An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, July 28, 2008


11:29 PM |

When did good enough become good enough?

Many women are put to bed as children with great fairy tales of a noble Prince Charming riding in on his white horse to rescue the princess and whisk her away to a life of love and happiness. We are told to wait for the knight in shining armor: the one. While all these fairy tales end up filling many females heads with nonsense of perfection (and I don't really believe in the one), they do teach girls to set standards (no matter how ridiculous they may be). They allow girls to decide what they want in a man and make it OK for them to begin an introspective look into what they would like in a partner. They inspire them to look for what their heart desires and wait on the one that will fulfill them. And while many woman may feel like they have settled for the one they have, they really are just compromising on some ridiculous expectations.

After many discussions with my guy friends, they are not always told similar things. Many speak of one main phrase "If you get a good girl, keep her." What usually constitutes a good girl? Domestic goddess, kind hearted, faithful, trustworthy...etc. You know, the standard. (Kinda describes a dog doesn't it?...) There is not much discussion about whether or not this "good girl" fulfills their other needs. Men are just as complex as women (sort of). They require many areas of support and have needs that are never expressed. I guess I get to her it because I am soooooooo very often "the friend". Sometimes, that "good girl" does nothing to support the other needs of that man. I mean most of the time the discussion about relationships and marriage usually paint a picture of a man being miserable anyway. Succumbing to the whim of their wives/girlfriends ever changing mood. So many choose to stick with the one they have rather than face the possibility of a life alone searching for something better. I mean they're going to be miserable anyway, right?

I can't help but to wonder why. When did settling for good enough become OK? How do you intend to spend a lifetime with a person you can not be open with emotionally, spiritually, sexually, etc? Your partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, should be as close to your best friend as possible. This should be someone you feel completely comfortable around. This is supposed to be the person that at the end of the day, when everyone else is gone, is there for you completely. Someone supportive of your dreams, keeps your fears at bay, allows you to be expressive about anything and everything in every way imaginable without fear of ridicule or rejection. Is that too idealistic? Unreasonable? Fanciful? I don't think so. If you don't feel like you can share the most intimate parts of yourself with that person, what are you really doing?

I'm not saying you have to look for perfection, because in reality that does not exist. However you have to find that one you feel like you can be yourself around, in every way. I think by truly settling, you are doing not only yourself a disservice, but your partner. They deserve to be with someone they have totally; mind, body and soul. I know there are always compromises, however that is not the same as settling. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't want to be anyone's good enough.