An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Random Thought

10:25 PM |

And that's that.

Monday, December 28, 2009


9:23 AM |

having a rare sappy moment...

The thing I like most about the holidays is getting a chance to catch up with people I haven't seen in a while. My friends that live in the city with me are all caught up in doing their own thing. So it's good for me to catch up with people because often I start feeling lonely. Last night I hung out with some gentlemen I haven't seen in 20 years. Not since I left the city in 5th grade.

It was good to catch up and see how they've been doing all these years. Each turned out how I expected. One went to school, has his own house, supporting the family, good job and all of that. Crazy what that kid remembers. The other kind of got caught up a bit. Has a 7 year old, tatted up like crazy, made it out of high school but didn't go too much further, apparently had a few issues growing up but overall made it OK and is doing well. But both are making it and doing their thing. We hung out for like 6 hours just catching up. Mostly it was them seeing what happened to me and seeing how I turned out because they still talk to each other a lot. But we had a lot of fun and really talked like no time had passed at all.

I remember growing up I was always told that the friends I made in elementary school, middle school, and high school would all but disappear from my life completely. That the real friends I'd have I'd make in college. But it really hasn't happened for me that way. The people I consider the closest to me are the ones I've known the longest. The one's I can call up at any moment and have a conversation with like we saw each other yesterday. Even though I don't see them or talk to them nearly as much as I should, they still are my peoples. Don't get me wrong I love my girls from school, but there's nothing like my old friends.

So cheers good people...

Thursday, November 26, 2009


The melting pot...

Funny thing about family. These are the people you are tied to regardless of situation, income, location. The people you are supposed to love unconditionally. The people who are supposed to understand you the most. But often these are the people you practice the least amount of tolerance with. The least amount of patience. The least amount of understanding.

In the real world you begin to develop interpersonal skills. These skills allow you to enter work places, public places and interact with people of different backgrounds, personalities and beliefs. For example, when you are at work you have people that you click with, people that you don't, people that you can't stand, but in the end you have managed to adjust how you deal with each individual so you can accomplish a final goal and get through the day. Why is it that these same skills are not practiced within the family.

Families are made up of people with different personalities, different interpersonal skills, and sometimes different beliefs. Why is it that we never practice what we do outside of the house inside with our own family. We expect for everyone to think like you do, act like you do, work like you do and when they don't it leads to angry conversations, arguments and conversations behind brick walls. We are all people. Thrown together in this long chain by no fault of our own. Spent years and years around each other. You would think that people in these situations would be able to deal with one another better.

If you don't then stop being stupid and start dealing with each other. Use those skills. Accept people for who and what they are and adjust your behavior accordingly. You are all working towards a common goal.

Now go eat some turkey. Happy Thanksgiving.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Football 201 for Women

12:40 PM |

Part play...

So ladies, so far we've covered the offensive positions, the defensive positions and the special teams positions. Now it's time to get to the heart of the matter. What the heck is going on in the game???

Today's discussion will center around the offense. After all, they are the main ones responsible for getting points on the board. The goal of the game is to get more points than your opponent. In order to do so, the coaches and players plan and execute specific plays to do so. How they develop these plays varies from team to team and are determined by various factors.

At the beginning of the offensive plays the quarterback will inform the offense of what play is being run. He can do so either in a huddle or as they are getting into formation (no huddle). After the play is called the offense lines up according to the play called at the line of scrimmage. The center has the ball and snaps it back to the quarterback and the play begins. Depending on the type of play the quarterback will either throw the ball to a receiver down the field (a passing play) or he will hand the ball off to someone to run (a run play). Each team has their preference of what types of plays they run. If the quarterback is unable to get the ball to anyone, he may choose to run for the yards himself. Because the quarterback position is so vital to the team, they try to protect him from getting hit and keep him from running as much as possible. Which is why if you see the quarterback run, it is quite often that he'll run for as many yards as he can then try to get out of bounds.

Now the goal is to get down the field and get the ball into the end zone. The team has to move at least 10 yards to keep possession of the ball. They have 4 attempts to move the ball 10 yards. These are referred to as downs. Often you will hear the refs or the commentators say "1st down" or "1st and 10". This means that this is the first attempt to get 10 yards. "2nd and 5" will mean second attempt and they have 5 yards to go to get the down. Why is this important? Because if they do not move down the field they lose possession of the ball. Statistically, the team that has possession of the ball longer, has more opportunities to score more points. And we know the team that has the most points wins. Now, these yards are determined from where they start each play. So if the team loses yards (goes backwards down the field) they end up with what's known as a long field and they have even more yards to get to get the down.

Now there are 3 ways to get points on the board.

The touchdown. This is when the team gets the ball into the end zone. This is worth the most points: 6. After a team gets a touchdown they have the opportunity to get more points. They can kick. This is when the special teams will come out and the kicker will kick the ball between the large yellow poles in the end zone (the uprights). The ball has to go between those poles to count. The kick is worth 1 additional point. (These one points can make or break a game). The other option to get additional points after the touchdown is what's called a 2-point conversion. This is where the team lines up at the 1 yard line and attempts to get the ball back into the end zone. This is used mostly in desperate times or when the team is very confident they can get those two extra points. Remember, one point can really hurt or help a team so most teams use 2-point conversions sparingly.

The field goal. When a team is unable to get all the way down the field, but feels they are close enough to the end zone for their kicker to kick the ball through the uprights, they will kick a field goal. This is a play done by special teams, typically decided on the 4th down. This is worth 3 points and is a good way for teams to get points on the board when they feel that they will not make it into the end zone.

A safety. You will rarely see a safety happen. This is when someone from the other team is tackled in their own end zone by the defense. This is worth 2 points.

So there is a good start to understanding how to score points and what the offense is doing. Next up, we'll cover how the defense is built to stop the offense. Until then, happy football watching.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


9:57 AM |

Can't seem to shake it....

This morning I woke up and realized something. I'll probably never reach the heights of success the way I want to because I'm scared. I know it's stupid, and I know it's completely irrational but I believe that's what's been holding me back. I wasn't really aware of it until this morning.

So I have big ideas. Ideas for clothing, ideas for greeting cards, ideas for websites, ideas for a lot of things. I've got sites set up for my special occasions designs (wedding invitations, save the dates, baby shower invites, etc). But I haven't promoted them. I've got a holiday mailer made up to advertise all of my Christmas card designs. But I haven't mailed it out. I'm scared that if people really like them, I will not have the time nor the resources to put things out by myself. I know that if I get my ideas off the ground, I know that I would not be able to maintain the company alone. Bringing in other people into my ideas scares me. Not only will they be exposed to "my ideas", but I'll now be responsible for taking care of them. I'll be responsible for the taxes and all the other things that come along with running a business. Plus there are so many unknown factors that I don't feel adequately prepared for what could happen.

I'm also scared of what people think. Now in my every day life I could care less what people think about me. But when it comes to my designs, my art, I'm terrified of not being good. Oh sure people have given me accolades on what I've done. I guess it's just the artist in me that knows I can do better. I mean I have my moments where I look at things I've done and had to completely pat myself on the back because I know it's dope. But even those moments I'm scared to share with people outside of my creative circle. This blog allows me to do it because so few people from my waking life read it. It's safe.

Then I'm also scared just about my skills alone. Like for instance right now, I'm in a design low. I have little to no inspiration. I'm able to go back and modify and create new things out of what I've already done, but I haven't been inspired to create anything new in a long time. If my design business was to grow much larger than it is now, then I would have to figure out ways to get out of these creative slumps and I haven't been able to figure it out for years. I know that eventually it'll go away, it always does. But my possible clients don't care about creative slumps.

This is what always gets me. I have this need to feel like I'm prepared for everything. Even if I'm not, I have to have enough of an idea of what's needed to feel comfortable to proceed ahead. And I 'm not comfortable. I know I don't have the resources for a start up financially, so I have to continue to work. I know that if I continue to work I will not be able to put in as many hours as I'd need to, to get prepared. I know that starting it could bring me more money and eliminate my only stress in life. But I'm not willing to risk the stability the job brings me now. I'm not a risk taker. While people on the outside may look at some of the things I've done as risks, I always had a plan. Whether I shared it or not, I had a plan. Maybe I'm not scared of success after all. Maybe I'm just becoming impatient with how long the planing has taken. I want to be in it now. And right now, I'm not ready. Maybe it is the fear that's causing my planing to take too long. Maybe the longer I continue to write this the more I'll be able to work out the maybes. Maybe not.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


2:02 PM |

Not long enough for a posts of their own....

Thought 1:

Today as I wander around my house on my day off, I was thinking, I could totally do the whole stay at home wife/mom thing. When I know I have a day off I am so much more productive around the house. Not that I love the whole cleaning or laundry thing. But I like the fact that time off gives me a moment to think and be creative. Plus since what I love to do doesn't need to be done in an office, I can still create and make money. I could push hard on my greeting cards, my t-shirts, my wedding designs business. I mean sure if I have kids then a majority of that time will be spent taking care of them, but after they start school I could totally handle it. I'm realistic to know that all the time I'd have wouldn't be my own but still it would be time that I don't have right now.

Thought 2:

What makes guys decide they want to have a beard or some type of facial hair? I mean it's not like an "I think I'll wear a tie today" type of decision. It's one that takes some consideration because it has to grow. I guess it's the same wonder for me as when they decide to grow their hair out longer. I guess I never imagined a guy looking in the mirror thinking to himself "I wonder what I'd look like with a beard. That'd probably be a good look." I guess I reserved that type of conversation for mostly women. But guys have the right to change their look up. Not like they have that many choices....

Random, I know.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Random Thought

10:17 PM |

Thursday, October 1, 2009


12:26 PM |

I feel asleep beneath the flowers...

So as I'm sure I mentioned before, I rarely ever remember my dreams if I dream at all. And when I do remember them they are random and crazy. I won't go into too much details about the dream but the synopsis is: I'm hanging out with friends and family. One particular friend goes and breaks a faucet in the bathroom. I go to help him fix it because apparently it breaks all the time. Me and he kinda start liking each other and we try to slip away from the group for some alone time and get blocked by my Dad who makes me help him fix the leak. And of course before I could say no or get out of it I wake up. So, some details...not all. But you get the idea.

Anyway, there were some really odd and random things I specifically remember. Objects, people, events, etc. Since I'm facinated with dreams I visit my favorite dream dictionary ( to see what these symbols could mean. Here's what I got out of it.

The main symbol/object was the pipe that burst:
To see a pipe in your dream, indicates that you are open and receptive to new ideas. It may also represent your connection to those around you.

To dream that something bursts, indicates that you are under a lot of pressure and stress.

That lead me to see what water means. Because when the pipe burst water was everywhere. There are a lot of meanings for water. But in my representation I got:

To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind...To dream that water is rising up in your house, signifies your struggles and overwhelming emotions.


So what about my father, he's never made an appearance in my dreams before, and the people that were at my house:

To see your father in your dream, symbolizes authority and protection. It suggests that you need to be more self-reliant. (What?!?) Consider also your waking relationship with your father and how aspects of his character my be incorporated within yourself.


To see people you know in your dream, signifies qualities and feelings of those people that you desire for yourself.

So what about being interrupted before me and he could spend some alone time together? This is one of several dreams that that has happened.

To dream that you are being interrupted, suggests that things in your waking life are not going as smoothly as you would like (no shit). You may feel that you are continually being sidetracked or that you are unable to get your point across.

To dream that you are in want, represents the wants and desires you have suppressed in your waking life. Alternatively, the dream may signify your potential to achieve and be something.

Also lastly, I remember specifically that the he put his hands on my waist as we were trying to ditch the crowd.

To notice your waist in your dream, suggests that you need to watch your diet or weight (but of course I do...don't need my dream to tell me that. The mirror does every morning). The dream may also be a pun on "wasting" time, money or some aspect of your life. (Interesting).

I think I have a lot to think about today....

I got a bit bored. Wanted to do something I could finish and push out some creativity in the void I've been dealing with. This is what I did.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Be Careful

2:50 PM |

Tell that you girls if you want to...

So I was listening to the radio and I heard the new song by Ryan Leslie, Not My Girl. I like the song. It's entertaining. And on a whole, I think it's a message that needs to be said to women because many confuse lust with love and attention with commitment. So the chorus puts it very plainly. But let me just caution you fellas, tell girls that if you want to, but be aware that a good population won't get the message. You'll get yourself stuck in a situation you had no idea you were getting into and the next thing you know you'll be at a repair shop getting the damage fixed on your car. Draw clear lines, and even after those lines are drawn be prepared for what will happen when those lines get crossed.


12:15 AM |

Typographic animation....

This is one of my favorite animations out there. I have even incorporated the idea into one of my class projects. Enjoy.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A Dying Art

7:27 PM |

honoring CD album art...

With the rise of digital music and albums for download, we are slowly but surely losing the art of the album cover. I know there was talk of the lost art when the vinyl made its departure from the main stream. But once again we are facing the demise of this interesting art form. I know that there will still be album art available with the downloaded music. But there is something special about fighting your way through the plastic on the cover of a fresh new cd. There are so many different ways to package it. Cover choices, papers, plastic, size, double or single stacked cds, posters, etc. So I've collected a few of the ones I remember that I liked from the artist I feel have good, interesting or thought provoking album art work. Feel free to add your own to the list.

The Roots:

I love the roots album art. It's always thought provoking and sometimes harsh to look at. They did several versions of their Things Fall Apart album.

Lauryn Hill:

This album was so amazing. Her voice was too beautiful for words. And the videos she created for the songs off the album were just inspirational to effect lovers like me. I know she is all about her family and doesn't care so much about this fame game, but your fans miss you.


So I love this man! I love his album art as well. It's not the most innovative I've seen, but the quality of the pictures and the graphics that accompany it make them some of my fav.

Gnarls Barkley:

I could go on forever about this group. Just amazing with their videos and I like the graphics in their album covers as well.

Kanye West:

Really. What can I say. I loved the whole cd package for this album. The fold out, the illustration of Takashi Murakami, the story the images told, the colors, everything. This album art and color scheme was the inspiration for the redesign of this blog.


Now if we're being honest Outkast has had some HORRIBLE album art. But I've chosen two of my favs from them. One featuring the artwork of Andre and the other I loved because if you got the album early, it was a hologram. Hold it one way see Dre, the other see Big Boi.

Honorable mention to Jay-Z's Kingdom Come for the hologram changing from hood to boardroom and Pharrell with his variations on his album art/poster collection. Now are these the absolute greatest? Not at all. These are just some I enjoy.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Memories of Fine

2:47 AM |

I miss fine.
I'm not talking about the super model, actor, musician kind of fine.
Not the manufactured for our viewing pleasure kind of fine.
I mean the every day kind of fine.
The walk down the street turn your head kind of fine.
The driver in the next car over deep sigh kind of fine.
The cutie in the grocery store silent "damn" kind of fine.
You remember that?
The make your stomach hit your feet kind of fine.
The stop all conversation and action kind of fine.
The take your breath away as they pass kind of fine.
The damn near walk into the wall cause you're staring too hard kind of fine.
I'm talking about that.
The almost pass out from the eye contact with that kind of fine.
The heart racing, beating out of your chest that kind of fine.
The your fine status increasing with that kind of fine on your arm kind of fine.
It's been a while since I've seen that.
I'm no longer sure of the existence of that kind of fine.
Been in the grocery store, no longer running into that kind of fine.
On my trips down the highways and bi-ways I no longer drive pass that kind of fine.
The mall these days only have the illegal minor kind of fine.
And that's not that kind of fine I'm looking for.
Where'd you go fine?
Have you turned into the I'm already taken kind of fine?
The I got nothing going for me but my looks kind of fine?
The I'm cute but I'm a jack-ass kind of fine?
Maybe my kind of fine still exists.
Perhaps you need more in my eyes to be that kind of fine.
Need to be employed and self-sufficient to qualify to be that kind of fine.
The intelligent mind to go along with that body kind of fine.
The I know how and when to speak properly kind of fine.
That must be it.
I must have more qualifications that make someone that kind of fine.
But every now and then, it wouldn't hurt to walk past a "damn" kind of fine.
The butterflies in your stomach kind of fine.
The I don't care what your name is just kiss me kind of fine.
We don't have to get married.
I just like to look at fine.
It makes my day a bit brighter to see that kind of fine.
Puts a smile on my face when I pass that kind of fine.
Gives me hope that I may one day get that kind of fine.
Come back to me fine.
I miss you.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Football 101

11:14 PM |

Football 101 for women...Part III

So ladies, again, football season is upon us. Once again it's my mission to help you not be an annoyance to you man during the games. Because I'm sure you all have bigger things to argue about than why he's ignoring you during NFL Sunday. I've already discussed the offense. I've discussed the defense. Now it's time for the special teams.

Special teams are those men that are on the field kicking the ball. They can serve as offensive or defensive and they are only seen randomly throughout a game. Most special teams players are second- and third-string players from other positions. But don't get it twisted, just because it's not your typical all star players on the field at this time doesn't mean they're not important. A special teams play determines where the offense will begin each drive, and it has a dramatic impact on how easy or difficult it is for the offense to score.

Special teams include a kickoff team, a kick return team, a punting team, a punt blocking/return team, a field goal team and a field goal block team. Many times when you kick the ball you are either trying to score or send the ball down the field to the other team. So what are the positions? Here they go

Handles kickoffs and field goal attempts, and in some leagues, punts as well.
Translation:He kicks the ball. Typically it's to get it through the field goal and to start off the game.

Usually positioned 7-8 yards from the line of scrimmage, he holds the ball for the placekicker to kick. The holder is often a backup quarterback or a punter.
Translation: He holds the ball for the kicker to kick. The holder is often a backup quarterback or a punter.

Long snapper
A specialized center who snaps the ball directly to the holder or punter. Thirty-one, of the Thirty-two teams have specialized players just to long snap.
Translation: He tosses the ball to the holder or the punter.

Kick returner
Returns kickoffs, generally is also a wide receiver or cornerback.
Translation:He catches the ball after it's been kicked and runs. Generally is also a wide receiver or cornerback.

Kicks punts. In leagues other than the NFL, the kicker often doubles as the punter. He's different sometimes from the kicker. When he punts the ball, he gets it directly from the long snapper and kicks it as far down the field as possible during the game.
Translation: He also kicks the ball. Sometimes it's the same guy.

A blocking back that lines up approximately 1-3 yards behind the line of scrimmage in punting and kneel situations. His primary job is to act as a second line of defense for the punter. Upbacks can receive a direct snap in fake punt situations.
Translation: A guy that keeps the big guys on the other team from hitting the punter so he can kick the ball.

Punt returner
He catches the ball after the punter kicks it. Often the same player as the kick returner, although not necessarily so.

A player on kickoffs and punts who specializes in running down the field very quickly in an attempt to tackle the kick returner or the punt returner.
Translation: The fast guy who runs down the field to tackle the guy that catches the ball.

Wedge Buster
A player whose goal is to sprint down the middle of the field on kickoffs. While ideally, their goal is to reach the kick returner, their immediate goal is to disrupt the wall of blockers (the wedge) on kickoffs, preventing the returner from having a lane in which to get a substantial return. Being a wedge buster is a very dangerous position since he may often be running at full speed when coming into contact with a blocker.
Translation: This guy's job is to keep the big guys on the field from letting the kick returner run too far.

Hands Team
Used only during onside kicks. Onside kicks give the kicking team the possibility of getting the ball back. The members of a hands team are responsible for preventing the kicking team from recovering a kick, usually by recovering the ball themselves.

Now that all the teams are covered, we'll need to talk about the game itself. Next lesson: What the f*@% is going on in the game???

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Making Friends

11:09 AM |

Where's the playground for adults??

I always joke about how I need new friends. It's not that I hate the friends that I have. They have all just moved into different phases in their lives and we no longer share as many of the same priorities and interests anymore. The joke has turned into more of a real question. When you are grown, how do you make new friends?

When we were younger there were plenty of opportunities. Parents set up play dates. School. Camps. Sports. But as we get older, we don't have that available resource anymore. Many of my friends have started connecting with people at their jobs. They work in positions where they are around people of similar age, at a similar place in life, who share their interests. Me, I teach. My fellow teachers are in all different phases. The people I talk with the most are my cool work people. I may invite them and their significant others out when I have a formal birthday dinner or housewarming. But I can't imagine just hanging all the time. They're "married". One has kids. The other is my boss. The rest are just associates. So for me the work place isn't a place really to make that type of friend.

Others say church. Well. I don't go to church. And even when I did, the friends I made there were church friends. Not necessarily the type you want to call up and say "Hey let's get some martinis after work on Friday!"

So where do you go? I guess at some point friends fill specific roles in your life. They are your martini bar friend. Your football game friends. Your lunch during work friends. Your married couple double date friends. Your play date with the kids friends. But as you get older, do you lose the friends that you feel you can share every aspect of your life with? The ones you confide in? The ones you go to for advice? I guess if you all are progressing through life together at the same speed then no you don't. But what if you are the one who gets left behind?

I'm not really sure. But luckily for me I've still got 4 people I really feel like if things really fell apart I could talk to. If they go then I'm in this thing alone. Funny, I used to say I don't need anymore friends.....

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Thoughts on the Dawn of 30

12:00 AM |

So it's 4 minutes till the end of a decade for me. Funny, while I never thought I wouldn't make it to 30, I also didn't believe I'd see it either. Well, not as soon. Not that turning 30 is as big a deal as it was when I was younger. But it's still an odd feeling. Kind of euphoric.

Every birthday I become very introspective. Today at work I just zoned out. Perhaps it's because I'm not fully where I'd thought I'd be. But I'm not in a bad place. I always have to remind myself that. I just had so many aspirations, goals and things I wanted to do. I now feel a bit frantic with the flow of all these ideas and desires rushing to me in this final hour. I can't let where I am be where I stay. It's time to get it!

Either way, it's here. 12:00 am, September 1. Happy birthday to me!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Word To The Wise

3:20 AM |

Let's Pretend

1:47 AM |

Remembering play....

Tonight/today I was on a site called Makes Me Think and there was an entry on there that said "Today, I was sitting on my front porch watching the neighbor's kid have the time of his life with nothing more than a wooden stick and his imagination." I don't know about you but I remember when I was younger how I liked to play. Sometimes I liked to play with my sisters (until they upset me). We would have some random games, make up dance moves based on poses on the Barbie posters, build things with Leggos (before they had all of these specialty sets) and create things with Play-Doh. But mostly the fun I remember was when I was in my own little world. I was always a drawer, so I would draw characters in their own little worlds with their own personalities. They had a back story and everything.

As adults, how often do we get to play. I mean if you have kids I imagine you play quite frequently, but normally, we don't. We work, we eat, we work some more, watch TV, surf the internet, work some more, maybe spend time with friends and family. But the time just on your own, daydreaming doesn't happen. Sure you could pencil some time in your day to do this, but the scheduling takes a lot of the creativity out of the experience.

Forgive my ramblings, I guess I'm just feeling stuck. Lacking inspiration. Feeling drained. Missing my imagination.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Interesting Perspective

11:31 PM |

I came across this on Youtube. Interesting.

Not With It

5:35 PM |

You know....
I don't think this poetry shit is for me
Cause if the only way I can prove my legitimacy
Is to spit prose about the power of my pussy
I ain't in it.
Not with it.
Not me.
Seems like the female poet gets dealt the same cards as the female MC
The crasser the rhyme the bigger the cash
Be the man hating bitch and they let you pass
But I can't do it.
Not with it.
Not me.
Is my message any stronger with a bitch, shit or fuck you?
Is the essence of my femininity tied to the many things my tongue can do?
Do I have to be the lonesome bitch
With 5 cats,
2 jobs,
4 kids,
And 3 baby daddies who ain't shit?
Does that make my message sound more true?
O my bad, I meant 'sound more real'
That's what we want right?
Well my real and your real aren't always going to be the same thing
Sometimes my real can be conviction
Spoken with proper diction
Served sans profanity
My real may be love notes locked inside of a hope chest
Long moonlit walks and lingering kisses that leave me breathless
My real could be a worry of living a life with a destiny unfulfilled
We may not be going through the same thing but it doesn't make it any less real
Yea I may use those four letter words but I have the ability not to
I can be angry and loud, roll my neck and be rude
But I shouldn't have to grab my tits
Or use metaphors to disguise my tales of turning tricks
Or bitch about how all men are dicks
Cause I'm a woman
I'm a poet
And I'm not with it.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Random Thought

5:54 PM |

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Girl Effect

2:38 PM |

Changing the world one girl at a time...

I just happened upon this site called The Girl Effect. This non-profit believes that by changing the lives of girls you have the ability to drastically improve the life of a family, a village, a country. Their site contains interesting statistics such as: for every development dollar spent, girls receive less that 2 cents and girls are shown to invest 90% of their income into their family while men only invest 30-40%. The Nike Foundation even assisted with the set up of their page on YouTube. Considering where girls and women fit into the cycle of life, family, everything, I think this idea is a good one. Take some time and visit the site The Girl Effect or their page on YouTube and learn more.

Putting up with ish...

So I get this text the other day from my friend that asked: "Is this wrong? Black women, please start putting up with more of your Black man's shit & giving him less attitude because we are losing them at record #s". me just prepare myself......ok......

I'm sure there's not a Black woman in America who hasn't read the letter that supposedly a white woman sent in to a major black magazine that stated that she was married to a black man and he told her that black women have too much attitude and this and that to be with. She rattled off some of her advice she felt it Black women needed to know and needless to say it caused a huge uproar. Sadly this is such an old ass argument so let me just speak my peace.

First of all I'm tired of this whole "Black women have too much attitude" bullshit. It's a cop out. Typically the men who continue to say this are those sorry ass mother fuckers who don't do shit, never done shit, don't plan on doing shit and want someone to continue to allow them to keep on not doing shit. In other words, not men at all. So what I'm supposed to bear all of the responsibilities of maintaining a functioning household, raise your kids, get money and continue to let your sorry ass lay up under me? Not in this lifetime.

It's all a mind game. A way for guys to convince women that we are wrong for expecting things from a man. That plays on our fears of being alone, on our thoughts that white girls are stealing our men, on all of our insecurities. Damn all of that. Has it ever been a thought that if men were doing what they were supposed to be doing then Black women wouldn't be so damn irritated all the time??

If women were never abandoned, never fucked over, never hurt, do you honestly believe that we'd have as much attitude? Is that an excuse? No. Because if I'm being honest there are some women out there that put their men through the ringer. But truthfully, if you were doing and being all that you were supposed to be in a relationship, there would be no need for either of you to have to be putting up with the other's shit.

Here's the truth. Women have no problem taking care of their man if they truly feel like they are being taking care of by him. I usually don't like to make sweeping generalizations, but this one I am making. Black women can be some of the most nurturing, supportive, pleasing women on the planet. That's why the slave masters had us taking care of all those kids and running households. It's what we do. But what we won't do is be stupid. So go on with the girl with low standards if you want to. That's fine. But be honest. It's not the attitude. It's not the mouth. You're just a sorry bitch, putting up with sorry shit, and I'm not sorry for you.

Thoughts on Steve Harvey's Book...

I recently completed reading Steve Harvey's Book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relatioships, Intimacy, and Committment". It offers up some interesting perspective on how a man thinks. For me it didn't really present a whole lot of new ideas because, apparently, I think much like a man (or so I've been told). However, for most of my friends, this book is a must read. So many of them are wandering in this world of confusion and I think this will help them gain some ground.

The book was very straight forward. At times I felt it may have been a bit too "men are simple". But he was good to note that his opinions were more or less typical not absolute. Meaning that there are some men that are not necessarily thinking in the manner he was describing. He has his "Nine Month Rule", he talks about the three things that define a man, and he speaks on what it takes to keep a man happy. I think it was time for a man to give his honest opinion about relationships to women because often the only advice women get or seek out is from other women. And let's just be honest, that advice is not always sound. Why not get it from the horses mouth.

Truthfully the only true thing I think I walked away thinking a bit differently about was about having standards or requirements. It's not to say I don't have standards because I do. What I find myself doing is having no expectations. That's just not about men, that's just in general. And according to his book, that can determine whether or not I present myself as a keeper. That men who are looking to stick around are looking for that. I think many women get in to this thinking that if they "play hard to get" then they'll miss out. Steve says that's not the case. Be clear, it's not about playing games, but about letting men know that you're not just a play thing. For me that was the most interesting part of the book. I don't do that play hard to get game. Too old for that. But, I have no expectations really about anything, and I have to explore a bit why that is.

All in all I think it's a great book. I think many women out there can benefit from his honest opinion. I do think, though, that women have a way of explaining things away. I think that what will end up happening is women adding a lot of "but", or "well", or "except for" in there. Letting Steve's status as a comedian dilute the honesty of his statements. Which is a shame, because this book could really do some good. Sadly, I know women and I can hear one of them now explaining away a lot of his rational in the book. I think if women get out of their own heads and look at what is being presented right in front of them, they wouldn't be so damn confused. Good job.

Oh, and I finally got the book "The Color Complex". There was only one copy at the very bottom of the shelf wedged in between two larger books, I almost didn't see it. Let you know what I think about that soon.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Advice To A Young Man

10:06 PM |

Liquor induced honest conversation...

This past weekend I walked in on a conversation my friends were having with a young bruh. Apparently as a young man he was seeking advice on a particular situation from some slightly older women. So here's the situation. He currently has one lady friend that lives near by. They hang out really only in the evenings. Basically he stated that she was the one he called up to come over and watch a movie on the couch. Not that they talked all the time or that they go out. Not that they couldn't but she just doesn't serve that role for him. I think more or less he was trying to say that she was his jump off with out being rude in a room full of women. He then says he has this other girl out of state that he talks to all the time and has apparently more of those "if she were here we could see where things went" qualities. But all in all he wasn't really sure.

His major question was, he was graduating, and even though neither of the two girls were really what he wanted, should he keep the better of the two around. Basically "wife" them up. His logic was mostly that he was worried about the possiblities of meeing someone after college. It's a normal concern because you will never be in a place like that again with such an available popuilation. He stated that he wasn't really one of those that approaches people and was just curious as to how this whole dating thing went after school was over. He knew that he was not mentally in the place where he was ready to be in a full on committed relationship, but that he didn't want to potentially toss away someone that could be good for him later on down the line. He was also clearly worried about ending up alone.

I think that many people find themselves in similar situations. To be honest I think many of my friends now are in a situation that resulted from that fear of being alone. You know, that whole "she's good enough" thing. Some even have this idea about when they should be married or at least thinking about married. There's this magic age, magic time that they feel like they should be considering those options instead of letting their inner voice tell them when it's time.

The advice: We all let him know collectivly that his concerns were normal. He is a young man in the face of turning a major corner in his life. But we emphasised that he was young. The married women of the group let him know that when the time is right and the person is right he'll know. He won't have to fear that he's settling or that he's making a big mistake. The single women in the room assured him that there is life after undergrad. I think so many young people forget that. Just because you are no longer in school doesn't mean that you'll never socialize again. You'll always be meeting new people and if you are concious about being out and about you'll have the opportunity to meet and date several other people. Truthfully I think that he knew that but just wanted reassurance.

I think it's so interesting how poeple have become so afraid of being single. Like it's the plague or something. For some reason single has become associated with being alone. When in actuality you still have friends, you still have family, you still have things that can keep your life full. I know that everyone would love to have that special somebody to share their lives with, but if you don't get that opportunity what are you going to do? Settle? And end up dealing with lifetime of misery, divorce, trouble? Or accept it as live you life and love it?

It was interesting to hear a guy have these concerns. We all know that they do, but many never talk about it. Least of all to a room full of strange women you don't know. Amazing what a bit of liquor can do right?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Moment of Simple

1:26 PM |

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Random Thought

11:45 PM |

I'm not jumping without a parachute...

Today I was having a discussion about yet another acquaintance who was tricked into having to move in with a woman because his other woman kicked him out. Without going into the idiocy of the entire situation, the long and short of it was he had to move in with her because he had "no other option". I say yet another acquaintance because this is something I'm seeing happen with surprisingly a lot of my male friends. They get into these "relationships" and when things go south they have no other choice but to jump into the next "relationship" with the woman that inevitably was part of the cause of the demise of the first one. In the end everyone ends up miserable.

I don't understand this whole "I have no choice thing". As a woman when you went on dates you were always told keep enough money on you to pay for your meal, a phone call and possibly transportation back home in the event that things went sour. That idea has always been ingrained in my being so that no matter what, I will always have an option. This way I'm never in a no choice situation. If I were to be living with a man and found myself having to get out in a hurry I know I had friends somewhere that would let me grab a couch somewhere. I'd get payday advance on my paycheck to try and get another place. I'd have some options.

As a man I don't understand not being able to stand on your own two feet. Not having a homeboy, a co-worker, a good friend somewhere that will allow you to crash with them until you get it together. A thought process or a way to support yourself if times get rough. You can't plan for everything, but that's one thing you should always be prepared for. We'd love to think love lasts forever and people won't turn on you, but we've seen even the longest relationships go up in flames. I'm just saying as a man, why wouldn't you want the pride of being able to not only take care of yourself but your woman. And I have a hard time believing that if you can't find a way to support yourself after getting kicked out that you were actually able to take care of your woman. But I digress.

If someone said "jump out of a plane with no parachute, but don't worry I'll be on the ground to catch you" would you jump? I didn't think so....

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Monsters In My Bedroom

10:50 PM |

Tossing out the bad energy...

Today, being that I had nothing better to do, I decided to go through all of my drawers and start getting rid of things I don't wear, can't fit and wouldn't wear even if I could fit them. As I'm going through these drawers I cam across so many items that I truly believe were giving my bedroom bad energy. Things I didn't even realize I still had. Those are those things I call monsters. Like the old stories that they used to tell kids, these monsters hide in dark places. Their only purpose is to cause you torment and unrest.

One of my monsters were all these clothes that don't fit. They do nothing but remind me that I'm not the size I used to be. While some pieces I found proved to be motivation for me to continue with my daily workouts, others were just reminders of a place and time I will never be able to recapture. It was beyond time to let that go, so in the Goodwill bag they finally went.

The other monster I had in my drawer were all these old T-shirts of ex'es. Many of us have those in there. Sometimes we don't even remember that they belonged to said person. But if you have T-shirts of your own and you have no feelings left for that person anymore, why are you holding on to their belongings? Some are from the school of thought that you should never get rid of your old man's clothes because your new man can wear them. I don't know about you but why would I want my new man in the clothes of the man I got rid of? I had plenty of my own T-shirts to wear to the gym and to bed so out they went.

I believe everything that surrounds you has energy. Some is good, some is bad and some is neutral. In spaces like your bedroom you need to have as much positive energy and neutral energy in there as possible. This way you can rest easy at night to have a better morning. Think that's just crazy? Every sleep article states specifically that you should keep all items related to work away from your bedroom. This way the bedroom is just a place for rest. It's supposed to help aid in the sleeping process. If that's true for work items, why isn't it true for other items? Even if we believe these items have no meaning or affect on us, subconciously they are affecting our being.

Monsters can be anything, and anywhere. Wether you know it or not you have some monsters somewhere in your house. Things that serve no purpose. Things that you truly don't need. Things that are enabling bad habits. Things that do nothing but depress you. What are you holding on to?

Friday, June 26, 2009

R.I.P. Michael Jackson 1958 - 2009

3:35 PM |

I had to, you all know why...

With soooo many options out there, I chose this one because I remember when this special first aired. We were too young to stay up and watch it so my parents recorded the Motown 25 special (on VHS Tape on our novel new VCR). My sisters and I tried so hard to Moonwalk with no avail. He was the only artist I remember stopping primetime television to premiere a music video. And his music videos were some of the first that inspired me to get into special effects because I was always wondering how they did that.

Even after his hayday he still had millions of people all over the world crying and passing out at the sight of him. He crossed boundaries of race, space, social status, age and time. Even the hardest thug on the corner will say that he likes Michael Jackson without hesitation. He was the master performer and entertainer long before Usher. He was the trendsetter long before Beyonce. He was the humanitarian before Angelina Jolie. He was pop culture before MTV. For many, he was his own genere of music and everyone since him has tried to be like him. No matter what he will always and forever be the King of Pop.

Good-bye, Michael...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Word To The Wise

In respect to your new found wisdom...

On behalf of the single people out there who often find themselves on the other end of a "pep-talk" from those who have managed to find their "soul-mate", I would like to politely request that you keep it to yourself. I will admit, there are times when we do need to hear words of encouragement, but every statement made about our relationship status, a cute guy who is now off the market, or anything of the like is not your moment to tell us to hang in there.

Remember, not too long ago you, yourself were single like we are. You had your moments where you felt like you'd never find someone. You remember what it was like to date (or not date). It wasn't too long ago that we sat and shared stories about the bad boyfriends, sometimes feeling hopeless, and the likes. You too were irritated by those who had mates giving you advice. So don't sit on high and think that your words of encouragement are going to make us feel better, because truthfully it tends to come of more condescending than sincere.

Most of the time any statements we make are us just talking, releasing frustration, needing to be heard. If we have decided to confide our worries or concerns to you, then let us. As happy as we may be single, no one wants to walk through this life alone. So if the conversation does go from us playing around and making our normal general statements about relationship to something more serious, just hear us out. Remember what it was like when you were in our shoes. Don't try to placate us with canned catch phrases.

If we're going to get into the pure numbers of it all, 63% of all married couples claim to have met their match through their circle of friends. So instead of patting me on the back, get to networking. Oh wait, I forgot, now that you are in the coupledom, you only associate yourself with others in the coupledom. Way to help us out.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

1 Is Not Such A Loney Number

11:00 PM |

All about perspective...

So I'll admit over the last week or so I had been feeling kinda lonely. As you may have noticed from my Random Thought, I don't have many single friends left and after a weekend when the only 2 I had were gone, I was bored and a bit lonely. Good thing is I had a friend keep me company on IM Saturday (always seems to come through during those moments) so that help out bunches (thanks!).

But then after that I was made to realize why I am alone and why I was completely OK with that for the moment. So let's set up a series of events....

1. I text an old friend (who had an interest in me and I'll admit we flirted a bit) about a student of mine that may be working at his place of business. His texts migrate from conversations about said to student to his usual inappropriateness. (We used to call him sexual's what he does...doesn't even phase us too much). The convo's end with him telling me that when he was asked a question about what female has had the most impact on him physically, mentally, emotionally he mentioned me.....not his wife. Yes this fool since the time we stopped hanging out, has gotten married. (Note we did not hang out when he was married. Wanted to make that clear.) The convo ended with me saying that it should be your wife and that was that.

2. The next up to bat is the Ex. Now mind you, we've been broken up for about....3 years now. Tried this friendship thing. He always wants more than I can give him. Be it in the beginning trying to get back to the end of just me not being an "attentive" enough friend. Not enough phone calls or hang out time (whatever). So in April he decided he didn't like my kind of friendship and vowed he wasn't talking to me anymore....(done that before, has only lasted 3 months at the most...this will be silent treatment number 3). Well lo and behold who calls me. Yup. I didn't answer cause he's gotten a new number. He also proceeds to text me over the next 2 days. I don't respond. At this point I'm just tired of trying to the point I don't even care to see if it's different or not.

3. Another mf who apparently I inspired to get married to someone else. I call him Mr. Rogers. Proceeds to call me to try and come hang out. I told him no but he could come fix this electrical problem I got going on the the basement. (I really do need that fixed). Needless to say he proceeded to call me a Punk and that was that. WTF...

Let me reiterate, I don't get down with married men. I don't know what I've done to make them think that either. I personally think that men and women can be friends but man am I being proved wrong lately. But that's besides the point....

If I have to deal with that foolishness, I'd rather just be alone. And that and that alone, put my lonely weekend into perspective.

So thank you.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Random Thought

11:17 AM |

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Moment of Simple

8:31 PM |

My head is hard and my feet are cold....

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Trash Can (I Stand)

11:51 AM |

I stand and I wait.
I stand and I wait silently for you to notice me.
Need Me.
Only to be passed by as an insignificant fixture.
I turn and expose myself to you.
Awaiting your next move.
Wishing you'd come near enough to notice me.
Need me.

But yet you walk by.

So I stand.
And I wait.
I stand and I wait silently until the day that you approach with arms open wide.
My heard pounds louder and faster with each step you make
And when you are in focus and at arms length
I take every ounce of your refuge into me.
Allowing your excess to fill me up.
Making as much room as you need inside of me.
Just when I think I can't take anymore
You turn.
Without a second look
You turn.
And walk away.
Leaving me.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


11:58 AM |

Thoughts on Chris Brown...

So today my iTunes went past a Chris Brown song and it got me to thinking. I wasn't going to speak on the situation at all...clearly by my delay in writing this. But after hearing this song and remembering a comment made by a radio show host the other day, I just had to speak my peace.

In the land of second chances I find it funny that we are so quick to condemn Chris. We've forgiven people for much worse over the years but yet here we are giving Chris Brown hell. What a double standard. Are you saying that what he's done is worse than the others the media and the public has forgiven? R. Kelly is a pedophile. You all still dance to his music. You can give all the reason in the world you want (the girl didn't look young, she wanted to do it, blah blah blah) but the bottom line is..HE LIKES TO FUCK LITTLE GIRLS. But you all still make babies to his music. You have forgiven murderers, those who have witnessed murders and not spoken up, snitches...but not Chris.

Some say that, well the people we mention are not inspirations to young people. He was a role model.'ve forgiven Kobe and he's a rapist (I know the court acquitted him or whatever..blah blah blah...don't hit me with that shit). Last time I checked, basketball players were bigger role models to young men than R&B singers. But again, you've found reason and ways to explain away his actions.

Bottom line is Chris is a child. Yes...a child... you grown ass women lusting after a little boy. Being 18 only makes you grown in the eyes of the law. It doesn't actually mean you are grown mentally. Think about how much you have changed in the years since you turned 18. Think about all the things you've done that you wouldn't do today. Everyone makes mistakes. His mistake just happened to occur with America's current sweetheart. I think that it is only fair for the public to give him a chance just as you've done with all the other grown ass fuck ups.

This is not meant to say that what he did wasn't wrong. It was terrible, I've seen the photos. In general circumstances there is never a reason to pound on a woman. Period. I'm just saying be fair.....

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Good and Bad Hair

10:07 AM |

"whether you're darkie or fair"....

Ah the age old debate about hair. Whether we're talking about "good" or "bad" hair or just discussing the importance of hair in the Black community, this is a topic that seems to never die. Even at the school they are doing a discussion about hair next week. It should be interesting to hear what this generation thinks about it. (If they think at all). I'll let you know what gets said if I remember to go.

I don't know if we still have the debate about good or bad hair. I haven't heard that tossed around as much as the choice of the style these days in my circle. These days the debate I find I'm having more and more is about how we wear our hair. Whether we like it or not how we wear our hair does bring out certain stereotypes. For example, if you are a more tomboy-ish woman and decide to cut it short you face the possibility of being labeled as a lesbian. If you decide to wear it dreaded or natural you are automatically pinged as being that "afro-centric" down-for-my-people type of black person. You weave it and you get another label. And so on and so on...

Regardless of what you do or how you wear it, just like every other thing in life you will be labeled. It's unfortunate and I wrote my opinions about that in a previous post called I Am Not My Hair. I still get funny looks if I do something different with my hair or get looked at like I'm an anomaly when I'm in the hair dresser or in the street because I'm dark and my hair can grow just as long as a white girls. When these ideas will ever change who knows...

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Age Ain't Nuthin But A Number

10:54 PM |

Her December to His May...

To track my train of thought would be utterly pointless, but today I got to thinking about people who are dating someone significantly older or younger than they are. Can those relationships really work?

Some say no. For the simple fact that as the difference in years increase, so do the differences in expectations and current life positions. For example, it is very possible that someone 18-21 has a very different outlook on their life than someone in their mid to late 30's. Some say that the maturity level is different, their life experiences are different, etc. Some also just say that it's gross. What does a grown ass man/woman want with a child.

On the other hand some say yes. I know people who have been married for years with a significant other that is 15 years their junior. It hasn't been without its share of hardships but all in all they're still together. Some say the key is to find someone that's at the same point in their lives as you are in yours. It is very possible that a woman in her early 20's is ready to settle down and a man in his early 30's is ready to have a family and they can make it work. However, I was talking to my cousin who is in a May/December romance and while I thought they were doing good, it appears that things are a bit rocky. Primarily because they can't seem to work out the stage in life issue.

In the end I guess it's another to each his own situation. (Personally I can't get down with a man that's too much older.....that's too close to being like daddy and that's just gross). Can it work? Sure, there have been plenty of examples out there to support that. In the end, age really doesn't appear to matter. It's all about the person you are with and what the two of you want out of life. If they match, no matter what the age difference is, I say get yours. The pool is too small to limit it by age too!

The Prototype

10:38 PM |

What's your type?

So many people get upset when people even begin to utter the idea that they date a certain type of person. I promise if I hear the phrase "I don't have a type, I like all girls/guys" I'll scream. Truth is EVERYONE has a type.

The first think people think of when someone says "type" is the physical. What they look like. My friend like to clown me saying I only like them light, bright and pretty. But if you look at my dating history that's not the case. Don't tell a guy he has a "type" he'll lose it. I guess because they don't want to seem shallow or bias. But truthfully they have a type. Everyone does. It's what attracts you to another person. If there wasn't a type of person you were looking for, how are you attracted to anyone?

To clarify, when I use the idea of having a type I don't mean just the physical. Though it is true that many people out there do tend to date a certain type of woman or man. When I use the idea of type I'm going deeper than the surface. Be honest with yourself. There is a type of person you are attracted to. There are certain ideals, the way the person carries themselves, the way the person interacts with other people, it's their vibe, their air, etc. All these attributes make up a type of person. And that type is what you are attracted to. Now that "type" may come in a brown-skinned sista with a mini-fro or a blended baby with multi-cultural features.

To say that you don't have a type means you're out there dating ever tom, dick and jane that crosses your path. And you're not doing that. Why? Because they don't have the attributes that you are attracted to. In other words...they are not your type. Be it physically, socially, personality wise, they are not your type.

So if you really think about it you know what your type is. Don't get testy. There's nothing with that.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

And Another Thing

11:34 PM |

Can we get over the Oprah and the chicken thing. People she did not buy all you black people chicken. She did not buy all the people in America chicken. It's called marketing you dumb fucks. What the hell Oprah want to buy you chicken for? She just rolled over on her billions one day and said you know what...the people want chicken...I'm going to buy them chicken? Be real. Don't get me wrong the coupon was a very real and legitimate thing. But Oprah didn't buy it for you. Stop writing about how she's done something horrible wrong because you didn't get your 2 piece with slaw and mashed potatoes.

And what are you mad about anyway? Why did you even in your wildest dreams think that with the millions/billions of people in this nation you were going to be able to all log on at the same time and print this coupon. No web host in the world can handle that much traffic. And why on earth did you think that you could all go on the same day? It's a flippin coupon. Take your time. Use your brain. If you really wanted the chicken that bad, why not wait until you know everyone is going home from work, or late that night when people are asleep. That's how I got mine. And you know what, I didn't even use it cause honestly...the KFC up the street is a little suspect.

Read the fine print. Look for the expiration date and behave like you have some sense. Reading is fundamental. I heard people complaining about how when they did get their chicken they couldn't get what they wanted. Duh...says so right on the coupon...managers choice...meaning the manager chooses what you're about to eat. Don't get mad at them cause you're illiterate.

And I'm through...

It's just chicken...

So black people love to talk about our status, education, values, etc. and basically whose fault it is that we're all fucked up. No matter who is carrying on the discussion, what the topic is of that day, be it education or hell...I don't know health care, someone always brings in the music. It's the music we listen to, the music promotes this way of life, the music makes us stupid...part of the fault lies in the music. Then it eventually turns into a discussion about whether or not the music is promoting this negative culture or if it's the negative circumstances the artists have lived in directing the focus of their music.


Here it is.

There is no need to have a chicken or egg discussion when it comes to music. Music is made from the people. And the people want money. If it don't make dollars then it don't make sense. Now there are those artists that are out there grinding putting out music they love and that they feel reflects their message. But there are just as many out there that are just trying to make paper. And the people in power don't give a rats ass about the message. They want to know if that artist can make them money. Why? Because they shell out thousands upon thousands of dollars on that person to make them a star. You better believe they would not do that if they didn't expect to see a return in their investment. In's not the music's fault.

Don't like it, then start supporting your local music stores, independent artists and conscious musicians.

God, black people. We love to blame someone, something, no matter how arbitrary it is. That has to stop. We're never going to get anywhere if we're not ready to have an honest discussion about our issues. We have to take responsibilities for the messes that we've made. Start cleaning up at home. Put your ignorant child in front of a book instead of the PS3. Stop calling the schools asking why little Johnny can't turn in his homework late instead of making him own up to his own failures. Don't blame your job for keeping you oblivious to your child's actions. Better parents than you have worked for centuries and have managed to produce good kids. Stop blaming the school system for not educating your child when you didn't take the time to start giving them the fundamentals before you put them in school. Make them play with blocks, color, teach them basic shapes instead of the bird walk. Pay attention!

We were dealt a shitty card in life. Our history is littered with so much oppression and hardship. But we survived. We are the products of the ones who were strong enough to make the journey over. We are the product of the ones who were smart enough survive life in the fields. We are the product of those who were brave enough to escape. Do you think they could have made it as far as they did by constantly blaming others? So why the hell do you think we'll advance any further than we are today by doing so? You want to tattoo Kunta on your back and wear the fist on your chest but you don't want to own up to your responsibilities. Man please.

Get it together.

Or Else

10:43 PM |

Pointless ultimatums...

So the other day I was flipping channels and I saw what I suppose is a new take on the failed show "Ultimatum" called "Hitched or Ditched" where basically people (probably mostly female) hit their significant other with the decision to marry them or they break up. Now of course we could go into a discussion about why they are choosing to put crap reality shows on the air but taking off real shows but that's not the purpose of the discussion here.

Ladies, I'm going to be honest. There is no point in giving ultimatums. None what so ever. The result, no matter what the answer is, is not going to be favorable. I mean think about it. If he decides to marry you, then you know that it's only because you forced him basically. And what type of foundation does that build your marriage on? You know these types of ultimatums don't typically come from people who have been together 10-15 years. It's usually those couples who've been together for like 2-4. And when you think about it, you can date someone all through high school/college for that amount of time and not want to marry them...but I digress. If a man truly loves you, why do you have to force his hand?

And what if he says no? What if he still wants to be with you but is not ready to marry? Are you ready to hear that? Are you ready to let something go that could be wonderful in a few months in a year or so? Are you truly ready to make the man you obviously love enough to want to spend the rest of your life with possibly walk out the door? And typically if you break up this way, it's never truly a clean break. You have history with this person. There will inevitably be some back and forth before things get either really ugly and nasty, or you wined back up in the same place.

It's not to say that people shouldn't discuss from time to time where their relationships are going. You two have to be on the same page. If you're in it for marriage and he is not, then yes you need to move on. But you have discussions about this along the way. It's a con-ver-sation. And if you two do not want the same things out of the relationship it will show long before you feel the need to give an ultimatum.

It's unfortunate we're living in this microwave culture. We have to have everything right now. When sometimes it's better slow roasted. Take your time. Let it evolve. And when it's done you'll know.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Random Thought

10:46 PM |

Monday, May 4, 2009

He's Baaaccckk

2:14 PM |


I don't know about you but I've been waiting to hear some new music from Maxwell for a while. I just happened on this video today so I had to share. Enjoy.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

It's Over

6:01 PM |

When to say when...

Today I was talking to one of my friends about a girl who is in the process of trying to decide if it's time to let go. She's been in a relationship with a man who she has serious history with. They started dating in middle/high school. They went their separate ways, got married to different people, got divorced and reconnected after that. Sound like the beginning of a love story right? Well things have not been going well at all. They fight, they break up, he gets with other people shortly after the break-up, family doesn't like him, and apparently things got physical ended with her and some marks on her face. Long story short, she's trying to decide whether to hold on or let go and she's asking my friend how she did it.

It's hard to tell another person when it's time to let go. Because if you do so prematurely you'll inevitably end up dealing with that person again in some form or fashion. Or you'll never truly get past that relationship and be able to move on in a healthy manner. Everyone's breaking point is different. So how do you really decide when to call it quits?

I think when you are in a relationship that goes bad it's easy to decide when it's over. You've been cheated on one too many times. You're tired of getting abused. You fight all the time. So it's easier to see that things are just not working, you're not happy, it's time to get out. But when things don't necessarily go "wrong" it's harder to decide it's over. When there's nothing you did wrong, nothing he did wrong but you still feel like this isn't working or something isn't right, you start to think this is just a rut. When it gets like that, many make the mistake of thinking marriage is the logical solution, when in fact they probably should have just walked away.

So how do you decide? I think you should ask yourself some key questions that can help make that decision.

1. Am I getting anything out of being with this person?
No matter how mad you are with someone, you should always be able to answer yes to this question. You should be able to say that this person gives you happiness in some kind of way. You like the way your conversations stimulate your mind. You enjoy his company. You like making him happy because that makes you happy and he does the same in turn. Etc. Etc. It doesn't mean financial and it doesn't mean physical. You should feel like you are not simply passing the time away when you are with this person.

If you managed to answer no to question 1, then your next question needs to be...

2. Can I change or can he change?
Is there something he's not providing that you need to answer yes to question 1? Is there something within yourself that needs to be fixed? If anything you feel that you are not getting out of the relationship can be made with a few modifications in how you deal with one another then there is still some hope. So long as both parties are willing to work towards making each other happy. If the change involves "changing" the person, to the point where they are no longer happy or they are no longer the same person, then you need to walk away. You should never stay in a relationship hoping to change a person into what you want.

If you answered no to question 2, then it's over. That means that no matter what that person does, no matter what they change, you still will not be happy. And that can happen. Things change, people change, Sometimes whether a person changes or not still will not make you happy. That doesn't mean that he's bad or that you are bad, you're just not meant for each other.

If that still isn't enough then you should be asking..

3. What is really the problem?
Take a step back and look at why you are questioning your relationship. Why are you even debating on whether or not you should be with this person. You should be able to search and find an answer. If there is no answer, and there is no real problem, then why are you even questioning your relationship?

Notice I didn't include love in there. That's because love is what makes reasonable people stay with abusers. Love is what convinces you, you can change him to be what you want. Love is great but love can cloud your decisions. And when making a decision such as to stay and to leave you don't have to consider love. Why? Because you probably already love them, that's why you are having difficulty making your decision. You can love some one and not be meant to be with them. So when you are deciding, love will be a factor, but don't make that be a decider.

By all means I don't think I have the all the answers. But I can say I have walked away when the decision wasn't easy. In the end I am a lot happier for it. Never regretted the decision not once. Bottom line is, you and only you will know what is right for your relationship. And when it's time to let go, it's time to let go. Don't be afraid.