An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Saturday, July 19, 2008

The Answer

2:29 PM |

So you can stop asking....

So I get asked this one questions far too many times: Why don't you go anywhere? Why? Well I've got 5 main reasons why I CHOOSE to keep my ass in the house.

5. Rude people: It seems as customer service improves, people patronizing these establishments are getting ruder and ruder. There is a thing called personal space; BACK THE FUCK UP. No you don't absolutely HAVE to look at the same pair of jeans that I am looking at right this minute. And excuse me but she was in the process of getting those shoes for me. Judging by the 15 boxes you have at your bench you've been in here for about an hour so if you really wanted them you would have already gotten them already. Oh and the rude bitch who stood in the only available parking space in front of the store jabbering away on your cell phone, just be aware that the only thing that kept your ass from having metal Audi rings embedded permanently in your fat ass was the police man sitting in the median. I work in that area, don't let me catch you in the cross walk!

4. No particular place to go: Truthfully I'm not a browser. Spending hours in the mall around poorly dressed children and families is not appealing to me. I'm in a city full of couples and young families. Crying babies, public displays of affection and such just don't make me want to spend a whole bunch of time wandering around. Plus, everyone I ever knew seems to be here. Bumping into the dude I sat next to in Pre-Cal sophomore year will only lead to awkward how have you been conversations when neither of us really care. Plus, it's hot outside. My black ass doesn't need anymore sun.

3. Price of gas: Hello....

2. Bad Drivers: The traffic here is awful. Not to mention that driving here is just impossible. Cruisers-in-the-left-lane, non-signaling, below-the-speed-limit-driving, break-happy, fake-handicapped-hang-tang-having, swerving-between-the-lane-drivers! By the time I get to where I want to go I have a head-ache from frowning and all I want to do is take some Tylenol and lay down.

And the number one reason I don't go anywhere is.......

1. I'M BROKE! Things aren't free. Gas is expensive. Everything costs. Hell, even a salad is pushing $10 these days. I'm just trying to stay afloat and break free of this living check-to-check lifestyle. So until things get in order, I'ma keep it on the couch.

So there you have it. Now you know. So shut it. show is on.


Tony Stark said...

....why are lashing out at poorly dressed kids....tsk tsk, have you no shame?

Lawrenorder said...

I'm going after the poorly dressed, misbehaved kids and the "child leash" having parents that aren't smacking common sense in to them.

But really, this list was mad funny.