An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


12:00 PM |

Too long to be Random Thoughts...

So...there was a bug in my closet on a hanger and (since I'm scared to kill bugs that are at eye level) I decided to ignore it and hope it goes away. Now that it has gone away I'm scared to discover where it ended up.


I hate gnats.


Artists should stop re-releasing albums with more tracks. Your loyal fans went out to help you achieve week 1 records and now we get only half an album?!? Stop that.


Every day I walk past a trunk full of clothes, two laundry baskets full of clean clothes, a hamper full of dirty clothes that need to be taken down to the washer and dryer full of more clean clothes, to stand in a closet full of clothes and say "I have nothing to wear".


Why when I pass those Canadian geese on a sidewalk, I hold my head down and don't make eye contact like I'm passing a big dog. Those damn things are scary. And like my height.


I saw two birds in an argument on the ground today. I had to stop my car to see who would win. They looked like they were saying:
"You feeling froggy sucka then jump"
"You wanna start something with me?"
"Yea I'm calling you out...start somethin"
"Nah, dude I'm cool"
"Oh now you're cool? Gettoutta here with that"
Losing bird finally flies off.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Sexed Simple

12:25 PM |

Dick Dumb and P***y Punch-Drunk...

Let's just be honest here. If you are smacking bellies with someone, attempting to smack bellies with someone or thinking (plotting) about smacking bellies with something, you are not in your right mind. And unfortunately, 85% of the major (or even sometimes minor) decisions you will make will be ill-advised.

Why ill-advised? Because the thought making power is no longer in your head. It's in your heart (and other places). And we all know that the heart has crazy persuasion techniques. (The other places just hold you at gun-point and make you do what they want). Those two can take a sane person and make them crazy. Take a logical person and make them irrational. So you have to be aware that any decision you make in this state could seriously be biased.

Think I'm off? Even those of you in a serious relationship have at some point or will at some point have to make a decision that could impact your relationship. Often, you have, or will, turn down opportunities that are good for you in favor of what is perceived as good for both. Sometimes, the decision is so minor that it's no big deal. Other times, it has been a major deal. Sometimes it works out, and other times it doesn't. And if things didn't, or don't work out, you're now somewhere, often times, regretting your decisions.

As hard as it may be at some point, your head and your heart are going to have to really have a serious conversation in which you're head has to make your heart listen. Though you'll never really be sure of what to do, you can do your best to be aware of what's driving your decision making.

Until then, all you p***y whipped, dick dumb, relationship reckless, ding-dongs be careful with whom you share your thoughts with. Some one may just burst your heart shaped bubble.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Moment of Simple

We don't like you...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Not A Good Look

2:13 PM |

Boo, where are your clothes?

I have never for the life of me understood why people, especially young women, feel the need to walk around damn near naked. And with the summer coming the amount of barely clad jail bait will reach epidemic numbers. I know it's hot. I know what you are wearing maybe what the magazines call 'cute'. But let me be the 15 and 1/2 person to tell you that it's not cute! I don't care if you have the body to wear it or not, I do not want to have to constantly see your goodies!

And I know it's been said that that ish is sexy. But if you are constantly showing off your goods, what's there left to go get? Where's the chase? Where's the tease? Where's the allure? If he, her, them, and they can all see what you are working with, what incentive does a guy have to try and get it?

And what's up with all these parents letting their daughters walk around with their booties and girlies hanging out? So what if it passed the finger tip test? What you need to be checking is if it passes the bend over or sit tests. There is still such a thing as age appropriate. Don't be afraid to be a parent and tell her to put some clothes on!

While we're at it, moms PLEASE stop taking your pre-pubescent, post pubescent, not yet in college daughter to Victoria's Secret to get her underthings! What does it matter if it's pretty? Who's going to see it? There is no reason for a 14 year old to have Vickie's lace thongs and teddies unless she's planing on get-getting it. If she wants pretty bloomers take that child to Wal-Mart and get her a 5 pack of Hanes or Fruit of the Loom with flowers and stripes and call it a day.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Mean Muggin'

12:00 PM |

Why you look so angry ma?

It has been said that often many black women are so hard to approach because they have a very stand-offish, or angry demeanor. As a black woman with a very stand-offish or angry demeanor I find it hard to properly address this issue. Primarily because, while I know that we can come off this way, I know it doesn't necessarily reflect how we are.

At any given point in the day I'll have someone ask me if I'm OK or why do I look so angry or who pissed you off today. Usually I'm surprised by it because I am typically having a good day. I mean this is just my face. What am I supposed to do? Walk around smiling like a cheshire cat all day? I can't help that my not frowning face looks angry.

But I do understand where the sentiment comes from. In general we can come off as evil and unapproachable. We have natural, innate mannerisms (head-rolls), looks (eye-rolls), motions (finger-snaps), that can be interpreted as angry and mean. So how do we fix that? We know we're fun and great people. How do we show that side to the world?

I think as black women we have to remember that we don't always have to be 'on'. We don't always have to be ready for something to pop off. We don't always have to be ready to prove ourselves. I know for me I'm always thinking about something other than what it is I'm currently doing and that can often affect how I appear. So we may just need to get out of our own minds. Live in the moment and have fun with out worrying about how we are being perceived. Uncross those arms and cross those legs. Think of thoughts that make us smile more often. Truly be engaged with every conversation, every interaction with another, and every situation. I think if we consciously do that, then our general demeanor will change.

Or perhaps not. Like I said. It could be just our face.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Acting Right

12:16 PM |

Confidence is alluring. Swagger is sexy. But ego is not cute. There is a huge difference between being confident and being conceited; being self-assured and being big-headed. Everyone likes a little 'he's too cool'. But no one likes a jerk.

It's a fine line to walk, but it must be walked well. If egos get to big then nothing can get done. (Look at our government right now). Egos block critique and leave you stunted in your personal development. You'll never develop into who you could be with out being receptive to feedback; good or bad. Not only do egos stop progress from happening, it can ultimately lead to isolation. I mean if you are the greatest then what do you need everyone else for? No one wants to hang out with that.

Bottom line, everyone's ish stinks. Including yours. So check that ego! And for my artistic people, I'll leave you with this to ponder:

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Get While The Gettin's Good

1:31 PM |

More thoughts on settling...

In the seemingly never ending quest to get out there and meet people, often I either get a) no attention at all or b) attention from all the wrong people. Truthfully, as annoying (disheartening) as this is, it does make me wonder. Is this as good as it gets?

How long can you try and hold out for what you think you want before you just throw your hands up and take what you can get? What if what you want doesn't want you? What if what you want is so crazily unrealistic that you'll never find what you're really looking for? Do you just pick the best of the best of the gremlins or do you just resolve to live a life alone?

I simply refuse to believe that these creatures are my only option. So I am going to do like Jessie says and keep hope alive. Primarily because I can't realistically see myself spending the rest of my life with someone I just tolerate. I refuse to believe that this is as good as it gets. If my Mr. Right doesn't show, then so be it. I'll just move to Cali, lipo and botox it up, get myself a young non-english speaking boy toy and a few dogs... :D

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Random Thought

12:05 PM |

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Head's Up I'm Open

1:00 PM |

Love on the rebound...

I'm always very apprehensive when a friend catches feelings for someone new when they are just coming out of a relationship. Sure I'm happy when they're happy, but unless you give yourself time to heal, how do you know you really like this new person?

There are two caveats to look for when dating someone 'on the rebound':

1. You could be in like with the differences.
This person is probably giving you everything your ex never did. Saying things you ex would never say. Doing things your ex would never do. Ultimately leaving you in like with the differences and not in like with the person. One sure fire way I find out if this is the case is in the way you describe your new boo. If every description of their good qualities come with a 'jo-jo never did that' flag. And don't try and clean up how you talk about your new hottie now. Really ask yourself: What do you like about this person? Why? If your reason why has anything to do with your ex, be careful. This may not truly be the relationship for you.

2. You're getting exactly what you used to get.
Another reason many people jump immediately into another relationship after one ends is because they're trying to fill that hole. You could be looking for someone to take the place of your ex. That would lead you to ultimately date some one just like them. And is that what you really want? What's to say that things wouldn't eventually end up where they are now with this new one? How do you keep yourself from repeating the cycle?

No one can tell you how long you should wait after a break-up before you start dating again. Just like no one can honestly say that relationships started on a rebound won't work either. However it is important to be sure this new person in your life is there for the right reasons. Take time to look inward and see how you contributed to the failure of your past relationships so you can grow. And as always make sure that you close the door on one chapter in your life before you open a new one. Leaving that door open only lets in flies. And we all know how annoying flies can be.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Moment of Simple

Test your PBS memories....

Sunday, April 17, 2011

What Is Quality?

2:00 PM |

Is good really good?

The question of the day on formspring was "What qualities do you look for when you're dating someone?" While I have yet to answer that question it did start to make me think. As I was in the process of rattling off my mental list like Fräulein Maria in the Sound of Music, the word 'qualities' kept ringing in my head.

The word 'qualities' sounds heavy. Much more than characteristics; far above attributes. Perhaps qualities are those (as E-Harmony puts it) core values. So often when envisioning the perfect mate we are stuck on the personality traits, the looks, the actions, the career, the status, and forget to think about what values and qualities a person possesses. We focus so much on what they can do for us and who they are that we forget to really look at who..they..are. Ultimately a person can have every character trait and attribute you are looking for but if your core values don't match up, there could be trouble in paradise.

Now I'm not going to sit here and tell you these are qualities and these are not. That's up to you to decide. But before you get back out there looking for your potential match, take a moment to really reflect on that word 'qualities' and what it is you really should be looking for.

I know I'm re-evaluating my list....

Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Choice Is Yours

12:00 PM |

You can get with this....

Ladies and gentleman, can we please stop the 'men ain't/women ain't ish' conversations? We all know that both sexes are flawed. They have issues. They piss us off constantly. However, we all know that they do make things a lot more fun and way more interesting. *wink, wink*.

I mean if you got with one or two ding-dongs then yea, you can blame them. But ALL? Seriously ALL??? You need some help. Therapy. A priestess to ward off spirits. Something. Truthfully, if all....ALL...the men or women you mess with are ***ked up, then that says more about you than it does about them. What is it about you that's drawing you to these messed up people? What are you doing to contribute to the problem? It might be time to check yourself. Ponder that one......

Friday, April 15, 2011

The Boomerang Boo

12:00 PM |

Here they come again...

Many of us at some point have gotten that infamous IM/text message/phone call from an ex with them saying they miss you, they want to see you, they want to get-get it with you, etc. You may or may not be in a relationship but more often that not the ex contacting you actually is in a 'relationship' of sorts. But yet here they are...hollering at you. It's flattering, right? I mean why else would they contact you when they're currently dating someone else. I mean girllll (or boooyyyyy) they still want you! Right?

Many exes contact you for one of four reasons:

1. They are trying to see if they still got you.

They'll tell you that this girl (or guy) they're with doesn't do what you did. They treat them bad....rah..rah...rah.... In other words they're not you. And of course you were the greatest. I mean that's why you're relationship was sooooo wonderful, pause, this is the EX! Remember that. Doesn't matter what they say, you (or they) ended that relationship for a reason. DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE! They're just testing their player skills out, see if they can still swing you.

2. They want to see if you are still single/available.

Don't get it twisted, it's not about you. Sometimes they want to see if you are willing to still associate with them though things are no longer what they used to be (after they've done you dirty). They want to see if you are still single after the breakup because if you are, could this mean you are so devastated by the split that you have't been able to find anyone else. If you're dating someone else, they want to see if they can take you from this new one. Assert their dominance over the new cat in your life. 'It can't be better than what we had. They can't be better than me.' It's all for their egos. They want to know if they still mean something to you. Many times this is a way for them to gauge where they stand in your life.

3. A last hurrah.

For many women, the ex men in their lives can contact you when things are going to that next level in their current relationship. They are looking to see if they should continue on with this one or go back to what he had before. Is there something else still out there? Double-checking their decisions. Sometimes, they are looking for one last hurrah before they take that leap into marriage. I haven't seen this happen with women much but it can apply.

4. The back-up plan.

The back-up plan could be applied to both sexes. Many times, that ex will also contact you when their current relationship is crumbling. Making sure they'll have someone to lay their heads on when this relationship bottoms out. This way they don't have to be alone and can make you think that they left the current one for you. When in actuality you were just their parachute. Trust and believe once both feet hit that ground securely they will be off and running once again.

Regardless of the reason, any ex that contacts you for something other than a friendly hello WHILE they are dating someone else is up to no good. Bounce them on back to their current boo-boo and go on about your business. Them playing around will get you caught up in a whole bunch of foolishness. If they were truly serious about trying to get you back, they wouldn't be wasting their time with someone else.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Breaking Point

12:05 PM |

When enough is enough...

We all know that at some point, someone in your life (friends, family, coworkers, etc) will do something that is just not a good idea. Make a decision that is not in their best interest. Hang out with someone that is up to no good. And you, as the good friend, are supposed to be there for them. Lend them an ear if need be. Give good, honest, sound advice when asked. That's what a good friend is supposed to do right?

I mean if you see some in the middle of traffic and an 18 wheeler is about to hit him, you'd yell out, right? That's your duty as a kind and just human being. However sometimes, no matter what you tell a person, or what factors you give them to consider, they're still going to walk out in front of that mac truck. Some of your friends still have the general motors logo impression on their hip from the last time they got hit by that same truck.

If you keep walking your silly self into traffic, how many times do you really expect your friends to keep feeding you green jello when they visit your broken self in the hospital? How many times can they strain their back dragging you to safety? How many times do you expect your friends to either a) sit idly by while you be a jackass or b) constantly try to help you out and be ignored?

As a friend what do you do? Constantly give advice only to always be ignored? Just be an ear to listen when you know what you're hearing is foolishness? Wait until ish hits the fan and be there to help clean up when asked? What do you do?

At some point your friend will get tired of your foolishness. They'll get tired of being dragged into traffic with you. Tired of having to pick up the pieces. Tired of being ignored. They'll realize that you are not the person they need to spend an good amount of time with. And you will be the one out there to fix it yourself.

Everyone has their limits.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Random Thought

11:50 AM |

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

You Are or You're Not

10:27 AM |

There is no in-between...

So while this is still kinda fresh on my mind, I should just go ahead and say that you either are in a committed, exclusive relationship or you're not. There is no in-between. No kinda. No we're figuring it out. None of this 'talking' bull. All of those are just ways to say that you are not in an committed, exclusive relationship. PERIOD. I don't care what you say.

So, if you are in fact floating around in this weird gray area of the relationship/dating game you really have to really focus and remember that you are not his girl/her man. What that means is, that other person (and you remember) can do whatever it is you want to do. Talk to who you want to talk to. Kick it with whoever you so choose. That also means that you cannot impose committed, exclusive relationship rules on the other person. Because you are not in a committed, exclusive relationship.

Seems simple right? Wrong. Why? Because of these pesky little things called feelings. These things make you forget that you are not exclusive with this other person. They get you crazy attached and starting to envision the 'finish line'. Imagining what it would be if you were exclusive. Pretending to introduce him to your family as your boyfriend. Showing your girl off to your boys. And really, many people start treating the other person as their girlfriend or boyfriend before anything real is ever established - encouraging the fantasy and if things ultimately don't work out, breaking hearts.

So what if you guys hang out every day, talk every night, date, get busy, share a tooth brush, WHATEVER. All of that doesn't matter. Hopefully, the person you are crushing on cares about you enough to not do anything to hurt you or that could potentially ruin their chances of becoming exclusive with you. But until the two of you decide, discuss (or go about it in a round about way-however you have to do it) that you two are only going to date each other then you have to let them do them.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Moment of Simple

11:22 AM |

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Customization to Your Detriment

11:40 AM |

At some point you can't have it your way...

After watching a commercial for an online k-12 education program that is part of the public school educational system, I had to pause for a second. your second grader can learn to color online? WTF?

We already have parents that don't want to discipline their kids because it will 'stifle their expression and creativity'. We have kids who don't know or don't want to abide by any rules or order set by ANYONE because they don't have to do anything their parents tell them to at home. We get adults who think the world runs like a Burger King drive through and they can have any and everything their way. Now you're going to start even earlier with the who 'do what you want, when you want to' mentality??

At some point in your life you will have to do something you don't want to do, in a time frame you don't want to do it in, on a day you could care less to do it on. It's called a JOB. And if you don't start making these stupid kids do something other than live fast and die hard it's going to be your old ass at a desk, in a factory, making this world go around. Why? Because your ignorant, selfish seed doesn't care that you're 80 year old back can't overhaul an engine in the repair shop anymore. They just want their R8 (that you gave them) running and ready to go.

I love the fact that technology has given me the ability to watch live NCAA basketball on my cell phone, and set my security alarm from the airport. I even love the fact that as an adult, you can find a school online and learn what you need with out it interfering with your current career. But to allow your children to stay in the house, in front of a computer for 8 hours or more a day, study when they feel like it, not have to deal with adults outside of the family, not have to deal with children of all cultures, backgrounds, personalities, is just insane. What are we teaching them? How will they grow to be functioning adults?

I mean you can say that it'll be the parents responsibility but that's happening. There is a good percentage of stupid parents, bringing up stupid kids and blaming everyone else for their inadequacies. I mean look around your classroom, your neighborhood, your city at these kids. One of them will be your doctor. One will be your future president.

That scare you enough to do better?

Friday, April 8, 2011

Acting Right

The 'drop-bye'....

There are all kinds of surprises. Surprise parties. Surprise gifts. Surprise engagements. And surprises can be great. However, I do not believe that dropping by someone's place is a great surprise. I don't care how excited and jovial you are when I open the door.

It is not appropriate for you to just show up, unannounced at someone's house. It's just rude. People have lives. Places to go. Things to do. Even on their days off, they may not be as available as you would think. Just because a person isn't doing anything, doesn't mean they want to spend that day with you.

If you do just randomly drop by and the person actually decides to entertain you and your inconsiderate self, you can not impose any expectations on that visit. You can't expect them to be ready to roll out with you. You can't expect them to entertain you. You can't expect them to feed you. You can't expect them to drop what they are doing to now sit and be with you. You should take whatever attitude or response you get and be happy with it.

Even if you roll up on something TOTALL INAPPROPRIATE. It's your fault. Remember, you weren't supposed to be there in the first place.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Yo.....Can I Holler Atchu For A Sec?

12:00 PM |

Why I don't approach or chase....

So I got a question a while back: Why don't women approach the men? Well, my answer is simple: Cause.

There are plenty of women out there chasing down guys. Some are quality. Some are scary. If you want that in your life, you be that docile man waiting on your princess charming to come take you away on her white horse... *pats the pitiful man's shoulder*....

I think it should be the man's responsibility to approach the woman he's interested in. I mean all these magazine and movies got these girls stressing, dressing, stretching, practicing, to be that 'perfect' woman for you. The least you could do is show her you appreciate it. So go holler. That's what you're made to do. Now don't get me wrong, I understand that it's hard to go up to these girls and (sometimes) just get shot down over and over. It's not a easy thing to do for many of you. I'm sure you think girls have it easy to wait on the guy to come talk to them. But how easy it is if you're never approached? Think about that chic. Always out, never approached. Always cute, never hollered at. Always smiling, always alone. You still think it's easy to just sit there? Never being asked hurts worse than always being told no.

For the sake of argument, let's play it out. A woman approaches you and whispers:

Ay, yo cutie. I couldn't help but to notice you standing over here all fine and what not. *looks you up and down* Yo, where ya girl at? O, you ain't got no girl? How someone that looks like you ain't got no girl? *stares at your 'lil man'* dunno, huh? Well, I was wondering...*sniff*sniff*...can I call you sometime?

That's sexy? That's what you want?

I know, I know. That's just a wrong way of doing it. And you fellas only want to feel attractive and appreciated like the girls do.

Now I'm going to preface what I think with a small disclaimer. I know it's not 100% right. I know that there are always exceptions. But this is why I don't approach men, old fashioned or not. For me, if I have to approach I'm already starting to take a lead role. And once I have that lead role you are not going to get it back. The last thing I want in a potential hook-up, man or whatever is to feel like he's a punk in any way. And if you let me run things, then I run you, and you are now my bia. And that's not what I want. Not to say that you waiting on a girl to approach is a punk move, but..... no...wait... that's what I'm saying. Go holler at that girl! If I'll be expected to wash your drawers and push out your big headed baby the least you can do is ask me for my number. Man up!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Not A Good Look

8:30 PM |

Going to work at work...

Confused by the subtitle? Not a Big Daddy Kane aficionado? Here I'll explain it to you....

As we grow older, the places and time we have to go looking for a potential mate start to dwindle. Thus many people begin to search for love at their place of business. While frowned upon by many institutions, the act of work place dating still happens quite regularly. I mean you spend at minimum 8 hours a day at that place, 40 hours a week. You get close to those you work with. Learn their habits, their favorite foods, their interests which is just a breeding ground for an infestation of affection.

And why not? With so many people out their searching for their 'true love' (first, second or third true love), eliminating a potential match based on workplace guidelines seems a bit unfair. After all, 17% of married people meet a work, which is the same percentage of people who meet through mutual friends. Seems like a good idea right?

Well pump your breaks there skippy. There is a huge caveat to dating someone in your work place. And that is your getting you're getting your honey where you're making your money which can make for a sticky situation. Cause if you dick that other person over you have to see that person ev-er-ry day. If things go sour they could get really bad. That person no longer has to keep your closed door business behind closed doors. Then you'll have other men in the work place looking at you like a freak and other women rolling their eyes and sucking their teeth at you. I mean really how long can you avoid them. And imagine if you dated more than one person....yikes!

Ultimately, it's up to you and your place of business to decide what is appropriate. I personally recommend that if you do it, you have to be mature about it. Otherwise, leave it be. There are only so many hours you can spend in the bathroom and under your desk avoiding your ex (or exes). Eventually it'll start to interfere with your job and well all know that playing with your ability to get that money is just not a good look.