An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Business Break Down

4:48 PM |

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Moment of Simple

11:23 AM |

Monday, December 8, 2008

To the rude girl

11:41 PM |

Who marched in to my classroom today...

Hey little rude girl
Don't know why you got under my skin
Maybe because I closed the door on your ass
And you still busted right on in
Be happy that I need my job
And I frequently meditate
Cause you have no idea
The four letter words you were about to face
Little girl you don't know me
Don't know what makes me tick
Bust in my room like that again
And you'll find out real quick!

Oh what a feeling...

Remember back in the days of your youth, you'd be walking down the hall and here he'd come. Walking almost as if in slow motion. Maybe your eyes would meet. Maybe he'd brush up against your shoulder when you passed each other. And when that moment happened your knees felt weak, your heart jumped up into your throat beating madly, your skin flushed and your stomach was doing cartwheels. That was your crush. And regardless if the feeling was mutual or if he even knew you existed those moments were priceless.

There's something precious about a crush. That feeling of infatuation with just the mere possibility of what could be was enough to make the day great. And if he even managed to mutter a simple "hey" your way you'd go home feeling on top of the world. What if he liked you back? The excitement. The squeals of your friends in the locker room. The thrill of strolling hand in hand, eating lunch together in the cafeteria. Should your crush be revealed and not returned, your friends were there to help you bounce back. Just go to the next name on your crush list. Brush it off. Yea it hurts, but it was nothing a sleep over, pizza and ice cream couldn't cure. When times were simpler. When the playing field was level. When there was less pressure.

As an adult you are no longer able to afford the simple joys of a crush. Too many concerns with what the other can offer you. Concerned about the baggage they carry. Concerned about what kind of partner they'd be, how stable they are, how good the sex is, are they employed, are they crazy...and on and on and on. The freshness about seeing or meeting that person that makes your stomach drop is almost next to impossible. There are too many other factors, voices and life changing decisions that have to be made before "time runs out".

Perhaps the thing that is missed isn't so much for the crush itself, but for the feeling you used to get with that crush. The innocence of possibility. The simplicity of the unknown. The depth of a glance. The heat of a touch. No pressure. No commitments. Just a crush.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Bullshit and Double Standards

11:44 PM |

Yea, I said it...

Everyone knows that there are substantial double standards between men and women. The reason these standards are set are totally based on the fact that as a whole this society, it's values, it's beliefs and it's rules are created by men. But I don't want to get into this man/woman debate and who made the world suck more. I want to talk about bullshit and double standards.

Bullshit is the belief that women and men are so fundamentally different that they are incapable of behaving and interacting with the world similarly. That for some odd reason, women can't speak as a man does, drink as a man does, act as a man does (with out being a beard growing, flannel wearing, lesbian). Doing so does not make you any less feminine. It does not make you rude. It does not make you more or less of a woman. It makes you a fucking person. If a woman wants to go out and find a one night stand and not be considered a whore, why can't she? If a woman wants to date more than one guy and not be considered a slut, why can't she? If a woman wants to spend her Sundays and Monday nights watching football, drinking liquor in a sports bar, why can't she? If a woman wants to pimp out her Ford F-150 then go for it. In this era when people are making so many advances medically, technologically, and socially, how is it that we are holding on to these archaic beliefs?

As women we also have to stop upholding these double standards as well. It doesn't mean that you can't still be prissy and keep those true hidden women things a secret. But you also don't have to fake and be something you're not. It's hard standing on that pedestal and the fall from on high is a long one. We do a lot of our own backstabbing and judging and that just weakens the solidarity that makes sisterhood so unique and strong.

Bottom line is:
1. Don't Jude Us
2. Don't Pigeon Hole Us
3. Don't Be A Hater (Cause you can't do what we do)
4. Pay Us What You Owe (That less pay for equal work is straight up BULLSHIT and you all know it. The time of reckoning is coming!)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Internet Illiteracy

10:19 AM |

What's with all the videos?

More and more these days as I surf the internet I'm finding sites that have forgone the written content in exchange for video or highly interactive animation pieces to deliver their information. Don't get me wrong, the creativity is great and undoubtedly it takes the pressure off those designers/developers and clients who don't want to write a lot of web content. But every site does not need a video.

I mean, sometimes all I want is to jump to a site, grab some info and go. I don't want to site there and wait for a video to load, watch a series of commercials, poor hosts telling unnecessary back stories and failed comedic quips before I get to information that proves to be completely useless. Put it in words, make it easily scanable so I can tell if your site is what I need or full of crap in less than 2.5 seconds. I just want my info!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Moment of Simple

6:34 PM |

getting ready for the holidays...

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Random Thought

9:29 PM |

Thursday, November 20, 2008


1:36 AM |

Japanese piggy bank

Restless Nights

12:35 AM |

Too busy even in my dreams...

Lately, I have been dreaming every night. I can't really remember the details in the dream, but I just wake up knowing that I've been very busy in my dream. Normal people have dreams that are more like fantasies. Mine are more like a second life. A series of seemingly mundane tasks and interactions with people I know. The only stretch of the imagination is these daily interactions in my dreams are with people I haven't seen or talked to in months/years. Sometimes I'm so busy in my second life that I awake tired from all my dream work. I don't know what's cause the sudden surge of dreams.

I guess it's a relief from what I usually dream: being chased, falling, cheating...and well....let's just say "Trading Places". But do I really have to be working? Where is my fantasy? My departure from reality? Seems like every dream I have is linked to stress and anxiety. Maybe this means I need to do something. Get out. Travel. Trade some places. Take a vacation...Like I need my dreams to tell me something I already know...

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Public Service Announcement

12:58 PM |

To all my Black business owners...

To all my Black business owners: handle business. While it may be OK for Uncle Earl and Big Mama to run the grill and the register, they can't do it all by themselves. Hire some people. Some people that aren't necessarily family members. You know, people you can fire when the mess up without having to feel awkward around the dinner table that night. I know you think if you keep it small you'll get more profits, but if people get annoyed with the lack of service, they won't be returning and you'll just lose more money.

O and to my Black apparel business owners. The clothing in your store should NOT smell like plastic, hemp, or black love incense. There are more fabrics than polyester and spandex. Leather doesn't squeak like a plastic chew toy. We know what a real Coach bag looks like, so stop it with the knock offs and bootlegs! Sigh...

This has been a public service announcement. You may now return to your regularly scheduled web browsing.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Moment of Simple

12:31 AM |

Poor orange....

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Random Thought

8:56 PM |

Leave Nothing

8:42 PM |

Nike's new campaign...

I can't honestly tell you what it is about these commercials, but by far, they are the most compelling commercials to me on TV right now. There are a few others as a part of this campaign, but this one entitled "Fate" is really striking. Perhaps it's the music, perhaps it's the great way they have shot and edited this promo, like I said I don't know. But I love it. Makes me tingle inside. Love this game!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Ready, Set, Go!

11:05 PM |

The thrill of the chase...

It's often said that the nature of man is to be the hunter. They thrive off the thrill of the chase and the satisfaction over their metaphorical capture. It is also often said that women like to be the hunted. To be perused is often linked to feeling of being desired or wanted. So for eons man and woman have been engaged in this never ending cat and mouse game. However with the changes in society men have started to become the hunted and women the hunter. With this reversal of roles I began to wonder how important it is for men to pursue a woman.

I know that most "liberated" males will say that they have no problem with a woman approaching them. That's all well in good but what I am wondering how many still enjoy the pursuit. Does it take away from the appeal of a woman if she is upfront? Not skanky and putting her tits on the table within the first minute. But truly honest and open about her intentions. Is it better for women to play coy? Play shy, play it cool, appear mysterious. Does that make the desire to be with her increase? Is the thought of the unknown appealing?

I'm not a man so I can't answer these questions. But I would think that in some instances it's great for a woman to be up front. Put it out there, no games, no assumptions. Being a pretty blunt female I often wonder if my frankness is a turn off. But I'm also not one who puts it all out there either. I have layers. But how hard is too hard? That said, I would also think that some sense of mystery would be appealing as well, almost making it a bit more exciting and "rewarding" so to speak when the challenge is won. I mean if it's easy is it really worth it? The questions...the questions....

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Random Thought

10:49 PM |

The State of the Union

2:25 AM |

Thoughts from the disillusioned one...

As I sit in the encroachment of what is surely the most important election of my generation, I am not filled with the sense of hope or excitement, but fear. There have been many chances where the American people were able to act and decide on the fate of the nation, and many times, the people have chosen poorly. But this is not a statement about the vote and who to vote for. To be completely honest, majority of us eligible voters are so caught up in outdated bipartisan bullshit that no one is open to even considering options, differences of opinion or compromises. But I digress.

My fear lies in the unraveling I am witnessing. It begins with the fear of a depression and the horrifying reality that our riches are built on bad loans and unpaid debts to foreign countries who quite frankly can't stand us and our projected/perceived values. It transitions into uncertainty about the elected. The people, aside from the president, we have apparently elected have made piss poor decisions. Because truthfully the president can put many bone headed plans out there but it's up to our representatives to say yay or nay. It ends when negativity and the hatred that had been so neatly tucked under bow ties, and girdles, begins to poke the sides of the nation.

What concerns me the most is the overwhelming frenzy I feel bubbling just underneath the surface. The people of this "great" nation are so easily swayed by scare tactics, and buzz words that they are quick to jump, scream, and riot over causes and ideologies they know nothing about. So quick to make decisions because someone else says it's the right thing to do, that you don't even bother checking the facts. Hearing only what you want to hear because to hear anything else would be too disheartening.

But you can't really fault the people. Unfortunately there are no open unbiased sources of information. TV news networks, papers, national and local magazines all have an agenda. And the internet, well...we all know what they say about opinions...

So what are we to do?

Educate our selves. Find a reason to vote for your candidate. Come with something better than some canned bullshit and black pride fantasies. Read damnit. Not only internet blogs, but papers, books and magazines. Compare information. Read data and statistics. Look for information and make your own decisions. Listen, you'll be surprised what you hear. Take time to think about your impending actions. Stop charging! Shit. If you can't afford it, save, or learn enough to borrow responsibly. Nothing from nothing leaves nothing! It's unfortunate that we have had our rose colored glasses shattered. However it is time for our pubescent country to begin to grow the fuck up.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Not Like Me

11:21 PM |

A bit of poetry....

I am not that chic
That's not me you see
When your watching the tv
No brown hued cuties
'Cept in the videos poppin their booties
Letting them niggas make it rain
And for a little bit of change
They'll do something strange.
I am not that chic.

When you're flippin through your favorite magazine
Look through the pages you won't see me.
Not without an 18in yakky weave
Or bald headed and so ethnic I'm damn near ugly.
Or maybe rockin my natural with the soul power glow
Or dreaded up 'cause I gotta let my afro-centricity show.
Too dark to be average so what else can I be?
That's not me you see.

When I am remotely represented
Successful, ambitious and self-respecting
I'm branded as a bitch, constantly engaged in male bashing
I am a spinster, a prude, somewhere out there causing drama
Or an under cover freak sexin you, your daddy and your mama.

So if I look at you in disbelief
Or smile back awkwardly
It's not that I don't believe your compliment
I just can't believe you think that of me
With all the fallacies,
Doctored Imagery,
And embedded perceptions of beauty.
It's hard to believe you'd like anything
Other than
What's not

Friday, October 3, 2008


12:06 AM |

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Random Thought

1:49 AM |


1:10 AM |

Taking time to look back...

It's always been said that there is no need to dwell in the past. It's important that we look towards the future and live in the now. I agree. There is no need to dwell in the past because if you're always focused on what's in your rear-view mirror, you eventually run off the road. But I think our tendency to try and forget or negate the past leads to many of our misfortunes in our present and future.

I guess part of this is inspired from watching the VH1 countdown of the greatest Hip-Hop songs (note clicking on that link will show the whole list and the series isn't over until sometime this weekend. So if you're like me and were waiting to see what the countdown holds DON'T CLICK IT YET!!! It will ruin it for you). I started reminiscing with the music and remembering how I was, what I wanted to do, what I was striving to be, etc. Back when I felt that I could do almost anything. There's a lot about that girl I'm glad I grew out of. Yet, there's a lot of characteristics of that girl I used to be that I wish I possessed as the woman I am now. And just when I think that girl is dead and gone, someone, something, some sound comes along and revives her in me. Her heart beat is faint but she's there.

I think in the daily shuffle of life you tend to forget what you're out here doing and why. You loose sight of your dreams, hopes and goals or they get so modified by the mere need to survive that they are hardly recognizable anymore. Almost making your own reflection a stranger to you in the mirror every morning. I think that it's important that every so often you take the time to look in that rear-view mirror. Remember where you come from, what you're trying to do, who you are. If nothing else to remind you of where you've been and to help you remember why you are moving forward in the first place.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Moment of Simple

2:16 PM |

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Hello? Goodbye?

11:08 PM |

is it worth fighting for...

If you love them, let them go. If you love them, fight for it. A discussion with my council today had me questioning these two ideas which are clearly contradictory to each other. So which is it? Fight or flight?

Some believe that if you truly love someone and let them go. The thought behind that is, if it was truly a love that was meant to be they'd return to you. It's also the ultimate sacrifice, to give up your own happiness for that of the one you love. But, if you let someone go, is that not the same as giving up? If you do in fact let them go with the thought in mind, that you hope they return, you are in a way wishing them unhappiness without you. So are you truly letting go? Are you truly wishing them happiness? No. So how is this the right angle?

The others believe that if you truly love someone, you'll fight for them. Really? To me that kinda falls on a thin line between fighting to make a relationship work and fighting to make someone be with you. If you have to work that hard to keep a relationship together, is it really meant to be? Shouldn't you want to be with that person, and if you want to be with that person and vice versa, what are you fighting for?

I don't think one should have to make someone be with them. But I also don't believe you just give up on relationships when things get rough. So which is it? Fight for it? Let it go? Maybe there is no answer. Maybe we're just destined to do this dance... Mambo with the fighters... Waltz alone....

Monday, September 22, 2008

Random Thought

10:01 AM |

Friday, September 19, 2008

And Another One

12:46 AM |

Racist mows down bicyclist...

Here's the story of a young woman who was intentionally hit by a car while riding her bike to the grocery store. The driver, after crashing his car into a house trying to hit this woman, got out of the car screaming racial slurs at the 24 year old. My heart truly goes out to her.

Remembering a simpler time. Ah the days spent in the Goldsboro Public Library with my aunt. They reminisce, they reminisce...

Random Thought

12:46 AM |

Say Word

12:46 AM |

Can't believe it...

So this week I gotta say word to T-Pain. His new track "Can't Believe It" is all over the radio, but that's not why I'm talking about him. My sister put me on to his video when it premiered on 106 and Park a while back and I must say that I was hesitant to look. I mean, it's T-Pain. How good can it be? But after some persuasion I turned and I must say that I love the video. It's taken a lot of what the trends graphic designers have been doing lately and put it in motion. Being an effects girl, it's just so visual and cohesive I love it. And after watching it again tonight, I decided to share. [Please mind the alignment. Yahoo had the best quality video, but it's too wide for my current layout.]

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Southern Hospitality

5:06 PM |

fo' all y'all.....

So today I sat down occupying the 6 hour break between my morning and night classes I have to teach today with a look through the shows I have stored in my DVR. I decided to get caught up on my one of my shows and once again I am face to face with the poster child of the south: blonde, simple, country girl. I looked at this young woman and my first thought was well, at least she's not as country and the girls they usually put on TV. But alas, that was overshadowed by a superior attitude and ignorant comments. Those on TV are constantly from some random po' dunk town with one stop light. Once again perpetuating that the southern people are still a very backwards, racist, "simple" group of people. I hate all types of stereotypes. It is to be acknowledge that all stereotypes are based on some type of truth, however whenever one race, religion, area of people are constantly represented one sided, I must throw up my hands and say SERIOUSLY.

Everytime I see anyone with an NC, SC, GA, AL, TN, etc beside their name the first thing I hear is a slew of hard core southern accents and a total abuse of the English language. That is usually accompanied by hard-core religious beliefs and randomly ignorant off the cuff comments. Now anyone who has been to the south has seen those people, met those people, hell half are probably members of your own family. However, the south is not solely this back woods, backwards, bible toting, tobacco spitting place. There are cities growing in population every day due to many people deciding to relocate. There are people vacationing, doing business ventures, owning second homes, and getting their education in the south. We are just as intelligent, motivated, hardworking, and aware as everyone else.

I shouldn't have to feel the need to justify why I live where I live and the only reason why I do feel that way is because of the bs that's out there as a representative. So stop looking at me crazy and with pity when I tell you I'm from south. It takes entirely too long to give you my background and really what is the point. Like I have to justify to you why I'm not a traditional southerner. No I don't have to explain to you how I got here. Yes, my accent isn't terribly southern. I can read and write, and I wear shoes that are far better than the ones you probably rock on a daily basis.

So stick that in your pipe big media and smoke it. But this is just a small irritation. There's still issues with the depiction of women, women of color, men, Asians, Blacks, Whites, Jewish, Muslims......

But that's for another time......yeeeeaaaahhhh!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Random Thought

9:14 PM |

Random Question

4:25 AM |

...what about your friend?

As part of the know your role series, it's important to explore how to interact in your daily relationships once you've established which role you are currently playing in. Today, after a week or so of questions, comments and concerns, the topic of this entry will be on defining what it means to be "the friend".

While there will come a time when there will be a discussion on whether or not men and women can truly be friends, this is not the post for it. So for the sake of argument, let's say that it is possible for men and women to be friends. What does that mean? It's obvious that men and women need different things out of their relationships, so how do you balance the underlying nature of both to have an equal and fulfilling friendship?

First it must be recognized that women aren't men and men aren't women. This may be a duh moment but really look at that statement. Most women (and I do mean most - not all), regardless of how close they may be to do, do not want to be perceived as one of the boys. And ladies, men never want to be one of the girls. So men, always remember that regardless of how tomboy a woman may be, she's still a woman and should still be treated as such should her behavior warrant it. And ladies, save the cramps and period stories for your girls. Men don't want to hear all of that.

Second, one of the things that should be pointed out is that it is not the best move to enter into a friendship as a consolation prize for not being able to be together sexually or otherwise. Those types of tensions only bring drama into the friendship, more so if the other party doesn't know they are a person of interest. It puts up some severe boundaries and causes random arguments for what appear to be no apparent reason. It taints possible advice and makes normal interactions become laced with innuendos and suspicions. There are instances where this set up could work into being a viable friendship, but only if the two are mature enough not to let the aforementioned things distract from the development of the friendship.

Overall, if you are the friend, be the friend. Understand that men probably already have had some other nagging, demanding women on their end they have had to take care of, so don't be an addition to that list. And men, understand that women probably have had some untrustworthy, undependable, liars they deal with or have dealt with as well, so try not to be another one. You should be as down, trustworthy and loyal to that man or woman as you would be to a friend of the same sex. Support each others goals and dreams, share laughs and shoulders when times get rough, be honest and true with each other, even when the truth may hurt a little. Be available, real and understanding. These gender crossing friendships can be some of the best and most fulfilling in the world. Really take the time to nurture them.

Remember no role is permanent. Just make sure your behavior gets you a promotion and not the pink slip.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Moment of Simple

1:22 AM |

Monday, September 1, 2008

Birthday Reflections

10:44 PM |

Thoughts on the eve of a birthday...

As I sit here this evening reflecting on the last year and the last 9 years I am actually filled with this sense of satisfaction. Does satisfaction mean that I don't want more out of my life? Not at all. But what it means is that I feel good about all that I have managed to accomplish and happy with the decisions I've made. I often criticize my friends who have this 'glass half empty' approach to life and had to take a minute to check myself; to make sure I am not guilty of the same mentality. This was hard place to reach because it's so easy to see what's wrong. It's easy to see the extra weight, the struggling bank account, the broken furniture, the bills and creditors. It's harder to look at what you've managed to finish and realize that you are making progress. I'm sitting here on the eve of my 20's still wanting to do more with myself in the next year so I don't feel like I completely wasted my 20's. But in the same breath not feeling bad about what I still have left to do; being happy that I have accomplished what I have.

I've learned a lot of lessons, made a lot of changes, and grown a lot. I've taken a few steps backwards, lost my self and am on the path to finding my true self again. I've completed 2 degrees, traveled to some really nice places, tried new foods, met new great people, lived away from home, bought a couple of houses, cars, started my career, started my business, loved and loss. I've done a lot and still have so far to go and I am excited about the possibilities.

I'm happy to know that I can make it now. By myself, and with the support (sometimes) and love of others, I've done well. And if I take hold of all the things I've learned over the years, continue to set goals and work hard towards those goals I know I can make this last year of 20's even better. I thank all that have been with me and I truly appreciate your input, your ear, your shoulder, your support and your love. I hope I have been there for you all as much as you have been there for me.

Hugs and Smooches,

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Partying at 25 and up

12:50 AM | Is this what it has come to?

So needless to say I don't get out much. And I really don't go out to clubs due highly to the fact that at all the 21 and up clubs I somewhere along the lines became the "and up". I worried at the 25 and up club, I'd feel like was 12 partying with my daddy so I have been avoiding them all together. Either way I was really just over the club scene anyway and had stopped going all together. Well tonight for my birthday 2 of my girls and I went out to celebrate (note my birthday is 2 days away). I got the urge to go out so I had to act on it cause I mean really...when would this happen again? We ended up going to one of my friend's favorite (and one of the city's most popular) 25 and up club.


Now, I don't see the 25-40 crowd as old. Especially not this generation born out of hip-hop, trends and popular culture. However, at some point they apparently think they think they got old and have to conform to what their impressions of what an "and up" is. I had always avoided these clubs because I kinda felt I'd feel on the young side when in there. And though I wasn't in age I was truly in spirit. So let's set the scene. The music was actually pretty decent, though not great (the DJ has some issues figuring out which popular music of today really gets this crowd moving and..note T.I's "Whatever you like" wasn't it and apparently none of the old school joints (ie "Before I Let Go") did either). The club was very nice, plenty of seating..which by the way leads me to this side tangent...there is no holding seats/tables at the club. If your ENTIRE table gets up, you've lost it! But I digress...As I was saying. Good music, check. Good spot, check. There's no smoking inside the club but they have a large patio outside where you can smoke and there's more music. At least 4 it's a nice spot. So what was the issue...

The people...sigh...the people.

25 and up dancing:
When does timely rhythmic movement turn into the two step with the snaps?!? I mean you don't have to get on the floor and make it clap anymore but do you really have to bust out the two step? And do you get excited anymore? You don't have to get hype, but if the DJ says "Where are all my Virgos at?" can I get more than a 1st grade classroom roll call hands up?!? (with the first finger in the air...yes they did, yes they did..with the two step in-between the snaps). I mean can you look like you're enjoying your night out dancing with your husband/significant other (cause apparently that's in now...whatever). We are all grown folks, why is EVERYONE standing around looking at each other like it's our first middle school dance?!? I'm used to people not dancing, but really. People were seated still watching the dance floor like they were watching Harpo beat Oprah in the Color Purple.

25 and up fashion:
I know I can't escape it. People dress bad at all ages. But tonight I had a few REALLYS?!? On a whole I was rather disappointed with a majority of what I saw people in tonight. But here are a few standouts.
Criminal 1: Your daddy decided to be 'hilarious' and come out in his straw hat, clown sunglasses (no literally, you know those hugely over-sized sunglasses clowns wear to be funny..the green rimmed ones..yea he had on those). The linen white button up with the shorts and maracas. Yup you heard me. MARACAS! I think he was rocking the gym socks with sandals but I think I may have blocked it out.
Criminal 2: Black capri leaotard cat suit under a white mesh/net tank dress. Apparently her belly gets sweatty because instead of wearing her white 80's sweat bands on her head or wrist she put two around her stomach...under the mesh/net dress.
Criminal 3: Seen with her partner in the Oliva Newton John "Let's Get Physical" mesh/net dress. Who took all your grandmama's doileys? She did and sewed them together to make a mini-dress. She decided to jazz it up with some Tina Turner fringe at the bottom. But of course since we're 'grown' she also paired it with a pair of red short shorts.

All in all I did enjoy the hour I spent there. I heard a few songs I really like. (Apparently Rick Ross' new song doesn't hit the '25 and up' crowd cause they were really looking like ?who dis?) The club was open until 3 and at 12, the crowd was still too sparce for me and so underwhelmed I bounced. But I had some good laughs, got to trip out with my girls and be silly on the dance floor for a hot minute. I'm not opposed to going back. But I think my outta house adventures will lead me more in the direction of sports bars and less in the direction of clubs.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Nothing

3:58 PM |

And all the excitement it brings.....

So you've probably noticed that I haven't blogged in a while. No? We'll have I haven't. I would love to say it was because my life got so busy these past few weeks that I was just too overwhelmed with all the activity that was buzzing around that I didn't have time to sit down and blog. I wish I had mounds of stories to return with but alas I don't. So what has been happening?

Wedding. Yes another wedding. My advice to anyone getting married. Save for an open bar. Your groomsmen who probably (well absolutely) don't want to be there will be happier. And your bridesmaids that have probably been in 5 weddings in the last 2 years will thank you.

The cough to end all coughs. Immediately after the wedding...probably due to the fact that I spent one night in a suite with 6 women and one who continued to get up in the middle of the night and turn the air off..not had me out of commission for FOREVER. I have been on everything from antibiotics to benadryl. And guess what...I'M STILL COUGHING! So for most of the time away I've been unconscious.

I've got friends that are living in their own self imposed drama. I know people get angry at how nonchalant I can be, but I feel that there are so few things in life that warrant such attention. Like I say, don't like it, change it, can't change it, why with it.

And that is that.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Funny or Die

11:27 AM |

Love these "PSA"s

So I'm maneuvering around the internet and I come across some PSA's done on the Funny or Die site and I must say they tickle me. So I'm posting some. Enjoy.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

R.I.P. Bernie Mac

11:02 AM |

Bernie Mac dies at the age of 50...

While many have been reporting the rumor that he has died for a while now, today those rumors became fact. Actor/Comedian Bernie Mac passed away early this morning around 2am. According to the Cook County Medical Examiner's office, Bernie Mac died of "natural causes". Mr. Mac suffered from sarcoidosis which is an autoimmune disorder that can causes inflammation in any organ, rooted in his lungs. Bernie had been in remission and reports are indicating that the pneumonia he was admitted to the hospital for August 1, was not linked to the sarcoidosis. Tragically reports that were released just Friday stated that he was responding well to treatment. Rest In Peace Uncle Bernie, you will be missed.

More about this story: E! News Online

Friday, August 8, 2008


11:23 PM |

Do, do, do-do-do...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Monday, July 28, 2008


11:29 PM |

When did good enough become good enough?

Many women are put to bed as children with great fairy tales of a noble Prince Charming riding in on his white horse to rescue the princess and whisk her away to a life of love and happiness. We are told to wait for the knight in shining armor: the one. While all these fairy tales end up filling many females heads with nonsense of perfection (and I don't really believe in the one), they do teach girls to set standards (no matter how ridiculous they may be). They allow girls to decide what they want in a man and make it OK for them to begin an introspective look into what they would like in a partner. They inspire them to look for what their heart desires and wait on the one that will fulfill them. And while many woman may feel like they have settled for the one they have, they really are just compromising on some ridiculous expectations.

After many discussions with my guy friends, they are not always told similar things. Many speak of one main phrase "If you get a good girl, keep her." What usually constitutes a good girl? Domestic goddess, kind hearted, faithful, trustworthy...etc. You know, the standard. (Kinda describes a dog doesn't it?...) There is not much discussion about whether or not this "good girl" fulfills their other needs. Men are just as complex as women (sort of). They require many areas of support and have needs that are never expressed. I guess I get to her it because I am soooooooo very often "the friend". Sometimes, that "good girl" does nothing to support the other needs of that man. I mean most of the time the discussion about relationships and marriage usually paint a picture of a man being miserable anyway. Succumbing to the whim of their wives/girlfriends ever changing mood. So many choose to stick with the one they have rather than face the possibility of a life alone searching for something better. I mean they're going to be miserable anyway, right?

I can't help but to wonder why. When did settling for good enough become OK? How do you intend to spend a lifetime with a person you can not be open with emotionally, spiritually, sexually, etc? Your partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, should be as close to your best friend as possible. This should be someone you feel completely comfortable around. This is supposed to be the person that at the end of the day, when everyone else is gone, is there for you completely. Someone supportive of your dreams, keeps your fears at bay, allows you to be expressive about anything and everything in every way imaginable without fear of ridicule or rejection. Is that too idealistic? Unreasonable? Fanciful? I don't think so. If you don't feel like you can share the most intimate parts of yourself with that person, what are you really doing?

I'm not saying you have to look for perfection, because in reality that does not exist. However you have to find that one you feel like you can be yourself around, in every way. I think by truly settling, you are doing not only yourself a disservice, but your partner. They deserve to be with someone they have totally; mind, body and soul. I know there are always compromises, however that is not the same as settling. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't want to be anyone's good enough.

Searching for inspiration...

I've been missing a lot of inspiration lately. It's been affecting my creativity, my motivation and my drive. I used to find a lot of inspiration in music videos because it combined the two things that inspire me the most (music and imagery). In part it's always been a dream of mine to work on music videos in post production or even directing them. But you know...pipe dreams.... However I came across a Gnarles Barkley video that I found visually interesting. The way the director combined the dialogue with the lyrics and the visuals added such depth to the story and the feeling behind the song/scene that alone none would have been able to. So watch. But be advised, it's not for the squeamish.


8:13 PM |

Taking time to unplug....

Email, text messages, cell phones, VoIP, Blackberries, iPhones, Wi-Fi, caller id on your tv, instant messenger, 24 hour news and television. It seems like every day there are new technological advances to make us even more connected. While it makes it easier for us to connect with people across the globe, it gives those same people unlimited access to our free time. That free time that was once a chance to unwind, relax and reflect. It is to the point of addiction for some people. Those who have this nagging need to constantly be on the phone, texting, emailing, IM-ing.

I think everyone should take at least 1 hour (at bare minimum) every day to disconnect. No telephone. No TV. No computer. Do something else or do nothing at all. Give your mind some time to relax and unwind. Quiet time. Not to go to sleep, but to be awake with no disturbances. Your body needs that time. Your mind needs that time. You'll be amazed at how relaxed you feel through out the day when you takes those moments to yourself. Think of all the impulsive decisions that would not be made to your regret if you used the time to yourself to think about those things. You get a chance to remove yourself temporarily from your life and take a reflective step back. You give yourself an opportunity to refocus and reflect on what your goals are for the day, for the week, for the month, even for the year.

The world won't crumble if you cannot be reached at that very instant. It's time to chill. TTYL....

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Random Thought

11:16 PM |

In Color...

Saturday, July 19, 2008

The Answer

2:29 PM |

So you can stop asking....

So I get asked this one questions far too many times: Why don't you go anywhere? Why? Well I've got 5 main reasons why I CHOOSE to keep my ass in the house.

5. Rude people: It seems as customer service improves, people patronizing these establishments are getting ruder and ruder. There is a thing called personal space; BACK THE FUCK UP. No you don't absolutely HAVE to look at the same pair of jeans that I am looking at right this minute. And excuse me but she was in the process of getting those shoes for me. Judging by the 15 boxes you have at your bench you've been in here for about an hour so if you really wanted them you would have already gotten them already. Oh and the rude bitch who stood in the only available parking space in front of the store jabbering away on your cell phone, just be aware that the only thing that kept your ass from having metal Audi rings embedded permanently in your fat ass was the police man sitting in the median. I work in that area, don't let me catch you in the cross walk!

4. No particular place to go: Truthfully I'm not a browser. Spending hours in the mall around poorly dressed children and families is not appealing to me. I'm in a city full of couples and young families. Crying babies, public displays of affection and such just don't make me want to spend a whole bunch of time wandering around. Plus, everyone I ever knew seems to be here. Bumping into the dude I sat next to in Pre-Cal sophomore year will only lead to awkward how have you been conversations when neither of us really care. Plus, it's hot outside. My black ass doesn't need anymore sun.

3. Price of gas: Hello....

2. Bad Drivers: The traffic here is awful. Not to mention that driving here is just impossible. Cruisers-in-the-left-lane, non-signaling, below-the-speed-limit-driving, break-happy, fake-handicapped-hang-tang-having, swerving-between-the-lane-drivers! By the time I get to where I want to go I have a head-ache from frowning and all I want to do is take some Tylenol and lay down.

And the number one reason I don't go anywhere is.......

1. I'M BROKE! Things aren't free. Gas is expensive. Everything costs. Hell, even a salad is pushing $10 these days. I'm just trying to stay afloat and break free of this living check-to-check lifestyle. So until things get in order, I'ma keep it on the couch.

So there you have it. Now you know. So shut it. show is on.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Nigger is still Nigger

11:45 PM |

I don't give a damn how you spell it....

So I was thinking today about our need to try and "take the sting" out of many derogatory words/phrases. Re-orient, reclaim, re-write the meaning. In some ways owning it. My question is why? For example:

Why is it so important for black people to own the word nigger? Why must we put rules on who can say it and who can't? Regardless of who says it and how it's said it still means NIGGER. Why is it important for us to take ownership of a word that was used to degrade, belittle and dehumanize our people? No matter how many times you say it, no matter how ebonically incorrect you spell the shit it's still nigger. But that's not the conversation I'm trying to have here.

Ladies, bitch and hoe are not terms of endearment. Why on earth would you want to considered a female dog. A dog? Really? "Man's best friend". If you look at what a dog's positive traits are supposed to be: loyal, faithful, obedient..that's exactly opposite of what a bitch is supposed to mean. And hoe...aka whore...meaning 'you'll do something strange for a little piece of change' (thank you Mike Epps). Get real. There are too many rules on how you can say these words, what context, who can say it, who can't, "she don't know me like that to be callin me no...", what tone of voice can be used..blah, blah, blah....

Overall I hear this argument of taking over the use of these derrogatory words in effort to take the hateful meaning out of it. Essentially removing the power from these words. However I think in our effort to remove the hate from these words we are created generations who are racially, socially, culturally insensitive. I think this misguided effort has taken it from: these are hurtful words, don't say them, they mean this to..who cares if you say them, it's just words, you know I didn't mean it like that. This is why you have people putting "ghetto names" beside black people in yearbooks, drunken frat boys dressing up in black face for parties, hanging nooses in high school courtyards and not understanding why that was not ok.

I guess what I'm saying is that words, phrases, terms all have meaning. It doesn't matter who says it, how it's said, the underlying meaning of those words are still there. We should always be concious of how we use these words. That goes for bitch, hoe, faggot, "that's ghetto" (cringe), the ever increasingly popular "that's gay" and all others. Until we do, we are secretly say it's ok for reporters to refer to a politicians wife as a "baby mama" and excusing all other infractions. It's not that I'm being an overly sensitive liberal (Fox news can kiss my ass). It's not that I can't take a joke. Bottom line: it's not ok. Point blank. Period. Get concious and step your dialogue game up.

Comments on a video...

So today I was browsing one of my sites of interest and I came across this video by NY OIL called " Y'all Should All Get Lynched". Now of course the use of the word lynched stopped me in my tracks and the fact that it was animated made me watch. Though I'm not 100% sold on the need to use the word lynch because it has such a profound historical significance. I don't think that there is a way anyone can truly use that word without a certain sting of the actuality of that word. But nonetheless, the video I found to be visually interesting and the music that accompanied it. Take a look:

Sunday, June 29, 2008

It's Been A Long Time

10:35 AM |

Collection of Random Thoughts...

It's been a minute since I've posted here. You know how it is. Life happens and for a while now I've had little to say. While there still isn't much to say I thought I'd just speak a few opinions that are presently on my mind.

With the risk of sounding like a hater, I must say...I AM TIRED OF WEDDINGS...and all the things that come with it. All the planning and the work and the effort put into this one day, many forget it takes as much planning and work and effort after the day is done. I can't help but to wonder how many of these people will stay married. Sad, but it's a thought had by many. Also, I love my friends dearly but I really don't need another on-time-wear dress in my closet. Lucky for me at least my friends have a pretty decent sense of style and there's nothing in my closet I will be embarrassed about having had to wear. I could live without making another invitation (though it may become another side business venture...hmmm...). I'm through with the awkward bridal showers with the soon to be bride opening up lingerie and sex toys in front of their 90 year old granny.

And another thing....

Just my personal opinion, but we may get the oil companies to lower gas prices by allowing them to drill off shore, but honestly, that's what the gas company wants us to do: Allow them to drill. That's what's behind the gas price increase. They're trying to squeeze us. And they hide behind this manipulation move by telling us it's because of the high cost of foreign oil. You know us Amerikans hate us some foreigners. Do you honestly believe, that after making all this money, they will drop the price of gas to a reasonable cost? We may at most, go back to $2-$3 per gallon.

Can we please understand the difference in reply and reply all. I know I've mentioned it before, but seriously. No one one the list serve wants to have 15-100 emails in their in box of people saying "Congratulations" to one person, whom sometimes, the people getting that email don't even know. Sometimes, you get the congratulations emails and never got the initial news announcement. So while I know you want it to be known to everyone that you were the first to say congratulations, I don't want to read it.

And another thing....

I've started up another blog where I can write about my love for all things technology. It's called or I showcase information on everything from concepts to actual products. Take some time and visit there too. But don't worry, I'll continue to put my opinions, rants, and everyday comments on all the bs in the world on Confessions. Until next time.....

Monday, May 19, 2008


11:24 PM |

Say it to me one more time.....

So as I sit here not quite ready to sleep for the evening and I got to thinking about why I frequently get called "manish". I get this from my female friends as well as my male friends and it got me wondering what it is that I do that makes people identify me this way. Confused as to what manish means? I am too.

I have been referred to as a "nigga" by my guy friends (ending in ga - as in friend or homie. Frequently used by black males to refer to their friendlier counterparts. Do I approve? No. But that's another story.) My female friends state that I frequently have male like tendencies in the way I think, speak, and occasionally behave. So after one day of hearing it from EVERYONE I spoke to I really began to ponder what it is about me that allows me to be labeled this way.

Listen people. Here's the deal.

Gentlemen: Just because I'm not some pampered, money hungry princess waiting for my prince to come riding up on a white magestic horse to save me does not make me manish. Just because I don't go through your cell phone, interrogate you about your where abouts, or have a problem with you spending hours watching the play-offs does not make me manish. Just because I don't scream, yell, throw things or key your car does not make me manish. Just because I can get ready to go in under 20 minutes does not make me manish. I personally think that makes me normal and I find it hard to believe that I am alone out here in this world. If you've never come across a chic that even remotely displays these characteristics, I'd re-evaluate the females you're associating yourself with.

Ladies: So I'm not an emotional mess like many of you out there are. I do have rational thoughts and am perfectly capable of comprising an argument based on facts and feelings in an intelligent and comprehensible manner. So I don't buy into those stupid societal double standards that you currently limit your freedoms by. So I don't have a stroke if I walk out of the house without an ounce of make up on. So I understand what the letters NFL and NBA stand for and I know that the corner back does not post up in the paint or slide home during a double header. So frickin what? Are you that insecure with your femininity that you feel the need to attack mine?

Bottom line is, my thoughts, feelings, actions don't make me manish, they make me a woman. The last time I checked I have no balls between my legs and was having just as many problems with the stupid under wire in my bra as every woman does. Don't mistake my confidence and my security for anything else. And think twice before you say this to me again.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Obituary of Common Sense

5:43 PM |

... a stumble find

So I was just meandering around the internet and I came across this Obituary of the late Mr. Common sense. Enjoy.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

  • Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
  • Why the early bird gets the worm;
  • Life isn't always fair;
  • and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year- old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they thems elves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Tylenol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on.

If not, join the majority and do nothing.


Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Stop Playin'

12:39 AM |

...too old for that bulls#!%

I'm sure we all have a favorite game. Monopoly. Scrabble. Poker. Video. Games are fun. They spark friendly competition, good conversation and all around good times. However, those are clearly not the games I am talking about. I am referring to playing "games" with people. You all know what I mean.

Putting people through silly tests is just opening yourself up for your own mentally imposed rejection. To be honest many of the people don't know what you are really trying to ask of them and are not going to answer any question or respond to those situations the way you want them to. No normal person is going so sit there and think..."oh she/he just asked if this food is bland, they must need salt, which means if I hand them the salt then I know them and what their needs are...." More than likely they'll just say "taste fine to me" and keep it moving. Then you're all pissed off because you think they don't care about you when they have no idea what you were talking about in the first place. Now you're doubting your relationship and your significant other thinks the fight is all about unsalted corn.

In my opinion games are stupid. It's just a passive aggressive way to TRY to get people to tell you what you want to know without coming out and asking them. And if you can't grow the balls to ask them outright, then you are obviously too much of a bitch to be able to handle whatever the answer is.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Random Thought

1:03 PM |

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Pack Light

10:24 PM |

tired of baggage....

What is baggage? In my interpretation, baggage is experiences, lessons, issues, etc. that people carry over from relationships or events that have occurred in one's life. Sometimes the baggage is light. Sometimes people are hauling around jumbo suitcases of issues. Apparently a lot of people I meet and deal with carry around a substantial amount of baggage. While I know people have issues, I'm a bit overwhelmed with the amount of baggage people I meet are carrying. I was told that everyone has baggage. Why? "Who are you carrying all those bricks for anyway?"

Really, who are you carrying all those bags for? What is the point? All baggage does is weigh you down. If you don't find a better way to tote around your life's experiences you will break your back. I am a firm believer in taking all the experiences you have had in your life and taking what you've learned from them to progress and grow. But you have to learn from them. Assimilate the experiences into who you are and how you live. Not just carry them around.

Maybe I'm wrong but I don't believe EVERYONE has baggage. May I'm too logical and I've been told there is no logic to emotions (which I think is crap). Maybe I'm just naive. Maybe I just haven't lived enough, or done enough. But what I do know is that your baggage starts to wear on those around you. Figure out how to carry your own shit. I'm tired.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Power and Control

11:29 PM |

Why don't you do something....

Power is a funny thing. It turns an ordinary man into a leader. It turns a man of conscious into a man for sale. How many of us really control our own power? How many of us hide behind other people, social injustices, even God and our faith, instead of taking responsibility for our actions and situations?

I think sometimes it's easier to believe that there are forces at work that are beyond our control rather than accept that our actions are what have put us into a majority of our current positions. Because to accept that our actions are the primary cause for many of our situations is to admit that we are the source of our own success and problems. And really who can blame oneself? It's much easier to say that God doesn't care about your, or that the other person is "lucky" and you're not. It's easier to believe that there are no ways to be successful in a racist, capitalist society, rather than accept that we are living in those times and try to work through, around and in it. It's easier to say that people are out to get you rather than think that, that person probably doesn't think about you at all.

Why not stand up and be accountable? Acknowledge the situation that is afflicting you and face it head on. This way you can try and determine a way to work beyond or through it. Dwelling in the pit of our own sorrow is not doing anything to help you. Good things happen to those who help themselves. Just like happiness, people have the key to their own power. Shut up and go get yours.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Man Dibbs

4:38 PM |

...let it go ladies

What I would like to discuss today is what I call Man Dibbs. What is Man Dibbs? Well this is a phenomena that seems to affect the female population. It occurs usually within a pair or a group of friends. What happens is one person in the group may have her eye on a particular guy. This young woman may or may not have any interaction with said guy. However, because this friend has expressed interest in this man, all friends of said girl are to not approach this man, nor accept any advances from him. Any interaction with this man and friends of the girl, are to be strictly platonic and possibly lead to ways to get said man and girl together. Even if said man shows interest in one of the friends, the friend is not to accept his interest, develop an interest for the man, nor act on that interest. This is know as Man Dibbs.

From my observations, Man Dibbs began in middle and high school. Usually in conversations that involve the phrases "You can't like him, I like him". It is true there is an unspoken agreement among friends that you will never push up on a guy the other has an interest in. However, mature friends should also be able to understand that if the guy likes your friend he doesn't want you. As long as you know your friend hasn't gone behind your back and pushed up on this man, you should not be upset with your friend if they do end up getting together. You should be able to step out of the way and let your friend have an opportunity to be happy.

Personally I think Man Dibbs are stupid. It's quite possible that the same things you like in this man are going to attract your friends. I mean, you are friends after all and friends usually share interests. It's even dumber if the man has never showed any remote interest in you. If you really like your friend why not give her a chance to be happy? Sure it'll be awkward, but be real with yourself. He didn't want you. Honestly I say every woman for herself. It's slim pickings out there. If he's available may the best chic win. Just make sure your friendship is strong enough to outlast the competition.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Know your role

7:29 PM |

...a guide for women

Too often I have had women crying in my ear about why things have fallen apart in their supposed relationships. Many times it's because they have failed to realize one very important thing: they weren't in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to begin with. After discussing this with some male friends of mine, I have discovered that to them women fit into one of four categories: The Wifey, The Other Woman (aka The Chic on the Side), The Homegirl and the Jump Off. It is important for women to know their role before jumping off the deep end screaming "why o why". Please allow me to assist you in defining your role. Note that all the ways will not be listed here, so feel free to add on/modify as you see fit.

Are you???
The Wifey:

Aside from the women in his life connected to him by blood (mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, cousin), this is the primary woman in his life. She is also known as the Girlfriend, the Girl, or the Wife (legally or by street terms). Often this is the woman seen with him in public at any given hour of the day. Sporadic public displays of affection can be given to this woman in either forms of holding hands, kissing, arm around her, etc. unless they both agree not to engage in pda's. Never the less you will clearly be able to tell by their interaction if she is in-fact the "wifey". She is introduced to friends and sometimes family (if the timing is right) willingly. You will typically find them engaging in the stereotypical roles of a girlfriend/boyfriend style relationship.

The Other Woman:

Who knows what the men get out of a relationship with the other woman. Trying to define this is in a sense trying to define why men cheat. So many people have tried, and so many people have failed. This woman could be his last thrill before taking the big plunge into a very long term monogamous relationship. She could be providing some comfort and understanding he doesn't get from his current girl. She could be just his freak, his fantasy to which he escapes the cares of the day with. Even with all these possibilities you can tell pretty easily if you are the other and not the only. The other woman will typically never visit the house. If you do, it's either at odd hours or you have to leave early or in a rush. You won't spend any holidays with that man. You also won't be taking any pictures together. If you go out, it will be in areas neither of you two frequent. Usually he'll say he wants to visit someplace "new" and it'll be in some off beat part of town. If your man is participating in any of this behavior, be on the look out, you could very well be the other woman.

The Homegirl:

This is the girl he can talk to; no pressure, no strings, no worries. There are no built in requirements for the amount of time that should be spent with each other. There are no rules in how long you should talk, how often you should talk. And as one stated, no petty arguments like "why didn't you call me back". Basically, the homegirl relationship is the one that's drama free. For guys homegirls are important because they help shed light into the female psyche as well as enable the man to have a healthy state of mind. Many times they can come to her with things they wouldn't normally share with their guy friends; sometimes things they wouldn't even share with their "wifey". This can generate a connection between the two that can worry even the most stable of relationships, so be careful not to blur the lines too much. Also be aware that most men surveyed for this don't believe that men and women can truly be just friends if they find each other attractive. So you could potentially end up "bent over a couch" but be straightened back up again and still be expected to be friends. They way you determine if you are the homegirl is simple. Most guys will ask you out if they are trying to "court" you (yes, old school for you). If you've never had a conversation about the two of you dating or where this relationship is going, you're just a friend.

The Jump Off:

Ladies. This is where many of you are. Don't confuse his attention to you in the bedroom as a legitimate relationship. Sure he calls you all the time. But for what reason? Do you talk or just make plans? Are you restricted in the times you can call him? Does he acknowledge you as someone significant in public settings? Unsure if you are the jump off? How can you tell? Answer these simple questions:

1. Have you met his friends? If so, think about how he introduces you. If the words, "homegirl", "friend", "girl" don't come with the introductions, take notice.

2. Have you had conversations that don't involve sex? Have your conversations been more than a "Are you home? What are you doing tonight? Can I come over?"

3. Does he do things for you?

4. Have you ever gone on a date? A real date?

5. Do you see each other DURING THE DAY out side of the house? (not including work or other mutual friend gatherings).

If you have answered no to any of these questions, YOU ARE THE JUMP OFF. Plain and simple.


In conclusion, be aware of your role. If you don't like your role, reject it and get out. If you accept it, really accept it and don't look for clues or fantasy hints to try and move you to a more preferred role. If your role does change it will do so naturally and with out any interference from you. And men, please be aware of the roles you have put the women in your life in and be conscious of them. Apparently women are emotionally charged creatures (excluding the author). Don't confuse them with shiny objects and blur the lines. You'll cause more drama for yourselves that way.

Many thanks to all those who helped me write this: W2, Queen Fiend, Smoke, and Mr. Stark.

Monday, March 24, 2008


11:53 PM | opinions...everyone's got some

We live in a world where, for most of us, the way we live or lives is only based on the perceptions of others. How our actions and the result of those actions are perceived is very important to many people. The other day I was wondering why it is so important for many of us to have people, even those we don't know, think favorably of what we do, say and think.

For the most part I think people have an innate need to be accepted. This need for acceptance is what causes most people to have such an invested interested in what others think of them. Personally, I don't care what people who don't know me think of my actions. But to say I don't care what anyone thinks of me is a fallacy. Anyone who says that is a liar. There is someone in your life that you want to be perceived favorably by; be it your parents, grandparents, best friends, mentor, future boss, wife, husband, children, etc. Even if it is one person, there is someone. It's a natural thing for people not to want to move through this life alone, so by caring what others think is a bit of a manifestation of that desire to be accepted and understood.

I also think that the care of how we are perceived is a built in system of checks and balances. I think that if people moved through this life without a care in the world, there would be in a sense a lack of consciousness. Think about it, what would you or could you do if you knew there was no one looking, no one caring, about what you did. Knowing that how you and your actions would be perceived to the police, the judges, the juries, even GOD didn't matter, what could you do? In a sense this fear of judgment or misjudgment by our peers is what keeps control of chaos.

Ultimately, I think the main reason why perception is important to so many is because when we leave this life that's all that's left of us. How people will remember us and what we did will be based solely on their perceptions of our actions and who we are. So as we go through out our daily lives we are conscious of the fact that everything we do will be judged. Hopefully those who look at us will see our actions for their true intentions and us as who we are. It is up to each individual how much we will let others perceptions dictate how we live our lives.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

You, Me & She

7:58 PM |

... thoughts on the other woman

I know my thoughts on this topic will probably make me very unpopular but hear me out. There are always talks about the "other" woman. You know, the one who sleeps around/dates a man who is already in a relationship. Mostly these talks involve people bashing the other woman, often painting the picture of this seductive siren lurking in the recesses of the bar just waiting to sink her talons into your man. This is not the woman I am discussing today. I've known many who have been the other woman, and while I cannot deny the existence of those predatory women, not all women caught up in that situation are like that. To be honest, I think the other woman gets a bad rep. Not every "other" woman has been out there preying on your man. Nor is she a "whore" (thoughts on this word to come soon). Many are women just like me and you who, despite their best efforts, find themselves involved with someone who is attached.

How many times have you said: "Well she knew he was taken, why was she messing with him in the first place." Why should you put all the responsibility on her? If your man is approaching her, shouldn't the focus of your irritation and anger be at him? Why is it her responsibility to watch out for your relationship? It's obvious your man isn't trying to watch out for it and he has more of a responsibility to you than she does. It's very possible that this woman has done her best to avoid getting involved with your man, but due to persistence, has found herself attracted to the very same things that attracted you to him.

So am I saying that "cheating" is ok and that there's nothing wrong with being the other woman. No I am not. I'm saying that we need to remove the stigma and stereotypes from the other woman and start looking at the one who stepped out. Be mad at him. And, since I'm really being honest, look at your relationship and figure out why he feels the need to want to be with someone else. If it's more than a one night stand situation, he's finding something in that other woman that he's not finding with you.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Food For Thought

3:52 PM |

Monday, March 3, 2008

Case of the EX

2:39 PM |

...can ex-es truly be friends

In an ideal world when relationships end, one would hope that the friendship built over that time will continue to grow and flourish. That there will be no hard feelings and that the two involved can be mature adults and accept the fact that the relationship is over and move on. However that is not always the case. Break-ups are tricky and sometimes more than not, end badly. With all the history made between the two, can ex-es truly be just friends?

Generally speaking there are four types of break-ups: 1) Break-up due to infidelity; 2)Fighting or all out hatred of the other person; 3) Mutual agreement that things are just not working out; 4) Blindsided by one of the parties involved when there was no indication that anything was wrong. While there are other reasons couples call it quits, in the world that doesn't move, these are the most common. How you break-up often sets the tone for whether or not two people can be friends at the end of the relationship.

Those who break-up due to infidelity is one of the trickiest of the "friends" relationships to develop. Often this type of break-up leaves the friendship potential soley weighted on how the infidelity was revealed, how much the two care for each other, and how willing the scorned one is to forgive and let go. Usually one person is hurt and the other, if they are a good person, feel badly that they hurt the one they cared about. This can often leave residual feelings and, under the right circumstances, can lead the two to be in compromising *wink, wink* positions; thus erasing the "friends" tag from the relationship. This type of break-up can also lead to a substantial hatred among the hurt and no friendship, no matter how long ago the infidelity may have occurred, will be able to be developed.

Those who break-up due to fighting and all around hatred of each other should not be friends. I've had many friends who have come to physical blows with their former mate. Some just generally hate the other person. Yet they still talk to this person occasionally and say that they are trying to be friends with this person. Why do you want to be friends with someone you despise? It defies logic. Agree to be cordial and civilized in public and move on.

Mutual break-ups are the easiest to form a friendship out of. Both parties involved usually agree that things didn't work for them as a couple and can clearly place the other in that "friend" category easily and with out strings. Usually they don't hate each other, nor does one have the desire to continue to try and have a relationship with the other. This is the ideal break-up for the "ex-es and friends" relationship.

To my poor blindsided break-up victims, I must say that I'm sorry you were unaware that your relationship was in the toilet. If the person that broke-up with you is sensitive and cares at all about your feelings then they will often attempt to continue to be friends with you. Take some time away from this person. Evaluate your life, your goals, etc. Find other people, get involved in activities, start to date again and then if it's possible for you to truly just be friends with this ex, go for it. Do not agree to this until you have had time to get over the person and can truly be friends with out strings. Do not take this persons attempt to maintain a friendship as a open back door to their heart. Your attempts to find your way back will often only lead to a bigger hurt than the break-up. Those who have called it off are to respect the fact that the other person probably still wants to be with you. Be clear with your intentions and don't lead them on. If you notice that things are still sticky, be honest and cut all strings. They are not ready to be just friends.

Overall I think it is possible for people to be friends after a relationship has ended. However it is purely on a situation basis and depends on the maturity level of those involved. I think anyone wishing to be friends with their ex has to be clear on what that involves and make sure not to blur the lines. And when it does look like no friendship can be forged after a break-up, people must be able to let it go. Take the experiences and the lessons learned from the relationship and move on.