An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Checking In

10:35 AM |

You should call me....

The other day I was listening to the Doug Bank's show and they were discussing wether or not couples had to 'check in' with one another when out away from their partner. Of course this discussion is most often presented in the context of men calling their women to let them know what's going on and what time they'll be home. But it can often (but not really) be in the reverse. Typically the women believe that if the men aren't in the streets 'doing wrong', then why is it a big deal to call and let them know where they are, who they're with, what they're doing, what time they're coming home. Men's response typically is: I'm GROWN!

I think it all depends on the context of the situation. For example, if you had plans to meet up with your girl after you've hung out with your boys (or whatever it is you were planning to do that day) and the activity runs long, then yes, you should call her and let her know. It's rude to have her (or anyone) sitting waiting on you.

But I will say, that if you live with your significant other, you'll have more of an obligation to come on/tell them when you're coming home, than most. You don't want your boo worried about you being in an accident or somewhere lying in a gutter hurt. Plus if you're not coming home, where are you spending the night?

But if you had no plans to connect, you've already talked for the day and you get a little busy I think it's completely your choice wether or not you call your partner and let them know what's going on. If you do, then that's sweet because you truly didn't have to. You can always talk to them the next day, or fill them in later. It doesn't mean you're out there doing wrong. I think that's where a lot of the trust factor comes in.

This is a debate that has been and will probably continue to go on for ever. I think that no one should feel obligated to 'check in' with their significant other, nor should you expect or be expected to. There's absolutely no reason for you to feel like you have to keep tabs on your partner. That just leads to a miserable relationship filled with paranoia, control issues, jealousy and deception.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Lessons Learned

8:12 AM |

Home training and beyond...

Being that today is my mother's birthday, I think it is only fitting that I share some of the important lessons that she taught me as a child. These lessons are some I think EVERY adult should learn and use. And apparently, there are FAR too many out there that either haven't learned these lessons or have let age erase them from their mind. So here are some of the many lessons I learned and still use today.

1. Don't touch that!
When my mom would take my sisters and me out, one of the first things she would say when we were preparing to get out of the car was "When we get inside, don't touch anything." So we were not the kids leaving our grubby little finger prints on store windows, knocking down shoe displays, picking up any and everything that came in our path.

As an adult, I think it's VITALLY important to remember that if you don't know how to work something, don't use something, or it's not yours --- DON'T TOUCH IT!!! What is it about shiny buttons that just make people want to press them... then I gotta come behind them and figure out their mess.....

Pause...I'm rambling on some personal issues.

2. Leave the room like you found it.
This was important. It basically taught us to put things back. Straighten up a room when when left it. Don't just abandon stuff everywhere. There were no maids in my house and my parents only did so much picking up after us. Especially if it is a shared space. Who wants to come behind someone and have to pick up someone else's mess? I mean really. This should be a no brainer. If I'm focused enough I can use and leave a room without anyone even knowing I had been there. Great skill to have and utilize.

3. Sit still.
I think ever person has been told to be still at some point in there young life by their parents. As a children we were taken almost everywhere. We had to learn to behave in church, at my parents public functions, doctors offices, everywhere we were taken. So there was no excessive playing, and no loud interruptions. What that taught us was how to behave in different situations when they may or may not be about or for us. There will be times you have to be places you just simply don't want to be. Sometimes it's best to just sit still and wait until it's over. Trust me, it gets harder as an adult because -- well, you're grown and don't necessarily have to be anywhere you don't want to be. But, it's still a good lesson to remember. Plus my mom would always say if you pay attention, even if this even it's 'for' you, you may learn something. We all know that sometimes the greatest messages are delivered to us when we take the time to just 'be still'.

4. Don't let people see how to get to you.
I'll admit it. I was a very overly sensitive child. I would cry at the drop of a hat at almost any and everything. A true cry baby. After a while, my mom told me "As long as people know how they can get to you, they'll keep getting to you. They just want a reaction. If you don't give it to them, they'll stop." When she told me this it was like a switch went off in my head. It made perfect sense. And the crying stopped. (I eventually lashed out in other ways, but that's neither here nor there.)

Basically some people will do things or say things just to push your buttons. See how far they can push you. Or like they say 'get a rise' out of you. Some people (old and young) are just bullies. Once they see that they can't intimidate you, bother you, upset you, throw you off your game, they'll back off. Because they're not getting the attention and reaction they wanted. I live this lesson almost to a fault every day.

5. You have to care about something!
This was probably in a frustrated reaction to lesson 4. But she's right. In life you have to care about something. This care/passion is what moves you forward. It should excite you, encourage you to do better. If you don't care about anything, then what is your purpose? Where are you going? What are you trying to do and why? I am still searching for my true passion. Something I care so much about I can't sleep at night. Who knows, I may have found it, but am not still enough to recognize it.

So, Happy Birthday, to the woman who gave me life and her face. You are truly loved and appreciated.

Monday, March 5, 2012

I Just Can't

11:07 PM |

Thoughts on the new Brandy and Monica song/video...

So I just got finished watching the 'world premiere' of Brandy and Monica's video "It all belongs to me" and it got me thinking...

Why......on earth.....would I.....give a man.......all this stuff???

If there is no paper work signed, no unity made under god, in front family, friends and people I pretend are family and friends, why would a woman give a man a car, all his jewelry, all his clothing and shoes, pay for his cell phone, everything? I'm not talking about gifts or tokens of I love you. I'm talking about full out, sugar mama, taking care of everything for this man.

I don't think there is any loving on this PLANET that is that good.

As a man, would you not want to be out there handling your business? Does it really make you look better to your people that you are riding around in a car your WOMAN bought you? Wearing clothes your WOMAN put you in? Buying things with HER money? Is that what's really good out there in the streets right now? Is that that pimp status? Playa-playa?

That's so, not manly to me, and you already know I have issues with guys who do things I consider very unmanly. I mean are you a child? Got mommy issues or something? Are your legs broken? Can't get out there and work to get your own? It's not cute, not sexy, and not something that would even attract me to a guy. So much to the point that I don't understand how these guys manage to get these women to do these things for them. Good game I guess, but honestly that's just such a turn off. You like an independent woman, a woman who's got her own? Well I like an independent man.

And ladies I have to tell you that there are so many of you out there that are just doing the most for these men and getting ABSOLUTELYnothing in return. Not saying that relationships should be this tit-for-tat kind of thing. But doesn't it kill the mood to have your man dismount after that supposedly good-good and ask you for gas money?

I think that often women do this to prove to this man that she's a good woman. But come on....
Everything? You're going to give him everything?

Come on. COME. ON.

OH! and spoiler alert. At the end of the video they BLOW UP the car that one of them supposedly had given to her man. BLOW UP MY OWN SHIT?


Really Monica.

That was a Porche. Like you said for the last 2-3 minutes of the song, YOUR Porche.