She was a friend of mine...

What is a friend?  I'm seriously asking.  What is your definition of a friend?  I would really like to know what it takes to be considered a friend these days because there are so many of you out there that have all these issues regarding your 'friendships' that baffle me.

Maybe it would help to first tell you where this thought came from.  I was riding to work listening to the Steve Harvey Morning show and their Strawberry Letter segment.  The letter was in short about a woman who unknowingly got with a man whom she later found out was her friend's man of 12 years and was unsure of how or if she should tell her.  While I'll address that whole situation in another post, what stood out to me was this: How do you have a friend who has a man of 12 YEARS and you've never met, or even seen a photo of him?

People let me tell you, I have friends everywhere.  We don't talk on a regular basis, but you know what, if they have a man I can tell you I've seen him.  Wether it was a photo on her phone, Facebook or even if we've randomly met in person, I know who their men are.  I may not remember their names off hand but I bet if anyone was to repeat their names I'd recognize it.  Why? Because that's part of the things friends share with one another.

I think the word 'friendship' has lost its face value like the words 'I love you' and 'trust me' and 'truth'.  Some people in your life are 'associates'.  Some are 'acquaintances'.  Very few are 'friends'.  And for good reason.  Being a friend carries a lot more responsibility.  I think it's time for people to start understanding which people in their lives are which.

Now I'm not going to hand out a canned definition on what I think a friend should and should not be.  Each person requires something different. And understand this about friendships.  The bond isn't always everlasting. Part of what makes people friends are shared experiences, thoughts, opinions, interests, etc.  Those things change over time.  Just because you've know someone a long time, and you used to be friends, doesn't mean that they are truly your friend now, through no fault of either of you. I think you have to look at what you value in a friend, the type of friend you are to people, what you expect out of your friends and decide if the people in your life you consider friends fit those criteria. If not, it may be time to place them in another category.

OR it maybe time to let that person go. Period.

Thoughts on Steve Harvey's Book...


I recently completed reading Steve Harvey's Book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relatioships, Intimacy, and Committment". It offers up some interesting perspective on how a man thinks. For me it didn't really present a whole lot of new ideas because, apparently, I think much like a man (or so I've been told). However, for most of my friends, this book is a must read. So many of them are wandering in this world of confusion and I think this will help them gain some ground.

The book was very straight forward. At times I felt it may have been a bit too "men are simple". But he was good to note that his opinions were more or less typical not absolute. Meaning that there are some men that are not necessarily thinking in the manner he was describing. He has his "Nine Month Rule", he talks about the three things that define a man, and he speaks on what it takes to keep a man happy. I think it was time for a man to give his honest opinion about relationships to women because often the only advice women get or seek out is from other women. And let's just be honest, that advice is not always sound. Why not get it from the horses mouth.

Truthfully the only true thing I think I walked away thinking a bit differently about was about having standards or requirements. It's not to say I don't have standards because I do. What I find myself doing is having no expectations. That's just not about men, that's just in general. And according to his book, that can determine whether or not I present myself as a keeper. That men who are looking to stick around are looking for that. I think many women get in to this thinking that if they "play hard to get" then they'll miss out. Steve says that's not the case. Be clear, it's not about playing games, but about letting men know that you're not just a play thing. For me that was the most interesting part of the book. I don't do that play hard to get game. Too old for that. But, I have no expectations really about anything, and I have to explore a bit why that is.

All in all I think it's a great book. I think many women out there can benefit from his honest opinion. I do think, though, that women have a way of explaining things away. I think that what will end up happening is women adding a lot of "but", or "well", or "except for" in there. Letting Steve's status as a comedian dilute the honesty of his statements. Which is a shame, because this book could really do some good. Sadly, I know women and I can hear one of them now explaining away a lot of his rational in the book. I think if women get out of their own heads and look at what is being presented right in front of them, they wouldn't be so damn confused. Good job.

Oh, and I finally got the book "The Color Complex". There was only one copy at the very bottom of the shelf wedged in between two larger books, I almost didn't see it. Let you know what I think about that soon.