An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Know Your Role: Rules for the Jump-off

1:00 PM |

Preventing VIOLATIONS!!

There are so many of you out there involved in the role of a jump-off.  Some of you know that's what you are.  Some of you do not.  In either case, I think it's important for many of you to understand that there are RULES with regards to handling your jump off.  Based on many of the stories I hear, I many of you are in violation of these rules.  So I think it is important to go over the top 5 Jump-off Rules before your Saturday night...'jumps off'.

Rule #5: Sun is up, Jump-off is out.
Activities that involve the jump-off typically occur during the darkest of hours.  Therefore, once the sun has begun to rise on the dawn of a new day, that jump-off must be out of your house.  No pillow talk.  There should never be a moment where your jump-off is lingering around the house in the morning, making breakfast, cuddling. No.  Violation! The only exception to the sunlight rule is if the jump-off is there to fulfill their duties during a daytime romp.  However once that romp is complete, they are to leave immediately. They have served their purpose.  Time for them to go on.

Rule #4: Ready and Willing.
A jump-off should always be ready to get it in.  Don't you EVER show up at your jump-off's house so drunk that you can't perform.  It completely defeats the purpose.  There is no time for a quick nap. If you pass out in the bed, please be prepared for whatever rude awakening you may have coming to you.  It will be the most miserable moments of sleep you've ever had in your LIFE.  Nobody has time for you to have a man down situation.  Get up *snaps fingers* you have things to do. And if a jump-off EVER pukes at your house.  No.  Violation! All that does is take away from the business handling time and pushing you closer to being in violation of rule #5.

Rule #3: No Food For You.
Jump-offs are not to be roaming through your kitchen cabinets, in your fridge, eating up any of your food. No you will not get a sandwich made for you. Nor breakfast. You may not even get any of this coffee on the counter. (You're supposed to be gone anyway). There will be no wining and dinning the jump-off.  You eat before you get to the house. You eat after you leave the house.  Exceptions can and could be made in the event of marathon, back breaking, muscle cramping festivities. This food only serves to refuel and help power you up for the next round. However the nourishments made will require the minimalist of effort (ie: crackers, fruit, cold-cuts right out of the package - anything that doesn't require the use of dishes) and should be prepared and eaten by the person who needs it only.  You are not to cook for your jump-off.  No sit down meals at a table. No. Violation! That only leads to conversations that start to make the jump-off believe that there's something more.

I don't care how many nights they spend at your house.  I don't care if you see them more than you see your own family.  I don't care if you've even spent weeks and days with this person.  THEY ARE NOT YOUR BOO!!!  You should not engage in any activities with this person that would make them think otherwise (talking, feeding, taking them out, sharing your dreams). No! No! No! VIOLATION!!! Failure to treat a jump-off like they are what they are will lead to unnecessary arguments, stress, and busted up cars.

Rule #1: You will at all times BE PROTECTED!
Engaging in a jump-off relationship is extremely risky.  You must be smart.  You must be truthful There are no emotional ties here, so there's no reason to lie or be deceitful.  That is extremely dangerous in a jump-off situation. You must be SAFE.  If either of you do not have the appropriate protection you must either go out and get it, or call the night off.  There should NEVER be an instance, especially with your jump-off, that you engaged in unprotected sex. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER.  Both of you are responsible for protecting yourself and each other and the other people that may be involved with you.  Get tested and feel free to ask one another to see those results.  Failure to do so will render this jump-off arrangement null and void.

I'm having a little but of fun here but in all seriousness folks, rule #1 is the most important rule of all and truly should be the primary one you adhere to.  Too many people have gotten caught out there and have been fortunate enough to end up with just a kid.  They could have ended up with something harder to shake and much more difficult to live with. Be smart. Be careful.

So those are the top 5 rules for the Jump-off.  Hope you've learned something today and that you will be smarter out there tonight.  Follow the rules.  Pick well.  Protect yourself.