So you thought you met a good guy. You go out, he calls, says all the right things and you think, "you know what...I think I kinda dig this dude". And it happens. Your guard starts to come down, and now you've gotten caught up in the game. And before you know it, Mr. Good-Guy becomes, Mr. Typical. He got you, now he's gone.

Ladies, you have to really start giving guys more credit. They are not as dumb and society wants us to believe. Many of them are very cunning and quite manipulative. They know just what to say, do, wear and who to be, to help them accomplish whatever goal or plan they have in mind for you.

A guy's mind is like an app store. If their goal is to get as many numbers as they can for that night, they have a plan for that. If their goal is to get a little cutty, they have a plan for that. They have a game plan to approach the unapproachable woman in the corner with her wing girl. They have a plan to approach the cute one in a group of gorillas. They have a plan to scoop up the hot mess drunk girl at the bar. They have plan to get the girl who's just out to have a good time. Bottom line, they have a plan to get you.

I think women, especially the strong, independent, good girl types, don't believe that they can be sucked up by the game. When in actuality, it happens to them more than they are willing to admit. And while guys like a sure thing, they LOVE a challenge. Many will hang on longer than normal just to see if they can win. And once they've got you, they got you.

A true man, when he realizes what he has, will stop playing these games and show himself. The rest will continue to drive long after the foul was called. What you have to be able to do is recognize the game players and suit up to play too. And if you get got, then just give it up to the game. And when you've lost too many times to count and you're ready to just give up on the game, look to the stands, I'm sure there's a fan that's been there waiting to meet you.

The other day I was watching one of the last Chris Rock stand-up specials, Kill The Messenger and he made a joke about the possibility of having a black first lady during the election season. Wanna hear it?

So, let me first say I thought the joke was quite funny. Laughed all the way through his special like I always do. But it got me thinking....do black women know how to "play their position"?

Are black women strong? Yes. Can black women be a dominating presence? Absolutely. It's a role that we've been in for centuries. We can't ignore the historical context of how the slavery affected the roles of black men and women. Overtime, our "strength" evolved due to the single parent households, the alarming disproportionate number of black men being incarcerated, and violence in our communities. So we had no choice but to learn to not only "play" our position but the man's position as well.

However, black women can grow, adapt, and play any role assigned to them. We can be the home makers, we can raise and take care of children, we can do all those things we are "supposed" to do and then some. I know of not one black woman that would have a problem "playing her position". Can we follow? Of course we can. But the one we follow has to be able to lead. We're not going to be dragged down into the muck of foolishness following behind someone with no sense. It's unfortunate, but as a man, you have to show and prove you are worthy to be followed. It is only once you have proven yourself worthy, that a woman, especially a black woman, will relinquish some of the control.

AND, if we are going to be truly honest, think about all those dumb chics that follow behind a man..any man..and do whatever he says. No matter how stupid it is. So to say that a black woman can't or won't play her position, whatever that's supposed to be is just wrong.

So do black women know how to play their position? My answer? Yes. But you have to ask yourself men, do you know how to play yours?

There's always talk about what's bad about the independent woman. How she "acts like she doesn't need a man for anything". Or how she "doesn't know how to act like a lady". Meaning she tries to pay for everything, be domineering or whatever. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Let's just set the record straight, shall we? Ok.

So. What must be understood is: A woman is independent out of necessity and circumstance, not always simply out of choice. Meaning there were things that occurred in her life that allowed her to develop into this strong woman you see before you. She's had to learn how to pay our own bills, change the tire and get maintenance on the car, fix things around the house, etc. Not because that's what she SO loves to do, but because that's what she's HAD to do. That doesn't mean that when a man comes along that's willing to help take off some of her burdens, she doesn't know how to lay them before his feet.

I don't know of any woman on the face of this earth that would not like to be taken care of or that doesn't want some help. I hate to do blanket statements, but I truly believe that EVERY woman would appreciate the help. Don't think for one second that because she can handle it on her own that she is incapable of letting you handle it for her.

Understand that many independent women have been doing it by themselves for so long, they are not just going to trust just anybody with the responsibility of taking care of them. You must be able to show and prove to that independent woman that you are trustworthy, faithful and reliable. She must know that without a doubt you will be there to pick up the pieces when things sometimes fall apart. Because trust me, every independent woman has had to bend down and pick up those pieces alone a time or two. No matter how put together she may seem.

What you are really saying when you say that "independent women act like they don't need no man" is that you don't know how to be that MAN for that woman. Apparently you are insecure about your ability to be a man and a provider to that independent woman. You're showing that you do not think you can be of any value to that woman. Instead of putting it on the woman, look into the mirror and figure out why what you have to offer comes up so short that she still feels the need to handle business on her own.

And to all of my beautiful independent women out there, please, acknowledge your good man when you get him. If he has shown to you that he can support you, provide for you, take care of you...let him. Be sure to do the same thing back. Let him know that you value what he has done for you and that you are willing to do for him and support him as well. Remember relationships are not one sided. So don't expect him to do for you, what you won't do for him.