A definitive list...

The other day I was reading a post that gave a list of things for women to do in order to be a better/good girlfriend. So I thought as Valentine's Day approaches it was only fitting for me to give a bit of advice for guys on how to be a better boyfriend. At first I was thinking of compiling a list of things for you all to do, but I know guys like to say that we need to keep things simple, so I've managed to come up with the best list of all: a one item list.

The one and only thing I think guys need to do in order to be a good/better boyfriend is...

BE A MAN OF YOUR WORD
Mean what you say and say what you mean. If you say you'll be home at 2, then come home at 2. If you say you're picking us up at 9:30 then you should be pulling into the driveway at 9:25. If you say you care about us, then nothing you do or say will be contrary to that statement. If you say you'll never hurt us, then your words and your behaviors will never cause us to cry. If you say you will be there when we need you, then you will not hesitate to make us a priority when it counts. If you say we can trust you, never do a thing that would betray that privilege of trust we have given you.

Whether it's a promise to take out the trash or the commitment to be faithful, what you say carries more weight that you know. Flaking on the small stuff will leave us no room to believe that you will stay true to the larger things. So take care to be a man of your word in every sense. That alone will improve your boyfriend status.

Oh, and don't be the asshole that says...well I guess I'll never say or promise to do anything and then they can't get mad when I don't do it. While you would be correct in that thought process, this is not the post for that. I'll address that issue with the ladies later. 

Happy Valentine's Day people. Be good to each other.

Sometimes it's best to say goodbye...

Many months or so ago I wrote a post outlining whether or not I thought it was possible for exes to be friends. In general, I do think that it is possible with a few things taken into consideration. You can read my full thoughts here. However, I think I need to really take a moment and address the issue of whether or not you should actually even attempt to be friends after a breakup.

People, not everyone is meant to be your friend. That includes people you were once dating, once intimate with, once thought you would spend your life with. There are some really toxic people in your life and it may not be until you have spent some time away from that person or away from that relationship that you realize just how toxic that person was to you.

If trying to maintain a friendship with that person still leads to constant arguments, constant stress, constant irritation, why on GOD'S GREEN EARTH are you trying to keep that person in your life? In any other situation you would have let that friend fall by the wayside. But because you two once had a relationship you feel that that person requires a bit more of your effort or patience. STOP yourself.

Really take the time to ask why it is important to keep that person as a part of your circle of friends. What benefit does it give you to still have regular or irregular contact with that person? How much of a friendship do you wish to have with this person: a casual acquaintance? a true friendship? For what purpose?

Think I'm wrong for asking 'what's in it for me?' Hate to tell you, no I'm not. There is no friend in your life that doesn't serve some type of purpose. Whether it's shared interest, shared perspective, laughter, a shoulder, connections, motivation, a history, upbringing, lifestyle, whatever...every friend you know provides some type of light into your life. If this person isn't adding to your glow and you're not adding to theirs what purpose do you serve each other?!?

Sometimes, it is in neither parties best interest to even attempt to try and retain any type of communication, contact, friendship, anything. Sometimes you just have to let it go. Walking around with too many strings attached can leave you tangled and tethered to a place you no longer wish or need to be. There is nothing wrong with just saying goodbye.

What you won't do for love...

As ladies we are always told in every self-help and relationship book ever published that we need to establish what our absolute relationship deal breakers are. In other words, out of our multi-page list of requirements for our potential partner, what are the ones we are absolutely not able to compromise on. After watching an episode of a series on my favorite YouTube channel, Black&Sexy.TV (go support), I began to wonder if guys are ever thinking about their absolute deal breakers.

Like I said, as women we are encouraged to come up with this list all the time. But I don't think I've ever overheard guys having that conversation. However, for guys I think taking time to think about this concept is equally important. Not only for the sake of exploring the things you ultimately want out of your relationship, but to see if the person you are currently with or considering spending the rest of your life fits  your requirements. I'm not talking shallow things like looks or can she cook. I'm talking having and raising children, money and finance topics, and general life wellness goals.

Too often I think guys assume that women want what they consider to be typical women things.
One example can be having children. I think many men assume that women want to be mothers. However there is a population of women who have no desire to be a mother. If having a family is a deal breaker for you, wouldn't it be important to know this woman you have fallen head over heels for and probably want to marry doesn't want children. I think many of these types of conversations never happen because people assume that the other wants what most "typical" women/men want. However some of these things can be major game changers and warrant honest discussions.

In general I think too many couples push forward onto the next phases of their relationships without having open conversations about what their expectations and desires are. I think both parties need to honestly put their expectations, hopes and dreams on the table and talk it out. See where you can meet in the middle on some topics. See where you just simply will not give up or compromise on. Sometimes what comes out of these conversations may reveal a deal breaker to you that you might not have even considered. Remember marriage is supposed to be till death. Are these things that you can live with or without?

Part I: How to win a girl's heart...

So lately I've been reading a lot. And one time, unbeknownst to me, after reading several books, I found my self engrossed in none other than a romance novel. Now this is surprising for me because, though I write about relationships, I hate to watch romantic comedies, let alone read about anyone else's "wonderful" romance. (Bitter much? Yea, probably). But anyway... After the first, I read another, then another, then another. And what I've discovered is that they're basically revealing the same concepts about attraction and the art of falling for someone. Quite honestly, the concepts in these books are really guidelines about how to win a girl's heart and at the same time, what you should avoid doing if you don't want to get caught up.

Let's explore the first: How to win a girls heart (What women are attracted to).

1. Appearance:
Let's face it, women are drawn to pretty just like men are. However we have a broader spectrum of what we constitute as attractive. In most of these books the men are described as absolutely stunning. And why wouldn't they be - it's a romance novel - who wants to read about two mudducks getting it in...

Anyway....

Appearance isn't always in the face and body. I even read a book about a guy who had bad burn scars but the woman was still drawn to him. Often it's in the way you present yourself.  How you dress, how you groom yourself. So if you want to catch the eyes of the ladies, keep up a good maintenance routine on yourself. Find your best assets and highlight them.

2. Confidence:
Fellas, I can't stress enough the importance of being a confident man. Not cocky! But secure in who you are, what you do, where you're trying to go in life. And carry yourself in a way that displays that you know these things. That is sexy as hell.

3. Personality:
While appearance and confidence are key, the thing that ultimately draws in the female of choice in these books is personality. There are usually other men in these books with confidence and attractiveness, but they don't get the girl. Why? Because they're assholes. So don't be a jerk.

4. Security and Support:
Most of the books I've read involve some type of crime/rescue situation. But one thing I can say that women want is security. Not necessarily that you'll beat up every bad guy that comes around. We know you all aren't Batman. But what we want to know is that, no matter what happens, you have our backs. With all the chaos, and craziness that goes on in our lives, we just want to know that if we need to lean on you, you won't let us fall. Make us feel safe and you'll get everything.

5. Show your softer side:
Every man has a soft spot for something. Kids? Elderly? Puppies? Whatever it is, show it to the lady you're trying to attract. That embeds that kind and caring image into our minds. Showing your awareness to the needs of others helps women see how you'd be able to show awareness to our needs. Get it? Get it? ----Probably not----

So there you have it. The top 5 things a guy can learn from reading romance novels - Getting the girl. In Part II I will explore the top 5 things a guy can learn about not getting caught up.

Relationship Wrap-Up…

Your girl's a bitch...

For ladies, they always say, look at how a man treats other people and you'll see his true nature. So depending on how rude he is to strangers, family, etc shows you his true nature beyond the dating mask he wears. Well today I'm passing along that advice to men.  Surely you all don't want to forever associate yourself with someone who is a terrible person. So it is time for you all to start looking at your girl's actions and see her true nature as well.

Is your girl a witch with a capital 'B'?

Women are a bit trickier to decipher.  Most women know that if we reveal too much of that demon dog side, we'll forever be branded with that name.  So those women who are truly 'female dogs' will do their best to cover it up. So instead it's revealed in smaller ways. We move in silence, subtleties, secrets, and innuendos. Our intentions and true feelings are shown in a quick flutter of the lashes, roll of the eye, side smiles, hugs, hand gestures, how she holds her head and laughs. So this is where you have to use your power of observation.  Because if you blink, you'll miss it.

So pay attention. Is she ALWAYS talking bad about strangers, friends, family over superficial things? Does she talk down to service workers? Never happy with any generous gesture, no matter how it comes (asked or donated)? Do her seemingly sincere words never match her facial expressions? Has she found ways to justify actions that you know just aren't right? Is she always following up a quick rude quip with the 'I'm just playing, you know I love you'? Learn your girl.  We all have a tell when we're being, I'll say - less than sincere. You just have to figure out what that is.  Then you have to decipher if she's just having a bad day, if she's just stuck up and conceited, lacks an overall moral compass or if she's truly a bitch.

So I'm sure somewhere the response is: why does this matter?  Really, right? Who cares?  Well you should. Because at some point, the more you become a bigger part of her life, the more her attention and bitchiness will be directed at you. I mean you can't very well assume that she won't treat you like trash when she treats EVERYONE like trash right? It's only a matter of time. Plus if you have witnessed her being super nice to this girl you know she absolutely hates, don't you think it's possible she's done something similar to you?

Of course not right? Cause she 'loves' you.....*rolls eyes, and smirks*

Asking someone out…

A change probably won't come...

Fellas, we all know that you are willing to put up with more ugly insides if a girl has pretty outsides. It is just what it is.  However, there are a lot of you that allow those pretty outsides to override all of your common sense and lead you into making terrible decisions that affect you (and eventually every girl you'll date after her) in the long run. I'm starting to see it more and more and I'm just so tired of watching good guys get ruined.  It's time to stop ignoring the obvious and get real. So I decided to start topic just for you. The first red flag I want to address....

If she annoys you now, she'll piss you off later

For some reason, you guys think that as a relationship progresses (through serious relationships or marriage) that the things that she did/does that causes friction or that you don't like while you're dating will some how magically disappear when you make a serious commitment to her. Like some how that ring or whatever will make your relationship suck less. Like it'll magically erase all the problems you had while you're dating. More times than not, those small things and annoyances become huge problems down the line.

You know how there's that saying that men will change for the person that they're willing to change for. Well women will change only if and when they feel like it. ONLY. If she doesn't feel like she's in the wrong, she won't change.  If she doesn't feel that her actions are detrimental to the development of the relationship, she won't change. If she doesn't feel that your feelings are important enough to her to change her ways (in a normal relationship give-and-take scenario), she won't change. If she doesn't feel like she contributes to the problems in the relationship, she won't change. And there's probably not a whole lot you can do about that.

Before you give your heart to a girl who may not be worthy of carrying it, really take some time to look at the things she does that bother you now. Look at the things she's not offering you now (emotionally, spiritually, physically). Look at what she values, how she treats other people, how she treats you. Look at her ambitions, her drive, her goals and ask yourself if this is something you can tolerate in the long run - no really think now----NO really think! If you decide to proceed with her, you're deciding to live with those things. Period. If you're not happy now, with things being the way they are, how do you expect to be happy later? Can you live with that? Should you have to live with that?

Dating for a change doesn't typically work. So the same relationship advice they give to women, I'll give to you: Never enter a relationship with the intent to change a person or believing (or hoping) things will get better. You have to take her as she is, just as she'll have to take you as you are.

You can still succeed...


This is a bit of a side bar for a second, but I feel the need to somehow come to the aid of the concept of having a Plan B in life.  People seem to attack this idea as if it means you'll fail at Plan A.  And that taking your eyes off Plan A will most certainly ensure that you will never succeed at Plan A.

People, Plan A is just a route - it's not the goal.  Think about it this way:  You're going home for the holidays.  Home is your goal for the trip.  Plan A may include driving.  But maybe there's traffic on the main highways that are causing major delays.  What do you do? Give up?  Say you failed?  Stay on this main street and take what could be additional HOURS on your travel time? Or do you look in your navigation system and find an alternate route?  It could be a bit more inconvienet, it could have a few more turns and stops, but ultimately, you'll make it.  This is the concept you should have when considering your Plan B. The goal didn't change, but the way you got there did.

And this concept does work with everything.  For some people the ultimate goal with dating is to eventually find someone you can spend the rest of your life with.  Plan A may be to meet someone in school.  Plan B may be to meet someone at work.  Plan C may be to have your friends introduce you to someone.  Plan D may be to have your family introduce you.  Plan E may be online dating.  I could go on for days, but the point is, if you want to be married, there are several tracks you can take in dating and how to date, to get you there. Same thing with your career goals.  Want to be a CEO, self employed, whatever it is.  There are several ways to get there.

I write this to mostly because people get so focused on the route and forget that ultimately they're trying to reach a goal.  The plan is just that - a plan. It can change, it can grow and it can even fail.  This is life.  Very few things go the way we plan.  But that doesn't mean you can't reach your goal. You just have to be flexible enough to take the opportunities that are presented to you that will help you get there.  Not just focus on your initial idea or plan. Because if you reach your goal, why does it matter how you've gotten there?  Wether it was your first plan or your 30th.  You made it right?

Telling your girl about her man...


So you have some information about your friend's man.  Maybe he's got another girl on the side.  Maybe he's talking bad about her in public.  Maybe you had a one time fling with him long before they got together.  Maybe you had a fling with him while they were together not knowing they were a  couple. Wether it's an opinion or information, you have something that you know about her man that she does not. What do you do?  Do you tell? Or do you keep your mouth shut?

It is entirely possible for you to decide not to get involved.  If things seem to be going good for her and her man, then why rock the boat. She seems happy. Saying anything could make you just seem like a hater. It could be taken in completely the wrong context and she could totally get mad at you for something that's not entirely your fault or your problem.  So while it may be important for you to be a good friend and be totally honest, saying anything to her might do more harm than good.

On the other hand, if information comes out later and it is discovered that you knew the entire time, you could still be in hot water.  If you do have some secret about her man, he could use that against you- blackmail. He could make your role in anything seem more deceptive and dirty than it actually was. She'll feel like you were lying to her.  She could think you were allowing her to be played for a fool.  Friends are supposed to look out for one another right? How could you do that to her?

In my opinion, the latter is worse than the former.  I would much rather be as up front and as honest with my friends as I need to be.  I refuse to have anything out there that could potentially be used against me.  And I most certainly do not want to be perceived as a liar by my good friends. If you were indeed my friends, then you would know that I would never say or do anything to intentionally hurt.  I would always have your best interest at heart and nothing I would say would be me being a hater.  And if I was being a hater, I'd tell you.  I've done it before.  I would hope my friend would know me better and that if I ever had information that I really needed to share with my friend that they would take it as it were intended.

So in the end, I say: Say something.  It's better to deal with the repercussions now than let something that didn't need to build up explode on you and your friendship later.

Have you set yourself up for failure?


Can a relationship survive if it was started or built from a 'not good' situation? If the two of you weren't totally honest in the beginning, does your relationship have a chance to go the distance? If one was on the rebound, the other transitioning from the jump-off, could their relationship be lasting? Can you find perfection out of an imperfect situation?

I think it's very hard to build a solid foundation on rocky ground. Those things that you chose to ignore to start a relationship, have ways of sneaking back in later on down the line.  If you got with your man while he was still involved with another woman, in the back of your mind you will always be wondering if he is to be trusted.  If you are fresh out of a relationship and you just jump right into another one, you run the risk of throwing all of the old baggage and unleashing all the unresolved issues from the past relationship onto your new boo. Things you attempt to ignore instead of resolve have a way of embedding themselves into your subconsciousness. These things will sneak up on you when you least expect them to.  They'll cause you to overreact to every day, average annoyances. They fester.

When a relationship is young, it's supposed to be exciting, new and fresh. In this whole 'getting to know you' period, you should be eager and happy to learn more about the person you are spending time with. A new relationship shouldn't be filled with heavy arguments, frustration, suspicion and distrust. The bond you two are attempting to build hasn't had time to develop yet.  It's not strong enough to withstand all of this. Thus when the first sign of adversity rears its head, new relationships often tumble if they weren't built on a solid foundation to begin with.

In general I think if you don't start of right, you greatly reduce the chances of survival. If it doesn't seem like it's the right time to enter into a relationship with someone, trust your instincts.  It's better to wait until the time is right than to rush and ruin the chance of it ever happening.

She was a friend of mine...

What is a friend?  I'm seriously asking.  What is your definition of a friend?  I would really like to know what it takes to be considered a friend these days because there are so many of you out there that have all these issues regarding your 'friendships' that baffle me.

Maybe it would help to first tell you where this thought came from.  I was riding to work listening to the Steve Harvey Morning show and their Strawberry Letter segment.  The letter was in short about a woman who unknowingly got with a man whom she later found out was her friend's man of 12 years and was unsure of how or if she should tell her.  While I'll address that whole situation in another post, what stood out to me was this: How do you have a friend who has a man of 12 YEARS and you've never met, or even seen a photo of him?

People let me tell you, I have friends everywhere.  We don't talk on a regular basis, but you know what, if they have a man I can tell you I've seen him.  Wether it was a photo on her phone, Facebook or even if we've randomly met in person, I know who their men are.  I may not remember their names off hand but I bet if anyone was to repeat their names I'd recognize it.  Why? Because that's part of the things friends share with one another.

I think the word 'friendship' has lost its face value like the words 'I love you' and 'trust me' and 'truth'.  Some people in your life are 'associates'.  Some are 'acquaintances'.  Very few are 'friends'.  And for good reason.  Being a friend carries a lot more responsibility.  I think it's time for people to start understanding which people in their lives are which.

Now I'm not going to hand out a canned definition on what I think a friend should and should not be.  Each person requires something different. And understand this about friendships.  The bond isn't always everlasting. Part of what makes people friends are shared experiences, thoughts, opinions, interests, etc.  Those things change over time.  Just because you've know someone a long time, and you used to be friends, doesn't mean that they are truly your friend now, through no fault of either of you. I think you have to look at what you value in a friend, the type of friend you are to people, what you expect out of your friends and decide if the people in your life you consider friends fit those criteria. If not, it may be time to place them in another category.

OR it maybe time to let that person go. Period.

Some tips on beating the single blahs....


Let's be honest, sometimes the single life can start to feel a bit lonely and empty. And with the fall/winter coming, people slowing down, staying in - it can start to feel even lonelier. So when my solo-ness starts to transform itself to loneliness, here are some of the ways I try and beat away the grey clouds.

Go Do Something:
Anything.  It doesn't have to be major, just get out of the house.  Go run/walk.  Let the sun hit your face. Get up and go somewhere and make it special to you.  Even if it's just going to Wally-World. Put on some clothes you feel good in, fix your hair, and go. You don't have to have an agenda, just drive and when you feel like stopping - stop.  If you want to purchase something - do it.  If you want to eat something - eat it. And take your time doing it.  Or you can just plan to do something.  Plan a trip - really plan a trip. The planning alone can take some of the dreary off your day.  Sometimes a day of doing whatever randomly comes to heart and indulging your whims can help shift your mood.

Plan to Stay in:
You can do the opposite of going out and really plan to stay in. You can do a project around the house - paint a wall, fix a cabinet, organize a closet. That may be a chore, but think of how different you will feel once that overhanging, ever looming task is complete.  Or you can do nothing at all and make a day of it.  Put on your fuzzy socks and favorite lounge clothes and plan to do a Godfather movie marathon all day.  Make coffee or tea and get lost in a book.  Make it more about choosing to spend time at home relaxing than being just stuck in the house.  And be happy to tell people you did nothing all day!

Try Something Different/Learn Something:
Sometimes you can occupy your mind with a new activity.  Watch cooking shows and pick something new to try and make for dinner.  Always wanted to learn how to do something? Play an instrument? Learn a new language? Sew? There are tutorials and books for any and everything out there - pick one and do it.  Or if you have a hobby, plan on dedicating a large chunk of your day just indulging yourself in your hobby.

Volunteer:
This is something I used to do but I don't do much of these days, but I do hope to start doing again. If you're not a people person, go volunteer at a local animal shelter or your city's humane society.  Find out how to be a mentor.  It's election season - help people get to the polls. Sometimes getting out and helping out can do more for you, the volunteer, than it does for the people you help.

Plan a Play-Date:
Take some time to reconnect with your friends, physically not virtually.  With all the avenues technology gives us these days to keep in touch with people, sometimes it's easy to forget how long it's been since you've actually sat down face to face with that person.  Get off line and plan to hang out with your friends. My friends and I plan dinners or weekend trips or visits around holidays or cultural events (like CIAA, homecoming, Christmas). I know it's not necessarily  quick fix to beat the blues, but by planning it, you not only make sure that people can actually attend, it starts to become something to look forward to - a priority.  And sometimes knowing that people are just as excited to see you as you are to see them can help you not feel so isolated.

Step Away From Social Media:
You may think that if you're feeling lonely it's a good idea to jump on your social media outlet of choice and chat, look at photos and virtually see what your friends are up to.  WRONG!  While social media has been great with allowing people to keep up with one another, and reconnect with friends long gone, it can have a way of making you feel like you aren't doing ish with your life.  I mean after a certain age your timeline and feeds start transitioning from party photos, drama, LOL memes and random musings, to photos of kids, announcements of engagements or deaths, promotion declarations, wedding planning details, and other keeping up with the Joneses swaggery.  If you're people are at a party and you're not you wonder - why didn't I know about this.  If your people are getting engaged you or have gone from 'single' to 'in a relationship' you wonder - how is it THEY can find someone but I'm here alone.  Constantly reading about what other people are doing can start to make you question your life and what you have going on wether you realize it or not.   Close that window.

Go Home:
I know there are times when I look up and MONTHS have gone by with out me visiting my parents or going home for a weekend.  (And I only live 2 hours away from them). But sometimes it helps to just go back home for a few hours, a day, a weekend.  It helps you reconnect with familiar surroundings and can help you feel a bit more grounded. I know that everyone doesn't necessarily have that traditional 'home', so return to the place you come from, or wherever 'home' is for you. If your family is loving and caring, going home can remind you that there are people there who love you (typically) no matter what. If your family is ratchet, it'll help reiterate the fact that you are doing or have done what is best and make you feel so much better about your life decisions.

These are just some of the things I do when the sound of silence starts to get too loud.  And I'll be honest, sometimes it doesn't always work.  It can seem too simple or one size fits all, but in general I think when we start to think too much about what we are doing/haven't done/have to do - that's when the loneliness can start to creep in. Taking time out to enjoy your present can help you center yourself and allow you to acknowledge the good things.

But this is just what I do. What do you do when you start to feel lonely?

Episode 1: The Break Up

So you say you have a lot of homegirls?  

Do you always have girls coming by your desk at work? Hug every girl you pass in the hallway? Constantly texting your 'little sister'?  You've always gotten along with women better than men? You grew up around women and it just feels natural to always be around them? I can dig that. But I have to be honest. There are so many things a guy can do to turn a good girl off.  One of those many things is constantly have a ton of women around.

You're a just a ladies' man right?  What's so wrong with that? Now the initial reaction would be: Is this girl so insecure that she has issues with you having female friends?  The answer: No.  While there are girls out there that do have that problem (and believe me they'll make that problem known quick, fast and in a hurry), the girls I am talking about are not in that category.  So let's rundown a few reasons why having a ton of women around could prevent you from finding that 'one'.

First, you know how guys say they don't want to 'wife' a girl who is a tramp?  Well, girls don't want to 'husband' a guy who is a flirt.  And let's be real, many of you guys who have all these girls around you are indeed flirts. Some of you probably aren't even aware that you are flirting. And I understand that.  But being flirtatious with every woman you encounter can chip away at even the most secure woman's armor.  Minds can wander and ladies think: If he does this when I'm here, I can only imagine what he does when I'm not. Remember, society has pretty much engrained in most women's minds that you guys are horn dogs that are out there trying to get at any piece of cute available booty that presents itself to you.  And while many woman choose not to believe all men are dogs, that possibility still lurks in the recesses of our minds.

Second, if you're constantly giving all these women this kind of attention, how is a girl who is interested in you supposed to know that you're interested in her? How is she different from any of the other girls you are constantly seen with? She can't figure out if you're single or attached to one of these women.  She can't figure out if you'd even be interested in her any more than you are these other girls. If she can't figure some of these things out, you are pretty much guaranteeing that this good girl will never truly approach you or let her interest be known.

Third, that's just entirely too much competition.  Please understand that the ratio of men to women out there is 143.4 million women to 138.1 million men.  We already gotta compete with sports, your job, your friends, your mother, and now this never ending stream of thirsty chicas? That usually comes with the potential for a lot of unnecessary drama. No thank you.

Unfortunately we live in a society where perception is all that matters.  And wether or not you're just an honest to goodness good guy, if you're always hanging out with a bunch of women you can be sending the signal that you're a man whore (or batting for the other team).  That ladies man thing may score you major points with the fellas, but it totally downgrades your stock amongst the female traders.

Just thought you should know.

Interested Signal #1...

So a few months (or a year) ago, I was having a round table discussion with a few of the fellas discussing one of our more favorite of topics: stupid girls.  Out of the conversation a question arose.  How do you tell if a girl is genuinely interested, just flirting or is out to play games?  So I lit up the signal in the sky and asked a conglomerate of ladies the question.  What do you do to let a guy know you're interested - or better yet - how do you behave around a guy you are interested in?

How I know I was talking to real ladies and not silly girls is that it took them a minute to think really hard about this question.  They don't typically play a lot of games so they really focused in on what their behavior was like when they were in the presence of a guy they were feeling.  Was there anything they did differently?

All of the ladies I talked to said one of the number one things they do when they are really interested in a guy, is to try and find ways to interact with them on a daily (or frequent) basis.  They will even sometimes go out of their way to be in their guy of choice's presence.  Not to the degree where it's inconvenient or overt, but still being sure to find some time and some way to be where he is.  It could be something as simple as changing their route to the break room at work to walk by their desk.  They could change where they park so they could have a chance to walk out to their cars together.  Perhaps they may think of random but seemingly relevant questions to ask the guy or someone around the guy to give them a reason so spark up a conversation or be in their general presence.

But remember I said this is not overt! No one's trying to be brought up on stalking charges.  It will often be very smoothly played and subtle.  Which is why this is often overlooked by many guys because let's just be honest - most of you all are oblivious.

What I think is important for you guys to understand is that these 'chance' meetings are expertly coordinated and are scheduled in a way to give the girl the most information she can get in the shortest (or maybe longest) amount of time possible.  In these meetings we're noticing and taking note of EVERYTHING.  We can find out if you're single, how well you take care of yourself, what you may have done the night before, if you have any kids, sometimes without ever asking a direct questions.

We're also looking to see if and how your behavior changes when we're around.  Do you smile more, are you open or closed off, or do you seem bothered.  This allows us to determine if you could potentially be interested in us as well.  If we're not getting any vibes from you that you could be interested, we'll surely move it along.

If you've ever had a woman come around all the time and then suddenly stop or you start seeing her less and less frequently, she's probably picked up on something that alerted her that you were either a) not interested or b) not the person she thought you were.

Now is the a sure fire way to tell if a girl is interested?  No.  Remember this is just one indicator.  There are several more to come...

Love on the rebound...

The 'drop-bye'....