An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Friday, March 27, 2009

Moment of Simple

12:37 AM |

Truly, truly, truly outrageous...

Can't we all just get along...

Random thought here. When did it become OK to just fight a bitch? Seems like every time I turn on the TV, someone is in someone else's face ready to throw blows. And these are grown ass people. Last time I checked grown ass people who fought got arrested. Perhaps my legalese is out dated. Must be because why else would it be promoted everywhere. You think is all fine and good on the TV but you know muthafuckas are stoopid. Monkey see, monkey do with out thought of any reprocussions.

Personally I'm kinda over it. Use your words you dumb fucks. Volume doesn't make you right, lower your voice bitch. Stop swinging on people cause soon as you get knocked you'll be mad cause now you look like even more of an ass on national television. Now the whole world knows you're a bitch. Who wins here?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

My Boys

11:27 PM |

Alone with my thoughts...

Today I was thinking about the students I interact with on a daily basis. I was just telling a friend of mine how I find it funny that the students I am always looking out for or are the closets to are male. Often I find myself in a room just discussing school, relationships and life with a group of guys. I've never really connected with many of my female students the way I connect with the male students. Not that I purposely go out and try to, it just happens. And I just rhetorically asked why that was.

My friends reply was something I didn't expect. She told me that from the day we met one thing that I used to say was a pet peeve of mine was seeing a young man with all the potential in the world not living up to it. I guess because I the time I was always hearing of these programs for girls, things for girls, support groups for girls but I felt that many times black men were being left out. Not to say that there weren't programs out there, I just heard of the girl activities more. Not only that, there is such a disparity in the number of black men in higher education to women it just concerns me. She reminded me that even when I was a tutor at a middle school in undergrad I was always tutoring and mentoring the young black males who people had basically given up on. And that in a sense it would be hypocritical of me to have such strong opinions about it and not do anything about it.

I had never really thought about that mostly because I think one of the greatest influences a young man can have comes from another man. There are things that boys learn from men that cannot be taught by women. And I don't mean that whole how to be a man stuff either, because there are plenty of great single women raising wonderful men. But there are things that I believe can only be taught to a man by another man. So I never really saw what I was doing as anything as influential per say.

Nonetheless, I've always felt that I related to guys sometimes better than girls. They communicate in a way that makes sense to me. Often I would just use my time to I guess be the voice of reason in a sea of silly chics. Kick them in the ass when they needed it. Congratulate them when it was time. And I guess that connection I made, gave me a way to subconsciously help in some ways alleviate that pet peeve I had stored up. I've always helped out with younger kids but I guess no matter what age you are it always helps to have someone in your corner. That's really all a mentor is in my opinion. Today 3 of "my boys" finished their degrees and I couldn't have been more proud. I got to hear one tell his mom and sister how much I helped them. And another who was out there alone and has no support at home gave me a big hug and just said thank you.

So I have the beginnings of 3 success stories....but alas there are many others that make me want to drop kick them ERREY DAY!!! Guess it's time to get back to work.....

Mental Playlist

4:51 PM |

Do not look where you fell but where you slipped. - Proverb

When I came across this quote I found it to be very insightful. Too often when we fail we are so focused on the failure that we don't look to see what we did to cause it. Think about it. Think about a time in your life when you failed miserably or were in a bad place. Did you dwell on your failure or did you think about what happened to get you there?

I find myself often thinking, not so much about what was bad, but what happened to get me there. I spend hours during my day replaying my steps, what I said, what I did and what I could possibly have done differently. I play out all these random scenarios. Good or bad. Not so much to dwell on the past but to learn from it so I can be an improved me the next day.

So don't focus so much on failure. Learn what not to do so you can be successful the next time.

A Kinetic Type Experiment...

Though I teach motion graphics, it's been a while since I actually created something just for the sake of creating something. I've always had ideas but never had the time to do something. So I thought I'd take some time and start off small. I give this assignment to my students so I decided to do one myself. This is done to the first verse of NAS's "Where Are They Now?" Enjoy.

Where Are They Now from Lea Anderson on Vimeo.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Opposed to Sleep

12:28 AM |

I sit alone in my four-cornered room, staring at candles....

I don't know why it is I am opposed to sleeping. I actually really have come to hate it. I don't mind resting, lets get that straight. Lying down, relaxing and all is just fine. But there is something about sleeping that I just don't like. It's come to a point where I try and find any and everything to do until I just can't function anymore. Even then once I get into bed, I just toss and turn trying to silence everything in my head so I can sleep. Plus I just don't feel rested. I wake up just as tired as I did when I layed down.

Some say I need to sleep in the dark. Currently I tend to leave the tv on. It's muted but the light helps. I must confess I'm a bit afraid of the dark. It doesn't help that A) the only other living thing in my house is a plant donated by my mother and B) every night at about 1:00am there is a rather unsettling a thud or something...don't know what it is but it freaks me the hell out. Either way when it's dark my mind sees things. Real or imaginary. Sometimes my thoughts wander to places that cause me much anxiety in the dark. Sometimes I start thinking about what I need to do the next day, what bills I need to pay, or replay what I did that day. Perhaps I should just get a nightlight but either and the dark just don't get along.

My best ideas come to me at night as well. So it's hard to go to sleep when I have so many things I want to do. So I dunno what to try. Guess I'll just stay up...

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Moment of Simple

10:44 PM |

I'm on a boat...

Monday, March 23, 2009

Princess Save-A-Bro

12:44 AM |

...woman's need to fix men

I don't honestly know why women feel like they can "fix" a man. Like if you are dating a crack head, magically your love will make him change his fiendish ways to be with you. It really doesn't even have to be that complicated, but nevertheless, some women have this burning desire to rescue a man who is apparently drowning in his own issues.

At times it's easy to look at a man like you'd look at a house. It's got a good framework, good bones, but the foundation is cracking a bit and it needs a lot of cosmetic work. And with the population of women increasing and the population of men decreasing, it really skews the balances of supply and demand. Making it easier to fall into this "Princess Save-A-Bro" lifestyle. I mean why throw a theoretically good man away when all he needs is a little work? You could save him? If you put in the right amount of work he could be right? Right? So he has issues, but doesn't everyone?

When you try to "fix" someone or "rescue" them, you ultimately run the risk of being more needed than wanted. Meaning that you fulfill this void in that person's life you are trying to save. He doesn't love you, but he needs you. And the feelings that are developed are not so much because of who you are, but for what your are, but for what you did for them. And I think that women that have this save 'em mentality are also searching for some of the same thing. They need to be needed. But what happens when his issues are fixed? Will he stay? And what if he's never able to get over those issues?

If both are "needed" in the same sort of ways is that not OK? I guess it depends on what you want out of a relationship. Personally I think relationships build out of need grow into severely dependent relationships. I'd rather be wanted than needed (but that's for another post).

It's not to say that with certain inspiration and support a man can't find the additional strength to overcome his obstacles. I'm not saying that you can't be someone's support system. Nor am I saying that trying to help or rescue someone is a bad thing. I just think that women should never enter into a relationship with the intent to save.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Exploring Self-Doubt

6:47 PM |

...second guessing the second guess

Today I was thinking about self-doubt and it's origins. I have a habit of downplaying what are clearly my strengths and my talent. And it got me thinking, what is that about? While it can be symptomatic of being told that you were not good enough, I think it can be a result of other things.

I think you ultimately know what you did to create this great work or how much time and effort it took you to do what you do. Sometimes you know when that effort wasn't equivalent to the praise you get from the results. Sometimes you compare yourself to others in your field and feel like their work is so far above and beyond that nothing you have created up to this point is worthy of the same kind of acclaim you give them. It can also be that artist frame of mind where your work is just never good enough because you know you can always be better.

That doubt, that nagging voice in your head is hard to silence sometimes. And I don't think it should be. At times I think that sometimes it keeps you humble because you could potentially teeter on the brink of conceit if you never heard it. It can also keep you moving to be the best you, you can. So it should be channeled and not silence.

Mental Playlist

12:11 AM |

I always have music in my head. I'm no musician but it's what inspires me. Sometimes old, sometimes new. Always random. Sometimes there's so much noise up there it's hard for me to sleep. So here is my Mental Playlist for the day...

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Random Thought

5:57 PM |

So mind you I don't consider myself a prude or anything like that. But I do have issues with all our female business being put out there for everyone to know. Now this by far isn't the worst that has been out there (i.e.) the vaginal itching commercials. I mean before when women spent hours in the bathroom, most men would probably think that she's just really high maintenance. You know you'd get hit with the "What do you do in there?" question. Now, even if they don't know they have enough commercials to make them wonder if you're constipated, itching or hell taking time squat over "the most technically advanced device you will ever pee on". But really?? Check out this commercial for the Schick Quattro Trimstyle. If you've seen it but haven't been really paying attention....look at what is happening to the "bushes".......

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


11:31 PM |

Money does not belong to me
He belongs to Capital One and Citi,
Wells Fargo, Home Depot and HSBC.
Even the Limited is trying to steal him from me.

Money is pretending to be engaged
To the bitch known as my HOA
But he's cheating on her with both AT&T's
And will probably leave them all for PNG.

Every Sunday he spends the day watching the game with Time Warner
Goes to drink with State Farm at the bar on the corner
He stays up all night playing games with Duke Power
I even caught him and Audi in my shower.

I will never have Money for he always roams
And continues to be a student using my federal loans.
Every six months he vacay's with Allstate
Downs some ADT and sleeps in real late.

But as shady as Money appears to be
He tries his best to take care of me.
He always makes sure I have enough to eat
And works to get me to where I need to be.

Money may be an unfaithful liar
But I continue to walk for him through the fire.
I know the pain he causes can never be erased
But as long as I need Money, Money I will always chase.

Random Thought

11:08 PM |

Monday, March 2, 2009

Quote of the Week

3:59 PM |

"If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?" - Shantideva

Not sure if you've noticed or not but every week or so I try to post a new quote. These are often words that express how I'm feeling that week or ideas I'm trying to incorporate into my daily existence. This week, I find this quote very appropriate. If you think this quote quote really simplifies the complexities of the human experience, I think you just may need to calm down. Really and truly there are things you can control and things you can't.

If you can, fix it. No need for extra drama leading to ulcers and migraines. Take some time and see how you can improve upon the situation that is bothering you. Now what needs to be understood is that sometimes the fix isn't quick. You may have to work at it or it may take a while to develop. In those instances, understand that you are making daily progress to pull yourself out of whatever irritating situation you find yourself in and that soon all your work will pay off. Remember situations that can be changed are not permanent and realizing that your drama is only temporary can help you work towards eliminating it.

If you can't then what are you worried about it for. I mean sure if you are 5'0" your goal in life is to play in the NBA, chances of getting into a team may be close to slim to none, but should that stop you from even trying? Mugsy will tell you no. Accept those things you cannot change and modify your life/situation to deal with those set in stone factors. These factors should not be treated as limits.

So dust your shoulders off. You have work to do.