An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Or Else

10:43 PM |

Pointless ultimatums...

So the other day I was flipping channels and I saw what I suppose is a new take on the failed show "Ultimatum" called "Hitched or Ditched" where basically people (probably mostly female) hit their significant other with the decision to marry them or they break up. Now of course we could go into a discussion about why they are choosing to put crap reality shows on the air but taking off real shows but that's not the purpose of the discussion here.

Ladies, I'm going to be honest. There is no point in giving ultimatums. None what so ever. The result, no matter what the answer is, is not going to be favorable. I mean think about it. If he decides to marry you, then you know that it's only because you forced him basically. And what type of foundation does that build your marriage on? You know these types of ultimatums don't typically come from people who have been together 10-15 years. It's usually those couples who've been together for like 2-4. And when you think about it, you can date someone all through high school/college for that amount of time and not want to marry them...but I digress. If a man truly loves you, why do you have to force his hand?

And what if he says no? What if he still wants to be with you but is not ready to marry? Are you ready to hear that? Are you ready to let something go that could be wonderful in a few months in a year or so? Are you truly ready to make the man you obviously love enough to want to spend the rest of your life with possibly walk out the door? And typically if you break up this way, it's never truly a clean break. You have history with this person. There will inevitably be some back and forth before things get either really ugly and nasty, or you wined back up in the same place.

It's not to say that people shouldn't discuss from time to time where their relationships are going. You two have to be on the same page. If you're in it for marriage and he is not, then yes you need to move on. But you have discussions about this along the way. It's a con-ver-sation. And if you two do not want the same things out of the relationship it will show long before you feel the need to give an ultimatum.

It's unfortunate we're living in this microwave culture. We have to have everything right now. When sometimes it's better slow roasted. Take your time. Let it evolve. And when it's done you'll know.