An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Friday, May 21, 2010

Ask A Black Girl

1:41 AM |

So I "borrowed" this idea from one of my favorite people and author Professor Locs. What do you want to know?

Q: What's going to be the next good topic?

You know, I don't really know. When I get ideas or when conversations spark rants, I jot down the general ideas and save them as drafts for later. I have 30 drafts sitting there ready to be flushed out and posted. So which will come next???? Guess you'll have to keep reading to see :D

Q: How can i make my blog pop like yours does?

Why, thank you. I started redesigning my site about a year or so ago. I'm a designer by trade so it was a lot of fun and a personal challenge for me to see what I could do. It's not a lot but it's exactly what I wanted. There are so many free templates out there that can help spark your ideas. They're easy to modify, easy to upload AND because blogger lets you back up your current template, if you mess things up, you can just reload the old one.

I'd just search around. Some good sites are and among many others. So just search around and see what strikes you.

I like questions. So if you have them, ask away. You can ask me over there...on the right there...scroll down. There it is!

Or you could just click this

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Cougar

11:52 AM |


Why is it that when women decide that they are going to date younger men, we get nicknamed? Men have dated younger women for years. What's with the double standard? There are so many ageists out there who don't want to date a woman over 25, when they themselves are one foot in the grave.

What? Because you don't want me I'm supposed to be an old spinster sitting in my rocking chair watching you parade around like a jackass with a girl who wasn't even a twinkle in her mom's eye when you out doing keg stands with your frat brothers? What kind of sense does that make? Really?

I get picked on a lot by my friends for being open to dating younger men. Why? They're the ones showing interest in me. It's not like I'm the one cruising college campuses ready to scoop up an unsuspecting child. Why am I going to waste the prime years of my life waiting for someone my own age to appreciate me? Screw that.

I don't care if I am older. Call me what you want. But if you meet my qualifications and you can buy me a drink, then let's get it. Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Spare My Feelings

11:51 AM |

Quit playing...

I think I'm just going to be direct on this one. I can't stand it when guys/girls string girls/guys along, when they know they are not interested. What, you think it's fun to play with other people's emotions? What kind of sadistic joy do you get in breaking someone's heart?

And you can't say you don't know that you're doing that. You can't ever say that you never knew the other was interested, because at some point the played ones interest is always expressed. If you tell that person you're not interested then your actions need to reflect that as well. There's no need to continuously be overly flirty and suggestive when you have no intentions of following through.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being a flirt. And I understand it's always good to know that someone is interested in you. It can make your day. But like all things in life there are levels. And as an adult, you know when you've crossed that line.

At some point, we all grow up and it comes time for us to leave behind childish things. This life is too short to continue to waste time on people who don't give two sh!$ about you. You have to stop allowing people to waste your time. Remember people only do to you what you allow them to. Played ones, please quit falling for the okie-doke. Teases grow the f@#$ up.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


12:15 PM |

This is not a good scent on you...

It's always been said that desperation is not a good look. It does so many negative things to you and your public persona. And while it has become fairly easy to spot in women, many men exude the air of desperation and have no idea they are doing do. So let's see....fellas, what are you doing that make you appear desperate? When are you doing just a little too much?

Overly excited:
I like for a guy to be happy to see me, but there is a limit. You start bouncing around like a Jack Russell terrier and I'm going to just have to laugh at you. Tell me I look good tonight, that's great. Continue to harp on my outfit, my looks all night, every 5 minutes, will start to make me A) question your sincerity and B) begin to make me feel strange and awkward.

You meet a guy in the club. You exchange numbers and he says he'll call you. If before you even get to your car at the end of the night you have 3 missed calls and a voicemail from him, just go on and delete/block the number. Girls like to be pursued. We like attention. We like to feel like you're into us. But fellas, please understand, constantly calling is not cute. You have to give us time to call you back. You don't know what we are doing. And to automatically assume we are avoiding your calls says a lot more about you than you think. Now once you get us on the phone, please be easy. Find the balance from seeming interested and being crazy stalker-ish.

I must admit, sometimes a little "please, baby baby, please, baby baby, please" can be a good thing (you know the context). But in general, grown man, please don't do this. It just makes you look pitiful. If a girl says she doesn't feel like hanging out, going out, coming over, having people over, then just let it go. Spending countless minutes asking over and over and having her repeat her explanations why she's not in the mood for company will make you a victim of some really harsh and hurtful words, and a mini frustration explosion. It doesn't make you look like you're really into her. It makes you look needy, a bit immature, somewhat selfish and slightly demanding. It's not cute.

Like with all things between men and women, there's a line. You have to know how to walk that line between interested and crazy. In general, just play it cool. Being too desperate for attention, to hook up, to talk makes you look seriously insecure. And no girl wants an insecure man.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Random Thought

12:56 PM |

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

What Chili Wants

Answer: Everything....

I've been asked by a few people if I've seen the show What Chili Wants on VH1. I've thought about this for a minute and let me first say I LOVE Chili, TLC, always been a big fan. (Chili is actually one of my inspirations to stay on my fitness routine.) Anyway, the way she's portrayed on the show, makes it appear as if she wants everything. Her list includes:

1. He can't drink
2. He can't smoke
3. He can't eat pork
4. He can't have more than 2 baby mamas
5. He must be fine with at least a 4 pack
6. He must have a really huge ****

Sounds like the perfect man, right? I think what gets Chili into the discussion of unrealistic expectations is the fact that the items on her list appear to be superficial. Notice it doesn't say anything about his beliefs, personality, etc. Not to say she doesn't have any of those requirements on her list, but this is what's being put out there as what she wants. Not only that, she's also very quick to dismiss several seemingly attractive and successful men who are lacking in just one of those areas. Quick as in, within the first 2 minutes of a date. Can we talk about pressure of first impressions!! (Some men are so clueless about those things).

Some people think that she needs to re-evaluate her expectations and requirements. I thought so too after watching her take her machete to all of the guys on her dates. But after thinking about it, why can't she want everything?

Women are always told to settle, to compromise, to make exceptions. Why? We, as women, are groomed to be the perfect woman for any man. Why then, is it inappropriate for us to request the perfect man? Chili is a beautiful, successful, talented woman, mother with goals, aspiration, and drive. Why should she settle for someone who isn't bringing something equal or more than what she's bringing to the table?

Remember Regine from the show Living Single? People always laughed at her for wanting to be with a man with money. She tried dating all types of men, but she held out, kept her standards high and when she left she show she got her millionaire. In the real world would that happen? Probably not, but I think the message there is important. We don't have to settle.

It's ok to have high standards. Just be sure you're walking the walk as well.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Moment of Simple

1:44 AM |

R.I.P. Lena Horne...

I must dedicate this week's Moment Of Simple to the beautiful, talented, trail-blazing, Lena Horne. Her voice was distinctive. Her smile, infectious. Her beauty stopped traffic and her philanthropy helped and inspired many. May her beautiful spirit rest in peace.

Monday, May 10, 2010


11:49 PM |

Or something like that...

Question: Do you have a girlfriend? Answer: Something like that? Really? As you peer back at the guy with the 'you have got to be kidding me face', you sigh and just shake your head and go on about your business.

What is this 'something like that'? This isn't a do you like me, check yes, no or maybe question. You either do, or you don't. Forget about all the intricacies of a relationship. The question isn't meant for you to give a dissertation on whether or not girlfriend is an appropriate term to use when describing the woman/women you currently spend your time with. The question is meant to determine whether or not you are available. And if you have anyone in your life at the current moment that you are kicking it with on a regular/semi-regular basis means that technically you are not available.


And fiance, is a girlfriend with a ring (uummmmm.......sort of, not really) so the answer would be yes you have a girlfriend. You slick bastard.

If you're going to go on and do your business, why even bother with giving a lame-o response like 'something like that'? Think you're being somewhat upfront? Kinda putting it out there with the hopes that the girl you are trying to run your game with believes that things aren't as serious as it could be. When in actuality if it really was nothing serious, you would have just said 'I date, but I'm not currently with someone'.

What you think we're stupid? Get over yourself.