An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Why Stay?

8:10 AM |

I hate her so much...I really do...

You've seen those couples. The ones who have been together so long but are absolutely tired of each other and are clearly unhappy with their relationship. The ones who begrudgingly go to couple outings and make their required public appearances. Those who then flee as fast as they can, as far away as they can, for as long as they can just to get a bit of peace. Only to return to the one they no longer want to be with but can't seem to leave.

Why do people stay in relationships when they are miserable? The school of thought is that these couples have been together so long they have become totally co-dependant. Everything in their life involves the other person and to leave would cause such a disruption that they risk losing literally EVERYTHING.

I completely sympathize. After all, when you spend years and years with a person, you don't ever imagine that it's going to end. You also try to do everything in your power to make it work because that's is really the right thing to do.

I see the possible misery that could come from a split. Especially if it doesn't end as amicably as it should. Even if it were to end on good terms, just being around each other would be difficult. Remember, their lives are totally co-dependant, so avoidance of each other would be a great inconvenience. Plus, family members and friends would be placed in awkward situations during get togethers, bbq's and other various gatherings. It's almost more of a hassle to part ways than it is to just stay together.

If there was a way to be happy, even if that meant starting all over or run the risk of being lonely, I would do it. I would also feel better about starting over after 10-15 years at 30ish than I would starting over after 25-30 years, 3 kids, 2 mortagages and a dog at 48. However, I also can't imagine putting myself in a situation that so completely and totally involves merging my ENTIRE life with someone so much that I couldn't easily exist on the outside on my own. To some I guess the thought of starting over and being alone is worse than being with someone they can no longer stand. Doesn't really make sense to me, but I guess to each his own.


Anonymous said...

To people on the outside, whether they have been in long term commitments or not, the answer is usually 'stay!'. "You've invested so much time; have you tried counseling?; have you tried to work it out?"

To some/most, leaving seems to be the worse thing to do but staying is not always the answer.

To everything there is a reason and/or a season. Just like friends and aquaintances, some you will keep forever and others will be fleeting.

At the end of the day, you have to assess your own situation based on your needs and feelings, not those of others.