An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, December 8, 2008

It's Just A Little Crush

10:55 PM |

Oh what a feeling...

Remember back in the days of your youth, you'd be walking down the hall and here he'd come. Walking almost as if in slow motion. Maybe your eyes would meet. Maybe he'd brush up against your shoulder when you passed each other. And when that moment happened your knees felt weak, your heart jumped up into your throat beating madly, your skin flushed and your stomach was doing cartwheels. That was your crush. And regardless if the feeling was mutual or if he even knew you existed those moments were priceless.

There's something precious about a crush. That feeling of infatuation with just the mere possibility of what could be was enough to make the day great. And if he even managed to mutter a simple "hey" your way you'd go home feeling on top of the world. What if he liked you back? The excitement. The squeals of your friends in the locker room. The thrill of strolling hand in hand, eating lunch together in the cafeteria. Should your crush be revealed and not returned, your friends were there to help you bounce back. Just go to the next name on your crush list. Brush it off. Yea it hurts, but it was nothing a sleep over, pizza and ice cream couldn't cure. When times were simpler. When the playing field was level. When there was less pressure.

As an adult you are no longer able to afford the simple joys of a crush. Too many concerns with what the other can offer you. Concerned about the baggage they carry. Concerned about what kind of partner they'd be, how stable they are, how good the sex is, are they employed, are they crazy...and on and on and on. The freshness about seeing or meeting that person that makes your stomach drop is almost next to impossible. There are too many other factors, voices and life changing decisions that have to be made before "time runs out".

Perhaps the thing that is missed isn't so much for the crush itself, but for the feeling you used to get with that crush. The innocence of possibility. The simplicity of the unknown. The depth of a glance. The heat of a touch. No pressure. No commitments. Just a crush.