Heads Up I'm Open!

So I just finished reading the book "How To Love A Black Man" by Dr. Ronn Elmore. For the most part I will say that if you are a woman that would like some tips, action steps, or advice on how to make your relationship be better, I actually think this is a pretty good read. It breaks down what he defines as the 'love substitutes' most women use in place of true love and proceeds to offer a series of 73 'Satisfaction Actions' that can help you enhance or improve your relationship with your man. All in all there is a lot of good common sense advice in there, along with mantras, and action steps. Like I said in general, a good read.

I'm sorry, I just still don't understand why we are always getting told that in order for us to have a fulfilling relationship with a Black man especially, we have to lower our expectations. Why is it so impossible to want a man who has close to everything? Women are expected to be everything (beautiful, a good cook, a good mother, a good housekeeper, a lady, a freak, intelligent....), but it's unreasonable for us to put more than 2 or more expectations on our man. If he's beautiful and sensitive, don't expect him to have money or be upwardly mobile. If he has money and treats you well, don't expect him to be attractive. If he's got a big house, a nice car, can cook, and loves you with all his might, expect him to have 4 kids, 3 baby mamas, and a felony.

And why are so many Black men telling women to expect less of them? Why is that acceptable? Why not try and be the best you can be, reach your highest peak? Why settle for being average? I just think that's such a low way to think of yourselves.

I understand that many of the expectations a good deal of women put on mean are just simply unrealistic. However, if you are constantly telling people to only expect so much of you, aren't you just limiting your own potential?

Being that today is my mother's birthday, I think it is only fitting that I share some of the important lessons that she taught me as a child. These lessons are some I think EVERY adult should learn and use. And apparently, there are FAR too many out there that either haven't learned these lessons or have let age erase them from their mind. So here are some of the many lessons I learned and still use today.

When my mom would take my sisters and me out, one of the first things she would say when we were preparing to get out of the car was "When we get inside, don't touch anything." So we were not the kids leaving our grubby little finger prints on store windows, knocking down shoe displays, picking up any and everything that came in our path.

Pause...I'm rambling on some personal issues.

This was important. It basically taught us to put things back. Straighten up a room when when left it. Don't just abandon stuff everywhere. There were no maids in my house and my parents only did so much picking up after us. Especially if it is a shared space. Who wants to come behind someone and have to pick up someone else's mess? I mean really. This should be a no brainer. If I'm focused enough I can use and leave a room without anyone even knowing I had been there. Great skill to have and utilize.

I think ever person has been told to be still at some point in there young life by their parents. As a children we were taken almost everywhere. We had to learn to behave in church, at my parents public functions, doctors offices, everywhere we were taken. So there was no excessive playing, and no loud interruptions. What that taught us was how to behave in different situations when they may or may not be about or for us. There will be times you have to be places you just simply don't want to be. Sometimes it's best to just sit still and wait until it's over. Trust me, it gets harder as an adult because -- well, you're grown and don't necessarily have to be anywhere you don't want to be. But, it's still a good lesson to remember. Plus my mom would always say if you pay attention, even if this even it's 'for' you, you may learn something. We all know that sometimes the greatest messages are delivered to us when we take the time to just 'be still'.

I'll admit it. I was a very overly sensitive child. I would cry at the drop of a hat at almost any and everything. A true cry baby. After a while, my mom told me "As long as people know how they can get to you, they'll keep getting to you. They just want a reaction. If you don't give it to them, they'll stop." When she told me this it was like a switch went off in my head. It made perfect sense. And the crying stopped. (I eventually lashed out in other ways, but that's neither here nor there.)

Basically some people will do things or say things just to push your buttons. See how far they can push you. Or like they say 'get a rise' out of you. Some people (old and young) are just bullies. Once they see that they can't intimidate you, bother you, upset you, throw you off your game, they'll back off. Because they're not getting the attention and reaction they wanted. I live this lesson almost to a fault every day.

This was probably in a frustrated reaction to lesson 4. But she's right. In life you have to care about something. This care/passion is what moves you forward. It should excite you, encourage you to do better. If you don't care about anything, then what is your purpose? Where are you going? What are you trying to do and why? I am still searching for my true passion. Something I care so much about I can't sleep at night. Who knows, I may have found it, but am not still enough to recognize it.

So, Happy Birthday, to the woman who gave me life and her face. You are truly loved and appreciated.

Why......on earth.....would I.....give a man.......all this stuff???

If there is no paper work signed, no unity made under god, in front family, friends and people I pretend are family and friends, why would a woman give a man a car, all his jewelry, all his clothing and shoes, pay for his cell phone, everything? I'm not talking about gifts or tokens of I love you. I'm talking about full out, sugar mama, taking care of everything for this man.

I don't think there is any loving on this PLANET that is that good.

As a man, would you not want to be out there handling your business? Does it really make you look better to your people that you are riding around in a car your WOMAN bought you? Wearing clothes your WOMAN put you in? Buying things with HER money? Is that what's really good out there in the streets right now? Is that that pimp status? Playa-playa?

That's so, not manly to me, and you already know I have issues with guys who do things I consider very unmanly. I mean are you a child? Got mommy issues or something? Are your legs broken? Can't get out there and work to get your own? It's not cute, not sexy, and not something that would even attract me to a guy. So much to the point that I don't understand how these guys manage to get these women to do these things for them. Good game I guess, but honestly that's just such a turn off. You like an independent woman, a woman who's got her own? Well I like an independent man.

And ladies I have to tell you that there are so many of you out there that are just doing the most for these men and getting ABSOLUTELYnothing in return. Not saying that relationships should be this tit-for-tat kind of thing. But doesn't it kill the mood to have your man dismount after that supposedly good-good and ask you for gas money?

Everything? You're going to give him everything?

Come on. COME. ON.

That was a Porche. Like you said for the last 2-3 minutes of the song, YOUR Porche.