An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Friday, December 31, 2010

Auld Lang Syne

9:00 AM |

Happy New Year...

Usually at the end of a year I think a lot. I get extremely introspective and I think mostly about my life, where I'm going, what to do next. This year, I did not have too many thoughts. Mostly because I think, for me, the end of this year was more about decisions than reflections. While the when is still developing, I no longer have to think about the what.

So this New Year, I actually have no resolutions. And I must say, it feels good. For those of you who are making New Year's Resolutions, I'd like to give you a few words:

1. If you didn't do it last year, take it off your list for this year. It's not to say that this won't be the year you'll finally do it. I'm just saying that repeatedly putting an item on the list that you never finish can make you feel unaccomplished at the end of the year. You want to feel better as a result of these resolutions, not defeated.

2. Make your resolutions realistic. Too often resolutions are these pie in the sky type dreams. I'm not saying not to aim high. Just make sure that what you are trying to do is actually attainable.

3. Make the resolutions about you. Not about someone else, or what others can provide for you. The responsibility of resolving these resolutions is yours and yours alone. Depending on someone or something else for your success is a losing move. Be a bit selfish this year and make your resolutions about you and how you can improve yourself or the lives of others.

4. Don't be to hard on yourself. For many of your resolutions, working on the resolution is just as important as finishing it. Resolutions are supposed to make you a better and happier person. So if you look back at the end of the year and feel good about who you are and what you've managed to do, then you've succeeded.

So toast it up tonight and eat your (ham), black-eyed peas and collards tomorrow. I hope everyone had a happy holiday and I wish you nothing but success in 2011!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Moment of Simple

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Random Thought

11:59 AM |

Monday, December 20, 2010

Moment of Simple

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Not A Good Look

10:39 AM |

What are you contacting her for?

Ladies, hear me. There is absolutely no reason, at all, what-so-ever, for you to EVER make contact with the 'other woman'. Don't let these R&B songs mess your head up! Unless that other woman was one of your so-called-friends, she has ZERO allegiance to you. She doesn't know you and apparently doesn't give two ish's about you either. She might not even know about you at all. If your man is cheating, you address it with that man. Period. If he refuses to leave that, or any other woman alone, then.......

It is up to you to decide what you will and will not put up with. If you decide to stay and he doesn't make a change, then you decide to put up with his dealings with the other women. If you waste your time running one off, what's to say that he won't find another. What are you going to do? Spend the rest of your life in that relationship chasing off women cause your man can't keep it in his pants?

Even if this woman is a predator and is pursuing your man against his wishes, it is up to HIM to stop her advances. He is a MAN. He needs to be able to take care of his business.

Bottom line, calling up these other women, sending them "he's mine, you may have had him once but I got him all the time" emails, just makes you look STUPID. (And if you put it in an email you're writing your dumbness to be printed, forwarded and shared for the whole world to see how stupid you sound). And we all know that stupidity is simply not a good look.


On the Sixth Day of Christmas
Time Warner gave to me....
Six hours of movies,
Four excessive tardies,
Three absent co-eds,
Two unfinished projects,
And a grad passing class with a C....

(to be continued...)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Why You All In My Grill??

9:42 AM |

Really, dude....

I completely understand that men will look. Doesn't mean they love you any less. Doesn't mean they actually want the woman they're looking at. They just like to look. Men are stimulated visually. It's just what it is.

But I mean, really dude, I need you be better at it. Women look all the time. But what you don't often see is a woman staring dude down. They get their looks in and are on to the next one before you even know what happened. It's polite. It's quick. They log it in to the memory and are on their way. If you catch a girl looking it's because she wanted you to see it and either she doesn't give a damn what you think or she is trying to prove a point.

Men? Not so much. I need you to be quicker. More discrete. This way, you don't put the girl you're looking at into an unnecessary situation with your girl cause you're eyes are too slow. Look, blink, keep it moving. Don't stare. You should not be able to tell how many fillings I have in my mouth while you're girl is decompressing after her hard day at work. (FYI I have no fillings, I'm just saying). Play it off. Find something in her general direction that you can pretend to look at so when she catches you looking (which she always will) so you can at least try to fake like your looking at something in her general direction. It won't work but at least you can try.

Give the girl her face back! Get your game up pimpin'! Your long stares are just drama waiting to happen.


On the Fifth Day of Christmas
My PEOPLES gave to me...
Four excessive tardies,
Three absent co-eds,
Two unfinished projects,
And a grad passing class with a C....

(to be continued...)

Friday, December 17, 2010

12 Days of Christmas

2:50 PM |


On the Fourth Day of Christmas
My students gave to me
Four excessive tardies,
Three absent co-eds,
Two unfinished projects,
And a grad passing class with a C....

(to be continued...)

How to enter a room...

This is something that has annoyed me for a very long time. So I have complied a list of things that you should be at least conscious of when entering a room, a building, a hallway, etc.

1. Get off the phone.
When you are about to enter a room or a building, any phone conversation should be wrapped up as to not disturb those in the building or the room. At the very least you should consider placing your caller on hold until you enter the room and observe the situation or lower your voice while continuing your conversation. This way you don't disturb anyone that may already be in there. Many times you are going someplace that would require you to interact with other people. It's common courtesy to end your phone call, handle your business, then call the person back.

2. Use your inside voice.
There is no need to shout or be loud in a hallway, room or building. I am standing less than 5 inches from you. I can hear you. If someone is at the end of the hallway and you need to get their attention, you can attempt to speak louder, but you should never yell. Speed up your pace until you catch up with them. If you miss them, then you miss them. You'll catch up with them later.

3. Be aware of your surroundings.
Notice where you are at all times. Are you in front of your boss' office? Entering a classroom with the lights off and projector on? Are you entering a common space where someone is speaking over a microphone, possibly doing a presentation to an audience? Modify your behavior accordingly. If you have to take your conversation to another area as to not disturb what is going on in the room/area you've just entered then do so. Don't be rude.

4. If the door is closed, it's closed for a reason.
If a door is closed, that could be an indication that you are not supposed to enter at that time. You may have to ask for permission to enter the room or notify that you are attempting to enter with a knock. Either way there is a reason for the door to be closed and you should not just roll up in there without invitation, notification, or politeness. Also, if you enter a room where the door is closed, be sure to close it behind you unless you are prompted to leave it open.

5. Never barge into a room. Enter it.
Just don't be rude, be respectful and be aware of where you are, who you are with and adjust your behavior accordingly.


On the Third Day of Christmas
My students gave to me,
Three absent co-eds,
Two unfinished projects,
And a grad passing class with a C...

(to be continued...)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

12 Days of Christmas

12:42 PM |

On the First Day of Christmas
My students gave to me
A grad
Passing class
With a

On the Second Day of Christmas
My students gave to me
Two unfinished projects,
And a grad
Passing class
With a

(to be continued...)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Random Thought

11:30 AM |

Monday, December 13, 2010

Moment of Simple

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Random Thought

12:00 PM |

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Who's The Better Communicator?

12:00 PM |

Men or Women...

True or False: Women are better communicators than men. Many would say true. Well, forever being the antagonist, I have to disagree. Just because women are more open to talk and more open to share doesn't necessarily make them better communicators.

Men will often tell you exactly what they are thinking. If they say they're thinking about nothing, they 95% of the time really and truly mean nothing. If they say they like it, they do (or at least do enough not to get themselves in trouble by saying otherwise). The only time they don't really say what they mean is when they are really uncomfortable talking about whatever the subject may be. For whatever reason. Remember part of a measure of a man is being true to his word and standing by what he says. So for the most part, if he says it (and he's a man and not a punk liar) you can believe he is communicating exactly what is on his mind. If he tells you nothing, and I mean nothing. You can't get him to speak up or out about anything...then there's a problem. And not with communication.

Women on the other hand may speak more, but I feel they often fail at communication efforts. For example, some will say we want a man to be the head of the household yet undermind his every efforts to do so. Some will say we want a man to be adventurous in the bedroom then freak out if he tries something different. I think, in general, many women don't know what we really want. We can be quick to see what we don't want, but explaining what we do want can be a struggle. We often have a tendency to send mix messages. Yet get mad when the man doesn't understand. Fall back on the whole, 'you know what I meant' idea. When really we don't even know what we mean.

Women, because biologically we are more emotionally charged beings, do have a tendency to fly off the handle. When we get mad we can shut down when things don't turn out the way we want. Ignore things we don't want to hear. Close ourselves off to other opinions. Yell, scream, throw stuff. How is that communicating?

Please believe this is not meant to apply to all men or all women because we know statistically there are variants in every population. However, if I am looking at the blanket statement 'Women are better communicators than men', I just honestly have to disagree.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Moment of Simple

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Not A Good Look

10:14 AM |

Bottoms down....

Getting sloppy-slurry-fall down drunk is never a good look. But when you're about 21-24ish it tends to be a bit more understandable. Most are still new to drinking. You're in college (or at a college party or the like) getting it in. You tend to expect it a bit more. However, when you past the age of 25, there is absolutely no excuse for not knowing and respecting your limit.

Let me just say for ladies, this is really not a good look. It doesn't matter how cute you are, how smart you are, how much of the perfect girl you are the minute you drop your drink on his lap or you have to lean on this strange guy (who through your bottle goggles you think is cute), you are now 'that' girl. And trust, you don't want to be 'that' girl.

Fellas....I can't really say I have any expectations for you guys on a night out...cause...well..... Just don't get out there thinking you're Kimbo Slice. Don't turn into the creepy stalker in the corner. Don't turn into Mr. Touchy-feely.

I'm not saying don't get out and have fun. You can get drunk if you want to. Have at it. But I don't care how cute you are, taking a stumble in your stilettos, getting bounced out of the club for brawling, getting completely sloppy every weekend is just not a good look.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Why Love Now?

11:10 AM |

The million dollar question...

If you're familiar with the Millionaire Match Maker, Patty always asks her millionaires 'why love now?' That is such a great question that so many people aren't asking. It really makes you think about if you are ready for love and the reasons why. I think it helps to really push some reason and logic into a very emotional process.

That is a question anyone out there looking for love or about to get serious with someone should ask themselves. Why, after either such a short time or a long time, love now? What makes you think that you are ready to make a commitment? What makes you think you are ready to be with just that one person? What, after all of the previous relationships you've had, makes you prepared to enter into a new, long-term relationship? What is it about you and your lifestyle that makes you prepared or ready for love?

Focusing in on yourself and your current position in life will help you focus in on your wants and needs in a mate. You'll be able to eliminate those suitors who are really not good for you, and you'll be able to realize when you have exactly what you wanted. So maybe before we enter into our next relationship we should be asking 'why love now'?

Friday, December 3, 2010

Acting Right

10:50 AM |

Appropriate Christmas shopping behavior...

It's that time of year again. Time when all common sense, compassion and chivalry go out the window and pure, unadulterated animalism takes over. That's right. Christmas sale shopping is upon us. If you're reading this, you've managed to survive the running of the bulls (also known as Black Friday). Congratulations. I hope you made it out with great deals and all of your teeth. With only 21 more shopping days left until christmas, I thought I should go over a few things before you go out and hit the malls to finish up your gift gathering.

1. Just park already. It makes no sense to circle and circle and circle. Do you know how expensive gas is? You've already spent more time circling the lot for a good parking space than you would have spend in the mall. Accept it. You'll have to park in the back. Just log it as exercise in your work out journal. It'll help burn off all those Christmas goodies you'll be eating up anyway.

2. The 30 second rule. This is what I feel is an appropriate wait time when you want to look at something someone is already looking at. You've been in the store for the last hour and now all of a sudden you need the 1 thing I'm looking at right at this very minute. WAIT! There is no need for you to reach in front of me to get something when I'm about to move in like 2 seconds.

3. Don't block the isle. Stores are crammed to the brim with stuff to buy so the isle size has gotten substantially smaller. Find an appropriate place to park your cart (or yourself) so that you are not directly in the flow of traffic. You want to stand in the middle of the isle and look at people cross-eyed when they bump into you and knock all your stuff over. Move b!$&#... get out the way!
--Side Note--take 2 seconds and walk your lazy butt to the cart return or back to the store too. No need to leave it in the empty parking space. That's just rude and inconsiderate.

4. Don't push or shove. Come back tomorrow. Ask when the shelves will be restocked. Most of the lack of stuff is just a ploy by the store anyway to make it seem like it's a dire situation, when they know they have 20 boxes back there. Don't let this season make you loose all of your godliness.

5. Open those isles. This is for the workers and stores. You have 50 isles. Open them up! Why is the line wrapped around the building while your workers are in the back playing Pictionary in the toy isle? And if you've been hired to be seasonal help, be of assistance. If you know nothing about your store or your section, how are you helping me? We are trying to handle business here. Spending an hour in line for a product it took only 5 minutes to find is not good customer service.

Learning not to lose your mind during holiday shopping will make the experience as hassle free as any other day. Remember the Golden Rule and just be a good person when you're out there in the trenches.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


12:00 PM |

What they are and why you need them...

Haters. We've seen them. We've had them. But do we need them? The short answer is yes. To further explain this we need to know what a Hater is and where the hate comes from.

This is a word that is often used incorrectly. A hater is not someone who is mad cause you stole her man/woman or anything stupid or trivial like that. They just hate you and probably for good reason.

True 'hate', in this context, is derived from a form of jealousy. Jealous over what you have accomplished. Jealous over the things you have managed to obtain. Jealous over who you are dating. Jealous over you in general. Often this hate or jealousy can be displayed in words, faces, and attitude.

Most people would like to do away with all the Haters because, yes they are irritating and can be hurtful. But the only reason you have haters is because you've managed to accomplish or obtain something that the Hater has not. Good for you. Haters are just another way of letting you know that you're doing something right. Because let's be honest, no matter how good you are, how nice you are, how much you give back, you can always fine a hater in the corner.

At times, a Hater will take their hate for you and try to make you hate them. That's a great thing. Feeds the well of competition and has the ability to make you and those around you better. It's always good to make your Haters your motivators. Those are good haters. A bad Hater will hate because they don't have the drive or the self esteem to get up and make something of themselves. Those you can continue to just ignore and let them hate.

Remember, the only people that are liked by everyone are those that are silent. So don't be afraid to get out there and make some noise. Get your haters up.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Random Thought

10:30 AM |

Ah, technology...Gives people a new way to exercise their bitch-ass-ness.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Watch Them

11:00 AM |

Signs that they're not right...

We've all done it. Ignored a side comment. Passed off a repetitive action for a one time occurrence. Made excuses and concocted reasons for why a person does or says what they do. Later you realize you may have missed some warning signs, and now you're left feeling used, hurt and mislead. And no matter how much we push it away, IT SUCKS!

I'm a firm believer in the idea that people will always, ALWAYS show you their true intentions. You just have to be open enough to see it. Unfortunately, so many of us want something to so bad, we're able to will away the warning signs. So just to take a look at a few that should just not be ignored:

No Time.
I taked on this once before. A man or woman who is really into you will make you a priority. MAKE you fit into their schedule. MAKE time to call or talk to you. If they don't, walk away. They're playing.

Cancels, Cancels, Cancels.
If they are always canceling on you. Bounce. This goes inline with the no time thing. You have a calendar. You have a clock/watch/phone with date and time. A few cancellations with rescheduling here or there...fine. Always canceling with no word on when you'll reschedule...problem. If I've cleared out my schedule to fit you in, you can respect me enough to do the same. If not...deuces.

Fair weather/Mr. or Ms. Magic.
You guys go hard for 2 weeks then all of a sudden it's like you're playing Where's Waldo (and everyone's got on a stripped shirt). Then they want to resurface weeks later like nothings happened. No, no. Unless you were out in the mountains having tea with the Uni-bomber you have a way to reach me. (Hell, when I was out in the middle of the ocean on a cruise I still got phone calls). Constantly pulling a disappearing act is a big red flag. Even if there's nothing wrong between the two of you, there's SOMETHING going on there. That is not OK. Plus, that tends to perpetuate the idea that you'll always be there no matter what. Have they earned that?

And lastly an honorable mention (cause I'm tired of this same old song)....

Look, if you run into a guy or girl frequently and they're like call me, email me, text me, hit me up and then they never respond. STOP TRYING TO TALK TO THEM! (Light bulb moment, I know, how insightful). Even if the conversation goes like this:

You: oh I hit you up the other day and you didn't respond
Them: oh I didn't get the message, dang, well look I'll be home today call me...


Fuck them. Seriously. They're playing. Unless your driver's license says Sony Playstation you are not to be played with. Remember, you love and respect yourself. Respect yourself enough to not put up with the bullshit.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Moment of Simple

12:00 PM |

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Not A Good Look

It's called a comb, invest it one...

Black women, please hear me. You MUST...STOP...strolling public venus in your head scarf, rollers, and house shoes. I don't care if you're just running to the store real quick, about to get it done or hell even going to your own mailbox. Take 2 seconds, and take the scarf off and put on some real shoes. You don't even have to comb the wrap down (but you do have to take the silver pins out). This look is not cute!

If it's not done, put it in a pony tail. If it's too short for a pony tail either get some gel and slick it down or go buy a hat. Do what ever it is you have to do so you're not roaming the streets looking like a field hand from Roots.

And this also goes for the leggings and the too small t-shirts on the behinds that don't need to be in spandex as well. Put it all together and you got a hot mess just click-clacking all around the grocery store. Meanwhile, I gotta stand there in the line embarrassed cause the uppity 'others' are looking at me like - get your girl - when they clearly don't understand that we don't all know each other. Your mama should have taught you better and if she didn't let me just tell you that all of that is just NOT A GOOD LOOK!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Acting Right

12:48 PM |

Thanksgiving protocol...

Ah, Thanksgiving.... A wonderful time to gather together with loved ones and friends and give thanks for all the things you have, reflect on the year and enjoy good food and good company. I thought it'd be only fitting to give some guidelines for next year to help make each and every Thanksgiving (or other family gathering) fun and free of social faux pas.

1. If you are in the immediate family of the one hosting the gathering, it is your responsibility to either: help cook the meal or assist with any of the final preparations (but only if you can cook), arrive early to assist with the set up - clean dishes, set up tables and chairs, etc. or stay late and assist with the clean up. The only exception to this rule is if the elders or the host tell you to get somewhere and sit down. In that case you should do as ordered.

2. If someone was there last year, but is not there this year, don't mention it. While this can be applied to any family member, this is most applicable to in-laws, girlfriends, boyfriends or fiances. Sometimes ignoring it can be the best thing. Trust me, some one will pull you into a corner and get you in the loop later.

3. Be on time. If you're late, you'll be hungry. When the family says they are eating at 12, they mean it. Hands will be joined at 11:50 for prayer. Prayer will end at 11:59 and plates will be filled at 12. Whether you're there or not.

4. Wait until all people are sat and fed before you come back for seconds....Greedy....

5. Let the old people be old people. Let them argue with each other. Let them tell you 15 different ways to do one thing (which will ultimately not be what you were trying to do in the first place). Don't fight back. Don't disagree. Just nod your head and say yes mama, no sir and keep it moving. They've earned the right to be that way.

6. Just enjoy each other. Have fun, play some games, sit, talk, eat and reminisce. Time is fleeting. Enjoy the moments you have with each other while you can.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Giving Thanks

6:21 AM |

Interrupting your regularly scheduled ranting...

While I'm waiting for my sisters to get up so we can leave for my Grandmother's house for Thanksgiving, I thought I'd take a moment to say thanks. We all know that we should do this more than one time a year, but at least this is a day that we can take some time and really focus in on the good parts....

So thank you to my family. Always down and supportive and a good kick in the pants when I needed it. Thanks to my sisters for being sisters. I know I can count on you guys for any and everything. We've had to climb a lot of mountains to get to this point and I'm happy we made it.

Thanks to Carole, for giving me a chance. I was really stuck and truly at my limit when I was hired. I was broke, frustrated and starting to become unsure if I would make it after graduate school. I don't think I ever truly thanked you enough. So really and truly thank you.

Thanks to my boss man, Professor Locs. If you haven't checked out his blog you are truly missing out. You motivate and inspire me every day, not just on the job but with my writing and creating. I've learned a lot from you over the years and truly appreciate you. The work you do with the students is above and beyond the call of duty (many don't even care to try).

Thanks to all of my people! My friends, hommies, girls, boys, everyone who's been there for me over the years. You guys get me laughing when I need it, let me decompress, give me plenty of things to think (and write) about and are just truly good people. We may not talk like we should but we know we appreciate each other.

Thanks to my students who inspire me and piss me off on a daily basis (sometimes, simultaneously). You give me reasons to keep doing what I do, reasons to quit and do something else, reasons to create, study and be better. I can't wait to see what you guys will become...

Well, I think I've been nice enough for today. Tomorrow, it's back to your regularly scheduled program. But for real. We all know that times are hard. People are frustrated. Things may not be ideal. But if you look hard enough, you will find plenty of things to be thankful for. Even if you are thankful that you're not the dude sitting next to you, that's something...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Random Thought

12:00 PM |

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Know Your Role: The Jump-Off

11:00 AM |

"My jump-off is not insecure or jealous..."

It has been a good 2 years since the last installment of the know your role series. This time we are back to discuss the rules of engagement for the jump-off. For this role it is vitally important for all those involved to be aware of your position and play them accordingly, because this is probably, by far, the most misinterpreted and dangerous role. Therefore, I'll be as direct as possible.

As a jump-off you must understand fully that you are NOT the girlfriend/boyfriend and should not be expected to be treated as such. You are not required to listen to any conversation that expands beyond either a) pillow talk or b) hook up arrangements. You are not required to buy you any gifts or celebrate any holidays with each other. You are not required to spend a scheduled amount of time with each other. (In other words be ready when needed but don't expect to be called in.) You are not required to go out to eat together unless it part of the pre or post hook-up ritual. (Please be advised having extended contact with your jump-off outside of the bedroom can lead to a development of feelings and generate a potential for future complications.)

Both participants in this arrangement must be conscious not to overstep their boundaries. Remember, he is not your man and she is not your woman. Neither should engage in behaviors that would lead the other to believe that they are anything other than a jump-off. Failure to comply with these regulations could lead to property damage, a waste of tax payers dollars and unnecessary aggravation.

Because of the nature of this position, it is imperative that those wishing to apply and those reviewing applications, do not accept those with insecurities. This will help reduce the possibility of jealousy issues that often occur within this position. It is also to be understood that your jump-off has the ability to freelance and accept other contract jobs. There is no binding contract to you.

Those deciding to accept the position of the jump-off must do so with the understanding that their time in this position can be a short one. This position is easily filled and turns over quite frequently, so it is also very important that security procedures are followed to the letter and appropriate background checks are performed before hiring. On very rare occasions, some jump-offs have been successful and making the transition to the girlfriend. However, those deciding to accept the jump-off position must be aware that this type of advancement is not guaranteed.

Remember, no role is permanent. Just make sure your behavior gets you a promotion and not the pink slip.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Moment of Simple

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Not A Good Look

11:30 AM |

"I sent that bitch a smiley face, bitches love smiley faces".......

I'm sorry but I really hate to see a man on a cell phone. I'm not just talking abut doing some business, or checking voicemail or making appointments or things of that nature. I mean when I see a man glued to his blackberry, chatting it up with his boys or texting like a high school teenager.

Since when did it become cute for a man to be huddled up in the corner whispering into his phone? And at 6:30am? Who are you talking to?? I've always been bothered by a very chatty man. I just don't really find that attractive. But more and more these days I just see everyone from business men to 'yo' boys strolling down the block yacking away to the mystery person on the other end of the line. (My Aunt's definition of 'yo' boys: The dudes on the block with the pants off their butts shouting 'yo, yo, yo' all day).

Please fellas, understand that excessive texting and cell phone use in public for purposes other than business tends to make you look very feminine. Because of this, I encourage the women in your lives to be conscious of your current location and try not to pin you on the phone for hours on end when you're out in public taking care of business. Ladies, if you need to see what time he's picking you up, or a quick text to say hi or whatever, that's cool. In short, fellas, save all that conversation about baby-mama drama, silly chics you split the night before, game-time discussion and pillow talk for the home and in person. Cause doing all of that out in public is just not a good look.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

The People

11:17 AM |

dedicated to all the homies....

This is for my people who have people. The down since you were low to the ground people. The ones who had your back when you were still pushing your grandaddy's cadillac people. These are the people who accept you flaws and all. The ones who no matter how much time has passed are still there to be your rock, your shoulder, your dude. The ones who will drop everything to help you out. You know....your PEOPLES.

Now take a minute and think about how you would feel if you called up one day and that person wasn't there. If you're not truly affected by that thought then they really weren't your people to begin with. But if you are a bit shaken up....good.

I think it's easy to neglect or forget about those people who are always there. Simply because they're always there. But what you have to remember is the same support, shoulder, acceptance they've given you, they need as well. They need to know you are just as much their peoples and they are you peoples. That no matter what, you've got their back. And if they don't feel that there, and the relationship stays unbalanced for so long, don't think they won't up and leave you.

Kinda messed up right? To think that someone wouldn't be there for you because you weren't there for them. But why would they be? How long do you think someone can go on being used up before they decide they don't need that kind of friendship in their lives anymore? They won't leave with hate or anger. They may not even truly 'leave' at all. You may not even notice it's happening. They just will slowly stop being that dude you can always rely on. Slowly stop doing whatever you need when ever you need it. They'll just slowly start to phase themselves away and one day they'll be gone....

Then what.....

Friday, November 19, 2010

Acting Right

12:00 PM |

Fight or flight: how to behave in hostile situations...

Ok ladies, it's time to get real about arguments/fights. When the situation has gotten beyond heated. I'm talking seriously furious at each other and you are totally unleashing on your man. I warn you to be careful. While we have 'evolved', or whatever, the natural instinct of mammals is to fight or flee. If you corner your man and don't let him leave you are eliminating the flee option. Are you ready for a fight?

It's been my experience that if a man has to walk away from an argument, LET HIM. It keeps the two of you from saying things they really don't mean, keeps him out of jail and keeps you out of the hospital. When the situation has defused to a reasonable level, and if he still gives a crap about you, he'll be back. Under no circumstances should you block a doorway and try to prevent your man from leaving. Especially if you are still yelling and throwing stuff at him.

Please remember you are first and foremost arguing with a MAN. And you have to take into considerations all that being a man means. There are only so many things that the male psyche can take before his manhood begins to be challenged and he feels the need to retaliate. Wether that's going to be verbal or physical is totally dependent on the man. Majority of men have such a great control over themselves that they'll NEVER escalate to hitting a woman. But EVERY man has a limit. And if you choose to be the bitch to push that limit be prepared for whatever comes after that border is breached.

Too many women try to hide behind that "a man can't hit a woman" thing and think they can do any and everything to their man. No-no, sweetie. Understand that if you plan on throwing punches like a man, be prepared to be hit like a man. Please keep your hate-filled comments because trust that I'm not saying that it's right nor acceptable. But in what world do you think you can wail on another person, woman or man, and expect not to be smacked back?

So, in short. As hard as it may be when you're angry and yelling, you all know the natural limits. In the middle of a heated argument, don't prevent your man from leaving. Guys don't prevent your woman from leaving, either. Let things calm down to a level in which you guys can talk out whatever the situation is. Arguments should never escalate to where it gets physical. And you should never get so angry that you will say or do anything that could wreck your relationship. Be smart. Be respectful. Be good.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Victim of the Game

12:32 PM |

Just some thoughts for my girls...

So you thought you met a good guy. You go out, he calls, says all the right things and you think, "you know what...I think I kinda dig this dude". And it happens. Your guard starts to come down, and now you've gotten caught up in the game. And before you know it, Mr. Good-Guy becomes, Mr. Typical. He got you, now he's gone.

Ladies, you have to really start giving guys more credit. They are not as dumb and society wants us to believe. Many of them are very cunning and quite manipulative. They know just what to say, do, wear and who to be, to help them accomplish whatever goal or plan they have in mind for you.

A guy's mind is like an app store. If their goal is to get as many numbers as they can for that night, they have a plan for that. If their goal is to get a little cutty, they have a plan for that. They have a game plan to approach the unapproachable woman in the corner with her wing girl. They have a plan to approach the cute one in a group of gorillas. They have a plan to scoop up the hot mess drunk girl at the bar. They have plan to get the girl who's just out to have a good time. Bottom line, they have a plan to get you.

I think women, especially the strong, independent, good girl types, don't believe that they can be sucked up by the game. When in actuality, it happens to them more than they are willing to admit. And while guys like a sure thing, they LOVE a challenge. Many will hang on longer than normal just to see if they can win. And once they've got you, they got you.

A true man, when he realizes what he has, will stop playing these games and show himself. The rest will continue to drive long after the foul was called. What you have to be able to do is recognize the game players and suit up to play too. And if you get got, then just give it up to the game. And when you've lost too many times to count and you're ready to just give up on the game, look to the stands, I'm sure there's a fan that's been there waiting to meet you.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Random Thought

10:11 AM |

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


What are you holding on to?

During the new year seasons (my birthday and christmas), I feel a need to start over and try something else. You know, hit the proverbial restart button. So, at least twice a year I the 'new me' process starts by me going through the motions of getting rid of all this CRAP I have around my house. However it seems like no matter how much I purge, how much I give away, how much I throw out, I still have so much STUFF! And I get stuck. I return to my same routine and never finish what I set out to do. And I started to think...

How can you start anew when you are still hold on to so much stuff? As I began to put things I forgot I had and never use back into bins and boxes to keep, I had to stop and ask myself why I am still holding on to this stuff. Often there are things that we hold on to for a reason we don't consciously know or refuse to acknowledge, that prevent us from moving on. Look around your space. What are you holding on to that you really don't need anymore?

And it doesn't have to be literally stuff. Some of us are holding on to partners, friends, jobs, even family that we really don't need to have in our lives anymore too. But until we're able to figure out why we're holding on to these 'things', we'll never be able to get rid of them. Ultimately, this leaves us stuck.

This weekend I found out my reason. Ask yourself, what's yours....

Monday, November 15, 2010

Moment of Simple

12:00 PM |

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Ask A Black Girl

10:39 AM |

  1. confessdbgirl

    Why do tall dudes always check short chicks?! I mean do you like bending over to kiss your date... hmmmmm.

    So my mind went to three different places when I got this question so follow me on my train of thought:

    One: It's not so much about bending over, as it is about physical versatility. I mean why do you think they make short, petite girls the tops of the cheerleading pyramids and the flyers. Short chics give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'smack it up, flip it...." well, you can finish the rest.

    Two: In all seriousness, I think it could be a part of the male need to feel like a protector and provider. The height difference can provide a sense of security and protection for the women. And this is something I think a lot of men like to be able to do for their women. Since most women today have just as much as men, if not more, being a traditional 'provider' isn't as necessary as it was before. For a short girl you can be a provider in new ways. Like, provide access to the high shelves.

    Three: Besides, it takes a strong man to date a woman, period. And truthfully many are just punks and intimidated by a woman who can stare him down.

    Got a question? Want an honest answer? Ask me.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Doing Too Much?

6:30 PM |

Cutely Interested vs Creepy Stalker....

If a man you weren't remotely interested, in popped up and showered you with unexpected, unrequested gifts, what would you do? Would you be flattered and impressed? Or creeped out and concerned? Back in the day when men were interested in pursuing a relationship with a woman they would send love letters, wine her, dine her, buy gifts, etc in an effort to earn her affection. In other words, court or woo her, even if it appeared that she may not have as much interest in him. Back then, it was cute. Today, you'd be a stalker.

Sometimes, I think guys feel like they can win a woman over. Buy her enough gifts, show her enough interest and she'll bow down. You'll show her you're interested. She'll hate you. You continue to pursue her. And then one day after a horrible life experience, you'll be there to comfort her. She'll look at you like she's never looked at you before and it'll happen. She's now and forever yours . That's how they do it in the movies, right?

Truthfully, if you are giving unwanted advances, no matter how sincere, you are really just doing entirely too much. There is a very, VERY thin line between interested and stalker. Regardless of the degree of attention a woman needs to feel wanted, no woman wants unwanted attention.

So what do you, a guy, do when trying to win the heart of a girl do? Do you just give up? Stop trying? Or wear her down? You have to respect her wishes, whatever they may be. There could be an opportunity in the future to win her heart. However if you keep pushing, you'll permanently lock that door. If you've shown that you are interested, trust that she gets it and if she's interested she'll show you. If she's not interested, then she's just not interested. Get the message and back off.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Moment of Simple

12:00 PM |

Among other things...

This evening I went out to see the Tyler Perry adaptation of the Ntozake Shange play/book For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf. I left the movie with a lot of thoughts. Not so much about the film but about us as a people and black movies in general.

First, I must say that I enjoyed the movie. I had read the book and was curious to how Tyler Perry was going to pull this off. (If any of you have seen the play or read the book I'm sure you were probably wondering the same thing). Though Perry deals with some dark topics in his movies, I didn't know if he could be true to the pictures and images created by Shange's words. I clearly blocked some parts of the story out of my head (all which came rushing back to me at the appropriate places...if you've seen it you can OMG with me). I think that if you are unfamiliar with the stories or the nature of the play/book there will be parts of it that are a bit confusing and dialogue that makes no real natural sense. But in general, I can truly say that I enjoyed watching it.

However, when I left the movie I felt so heavy. My spirit was just tired. This is where my mind went: So much of the Black experience that gets told are stories about triumph out of pain. Success over all obstacles. Unity in times of peril. I think we spend so much time explaining and celebrating our strength in times of hardship that we forget that our strength was there long before the hardship even existed. It is because of that pre-existing strength, versatility, courage and faith that we were able to survive all of these years.

Please understand that I'm not saying that those stories don't need to be told. We have to keep those stories alive or else they'll become dusty, fogotten pages in the history books. What I am saying is, we have to find a way to celebrate our lives in general. We need to show that it's OK to be happy. It's OK to have an 'easy' life. It's OK to be OK. I believe those who fought and died for us to live this 'equal' life did so to make it OK. The entire black experience cannot solely be summarized by oppression. Nor can we say everything is WONDERFUL, cause we know it's not. We (just like EV-ER-RY-THING) need a balance.

And please believe that balance does not come in the form of a wedding, reunion, or funeral movie. I saw yet another wedding movie trailer. (Looks interesting but really....) For some of the most creative and innovative people we recycle the most tired ass story lines. We just cannot, CANNOT have yet another wedding movie. We just can't. Nervous groom, crazy, panicked bride, evil mother in law, crazy groomsman, man hating, jealous bridesmaids, reconnecting with old loves, resolving past unfinished business..I get it...we all have country cousins, hood cousins, sididdy cousins, broke cousins, lazy cousins, thieving cousins.... Funerals can quickly become a hot mess if not clearly controlled...I get it.... let's just sum them all up with a "haha, oh! no she didn't, awww, two snaps in z-formation, oooooh".... Feel good? Great...let's do something else.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Questions

12:28 PM |

What you don't know could hurt...

I've always found it interesting that many people spend years together or get married, only later to realize that they have virtually nothing in common with the person that was supposed to be their soulmate. Sure they may both like rainy days, chocolate and the color purple, but what else do they have in common. Why is it that people don't talk about the real stuff until it's too late?

I know that in the beginning of a relationship you tend not to want to be bogged down with the serious side of life. Things are great when a relationship is new. The flowers smell sweeter, sky is bluer, them farting in front of you is funny and cute. But when the flowers are dry and the weather turns cold, will those small things keep you warm?

At some point, couples need to have the tough conversations and make smart observations. How does he/she handle their finances? How do they handle conflict? What are their views about raising kids? What does it take for them to be happy and comfortable in their skin, with their life? Do they have goals in life? While these questions in the beginning don't really matter, if the relationship grows, these could be deal breakers. And though some opinions can be changed, no one should go into any relationship thinking they can manipulate the other into bending to their will.

Though they may say love is blind, they never said it was deaf, mute or dumb. Even a blind man has a walking stick to keep him from bumping into doors or walking out into traffic....

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Random Thought

1:11 PM |

Friday, October 29, 2010

Acting Right

8:48 AM |

The Culture of Lateness...

As I sit on the brink of having three 8am classes to teach next quarter, I have to explore this late culture that has developed over the years. I know that today more than ever people have more responsibilities, more commitments, just more things to do in general. However, that is no excuse.

In what world is it OK to arrive anywhere one hour or more late? What makes you think that I have nothing else to do with my time than to sit here and wait on someone to get here? These are classes, appointments, meetings that YOU have agreed to. It's not like the times just snuck up on you. You agreed to take this class, set up this appointment, scheduled this meeting and commitments need to be scheduled accordingly.

Now I do understand things come up. People have families and kids that can't always be scheduled. However, I'm not talking about those late people. Those late people have actual justifications and many of them will contact the person they are meeting. I'm talking about the people who are consistently oversleeping, always stuck in traffic, always late for no real reason.

Fix it. Get up earlier. Leave earlier. Set several alarm clocks. Do whatever is necessary. I'm up late. I have things to do. But I got here. Because while you may not intend for your lateness to be perceived as rude, disrespectful, inconsiderate, self-serving, self-absorbed, it can come off that way.

Remember. To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late. To be late is......

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Moment of Simple

7:00 AM |

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

No Time

11:28 AM |

Too busy for everything?

So often I hear complaints about how the person they are interested in is always busy or doesn't have time to call, come over, etc. Listen...

I personally believe that's a cop out. Think about all of the things you make time for during the day. There is always time to send a text, or make a quick phone call to let the person you are interested know they are on your mind. The same way you schedule meetings you should be able to schedule time to hang out with that person. Sure you may not be able to have dinner with this person every night, but if you are really digging someone, you should take the time to let them know that they are still important to you even when you are busy.

The problem is, most people feel like you have to spend 24 hours a day with a person, have 4 hour conversations, be in contact all the time, know every single thing the other person is doing, etc. in order to make a relationship flourish and that's not the case. In the end people just want to know that they are thought about, that they are appreciated, that they are loved, and the amount of TIME you spend with a person has nothing to do with making them feel that way.

The only people in my opinion who don't have any control over their time are those in the military. Even then, those who are apart from their loved ones find time to write letters, make them the first people you call when you get a chance, and come see you when they are on leave.

To say you are too busy to call, or you don't have time to hang out means that you are truly not interested in the other person, in my opinion. That or that person isn't really a priority for you right now. If that's the case then just put it out there. It may seem harsh but saying you've been too busy is just crap.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Acting Right

2:00 PM |

Bathroom Protocol (For women)...

I've heard stories of appropriate bathroom etiquette for men, such as rules governing use of the urinal, making eye contact, looking, etc. I believe it is important for women to also have a set of rules governing what is and is not appropriate public restroom behavior. Here are a few things to keep in mind when using the women's public restroom (without giving away too many secrets or being too gross - we're all grown here).

1. No talking across the stalls.
I know many of us have a tendency to go to the restroom together. We have things to discuss, garments we need help shifting back to the right position, exit strategies to plan. However, once one enters the bathroom stall conversation should pause until said person returns to the sinks. This way one person does not have to shout to be heard and other ladies in the restroom do not have to be in your private conversations. For once, consider the stranger in the stall in between you and your friend. Trapped on the porcelain trying to handle business while you discuss why you busted the windows out of your boyfriends car last night. * Awkward*

2. Hang up the phone
This goes hand in hand with the no talking across the stalls rule. So aside from the keeping people out of your personal business aspect, we bring all kinds of purses, bags, sometimes cups, in to the restrooms with us. Not to mention the hover, hold skirt up, balance, dance that must take place. How do you have the hands to continue on with a conversation? At some point that phone gets contaminated. If not, you surely run the risk of dropping that thing in the bowl. Plus, it echos. You don't think the person on the other end knows you're in the bathroom. Just tell then you'll call them right back, stow the phone safely, and take care of business.

3. "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat"
Do I need to explain more? Also, if you've gotten all kinds of make up residue in the sink after your afternoon touch up, wipe the sink off too. I know all public restrooms get cleaned by the janitors but they are people too. Be considerate.

4. Dump trash appropriately
If the trash cans are completely full, there is no reason for you to put your towel on the floor. Or the sink. I know your mother taught you that. Most of you anyway use the towel to open the door to get out. Just dump it in the next available trash receptacle and keep it moving. Once again janitors are there to do a job, they are not your maid.

5. Flush, damnit
I'm sure we've all be in a restroom that has a stall that just doesn't quite flush right. But here are a few things you may not know.

A) The toilets with the metal leavers that flush when you press the lever down, will also many times flush when you push the lever up, back or forward. So if pressing down doesn't work try another direction.

B) Automatic toilets ALL have a manual flush option. It's a little button on the back usually near the motion sensor. If it doesn't flush when you get up, just press the button.

Bottom line. Use your common sense, home training, and be courteous to the others who have to come after you.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010


11:32 PM |

Thoughts on the eve of another birthday....

Another year has past. Another year older. Another year wiser. Several lessons learned. Typically the night before my birthday I cycle through two things: intense self-reflection and evaluation and euphoric happiness and calmness.

Currently I'm pretty calm. All in all the last year was a good one. I like who I am. I like what I do. I'm progressing towards my goals and making time to just live my life. Of course, it wasn't with out conflict, frustration or aggravation but the good outweighed the bad. I gained a lot of my old self back (but don't worry, my job is good for my anger management, development of tact and patience...HA!). Really for the first time in a while, I can truly say that I'm happy with where I am right now and I'm more focused on ever on where I want to go. And as always I'm thankful to those who have helped me, listened to me, pushed me, (aggravated me....pimped me...pissed me off....cause you gave me plenty of topics to write about), and cared about me.

10 minutes to go.....Happy early Birthday to me!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Why Stay?

8:10 AM |

I hate her so much...I really do...

You've seen those couples. The ones who have been together so long but are absolutely tired of each other and are clearly unhappy with their relationship. The ones who begrudgingly go to couple outings and make their required public appearances. Those who then flee as fast as they can, as far away as they can, for as long as they can just to get a bit of peace. Only to return to the one they no longer want to be with but can't seem to leave.

Why do people stay in relationships when they are miserable? The school of thought is that these couples have been together so long they have become totally co-dependant. Everything in their life involves the other person and to leave would cause such a disruption that they risk losing literally EVERYTHING.

I completely sympathize. After all, when you spend years and years with a person, you don't ever imagine that it's going to end. You also try to do everything in your power to make it work because that's is really the right thing to do.

I see the possible misery that could come from a split. Especially if it doesn't end as amicably as it should. Even if it were to end on good terms, just being around each other would be difficult. Remember, their lives are totally co-dependant, so avoidance of each other would be a great inconvenience. Plus, family members and friends would be placed in awkward situations during get togethers, bbq's and other various gatherings. It's almost more of a hassle to part ways than it is to just stay together.

If there was a way to be happy, even if that meant starting all over or run the risk of being lonely, I would do it. I would also feel better about starting over after 10-15 years at 30ish than I would starting over after 25-30 years, 3 kids, 2 mortagages and a dog at 48. However, I also can't imagine putting myself in a situation that so completely and totally involves merging my ENTIRE life with someone so much that I couldn't easily exist on the outside on my own. To some I guess the thought of starting over and being alone is worse than being with someone they can no longer stand. Doesn't really make sense to me, but I guess to each his own.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Assumptions That Can Get Your Feelings Hurt:

7:49 AM |

Part One...

1. That I want to see you when I'm not doing anything or have a day off.

Just because I tell you I'm doing nothing doesn't mean I want to talk. Just because I'm sitting at home on the couch doesn't mean I'm bored. Just because I'm bored doesn't mean I want to be entertained. To assume otherwise and to constantly insist I do something or bug me can lead you to get your feelings hurt.

2. You buy a drink I must have a conversation or exchange numbers.

First, who doesn't like free stuff. You're offering? If I want it, I'm taking. Now I'm polite (and I like my life and there are so many unstable crazies out there) so I will engage you in conversation. However my acceptance of said drink does not obligate me to give you any information about myself nor does it bind me to you for the entire night. To assume other wise can lead you to get your feelings hurt.

3. I'm not smiling. That means I'm angry.

Honestly, that's just how my face falls. Can't seem to help it. I am not that person that's just smiling constantly. When I do that means I am really having a good day. If I'm not, that doesn't mean I'm upset. However, if you constantly ask me what's wrong I will start to get irritated. Which will eventually make me angry because not only have you annoyed me to the point of anger, you have now reminded me of something, somewhere I probably should be angry about. That alone will lead you into a conversation that will lead you to get your feelings hurt.

4. I'm smiling so I'm in a great mood.

For me, that's true typically. Unless I'm discussing something you didn't do, did do that wasn't appropriate, or something that is very seriously bothering me. If I am in the process of 'fussing' you out, you want to see my smile. Then there is hope. The smile keeps me from completely unleashing the dragon on your ass. If the smile leaves, cover should for sure be taken. So depending on the context, assumption that my smile means joy could lead you to get your feelings hurt.

5. Those who flirt and interested.

Sorry guys. Many women just like to flirt. Some do it maliciously with the intent to hook you. Has nothing to do with their interest in you or not. It sucks. I know. Men do it too so it's not like it's only a woman thing. Either way, assumption that flirting = interest is a BAD assumption and will SURELY lead you to get your feelings hurt.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Just One Thing

3:08 AM |

Everything but the kitchen sink...

As I was driving home from work today, I turned to the Michael Baisden Show for a brief moment, just in time to hear them discussing a letter written to them by a listener with a serious question. The writer stated in her letter that she was in love with this man. He was basically perfect in every way. He was great with the children, managed the household and finances, treated her know all that great stuff. However, the one area he was lacking was in the bedroom. She was asking wether or not to go get herself a "maintenance man".

Of course there were several comments, some comical, but it did get me to think. She is not the only one in that situation. It has been said by many women before that they don't know what to do because they have this great man but is just not satisfying their needs. So many seem torn as to what to do. I just don't really understand why.

First of all, if this is your man, your love, your everything, why can't you talk to him about your needs? Now trust, no man wants to hear that he's not satisfying you, so the conversation can be awkward. But every man wants to be king-ding-a-ling in bed, and many, given the chance, will do whatever it takes to make you see him that way.

The problem is, most women LIE. They want to pretend and get it over with. THAT is what messes up many women's sex lives. You can't blame your dude for not satisfying you when you keep telling him he's doing everything right. How is he supposed to know?

Don't think your man can't learn to please you. Remember, they were all virgins at some point, so it's not like they can't learn. Now if you've told your guy what you want, and he just refuses to do it, then you have a larger problem that just sex.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Moment of Simple

12:16 PM |

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Big Time Attititude

3:05 PM |

"damn black women are so hard to put up with".....

I thought about several ways to address this statement. Some explored some of the characteristics that are typically associated with a "difficult" black woman. Some explored the notion that all women of all races have the ability to be difficult. But really when I look at it, it's not about the woman. The issue is that many times, the brothers that are making this statement are just.......what's the word I'm looking for..........

Let's just be honest, men who make these blanket statement have a history of choosing difficult/bitchy/crazy women. And if they were to go outside of the black woman and date someone else they'd probably still be having the same issues. (Remember Bill Bellamy's character from the movie "The Brothers"). You picked her. You looked at her and decided you'd make your move. You 'dated' her (and I use the term loosely because let's just be honest most black people don't date). You decided to make her your boo. So then...what's wrong with you?

And then there are those who make these statements, because they are just honestly trifflin'. They simply don't want to put in the effort into making a relationship work. I'm not saying relationships have to be hard. Because they shouldn't be hard. It's about effort. What are you willing to give so that the other can be happy and what are they willing to give so that you can be happy. Too often, these 'black women are difficult' brothers just don't want to do shit. If you're not doing anything to please her, what makes you think she's going to waste time pleasing you?

And then there's this whole rah-rah about how 'black women always have something to say'. You want a dumb chic. Get a dumb chic. You want someone who doesn't say anything or talk back, go date a mute. (Even then the mute chic might get at you with her sign language).

Bottom line is, if you feel that all black women are bitches, then you're only dating bitches. If you fee like all black women are gold diggers, then you're only dating gold diggers. If you feel that black women are difficult then you're only dating difficult women. Be honest. There is enough diversity among black women that you can get your push over, your bitch, your servant, your sugar mama, your....whatever it is you want. Stop generalizing, and check yourself dude. When you sit down and look at it, the problem may not be her....

Monday, August 2, 2010

"New Love"

10:01 AM |

Boo vs Leech....

Show me a man that went from being a professional or a good student, lively, prompt, dedicated, dependable, etc. to flaky, depressed, stressed, inconsistent, etc. and I'll show you a man caught up in this "new love". While it affects both genders, new love is this strange phenomena is seen most commonly when in a man enters a relationship with a woman and his professional life and personal life go to shit. Usually indicated substantial and sudden changes in personality and habits rendering a once good individual into a shell of his former self.

Now I get it. When a relationship is fresh and new you want to spend all your time with this new love. Nothing else seems to matter. It's all about that person. However, the first time you have to sit down with the big man in charge (boss, teacher, parents) and atone for your fuck ups should be an eye-opener and often it's not.

At some point you have to determine wether or not this person has your best interests at heart. It's very possible that the woman you are with is suffering from this new love phenomena just as much as the man is. If that is the case then the two need to sit down and really make sure that what they are doing doesn't distract or deter either from important things in their lives.

However it's important to note that not everyone that says they love you actually loves you. Not everyone has your best interest in mind. There are plenty of women(and men) that like to attach themselves to successful men(or women), suck all the marrow out of their bones and leave them brittle and broken on the side of the road. That's the leech, the succubus, the soul-stealer, the man eater. That's the kind you have to watch out for. And TRUST they are everywhere! If at any point your new love encourages you not to do something that a) makes you money b)keeps you from doing important work or c) keeps you from spending time with your family (even if your mom has a re-occuring role on Maury) that is a HUGE red flag.

In short, if a person is down for you, they are down for you. That includes your studies, your paper chase, and all of the other things that were important to you before you boo-ed up. And your true 'boo' will do NOTHING that prevents you from being successful. Remember EVERYONE shows their true colors, you just have to be awake enough to see them.

Side note to the fellas: If your girl is trying to run you, tell you want to do, keep you from handling business.....GROW A PAIR, and tell that chic BACK UP and let you HANDLE YOURS!! BE A MAN!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Not A Good Look

9:58 AM |

Cover it girl....

I'm probably alone in this, but, fellas, unless you are doing a before and after photo for P90x, taking snap shots of yourself topless in the bathroom mirror is not a good look. Every time I see one of those I immediately hear the voice of Right Said Fred singing "I'm too sexy for my shirt..." and the photo looses any sex appeal it was supposed to convey.

So you're probably asking:

1. Well girls do it, so why is it so wrong for men to?
EXACTLY. Girls do it. Let's be honest. It's a part of being a girl, getting dressed up, spending hours in the bathroom to come out looking fabulous. So of course we're going to take pictures. Remember we are the master/inventor of the arm out self portrait. And let's be honest, sometimes no one can take a picture of us, like we can. This is one time the double standard works in our favor.

2. Well how am I supposed to show all of this fineness to the ladies if I don't take it myself?
I'm not saying you can't take it yourself. Use the timer, do the arm out self portrait if you have to, use one of the photos your friend took while you were at the beach or the pool. Just don't prop yourself in front of the bathroom mirror and take it. The position your camera/phone has to be in, in order to get the photo, leaves you positioned in a non-sexy way. Think about it: position your arm here, turn your hips this way, point the flash this way, tilt up, counter is too high..step back.... By the time you're done, the pose is anything but natural. Plus, to me, a man trying to be sexy isn't very sexy at all.

Remember, ladies have the ability to sniff out the sexy. You could have a 3-piece suit on and a woman would be able to tell what you are working with. Trust me. So if you gotta do it, so be it. But in my opinion, male shirtless mirror photos are just honestly not a good look.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Random Thought

9:11 AM |

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Just A Friend

10:23 AM |

Hommie, Lover, Friend?

There's always this constant argument about wether or not men and women can just be friends. To the nay-sayers, if men and women can't be friends, then how do you end up in the friend zone? Well, this is not a discussion about the intricacies about the platonic friends debate.

Sad to say, this thought comes from a combination of a conversation my friends and I had about the movie Just Wright, starting Queen Latifah and Common and viewing the show The Ultimate Catch. You know that lovely VH1 produced dating show for Chad Johnson (Ocho-Cinco). I watched as Chad had a very down to earth, honest conversation with one of the girls on the date. They had a lot in common, shared similar views and interests. In general she appeared to not only be attractive, but a very down chic. He remarked about how much they were vibing, much to the dismay of her competitor, and the hating chic remarked "like a hommie", like the snarky bitch she is. (Haha...that's why you got sent home. Hatin' ass...).

A friend of mine made a comment (to kinda paraphrase): When a guy finds out that he shares similar interest, has fun with a girl, shares an overall bond with her and she's not what society (or he) thinks of a being typically attractive, he doesn't know how to process what he feels. So he automatically assumes that what he's feeling is friendship, when in fact it's probably more than that. In the case of the movie Just Wright, Common's character knew there was an attraction there with Queen Latifah's character, however he dismissed it because, while she's cute, she wasn't his typical "type".

Regardless of the "type", I don't really understand what's so bad about sharing similarities and being the hommie. Is that not the foundation for a lasting relationship? Have we not been told to marry our best friends? I mean you're supposed to find someone that you can spend the rest of your life with. What would be so bad about being with someone who understands you can can relate? Someone you can be comfortable and honest with? Someone who can stimulate you mentally and physically. If you meet a genuinely attractive girl and she can throw a football, bake cookies, and step hard in a pair of 4 inch stillettos, what's the problem?

Sounds like a perfect match to me. Either way I'm tired of the idea of being a down to earth, down-ass-chic being perceived as something unappealing and unattractive. Good to kick it with but too good to be your girl. You yahoos can go on chasing after those uppity, high maintenance, the "oh my gahd, car go fast, thinking makes me sweat", simple bitches all you want. You'll soon realize she has a tighter bond with the reflection in the mirror and her prada bag than she does with you. Just don't let the movies fool you. You're hommie may not be ready and willing to drop her life now that you're finally ready to make her a real part of yours.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


10:41 AM |

Callin' like a collector....

Ok. I am at my ends here. I honestly have no idea what to do. What am I talking about? Let's see how I can give the short version.....I don't do high maintenance friends. If I say I'm going to call you, I will. Let me. If I'm going to text you, I will. Let me. If I say we'll hang out, then we'll hang. CHILL OUT!

Your time table of what too long is may not be the same as mine. If you are not a part of my daily life then you have no idea when I am or am not available. And to assume that I'm not calling because I don't want to be friends is stupid. It's not about avoiding. It's about being ready and having the time to hang, call, text, talk. AND just because I have some down time, does not mean I want to spend it with you! Not as a diss, but dang can a sista have some me time?

I'm going to be honest. If we are trying to establish a friendship or rebuild one, the lack of concern for what I have going on and what I want out of a friendship really makes me not want to even attempt to be friendly. Now I'm sure you're saying "Well just tell them all of what you just said". My response. I DID! I've done it nicely. I've done it not nicely. I've been honest about it. I've flat out lied. I've not answered texts. Avoided phone calls. Be mean? I've done that too.

What do I do????? Cause this one is a bug-a-boo. He's buggin' what? He's buggin' who? He's buggin' me and don't you see it ain't cool....

Monday, July 19, 2010

Moment of Simple

11:43 AM |

Imagine that...

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Ask A Black Girl

10:36 AM |

  1. confessdbgirl

    Why do you think most black people are the first ones to get killed in a horror movie?

    We weren't supposed to be there in the first place, that's why we die. What black person you know is going to be wandering through the woods at night, or checking out a creepy sound in the basement? We get killed first cause flat out....we know better.

  2. confessdbgirl

    How do you think Chili and her new friend are going to do?

    I think they will start off ok, but do I think they'll make it in the long run. Not really. I saw a lot of like there, but not a lot of love. While I think she opened herself up a lot on the show, I still felt like there's still a bit of a block. Until that lowers more, I don't think she'll really find what she's looking for.

  3. confessdbgirl

    Did you see the Hip Hop Honors Awards? It was wack!

    I did see the VH1 Hip Hop Honors for the Dirty South. I watched it several times. There are moments when I was really into it, and there were moments where I just wasn't feeling it. Overall I had a great time listening to those old songs and reminiscing.

    To be honest, I like the idea of giving a tribute to the south, but I believe the approach was a bit off. Perhaps focus more on the cities (Miami, Atlanta, Houston) and the sounds (booty bass, etc) and the big names that rep those rather than individual people or labels. I would have also organized it better.

    Plus, how can you even go on with a tribute to the south with out some of the biggest names in southern hip-hop. So...wack, I can't really say that. But they could have done a better job.

  4. confessdbgirl

    Hey I know you are overworked and have a lot on your plate. I love the design of your blog. How can I get your help to make mine pop -Professor Locs

    I'm working on something for you Professor Locs. I hope to have it soon so your blog can start to poppin'. :D

Got questions?? Ask me anything!