Well guys. It's almost 2013. Another year down. Hopefully you spent your day doing things you enjoyed because they say how you spend New Years Eve day is what you spend the entire year doing. And I believe it. Last year I spend the day writing and making jewelry and that's what I've been doing all year.

Next year, I don't have any resolutions. I only have goals. Things I want to be sure to do in 2013. So hopefully I'll accomplish some things instead of just making empty promises to myself.

So people. 2013 is upon us. I hope you all have a great new year. Accomplish everything you want. Put in the work and I'm sure you'll get it.

For me. 2012 sucked a big one. I mean the biggest, fattest one. So I'm glad to see it go. Will it be better next year? Only time will tell.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Typically during Christmas Eve, I will butcher the holiday hits and write my own version of a classic.  However this year....I'm not quite feeling it.  Maybe it's because its been so warm here. Not really sure, but the Christmas spirit hasn't really hit me this year. Hopefully I'll feel different in the morning.  While I don't feel the spirit to remix a holiday song this year, I do have the words to a song that I think is very apropos for this year:

You can still succeed...


This is a bit of a side bar for a second, but I feel the need to somehow come to the aid of the concept of having a Plan B in life.  People seem to attack this idea as if it means you'll fail at Plan A.  And that taking your eyes off Plan A will most certainly ensure that you will never succeed at Plan A.

People, Plan A is just a route - it's not the goal.  Think about it this way:  You're going home for the holidays.  Home is your goal for the trip.  Plan A may include driving.  But maybe there's traffic on the main highways that are causing major delays.  What do you do? Give up?  Say you failed?  Stay on this main street and take what could be additional HOURS on your travel time? Or do you look in your navigation system and find an alternate route?  It could be a bit more inconvienet, it could have a few more turns and stops, but ultimately, you'll make it.  This is the concept you should have when considering your Plan B. The goal didn't change, but the way you got there did.

And this concept does work with everything.  For some people the ultimate goal with dating is to eventually find someone you can spend the rest of your life with.  Plan A may be to meet someone in school.  Plan B may be to meet someone at work.  Plan C may be to have your friends introduce you to someone.  Plan D may be to have your family introduce you.  Plan E may be online dating.  I could go on for days, but the point is, if you want to be married, there are several tracks you can take in dating and how to date, to get you there. Same thing with your career goals.  Want to be a CEO, self employed, whatever it is.  There are several ways to get there.

I write this to mostly because people get so focused on the route and forget that ultimately they're trying to reach a goal.  The plan is just that - a plan. It can change, it can grow and it can even fail.  This is life.  Very few things go the way we plan.  But that doesn't mean you can't reach your goal. You just have to be flexible enough to take the opportunities that are presented to you that will help you get there.  Not just focus on your initial idea or plan. Because if you reach your goal, why does it matter how you've gotten there?  Wether it was your first plan or your 30th.  You made it right?

WHAT!!! WHAT!!!!

Put some damn shoes on....

I know it's been a moment since I've posted a Not A Good Look post, but after driving home today and seeing what I saw, I felt it was time for another installment. What I saw was a young 'man'? maybe? walking his/her dog down my neighborhood street in a black beater and shorts and NO shoes. Now, it's not the time, place or weather for either of those items individually.  Seeing it all together almost made me roll down my window and ask what the hell was going on. It's all wet and winter outside and what not. I know it's like 54 degrees but it's December yo!

Ok my melanin reduced brothers and sisters, we need to have a meeting.  Why are you all obsessed with walking around public places with no shoes on??? Your girl Brittany was in public bathrooms with no shoes. You guys are all in the parking lots, stores and gas stations sometimes, just prancing around like it's just the thing to do. I mean come on! I know it's the south but COME ON!

I mean sure I'll take off my shoes at work from time to time when my shoes get the best of me.  I may even go into my drive way or if I had a yard, my yard with no shoes on.  But you will not see me strolling down a public thoroughfare in my naked footies!

There are germs out there!! You don't know what's on that street!!  All kinds of dirt, grime, ashes, vomit and animal piddle residue your just strolling on, on your porous skin. Then you track all that ish into your house.  Some of you don't even wash your feet after so that gets all on your carpets, sofa....IN YOUR BED! Oh my goodness you germy, germy people!!! *Professor Locs freak out - spray - spray everything!!! Red Alert! Red Alert!*

This is beyond Not A Good Look.  Just STOP IT! STOP IT! You ground zero resus monkeys....gonna infect us all!!

Why she does what she does...

Dup-Dup-Dup-Da-Dup...

It's probably your fault...

What women see in the bad boy….

For the mention among the best...

So every now and then I go through the stats on my blog dashboard just to see what my traffic looks like from time to time. I like to see what you guys are reading and what topics seem to perk your interest.  And I also like to see what my referring sites are - basically how you guys are finding me. I noticed I had a new stream of people coming from the website singleblackmale.org.

Now if you're not quite familiar with this site, I say tisk tisk. I've been reading this blog for a few years (I mean how can I not considering what I write about).  It's a great site with really insightful articles about relationships through the eyes of black men. (Intelligent too--none of that random ignorant mess you can often find floating across the top of the blog ponds).  This blog has won awards that lead them to land them a spot on Ebony Magazine’s 2011 Power 100 list, and a feature on Black Enterprise as a part of their 2012 Black Bloggers Month celebration. Some of the writers have even made appearances on the Michael Baisden and Tom Joyner radio shows. *snap*snap*

That being said, I followed the link back to see exactly how and why people are getting to me from singleblackmale.org and I found that they have included me in their list of The Best Black Blogs and Websites to Read in 2013!  How great is that! I'm totally excited. And quite surprised (mostly because--you know---the whole disillusioned thing). I read it like 3 times, keep going back like - am I sure I read what I just read? Yea I did! Okay...okay....okaaaayyyyy!!!!

And yes, you should be reading me in 2013.  New year.  New work schedule.  Much more time on my hands and more of your issues to address in only the way I can - bluntly: no salt, no lime, straight tequila burn.

So thank you authors of Single Black Male for the nod and stamp of approval. It is really appreciated. And welcome to those of you who are new to Confessions of a Disillusioned Black Girl.  I hope you enjoy your visit and look forward to exchanging ideas with you.

Smh...

Why some good men fall...

One of many...

Why your friends 'disappear' when you get a new boo…

Telling your girl about her man...


So you have some information about your friend's man.  Maybe he's got another girl on the side.  Maybe he's talking bad about her in public.  Maybe you had a one time fling with him long before they got together.  Maybe you had a fling with him while they were together not knowing they were a  couple. Wether it's an opinion or information, you have something that you know about her man that she does not. What do you do?  Do you tell? Or do you keep your mouth shut?

It is entirely possible for you to decide not to get involved.  If things seem to be going good for her and her man, then why rock the boat. She seems happy. Saying anything could make you just seem like a hater. It could be taken in completely the wrong context and she could totally get mad at you for something that's not entirely your fault or your problem.  So while it may be important for you to be a good friend and be totally honest, saying anything to her might do more harm than good.

On the other hand, if information comes out later and it is discovered that you knew the entire time, you could still be in hot water.  If you do have some secret about her man, he could use that against you- blackmail. He could make your role in anything seem more deceptive and dirty than it actually was. She'll feel like you were lying to her.  She could think you were allowing her to be played for a fool.  Friends are supposed to look out for one another right? How could you do that to her?

In my opinion, the latter is worse than the former.  I would much rather be as up front and as honest with my friends as I need to be.  I refuse to have anything out there that could potentially be used against me.  And I most certainly do not want to be perceived as a liar by my good friends. If you were indeed my friends, then you would know that I would never say or do anything to intentionally hurt.  I would always have your best interest at heart and nothing I would say would be me being a hater.  And if I was being a hater, I'd tell you.  I've done it before.  I would hope my friend would know me better and that if I ever had information that I really needed to share with my friend that they would take it as it were intended.

So in the end, I say: Say something.  It's better to deal with the repercussions now than let something that didn't need to build up explode on you and your friendship later.

Have you set yourself up for failure?


Can a relationship survive if it was started or built from a 'not good' situation? If the two of you weren't totally honest in the beginning, does your relationship have a chance to go the distance? If one was on the rebound, the other transitioning from the jump-off, could their relationship be lasting? Can you find perfection out of an imperfect situation?

I think it's very hard to build a solid foundation on rocky ground. Those things that you chose to ignore to start a relationship, have ways of sneaking back in later on down the line.  If you got with your man while he was still involved with another woman, in the back of your mind you will always be wondering if he is to be trusted.  If you are fresh out of a relationship and you just jump right into another one, you run the risk of throwing all of the old baggage and unleashing all the unresolved issues from the past relationship onto your new boo. Things you attempt to ignore instead of resolve have a way of embedding themselves into your subconsciousness. These things will sneak up on you when you least expect them to.  They'll cause you to overreact to every day, average annoyances. They fester.

When a relationship is young, it's supposed to be exciting, new and fresh. In this whole 'getting to know you' period, you should be eager and happy to learn more about the person you are spending time with. A new relationship shouldn't be filled with heavy arguments, frustration, suspicion and distrust. The bond you two are attempting to build hasn't had time to develop yet.  It's not strong enough to withstand all of this. Thus when the first sign of adversity rears its head, new relationships often tumble if they weren't built on a solid foundation to begin with.

In general I think if you don't start of right, you greatly reduce the chances of survival. If it doesn't seem like it's the right time to enter into a relationship with someone, trust your instincts.  It's better to wait until the time is right than to rush and ruin the chance of it ever happening.

Interested Signal #2.....

To continue the discussion we started with the first post, we're going to talk about another HUGE way a woman shows that she's interested in a man.

Heard this one too many times...

Sweetie, you stink...

Can you believe there are women out there that believe every man is sweating them?  I mean, this girl is just so fine that no man, gay, straight, married, single, can resist her.  They call her all the time. Text her non stop.  Always want to come by and see her.  She is just the bomb.com like your girl Tamar Braxton would say.  And we know this about this girl because she feels the need to always tell us.

-_______-

Girl please. I can't stand a sweaty hoe.  Anything a guy does, even if it's a polite gesture, means they want her.  She exchanges eye-contact with a guy: he's sweating her.  Man opens the door for her: he's sweating her.  A guy gives her a simple compliment: he's sweating her. SHE gives a guy her phone number, tells him to call and when he does: he's sweating her.  SHE continues to call guys, flirt with guys, reciprocate their advances: he's sweating her.

It's quite obvious that this girl is just jocking for attention.  And it's not from the guys. Sure she'll probably say things like this in front of men, with a small hope of them admiring her prowess - curious to know why.  But we all know that the more you talk about being with other men around men, the less they want you. (Unless they just want a free ride).  No, no.  Things like this are said to get attention from other women.

These kinds of girls use talk like this to try and assert some type of dominance.  The whole I'm better than you, I'm prettier than you and you can tell by all these guys who want me... Don't you want to be me... Please envy me....  Most women aren't even phased by these girls because we know that 1) the more you talk about it, the less likely it's true and 2) many of the women are out there doing the most to get all this 'sweat'.  We all know that if all this 'sweat' was so truly annoying and inconvenient (as you try to make it seem) you'd find a way to make it stop if you really wanted it to.  Honestly you come off a just sorry. Besides, half of what you are talking about things that negate the idea that you're being sweated in the first place.

How are you being 'sweated' when you're returning calls and text messages?  How are you being 'sweated' when you gave him your number and called him first?  I'm supposed to be believe he's sweating you and you've been spending nights at his house like 4 days this week? You spend most of your time all up in his space. That's what 'he's sweating me' means now?

No boo-boo.  You constantly requesting and reciprocating attention from a guy does not mean he's sweating you. You can stop telling us about this.  We know what you do, how you do and we are not impressed.  We truthfully could care less.  The only reason we're even taking time to talk about this, is because you're taking up too much of our valuable time to discuss this bullshit. We got things to do.

Get over yourself.

I'm on a Mission...

Smart or dating faux pas...


So there has been some talk out there about wether or not it is appropriate for a man to pay for a first date by using a coupon.  Depending on who's talking about it you could get some extreme reactions.  Some people feel that it cheapens the date and that using one takes away from the whole wine and dine experience. Many times coupons restrict what you can order off a menu and no woman wants to feel like she's being told what she can or can't have. It could send signals that you are broke or cheap and that's a complete turn off to a girl. It could even potentially mean you're stingy and that has a tendency to reflect a lot of things about you as a person. Who knew one little coupon could send all these signals!

For me, I don't care if you pay with a coupon or not, as long as you pay. You shouldn't be making a big production out of paying anyway so why should I see how you've paid?  I don't believe I should see anything with regards to a bill when I'm out on a date with a guy.  I shouldn't see the bill.  I shouldn't see your card.  I shouldn't see the money you put in. I shouldn't see the tip you leave.  I just believe it should all be discreetly handled, as much as possible.  Therefore there shouldn't be an instance where I see the coupon.  Unless you make a big deal about it, but then, why would you do that?  I don't think you have to lie or be sneaky about it either.  And let me just say too that I think any man that makes a big deal about paying, how much he paid, or any thing of the sort is very un-gentelman like.

Tacky *rolls my eyes*.

I'm all about a good discount.  There are so many ways to get one these days and it's so easy you'd be dumb not to take advantage of it.  I don't care if you got a $20 dinner for 2 coupon from Living Social.  All I hear is... 'that means is I can go to BLT Steak?!?' In these times, doing more with less is a great thing.  Plus that means you'll have more money to do other things with later on that night or even for the next date. It's just being fiscally responsible.

Ultimately, I think how you've treated your date during the entire evening means more than how you've paid for the date.  The amount of money you spend has no correlation to your ability to wine and dine and woo a woman.  If you've got enough swag you can wine and dine your date at a burger bar for $2.99.  I seriously doubt any good woman will be so turned off by a little coupon that she tosses out all of the great things and connection you've made over the time you've spent out.  If she does - red flag.  She's not the one you want to spend time with anyway.

(Oh but please understand that while it may be ok....you probably will get talked about and laughed at a bit by your girl and her girls.  Not that we don't like you or that it's bad, but it'll be something that will get picked on.  Just thought you should know.)

Preventing VIOLATIONS!!

There are so many of you out there involved in the role of a jump-off.  Some of you know that's what you are.  Some of you do not.  In either case, I think it's important for many of you to understand that there are RULES with regards to handling your jump off.  Based on many of the stories I hear, I many of you are in violation of these rules.  So I think it is important to go over the top 5 Jump-off Rules before your Saturday night...'jumps off'.

Rule #5: Sun is up, Jump-off is out.
Activities that involve the jump-off typically occur during the darkest of hours.  Therefore, once the sun has begun to rise on the dawn of a new day, that jump-off must be out of your house.  No pillow talk.  There should never be a moment where your jump-off is lingering around the house in the morning, making breakfast, cuddling. No.  Violation! The only exception to the sunlight rule is if the jump-off is there to fulfill their duties during a daytime romp.  However once that romp is complete, they are to leave immediately. They have served their purpose.  Time for them to go on.

Rule #4: Ready and Willing.
A jump-off should always be ready to get it in.  Don't you EVER show up at your jump-off's house so drunk that you can't perform.  It completely defeats the purpose.  There is no time for a quick nap. If you pass out in the bed, please be prepared for whatever rude awakening you may have coming to you.  It will be the most miserable moments of sleep you've ever had in your LIFE.  Nobody has time for you to have a man down situation.  Get up *snaps fingers* you have things to do. And if a jump-off EVER pukes at your house.  No.  Violation! All that does is take away from the business handling time and pushing you closer to being in violation of rule #5.

Rule #3: No Food For You.
Jump-offs are not to be roaming through your kitchen cabinets, in your fridge, eating up any of your food. No you will not get a sandwich made for you. Nor breakfast. You may not even get any of this coffee on the counter. (You're supposed to be gone anyway). There will be no wining and dinning the jump-off.  You eat before you get to the house. You eat after you leave the house.  Exceptions can and could be made in the event of marathon, back breaking, muscle cramping festivities. This food only serves to refuel and help power you up for the next round. However the nourishments made will require the minimalist of effort (ie: crackers, fruit, cold-cuts right out of the package - anything that doesn't require the use of dishes) and should be prepared and eaten by the person who needs it only.  You are not to cook for your jump-off.  No sit down meals at a table. No. Violation! That only leads to conversations that start to make the jump-off believe that there's something more.

Rule #2: JUMP-OFF ARE NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND
I don't care how many nights they spend at your house.  I don't care if you see them more than you see your own family.  I don't care if you've even spent weeks and days with this person.  THEY ARE NOT YOUR BOO!!!  You should not engage in any activities with this person that would make them think otherwise (talking, feeding, taking them out, sharing your dreams). No! No! No! VIOLATION!!! Failure to treat a jump-off like they are what they are will lead to unnecessary arguments, stress, and busted up cars.

Rule #1: You will at all times BE PROTECTED!
Engaging in a jump-off relationship is extremely risky.  You must be smart.  You must be truthful There are no emotional ties here, so there's no reason to lie or be deceitful.  That is extremely dangerous in a jump-off situation. You must be SAFE.  If either of you do not have the appropriate protection you must either go out and get it, or call the night off.  There should NEVER be an instance, especially with your jump-off, that you engaged in unprotected sex. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER.  Both of you are responsible for protecting yourself and each other and the other people that may be involved with you.  Get tested and feel free to ask one another to see those results.  Failure to do so will render this jump-off arrangement null and void.

I'm having a little but of fun here but in all seriousness folks, rule #1 is the most important rule of all and truly should be the primary one you adhere to.  Too many people have gotten caught out there and have been fortunate enough to end up with just a kid.  They could have ended up with something harder to shake and much more difficult to live with. Be smart. Be careful.

So those are the top 5 rules for the Jump-off.  Hope you've learned something today and that you will be smarter out there tonight.  Follow the rules.  Pick well.  Protect yourself.

By special request for Random Thought Wednesday.....

She was a friend of mine...

What is a friend?  I'm seriously asking.  What is your definition of a friend?  I would really like to know what it takes to be considered a friend these days because there are so many of you out there that have all these issues regarding your 'friendships' that baffle me.

Maybe it would help to first tell you where this thought came from.  I was riding to work listening to the Steve Harvey Morning show and their Strawberry Letter segment.  The letter was in short about a woman who unknowingly got with a man whom she later found out was her friend's man of 12 years and was unsure of how or if she should tell her.  While I'll address that whole situation in another post, what stood out to me was this: How do you have a friend who has a man of 12 YEARS and you've never met, or even seen a photo of him?

People let me tell you, I have friends everywhere.  We don't talk on a regular basis, but you know what, if they have a man I can tell you I've seen him.  Wether it was a photo on her phone, Facebook or even if we've randomly met in person, I know who their men are.  I may not remember their names off hand but I bet if anyone was to repeat their names I'd recognize it.  Why? Because that's part of the things friends share with one another.

I think the word 'friendship' has lost its face value like the words 'I love you' and 'trust me' and 'truth'.  Some people in your life are 'associates'.  Some are 'acquaintances'.  Very few are 'friends'.  And for good reason.  Being a friend carries a lot more responsibility.  I think it's time for people to start understanding which people in their lives are which.

Now I'm not going to hand out a canned definition on what I think a friend should and should not be.  Each person requires something different. And understand this about friendships.  The bond isn't always everlasting. Part of what makes people friends are shared experiences, thoughts, opinions, interests, etc.  Those things change over time.  Just because you've know someone a long time, and you used to be friends, doesn't mean that they are truly your friend now, through no fault of either of you. I think you have to look at what you value in a friend, the type of friend you are to people, what you expect out of your friends and decide if the people in your life you consider friends fit those criteria. If not, it may be time to place them in another category.

OR it maybe time to let that person go. Period.

Some tips on beating the single blahs....


Let's be honest, sometimes the single life can start to feel a bit lonely and empty. And with the fall/winter coming, people slowing down, staying in - it can start to feel even lonelier. So when my solo-ness starts to transform itself to loneliness, here are some of the ways I try and beat away the grey clouds.

Go Do Something:
Anything.  It doesn't have to be major, just get out of the house.  Go run/walk.  Let the sun hit your face. Get up and go somewhere and make it special to you.  Even if it's just going to Wally-World. Put on some clothes you feel good in, fix your hair, and go. You don't have to have an agenda, just drive and when you feel like stopping - stop.  If you want to purchase something - do it.  If you want to eat something - eat it. And take your time doing it.  Or you can just plan to do something.  Plan a trip - really plan a trip. The planning alone can take some of the dreary off your day.  Sometimes a day of doing whatever randomly comes to heart and indulging your whims can help shift your mood.

Plan to Stay in:
You can do the opposite of going out and really plan to stay in. You can do a project around the house - paint a wall, fix a cabinet, organize a closet. That may be a chore, but think of how different you will feel once that overhanging, ever looming task is complete.  Or you can do nothing at all and make a day of it.  Put on your fuzzy socks and favorite lounge clothes and plan to do a Godfather movie marathon all day.  Make coffee or tea and get lost in a book.  Make it more about choosing to spend time at home relaxing than being just stuck in the house.  And be happy to tell people you did nothing all day!

Try Something Different/Learn Something:
Sometimes you can occupy your mind with a new activity.  Watch cooking shows and pick something new to try and make for dinner.  Always wanted to learn how to do something? Play an instrument? Learn a new language? Sew? There are tutorials and books for any and everything out there - pick one and do it.  Or if you have a hobby, plan on dedicating a large chunk of your day just indulging yourself in your hobby.

Volunteer:
This is something I used to do but I don't do much of these days, but I do hope to start doing again. If you're not a people person, go volunteer at a local animal shelter or your city's humane society.  Find out how to be a mentor.  It's election season - help people get to the polls. Sometimes getting out and helping out can do more for you, the volunteer, than it does for the people you help.

Plan a Play-Date:
Take some time to reconnect with your friends, physically not virtually.  With all the avenues technology gives us these days to keep in touch with people, sometimes it's easy to forget how long it's been since you've actually sat down face to face with that person.  Get off line and plan to hang out with your friends. My friends and I plan dinners or weekend trips or visits around holidays or cultural events (like CIAA, homecoming, Christmas). I know it's not necessarily  quick fix to beat the blues, but by planning it, you not only make sure that people can actually attend, it starts to become something to look forward to - a priority.  And sometimes knowing that people are just as excited to see you as you are to see them can help you not feel so isolated.

Step Away From Social Media:
You may think that if you're feeling lonely it's a good idea to jump on your social media outlet of choice and chat, look at photos and virtually see what your friends are up to.  WRONG!  While social media has been great with allowing people to keep up with one another, and reconnect with friends long gone, it can have a way of making you feel like you aren't doing ish with your life.  I mean after a certain age your timeline and feeds start transitioning from party photos, drama, LOL memes and random musings, to photos of kids, announcements of engagements or deaths, promotion declarations, wedding planning details, and other keeping up with the Joneses swaggery.  If you're people are at a party and you're not you wonder - why didn't I know about this.  If your people are getting engaged you or have gone from 'single' to 'in a relationship' you wonder - how is it THEY can find someone but I'm here alone.  Constantly reading about what other people are doing can start to make you question your life and what you have going on wether you realize it or not.   Close that window.

Go Home:
I know there are times when I look up and MONTHS have gone by with out me visiting my parents or going home for a weekend.  (And I only live 2 hours away from them). But sometimes it helps to just go back home for a few hours, a day, a weekend.  It helps you reconnect with familiar surroundings and can help you feel a bit more grounded. I know that everyone doesn't necessarily have that traditional 'home', so return to the place you come from, or wherever 'home' is for you. If your family is loving and caring, going home can remind you that there are people there who love you (typically) no matter what. If your family is ratchet, it'll help reiterate the fact that you are doing or have done what is best and make you feel so much better about your life decisions.

These are just some of the things I do when the sound of silence starts to get too loud.  And I'll be honest, sometimes it doesn't always work.  It can seem too simple or one size fits all, but in general I think when we start to think too much about what we are doing/haven't done/have to do - that's when the loneliness can start to creep in. Taking time out to enjoy your present can help you center yourself and allow you to acknowledge the good things.

But this is just what I do. What do you do when you start to feel lonely?

Part V...game play continued...

If you've been following my football posts at all you should be able to know 2 things about me. 1 - I love football and 2 - it is my personal mission to make the women of the world who don't love football less annoying during football season.  It's been a minute since our last lessons, so if you need to review please see the following:

Football 101 for women part 1
Lesson 2 - Defense
Football 101 for women part 3
Football 201 for women - game play

Today I'd like to talk a bit about the defense.  For me, I'm all about the defense.  Not sure why, but I get more excited about a good tackle and 3 and outs than I do about a long pass . LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! (unless it involves my teams -- get it together fellas, smh) But I digress.

Without getting deep into defensive strategy, let's just discuss the general idea behind what the defense does and define some frequently used terms.

The goal of the defense is to prevent the other team from moving down the field and scoring. They can do so by preventing their runners from running past them down the field.  They can keep the receivers from catching the ball.  They can tackle or pressure the quarter back, making him make mistakes or keep him from throwing the ball.  They can try to catch the ball the quarterback tries to throw at his receivers (interception), or they can try and take the ball away from a receiver/runner after they have the ball(force a fumble or turnover).  As long as what they do doesn't cause any penalties (and ideally no injuries), they are going to do whatever they can to keep the other team from scoring.

Here are some of the ways they try to keep the other team from scoring and some common terms you may hear through out the game:

Run Defense
If a team is known for giving the ball to one of their runners and not throwing as much, or if the current position of the offense usually leans more towards a run than a pass, the defense will set themselves up to stop that run play.  The way you can tell they're planning on trying to stop a runner is by looking to see where most of the defensive players are lined up.  If they have a lot of men close to the line of scrimmage, then they are preparing to stop a runner. The more players they have up front, the faster they can get to a runner and the fewer yards the other team will get.

Pass Defense
This is the opposite of a run defense.  If the team believes their opponent is going to throw the ball, they are going to try and stop them by providing coverage in one of two ways: Man-to-Man: for every man on the field the quarterback can throw the ball to, the defense assigns one of their guys to follow him. Zone: assigning a player to a specific area of the field so that if the ball comes anywhere near that area, they are responsible for going after whoever comes in that area.

Blitz
This is when the defense feels the best option to stop a team from advancing is to get the quarterback.  The defense will send as many guys as they can after the quarterback to stop him from throwing the ball or handing it off to another player.   There are so many ways to do this, but when you see a majority of the defense going straight for the quarterback - that's usually a blitz.

Along with the variety of teams and coaches, comes a variety of defensive plays, line ups, and strategies. All of these specific to the team using them. We could discuss 3-4, 4-3, 4-4, Nickle, and Dime formations, but I'll leave that for extra credit ;) These were just a few of the more general and common terms and concepts you'll hear throughout the game.  As always - happy football watching.

Sometimes I wake up with music in my head.  Why this was what came to my mind today I'll never know.  But I opened the cabinet to grab my cereal for breakfast and when I closed the door I exclaimed....


WHAT'CHU WANT NINE!!!!!!!!

Thoughts on my parents' anniversary...

Another year gone...

So every year I come to my blog to journal exactly how I was feeling at the turn of another year of life. Usually I'm full of hope and inspiration, feeling positive about the new year to come.  This year, if I'm being true, I gotta say I have no other choice but to be hopeful that this next year is a good one.

This past year was full of it's good and it's bad.  I've gotten a chance to travel to new places, stepped up my jewelry making game, wrote more and started trying to get my mind and body right. But at the same time I made some terrible decisions along the way that I'll be paying for, for a while. There's been a lot of standing in one place. I've lost some people that were dear to me. And let's just say things are no where near as stable as they once appeared to be.  Needless to say this year has been STRESSFUL! Apparently, it's time to make some for real, hard changes.

So, this year, on the eve of my birthday, I'm not as happy as I usually am.  I'm a bit stressed.  I bit worried. A bit sad.  A bit unsettled. A bit unsatisfied. But the sun will rise tomorrow on the start of a new year and I just refuse to wake up feeling this way.  I'll get up, get dressed, and go out with my girls and laugh the night away.  I will eat, drink and be merry.  I'll catch up with my sister, call my grandmother and remind her it's my birthday so she can wish me happy birthday.  I may even get some hot water again this weekend courtesy of my parents and I'll pretend that it's for my birthday and not because I'll actually have to have visitors at my house next week. I'll deal with the real world on the other side of this long, holiday weekend. I'm good a procrastination, so I will stick all these bad thoughts and worry where I put all my deadlines, and to-dos.

So as we say at #1713.....SHOTS UP! Happy birthday to me.

Here I come to save the day...

Episode 1: The Break Up

Men ain't s#it...you said it...

You know there are several conversations I wish we'd stop having.  Are men able to be monogamous? Do all men cheat and why? Can men be trusted? Why can't men commit. Blah, blah, blah, blah-blah. Let's just stop.

Do you know how many men call into these radio shows to basically say that it's within the male primal instinct to go out and be with as many women as he can?  That the bible has shown men being with several women at a time (don't think the fact that the good book has been interpreted by men over the ages has anything to do with that huh? - you don't see everybody turning to Leviticus in their well worn Queen Mary's version of the bible..... I'm just saying). That guys are only motivated by a few things: girls, sex and money. That women have to dumb it down, lower standards in order to be with them. For every person that calls in to dispute the idea that men are just sorry, there are at least 2 men that call in and support the statement.

Why guys? Why do you have such low standards for yourself?  Limiting your values to this supposed raging libidos.  Not believing that you are a man worthy of having one good woman treat you with the respect and the admiration a king deserves.  Feeding into the stereotype instead of actively trying to change it. Why do you allow yourselves to be defined in such demeaning and limiting ways? Why do you settle for such shallow standards?

It's no longer funny.

It's not a joke.

It's just sad.

Why? Because many of you are actually beginning to not only believe the bullshit, you're so happy playing along with these ideas that you are perpetuating them to such a degree that the young men coming up have no other standard to live by. It's bad enough this idea is a primary theme in our media.  There are so many absentee fathers out there, that the kids can't look up to them. There are fewer and fewer male teachers in the classrooms that they can identify with. Where are they supposed to see another side of life?

And instead of always harping on the fact that women only want to date doctors and ballers, why not try to excel at your current job? Why not push for that promotion? Be the best you can be at what you do. Elevate yourself to a higher ground. Why always tell the world to lower their expectations?

Until you begin to set higher standards for yourself, you cannot expect anyone else (especially women) to have any other than the worst/lowest expectations for you.

The Silly Chics...

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a stupid girl.  I hate them with all my heart and soul! More than spiders, more than smelly trash, more than the sound of nails scraping across a chalkboard.  Hate. Hate. Hate. Stupid Girls.

You would think that something like this wouldn't get to me so bad.  Who cares what stupid girls do, they're stupid.  But see the problem is - this disease is spreading. Intelligent chics are becoming more and more rare. And what were are left with is nothing but mindless, bobble-headed, wanna-be barbies.

So.  I was asked, what exactly is a stupid girl.  We'll here's my list of what would categorize you (or the woman you are dating) as a stupid girl.

1. Mindlessly follows the crowd
2. Thinks her own ignorance is funny
3. And has no desire to try and be any smarter
4. Is self-centered and self-absorbed
5. Inconsiderate and rude
6. Only talent is being cute
7. Shallow
8. Puts high value on small and shallow things
9. Demeans and puts down people
10. Finds enjoyment in other people's insecurities - a bully
11. Can't do shit.  I mean nothing.  Nothing at all
12. Finds nothing wrong with belittling her assets or herself to fit in
13. Or does #11 to find or keep a man
14. Has no thoughts or opinions of her own
15. Completely ignorant of her history or culture and is fine with that
16. Not only does she not have any book smarts, she also has no common sense
17. Never thinks about future consequences of her actions
18. Doesn't care about how her actions could potential reflect badly on the people around her or her family
19. Aspires to be like the reality stars on TV
20. Always trying to fight someone over something stupid

So you say you have a lot of homegirls?  

Do you always have girls coming by your desk at work? Hug every girl you pass in the hallway? Constantly texting your 'little sister'?  You've always gotten along with women better than men? You grew up around women and it just feels natural to always be around them? I can dig that. But I have to be honest. There are so many things a guy can do to turn a good girl off.  One of those many things is constantly have a ton of women around.

You're a just a ladies' man right?  What's so wrong with that? Now the initial reaction would be: Is this girl so insecure that she has issues with you having female friends?  The answer: No.  While there are girls out there that do have that problem (and believe me they'll make that problem known quick, fast and in a hurry), the girls I am talking about are not in that category.  So let's rundown a few reasons why having a ton of women around could prevent you from finding that 'one'.

First, you know how guys say they don't want to 'wife' a girl who is a tramp?  Well, girls don't want to 'husband' a guy who is a flirt.  And let's be real, many of you guys who have all these girls around you are indeed flirts. Some of you probably aren't even aware that you are flirting. And I understand that.  But being flirtatious with every woman you encounter can chip away at even the most secure woman's armor.  Minds can wander and ladies think: If he does this when I'm here, I can only imagine what he does when I'm not. Remember, society has pretty much engrained in most women's minds that you guys are horn dogs that are out there trying to get at any piece of cute available booty that presents itself to you.  And while many woman choose not to believe all men are dogs, that possibility still lurks in the recesses of our minds.

Second, if you're constantly giving all these women this kind of attention, how is a girl who is interested in you supposed to know that you're interested in her? How is she different from any of the other girls you are constantly seen with? She can't figure out if you're single or attached to one of these women.  She can't figure out if you'd even be interested in her any more than you are these other girls. If she can't figure some of these things out, you are pretty much guaranteeing that this good girl will never truly approach you or let her interest be known.

Third, that's just entirely too much competition.  Please understand that the ratio of men to women out there is 143.4 million women to 138.1 million men.  We already gotta compete with sports, your job, your friends, your mother, and now this never ending stream of thirsty chicas? That usually comes with the potential for a lot of unnecessary drama. No thank you.

Unfortunately we live in a society where perception is all that matters.  And wether or not you're just an honest to goodness good guy, if you're always hanging out with a bunch of women you can be sending the signal that you're a man whore (or batting for the other team).  That ladies man thing may score you major points with the fellas, but it totally downgrades your stock amongst the female traders.

Just thought you should know.

R.I.P. Sherman Hemsley

Interested Signal #1...

So a few months (or a year) ago, I was having a round table discussion with a few of the fellas discussing one of our more favorite of topics: stupid girls.  Out of the conversation a question arose.  How do you tell if a girl is genuinely interested, just flirting or is out to play games?  So I lit up the signal in the sky and asked a conglomerate of ladies the question.  What do you do to let a guy know you're interested - or better yet - how do you behave around a guy you are interested in?

How I know I was talking to real ladies and not silly girls is that it took them a minute to think really hard about this question.  They don't typically play a lot of games so they really focused in on what their behavior was like when they were in the presence of a guy they were feeling.  Was there anything they did differently?

All of the ladies I talked to said one of the number one things they do when they are really interested in a guy, is to try and find ways to interact with them on a daily (or frequent) basis.  They will even sometimes go out of their way to be in their guy of choice's presence.  Not to the degree where it's inconvenient or overt, but still being sure to find some time and some way to be where he is.  It could be something as simple as changing their route to the break room at work to walk by their desk.  They could change where they park so they could have a chance to walk out to their cars together.  Perhaps they may think of random but seemingly relevant questions to ask the guy or someone around the guy to give them a reason so spark up a conversation or be in their general presence.

But remember I said this is not overt! No one's trying to be brought up on stalking charges.  It will often be very smoothly played and subtle.  Which is why this is often overlooked by many guys because let's just be honest - most of you all are oblivious.

What I think is important for you guys to understand is that these 'chance' meetings are expertly coordinated and are scheduled in a way to give the girl the most information she can get in the shortest (or maybe longest) amount of time possible.  In these meetings we're noticing and taking note of EVERYTHING.  We can find out if you're single, how well you take care of yourself, what you may have done the night before, if you have any kids, sometimes without ever asking a direct questions.

We're also looking to see if and how your behavior changes when we're around.  Do you smile more, are you open or closed off, or do you seem bothered.  This allows us to determine if you could potentially be interested in us as well.  If we're not getting any vibes from you that you could be interested, we'll surely move it along.

If you've ever had a woman come around all the time and then suddenly stop or you start seeing her less and less frequently, she's probably picked up on something that alerted her that you were either a) not interested or b) not the person she thought you were.

Now is the a sure fire way to tell if a girl is interested?  No.  Remember this is just one indicator.  There are several more to come...

A guy's guide to avoiding social faux pas...

Fellas, fellas, fellas.  Gather round.  We need to have a discussion.  We must talk about what is and is not appropriate behavior when you first meet a woman. There are some things you should and absolutely SHOULD NOT do. Think of these as general guidelines you can use to help you establish appropriate social boundaries.  If you are currently doing any of the following don'ts...you must stop immediately!

DO:
Greet the young lady with a handshake or, if the opening is there and it seems appropriate, a hello/nice to meet you hug.

DON'T:
Get fresh. Keep the hug appropriate.  It is not an opening to get a little poke, a squeeze, a feel.  It should not be weirdly lengthy. No rubbing of the back. Don't be a horn-dog. Same goes for the handshake.  When it's over, let go.  No rubbing your thumb against the back of her hand or taking your middle finger and running it down the palm of her had as you pull away (-_-) 


I mean really.


DON'T:
Stick your hands in the girls hair all the way to her scalp.  She is not a puppy.


DON'T:
Point out grey hairs.  I don't care if it is supposed to be a compliment.


DON'T:
Squeeze her thigh and say 'oh I like that'.  I really shouldn't have to tell you that.

DO:
Make an effort to remember her name.  I'm not good with names at all. There is no harm in having her repeat it.  Sometimes, things get crazy, it's hard to hear or you've just had 1 too many drinks and it may have slipped your mind. 

DON'T:
Call her baby, baby girl, sweetheart, sweetie, boo or any other random 'term of endearment' or by some other abbreviated form of her name.  You never know what she may or may not like.

DO:
Ask appropriate conversation starter questions.  Things like "Where are you from?", "What do you do for a living?", "Have you ever seen Flashdance?".  I mean, really anything that could generate more than a 1 word answer, and hopefully spark up a conversation.

If you have asked her all of these great opened ended questions, that would actually require more than a 1 word answer and all you get back from her are 1 word answers...

Move it along.

If she's not making eye contact, not trying to help extend the conversation either with her answers or follow up questions, she's not interested man.

DON'T:
Ask her why she's single.

That honestly can go for any one of any sex and any age. What kind of answer are you expecting?  What? Am I supposed to say...."oh well I stabbed my last boyfriend and the courts say I can't be within 100 yards of a single man that favors him".  Like... how are we supposed to answer that question?!?

And if she does say that she's single, I don't think your follow up question should be "You like men right?"

Sigh.

While I can't knock you for trying to be certain, especially these days, there has to be a better time and a more tactful way of asking that question.

DON'T:
Get caught looking at her goods.  Come on, man.  Watch those eyes. We can feel you looking at us. You're stare can go from endearing to just totally off-putting really quickly.  I'm not telling you not to look.  That'd be totally pointless.  Just don't get caught doing it.

DO:
Feel free to give appropriate compliments.  You can say that she's pretty, or you can compliment her style of dress, or the way she walks, but it has to be done tastefully.  Most girls really do like a compliment or two.

DON'T:
Over do the compliments.  One is nice.  Two can be seen a sweet.  Three may even make you seem like you're really into her.  But beyond that you start to sound insincere, pushy and like you're fishing for a compliment back.  If the girl says 'thank you' or 'oh, that's sweet', just leave it at that.  Don't keep harping on it.

DON'T:
Be creepy! Some of you fellas can say the word 'beautiful' and make a girl feel like she's just been stripped searched by the TSA.

And while I'm on it...

DON'T:
Be a creeper.  While it is OK to talk and socialize with more than one person at a part or a get-together (depending on its size), you don't want to be the guy that has honestly 'hollered' at every girl in the place, outside in the line into the place, in the parking lot next to the place....

Hopefully these guidelines will help clear up any confusion or answer some deeply held questions you may have had.  As the world turns, I will continue to bring forth more tips to help you in your socializing adventures.

Until next time fellas.  Meeting adjourned.