An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Did You Really Just Do That??

12:00 PM | Labels: , , , ,

A guy's guide to avoiding social faux pas...

Fellas, fellas, fellas.  Gather round.  We need to have a discussion.  We must talk about what is and is not appropriate behavior when you first meet a woman. There are some things you should and absolutely SHOULD NOT do. Think of these as general guidelines you can use to help you establish appropriate social boundaries.  If you are currently doing any of the following don'ts...you must stop immediately!

DO:
Greet the young lady with a handshake or, if the opening is there and it seems appropriate, a hello/nice to meet you hug.

DON'T:
Get fresh. Keep the hug appropriate.  It is not an opening to get a little poke, a squeeze, a feel.  It should not be weirdly lengthy. No rubbing of the back. Don't be a horn-dog. Same goes for the handshake.  When it's over, let go.  No rubbing your thumb against the back of her hand or taking your middle finger and running it down the palm of her had as you pull away (-_-) 


I mean really.


DON'T:
Stick your hands in the girls hair all the way to her scalp.  She is not a puppy.


DON'T:
Point out grey hairs.  I don't care if it is supposed to be a compliment.


DON'T:
Squeeze her thigh and say 'oh I like that'.  I really shouldn't have to tell you that.

DO:
Make an effort to remember her name.  I'm not good with names at all. There is no harm in having her repeat it.  Sometimes, things get crazy, it's hard to hear or you've just had 1 too many drinks and it may have slipped your mind. 

DON'T:
Call her baby, baby girl, sweetheart, sweetie, boo or any other random 'term of endearment' or by some other abbreviated form of her name.  You never know what she may or may not like.

DO:
Ask appropriate conversation starter questions.  Things like "Where are you from?", "What do you do for a living?", "Have you ever seen Flashdance?".  I mean, really anything that could generate more than a 1 word answer, and hopefully spark up a conversation.

If you have asked her all of these great opened ended questions, that would actually require more than a 1 word answer and all you get back from her are 1 word answers...

Move it along.

If she's not making eye contact, not trying to help extend the conversation either with her answers or follow up questions, she's not interested man.

DON'T:
Ask her why she's single.

That honestly can go for any one of any sex and any age. What kind of answer are you expecting?  What? Am I supposed to say...."oh well I stabbed my last boyfriend and the courts say I can't be within 100 yards of a single man that favors him".  Like... how are we supposed to answer that question?!?

And if she does say that she's single, I don't think your follow up question should be "You like men right?"

Sigh.

While I can't knock you for trying to be certain, especially these days, there has to be a better time and a more tactful way of asking that question.

DON'T:
Get caught looking at her goods.  Come on, man.  Watch those eyes. We can feel you looking at us. You're stare can go from endearing to just totally off-putting really quickly.  I'm not telling you not to look.  That'd be totally pointless.  Just don't get caught doing it.

DO:
Feel free to give appropriate compliments.  You can say that she's pretty, or you can compliment her style of dress, or the way she walks, but it has to be done tastefully.  Most girls really do like a compliment or two.

DON'T:
Over do the compliments.  One is nice.  Two can be seen a sweet.  Three may even make you seem like you're really into her.  But beyond that you start to sound insincere, pushy and like you're fishing for a compliment back.  If the girl says 'thank you' or 'oh, that's sweet', just leave it at that.  Don't keep harping on it.

DON'T:
Be creepy! Some of you fellas can say the word 'beautiful' and make a girl feel like she's just been stripped searched by the TSA.

And while I'm on it...

DON'T:
Be a creeper.  While it is OK to talk and socialize with more than one person at a part or a get-together (depending on its size), you don't want to be the guy that has honestly 'hollered' at every girl in the place, outside in the line into the place, in the parking lot next to the place....

Hopefully these guidelines will help clear up any confusion or answer some deeply held questions you may have had.  As the world turns, I will continue to bring forth more tips to help you in your socializing adventures.

Until next time fellas.  Meeting adjourned.



Share |
comments (0)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Acting Right

5:13 PM | Labels: , ,

Public cell phone use etiquette.....



I have to write about this primarily because I, myself today was caught off guard by a phone call and forgot the proper etiquette. And because there was a very loud student outside of my classroom having a loud conversation for the whole hall to hear. So here we go....

1. I personally do not believe that there is a reason for you to be on the phone, having a private (or not private) conversation in front of someone else. So if you take the phone call, step away as much as you can. Go outside, to another room, to a hallway, or just a few feet away from the people you are with. This way the conversation can go on with out distraction and you keep your private business private. Wisegeek.com says that you should observe the 10-foot proximity rule, meaning you should be at least 10 feet away from the next person when you are having a conversation.

2. If you absolutely have to take a phone call in a pubic place, please use your inside voice. And don't tell your life story. Why should I know all of your personal business and why should the person(s) you are with have to wait several minutes for you to get off the phone? Hit the high points and keep it moving.

3. If it's quiet: Vibrate. If it's not quite and you are around other people and your ringtone would make a grown man blush: Vibrate. Even if your ringtone is not bad, if you are in a public setting you should put it on vibrate. Let's just be honest. How many people still use the stock ringtones that came with the phone? Ringtones are representative of their owners personality. And sometimes that's just entirely too much information. Imagine sitting in a meeting with your boss and you hear Beyonce singing "The way you blowin up my phone won't make me move no fast-ah". Not a bad ringtone, but now everyone in the meeting has a few questions (behind your back) about your personal life.

4. And most of all, don't be rude. Don't answer the phone when you are in the middle of a date, conversation with another person, in the movies, in the classroom, etc. That's just tacky. Ultimately, if we are all polite-minded and think of how what we are doing impacts others we will be able to easily use our phones without making people want to hit us with a brick.




Share |
comments (0)

Friday, January 28, 2011

Acting Right

10:00 AM | Labels: , , , ,

Door etiquette....

While this discussion of door etiquette is going to primarily directed at the men, I will say a few words to the women. If you want a man to be courteous to you, you need to be courteous back. I've talked with Professor Locs about this subject from time to time and he will be quick to let you know that 'this is not the Ritz and he is not a bellhop'. Be a gracious receiver of this and other courtesies, with appropriate thank you's following polite gestures. You can't expect a man to treat you as a gentleman should if you will not at least attempt to behave as lady should. Remember, he doesn't have to do these things for you - it's not like it's a requirement. And while this may seem a bit out-dated, there is something to be said for a man who observes some of these often of forgotten displays of politeness.

SO GENTLEMEN: If you are entering a room, or building at the same time or preceding a woman or group of women, it would be very polite of you to hold the door for her (them). If the door opens inward, step to the side (as to not block the entry) to allow for the woman (women) to pass by easily. If the door opens outward, do the same. (And it helps if you don't look pissed about it too.) When the woman is responding to your politeness by saying 'thank you' you can at least respond. 'Your welcome', 'Sure', 'No problem'....something....anything is better than a blank, lifeless stare.

If you are walking with a mixed group and one of the guys in the group decides to hold the door, men should let all of the women in the party enter first. They can then decide how the rest of the party should proceed to enter. Either with a 'go ahead, I got it' or whatever floats your boat. I personally believe that the individual who was so nice to hold the door for the ladies, should enter next, with the rest of the men in the party following after. (But that's just me.)

If the person you are with (be it your home girl or your girl-girl) asks you not to hold the door for her then respect her wishes. No biggie.

There's some question about how far away a person has to be behind you for you to hold the door for them. I think the general rule is about 4 feet. However I think it's up to you. If they seem far away then go on about your business. If they are close it's a nice gesture to offer. They can then either speed up to meet you or they should say 'it's ok, I got it, thank you' to let you know to go on ahead. (And if someone is holding the door for you, you really should speed up and not just leave them standing there waiting.)

Gentleman to gentleman and woman to woman, you should hold the door for each other. Not necessarily in 'the open the door to let the other pass' scenario. But more so in the, 'don't let the heavy door slam down on another person' scenario. Hold the door until the person behind you touches the handle. It's ok to double check and look behind you to be sure they've got it. If you are the one following you should touch the door and hold it for yourself, saying thank you to the person who has preceded you. Don't just expect them to hold the door for you. (I mean who are you really?)

All youth should hold the door for their elders. That's just respect. Period. This one is gender neutral.

It would also be a nice gesture for you to hold the door for someone you see with a lot of items in their hands, a heavy bag, etc.

If you do, do this for a woman and she has been rude or un-lady like about it, don't jump down her throat. It could be that she's just hateful. Or it could be she did say thank you and you just didn't hear it. Whatever the case, remember you do this because it's the polite thing to do, not to win any awards. Know that you've something nice for someone and that's really all that matters. Let it slide and don't let one or two (or 20) rude females stop you from being courteous.

Besides...someone will address their rudeness at another time ;)



Share |
comments (0)

Monday, September 13, 2010

Acting Right

2:00 PM | Labels: , , ,

Bathroom Protocol (For women)...



I've heard stories of appropriate bathroom etiquette for men, such as rules governing use of the urinal, making eye contact, looking, etc. I believe it is important for women to also have a set of rules governing what is and is not appropriate public restroom behavior. Here are a few things to keep in mind when using the women's public restroom (without giving away too many secrets or being too gross - we're all grown here).

1. No talking across the stalls.
I know many of us have a tendency to go to the restroom together. We have things to discuss, garments we need help shifting back to the right position, exit strategies to plan. However, once one enters the bathroom stall conversation should pause until said person returns to the sinks. This way one person does not have to shout to be heard and other ladies in the restroom do not have to be in your private conversations. For once, consider the stranger in the stall in between you and your friend. Trapped on the porcelain trying to handle business while you discuss why you busted the windows out of your boyfriends car last night. * Awkward*

2. Hang up the phone
This goes hand in hand with the no talking across the stalls rule. So aside from the keeping people out of your personal business aspect, we bring all kinds of purses, bags, sometimes cups, in to the restrooms with us. Not to mention the hover, hold skirt up, balance, dance that must take place. How do you have the hands to continue on with a conversation? At some point that phone gets contaminated. If not, you surely run the risk of dropping that thing in the bowl. Plus, it echos. You don't think the person on the other end knows you're in the bathroom. Just tell then you'll call them right back, stow the phone safely, and take care of business.

3. "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat"
Do I need to explain more? Also, if you've gotten all kinds of make up residue in the sink after your afternoon touch up, wipe the sink off too. I know all public restrooms get cleaned by the janitors but they are people too. Be considerate.

4. Dump trash appropriately
If the trash cans are completely full, there is no reason for you to put your towel on the floor. Or the sink. I know your mother taught you that. Most of you anyway use the towel to open the door to get out. Just dump it in the next available trash receptacle and keep it moving. Once again janitors are there to do a job, they are not your maid.

5. Flush, damnit
I'm sure we've all be in a restroom that has a stall that just doesn't quite flush right. But here are a few things you may not know.

A) The toilets with the metal leavers that flush when you press the lever down, will also many times flush when you push the lever up, back or forward. So if pressing down doesn't work try another direction.

B) Automatic toilets ALL have a manual flush option. It's a little button on the back usually near the motion sensor. If it doesn't flush when you get up, just press the button.

Bottom line. Use your common sense, home training, and be courteous to the others who have to come after you.




Share |
comments (2)

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)
Subscribe