off...there eyes will be there.....

I'm just saying....

Monday, August 1, 2011

Moment of Simple

6:29 PM |