An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Interesting Perspective

11:31 PM |

I came across this on Youtube. Interesting.

Not With It

5:35 PM |

You know....
I don't think this poetry shit is for me
Cause if the only way I can prove my legitimacy
Is to spit prose about the power of my pussy
I ain't in it.
Not with it.
Not me.
Seems like the female poet gets dealt the same cards as the female MC
The crasser the rhyme the bigger the cash
Be the man hating bitch and they let you pass
But I can't do it.
Not with it.
Not me.
Is my message any stronger with a bitch, shit or fuck you?
Is the essence of my femininity tied to the many things my tongue can do?
Do I have to be the lonesome bitch
With 5 cats,
2 jobs,
4 kids,
And 3 baby daddies who ain't shit?
Does that make my message sound more true?
O my bad, I meant 'sound more real'
That's what we want right?
Well my real and your real aren't always going to be the same thing
Sometimes my real can be conviction
Spoken with proper diction
Served sans profanity
My real may be love notes locked inside of a hope chest
Long moonlit walks and lingering kisses that leave me breathless
My real could be a worry of living a life with a destiny unfulfilled
We may not be going through the same thing but it doesn't make it any less real
Yea I may use those four letter words but I have the ability not to
I can be angry and loud, roll my neck and be rude
But I shouldn't have to grab my tits
Or use metaphors to disguise my tales of turning tricks
Or bitch about how all men are dicks
Cause I'm a woman
I'm a poet
And I'm not with it.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Random Thought

5:54 PM |

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Girl Effect

2:38 PM |

Changing the world one girl at a time...

I just happened upon this site called The Girl Effect. This non-profit believes that by changing the lives of girls you have the ability to drastically improve the life of a family, a village, a country. Their site contains interesting statistics such as: for every development dollar spent, girls receive less that 2 cents and girls are shown to invest 90% of their income into their family while men only invest 30-40%. The Nike Foundation even assisted with the set up of their page on YouTube. Considering where girls and women fit into the cycle of life, family, everything, I think this idea is a good one. Take some time and visit the site The Girl Effect or their page on YouTube and learn more.

Putting up with ish...

So I get this text the other day from my friend that asked: "Is this wrong? Black women, please start putting up with more of your Black man's shit & giving him less attitude because we are losing them at record #s". me just prepare myself......ok......

I'm sure there's not a Black woman in America who hasn't read the letter that supposedly a white woman sent in to a major black magazine that stated that she was married to a black man and he told her that black women have too much attitude and this and that to be with. She rattled off some of her advice she felt it Black women needed to know and needless to say it caused a huge uproar. Sadly this is such an old ass argument so let me just speak my peace.

First of all I'm tired of this whole "Black women have too much attitude" bullshit. It's a cop out. Typically the men who continue to say this are those sorry ass mother fuckers who don't do shit, never done shit, don't plan on doing shit and want someone to continue to allow them to keep on not doing shit. In other words, not men at all. So what I'm supposed to bear all of the responsibilities of maintaining a functioning household, raise your kids, get money and continue to let your sorry ass lay up under me? Not in this lifetime.

It's all a mind game. A way for guys to convince women that we are wrong for expecting things from a man. That plays on our fears of being alone, on our thoughts that white girls are stealing our men, on all of our insecurities. Damn all of that. Has it ever been a thought that if men were doing what they were supposed to be doing then Black women wouldn't be so damn irritated all the time??

If women were never abandoned, never fucked over, never hurt, do you honestly believe that we'd have as much attitude? Is that an excuse? No. Because if I'm being honest there are some women out there that put their men through the ringer. But truthfully, if you were doing and being all that you were supposed to be in a relationship, there would be no need for either of you to have to be putting up with the other's shit.

Here's the truth. Women have no problem taking care of their man if they truly feel like they are being taking care of by him. I usually don't like to make sweeping generalizations, but this one I am making. Black women can be some of the most nurturing, supportive, pleasing women on the planet. That's why the slave masters had us taking care of all those kids and running households. It's what we do. But what we won't do is be stupid. So go on with the girl with low standards if you want to. That's fine. But be honest. It's not the attitude. It's not the mouth. You're just a sorry bitch, putting up with sorry shit, and I'm not sorry for you.

Thoughts on Steve Harvey's Book...

I recently completed reading Steve Harvey's Book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relatioships, Intimacy, and Committment". It offers up some interesting perspective on how a man thinks. For me it didn't really present a whole lot of new ideas because, apparently, I think much like a man (or so I've been told). However, for most of my friends, this book is a must read. So many of them are wandering in this world of confusion and I think this will help them gain some ground.

The book was very straight forward. At times I felt it may have been a bit too "men are simple". But he was good to note that his opinions were more or less typical not absolute. Meaning that there are some men that are not necessarily thinking in the manner he was describing. He has his "Nine Month Rule", he talks about the three things that define a man, and he speaks on what it takes to keep a man happy. I think it was time for a man to give his honest opinion about relationships to women because often the only advice women get or seek out is from other women. And let's just be honest, that advice is not always sound. Why not get it from the horses mouth.

Truthfully the only true thing I think I walked away thinking a bit differently about was about having standards or requirements. It's not to say I don't have standards because I do. What I find myself doing is having no expectations. That's just not about men, that's just in general. And according to his book, that can determine whether or not I present myself as a keeper. That men who are looking to stick around are looking for that. I think many women get in to this thinking that if they "play hard to get" then they'll miss out. Steve says that's not the case. Be clear, it's not about playing games, but about letting men know that you're not just a play thing. For me that was the most interesting part of the book. I don't do that play hard to get game. Too old for that. But, I have no expectations really about anything, and I have to explore a bit why that is.

All in all I think it's a great book. I think many women out there can benefit from his honest opinion. I do think, though, that women have a way of explaining things away. I think that what will end up happening is women adding a lot of "but", or "well", or "except for" in there. Letting Steve's status as a comedian dilute the honesty of his statements. Which is a shame, because this book could really do some good. Sadly, I know women and I can hear one of them now explaining away a lot of his rational in the book. I think if women get out of their own heads and look at what is being presented right in front of them, they wouldn't be so damn confused. Good job.

Oh, and I finally got the book "The Color Complex". There was only one copy at the very bottom of the shelf wedged in between two larger books, I almost didn't see it. Let you know what I think about that soon.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Advice To A Young Man

10:06 PM |

Liquor induced honest conversation...

This past weekend I walked in on a conversation my friends were having with a young bruh. Apparently as a young man he was seeking advice on a particular situation from some slightly older women. So here's the situation. He currently has one lady friend that lives near by. They hang out really only in the evenings. Basically he stated that she was the one he called up to come over and watch a movie on the couch. Not that they talked all the time or that they go out. Not that they couldn't but she just doesn't serve that role for him. I think more or less he was trying to say that she was his jump off with out being rude in a room full of women. He then says he has this other girl out of state that he talks to all the time and has apparently more of those "if she were here we could see where things went" qualities. But all in all he wasn't really sure.

His major question was, he was graduating, and even though neither of the two girls were really what he wanted, should he keep the better of the two around. Basically "wife" them up. His logic was mostly that he was worried about the possiblities of meeing someone after college. It's a normal concern because you will never be in a place like that again with such an available popuilation. He stated that he wasn't really one of those that approaches people and was just curious as to how this whole dating thing went after school was over. He knew that he was not mentally in the place where he was ready to be in a full on committed relationship, but that he didn't want to potentially toss away someone that could be good for him later on down the line. He was also clearly worried about ending up alone.

I think that many people find themselves in similar situations. To be honest I think many of my friends now are in a situation that resulted from that fear of being alone. You know, that whole "she's good enough" thing. Some even have this idea about when they should be married or at least thinking about married. There's this magic age, magic time that they feel like they should be considering those options instead of letting their inner voice tell them when it's time.

The advice: We all let him know collectivly that his concerns were normal. He is a young man in the face of turning a major corner in his life. But we emphasised that he was young. The married women of the group let him know that when the time is right and the person is right he'll know. He won't have to fear that he's settling or that he's making a big mistake. The single women in the room assured him that there is life after undergrad. I think so many young people forget that. Just because you are no longer in school doesn't mean that you'll never socialize again. You'll always be meeting new people and if you are concious about being out and about you'll have the opportunity to meet and date several other people. Truthfully I think that he knew that but just wanted reassurance.

I think it's so interesting how poeple have become so afraid of being single. Like it's the plague or something. For some reason single has become associated with being alone. When in actuality you still have friends, you still have family, you still have things that can keep your life full. I know that everyone would love to have that special somebody to share their lives with, but if you don't get that opportunity what are you going to do? Settle? And end up dealing with lifetime of misery, divorce, trouble? Or accept it as live you life and love it?

It was interesting to hear a guy have these concerns. We all know that they do, but many never talk about it. Least of all to a room full of strange women you don't know. Amazing what a bit of liquor can do right?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Moment of Simple

1:26 PM |