An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, February 21, 2011

Moment of Simple

Monday, February 14, 2011

It's Valentine's Day

6:09 PM |


We'll it's another year and another Valentine's Day. What makes this day so special? I just don't see what the big deal is. And don't get me wrong. I'm not approaching this from a hater standpoint. I just honestly don't...get....what the big deal is. I mean people get in fights and break up over what is or is not done on this day and I just really don't see why it's so serious.

I think it's interesting how people who love this day turn their noses up at those who could care less about this day. But those are the same people who look at you blankly when you ask them what's so special about Valentine's Day. Let's just be honest, most of you guys will accept gas station roses on this day and gush about how great he is, but if he showed up on your door on a Wednesday with that same brown rose you'd be singing a different story. Give me a break.

Unless this day is an important day for your relationship (outside of it just being Valentine's Day), there is no reason for this day to be any more special than the next. Your significant other should be making you feel like you're their Valentine almost every day. You should be doing things every other day of the year to let the one you love know you think they're special. Like one of my students said, if you gotta go all out on Valentine's Day and you're not doing anything any of the other days, then you're doing something wrong (a very rough paraphrase).

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Not A Good Look

11:00 AM |

Public primping...

Why on earth do people feel the need to step out of their cars and begin to brush their hair, and put on make-up? I'm not talking about a quick run through of the hair with their fingers or a touch up of the lip gloss before walking into work. I'm talking about the brothers with the brown natural bristle brushes cupped in their hands brushing the fade foreword and the ladies pulling out entire makeup bags, putting them on the top of the car and going to town on their day look.

Back when I was younger, my mother would look at me sideways if I put Chapstick on in public. I'd get told off if I did it at the table or while talking to another person. She'd have a old-southern-woman-church-faint if she witnessed what I see on a daily basis. Little combs out to get the food out of your beards, walking through traffic putting on mascara, flipping hair upside down - comb*comb* - right side up -comb*comb - to the left- comb*comb - to the right - comb*comb - now ponytail. Changing clothes in the parking lot, standing up outside of the car, all doors open, flesh out for the world to see.

Do you all not have any reflective surfaces in your possession other than your car? No mirrors at home? No TV to look at your reflection in? No shiny keychains? No windows? No round doorknobs? No clean dishes? No metal faucets? Nothing reflective to help you put yourself together before you enter the outside world?

If you have to freshen up, use the restroom. That's part of what it's there for. You can also touch yourself up at your desk. Just not out everywhere for everyone to see. It's not cute and it's most definitely not a good look.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Acting Right

5:13 PM |

Public cell phone use etiquette.....

I have to write about this primarily because I, myself today was caught off guard by a phone call and forgot the proper etiquette. And because there was a very loud student outside of my classroom having a loud conversation for the whole hall to hear. So here we go....

1. I personally do not believe that there is a reason for you to be on the phone, having a private (or not private) conversation in front of someone else. So if you take the phone call, step away as much as you can. Go outside, to another room, to a hallway, or just a few feet away from the people you are with. This way the conversation can go on with out distraction and you keep your private business private. says that you should observe the 10-foot proximity rule, meaning you should be at least 10 feet away from the next person when you are having a conversation.

2. If you absolutely have to take a phone call in a pubic place, please use your inside voice. And don't tell your life story. Why should I know all of your personal business and why should the person(s) you are with have to wait several minutes for you to get off the phone? Hit the high points and keep it moving.

3. If it's quiet: Vibrate. If it's not quite and you are around other people and your ringtone would make a grown man blush: Vibrate. Even if your ringtone is not bad, if you are in a public setting you should put it on vibrate. Let's just be honest. How many people still use the stock ringtones that came with the phone? Ringtones are representative of their owners personality. And sometimes that's just entirely too much information. Imagine sitting in a meeting with your boss and you hear Beyonce singing "The way you blowin up my phone won't make me move no fast-ah". Not a bad ringtone, but now everyone in the meeting has a few questions (behind your back) about your personal life.

4. And most of all, don't be rude. Don't answer the phone when you are in the middle of a date, conversation with another person, in the movies, in the classroom, etc. That's just tacky. Ultimately, if we are all polite-minded and think of how what we are doing impacts others we will be able to easily use our phones without making people want to hit us with a brick.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

You Are Not Nappy

12:12 PM |

and claiming kinky is not cute...

I gotta say. I can't stand it when natural girls, sites, hair care products, etc. refer to their hair texture as kinky, nappy, coarse, etc. I didn't like to hear girls refer to their tresses that way when I was relaxed and I like it even less now that I'm natural.

Nappy and kinky were never words that I heard as terms of endearment growing up. Even still today they can be hurtful if said in the wrong context. I am amazed to see all of these sisters that claim to love who they are and love themselves refer to their hair in terms that were once used to make us feel ashamed or self-concious about our natural texture. Proud for someone to consider them nappy. OK with ignorant beauticians who dismiss their hair as coarse (when natural hair is often more delicate than chemically treated hair). I just don't get it.

I mean..picture it...two dudes at the bar having a conversation:
"Check out that nappy headed chic at the end of the bar.....she is sooo sexy."
That's flattering??

I guess it's because I've never understood why Black people feel the need to try and make words that were used to belittle us "our own". As if that removes any of the sting or the real meaning behind it when it's said out of our own personal guidelines. You can say I'm being overly sensitive all you want. I just think our beliefs of taking a word and 'transforming' it's meaning is a bunch of BS. I mean really.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Random Thought

12:58 PM |


Monday, February 7, 2011

Moment of Simple

"Let's Get Dangerous..."

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Not A Good Look

12:02 PM |

Uggs and sweats...

Just because I saw entirely too much of it yesterday when I was driving around the city I have to make Ugg boots with sweat pants my topic of today. And I must say it's not just the Uggs with sweat pants. It's the entire look that is just absolutely unacceptable.

Let me describe it for you from the bottom up. Uggs (choose your color), sweat pants(an off color from the uggs - often accompanied by PINK written across the butt---tucked into the boots), some type of mystery shirt hidden under a pull over fleece or windbreaker type zip up jacket (also an off color), hair in a high pony tail with some type of head band.


It looks terrible! And the simple fact that soooo many people do this look in the EXACT---SAME---WAY is even worse. I saw about 3-4 of them grouped out together all rocking this fashion horror standing on the curb outside of an electronics store. There are so many other ways to rock the 'I just jumped out of bed and put anything on look' or announce to the world that 'I am a college student'. This needs to quickly cycle itself out. Because the Uggs with sweat pants ensemble is just not a good look.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Let's Get Married

11:30 AM |

'We ain't gettin' no younger, we might as well do it...'

At some point in your adult life your single friends just start dropping like flies. (Typically around the age of 25 or so). It like watching dominos fall. It all starts with one. And soon you'll be blocking at least 2-3 months out of your year for weddings. Only to be blocking another 2-3 months for baby showers about 2 years later. Good for them. They found love. Their soul mate. The person they're going to spend the rest of their lives with. Right?

Some people approach marriage like that line at the top of my post from that oh-so-wonderful Jagged Edge diddy. (The one people love to play at weddings but if they really listened to that song -remix or original- there is NOTHING sweet or marriage worthy about that song but the melody. But I digress). People sometimes approach marriage like a goal to reach. A task to be handled. A check box to mark off. It becomes less of a union of hearts, minds, spirits (money), and more about just being something to do.

Inner dialogue: I'm 'at that age'. He's cool/she's cool. She'll be a good mother to my kids. He'll be a good father to my children. And even if they get all old and busted and evil I'll be too old to even care cause I'll be old and busted and deaf.

Even when marriage was less about love and more of an arrangement or a joining of two like minded people with similar goals and aspirations (something like a corporate merger and less like what we think of love today) there was still a meeting of the minds. Similarities. Common interests. Some of ya'll getting married don't even really like your future spouse.

Ultimately no one wants to spend their life alone. However I think marriage should be less about 'I'm at that age' and more about 'this person is right for me'. Sadly I feel like I see/hear a lot of the "I done, done it all" and less of the right for me part. Maybe I'm just being to much of a skeptic. I guess I just want people who are at that point, want to some day get to that point or really are thinking they're ready to be married to not feel like it's an obligation, a mile-marker or a final destination (regardless of what your mother might say). If it happens then wonderful. If it doesn't then find a way to truly be ok with that. Just.....I careful out there.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Random Thought

11:50 AM |

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Chicken or the Egg

12:30 PM |

Exploring the cycle...

Often, I find myself looking at people and their behavior. I started wondering about the cause of some of the overwhelming misunderstandings, triffling behavior and various other problems many people seem to experience when dealing with their partners. I often wonder about the cycle. Are men messed up because women are messed up? Or are women messed up because men are messed up?

This is a hard one. Because for every man that's out there doing wrong, there is a woman in his past that has probably done him wrong (or allowed him to do wrong). And that woman was probably done wrong by a man in her life and it just keeps repeating. The blame could even be placed on the lack of father figures in many of the homes. Or you could blame the mother for either keeping kids from their father or bring random men around their kids. It's all cyclical and finding a start to the problem will probably never happen.

However, after much contemplation, I have decided that the person who is responsible for how a man treats a woman is that woman. A woman decides what she will and will not put up with. A woman decides what she does and does not expect out of her man. A woman ultimately sets the standard for how she wants to be treated. If the woman before you had no standards, you can rest assured that unless you set standards for your man, he won't have them nor will he really know how to respect them. That doesn't mean he can't or won't respect or be able to learn how treat you. You just have to establish the standards and maintain them. So while we many not know how the cycle got started, the responsibility of ending that cycle ultimately lies with a woman.

Don't get me wrong. I fully believe that only a man can teach a boy how to be a man. But only a woman can teach that man how to treat a woman.