An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Friday, December 7, 2012

Why Guys Aren't Finding the Good Girls

10:28 AM |

It's probably your fault...

I can't tell you how many guys I've met that tell me they just can't seem to find a nice/good girl.  My response is usually, CHIL PLEASE (in my best Chad Ochocinco voice).  I'm going to be totally honest.  If you haven't been able to find a good girl, the problem is YOU. No honestly.  Based on shear population numbers, you guys, fellas, men, have a higher probability of encountering good girls than girls have of encountering good guys.  So if you haven't been able to find one, it's probably because:

I'm just going to go out there an say, many of what you guys like visually is just a pretty casing holding together a whole bunch of mess.  You know those stereotypical pretty girls. The chics that look like the video girls. The wanna-be model type chics. The girls who look like the girls in the magazines.  That's what you like.  And you can say no all you want, but I can promise you that if a magazine type chic and a natural beauty type chic (meaning your every day pretty girl) walk into a room 95% of the men in there are looking to go after that model type, cosmetically enhanced, chic. I've seen it, over and over again.

The reason why many of these girls are not your good girl is because of the fact that they are pretty.  They know they're pretty and society has been giving them things and excusing their bad behavior all their lives because they're pretty.  Think about it.  Cute kids get a pass on being jerks or annoying because they're cute.  They grow into cute pre-teens who can get out of trouble because they don't look like the type to be involved in bad things.  They grow up into cute teenagers who can turn heads and get the boys to do their homework because they're cute.  They grow up into cute women who can get free drinks and nice dinners and other things because they're cute.  And because they've been able and allowed to get by on just their looks alone, they don't' have to develop any kind of personality to get the things they want out of life.  

These shiny chics often come with a mass of insecurities, and high maintenance costs.  And if you cannot provide her with what she wants, when she wants, how she wants, she knows that because she's shiny, there are plenty of other guys out there willing to give her what she wants.  Meaning that she doesn't have to even attempt to try and work things out, or be kind to you if she doesn't want to.  You won't give her what she wants, fine, Jo-Jo around the block will.  And she'll go get him.

This doesn't mean that good girls are all mud-ducks nor does it mean that your model type chic can't also be a good girl.  All I'm saying is that many times your visual 'type' may be the reason why you can't find a good girl. Take a closer look at the girls around you.  Your 'friends'.  The girls who have always been there for you.  The girl that you may not normally initially holler at.  I bet if you give her a second look you'll see that she may be the one you're actually looking for.

This is in part the good girl's issue.  Many times, the good girl isn't down for the game play.  She doesn't have time for all the flirting, back and forth, who calls when and how soon, game play.  She's too busy, got too many things to do than to sit around playing. She can often be too certain of what she wants that's she's too direct and up front.  For some guys this can be a major turn off.  

Ladies, sometimes our directness is just too much.  It comes off too masculine, too dominating, too rough.  Men need to feel like a man.  And if you're the one doing all the advances, making all the decisions, stepping into that traditional man role, you often won't get that man. That's not to say you can't be forthcoming with what you want.  Nor does it mean that you have to be a damsel in distress or weak. You just don't have to hit them with it all up front. 

That doesn't mean you should be easy either. Sometimes guys like a bit of a hunt or challenge.  They want to feel like they've won something when they get a girl.  No man wants a girl that's just easy.  And those truly easy girls get used for what easy girls are used for.  Sometimes, the chase is the fun part.  That's where all the courting happens.  So we just have to learn to flirt a little more.  Charge it to the game *Kanye shrug*

But fellas, don't discount this girl.  She may seem like she's just eager to please or too stand-offish but deep down inside she's a keeper.  With her you'll find no confusing arguments, no hidden innuendoes.  She can be a bit more rational, willing to talk things out versus throwing objects at your head.  In general, because she's up front and open, there's no drama.  So think about giving her a chance.

This is simple. A lot of times the reason why you don't have or can't get a good girl, is because you're not willing to do the work to get or keep her.  (That'll be the guy that didn't even make it to this point in the article). Many good girls will be respectful of their minds and their bodies.  They won't just let any man run all up and through her.  You have to prove that you are worthy of her sharing herself with you. When she does, it'll be quite possibly the most amazing experience of your life. But most of you don't want to do all of that.  Period.

Sometimes, if you avoid all of the usual trappings of what gets men caught up with the wrong women and you still haven't been able to find a good girl, the problem could be you.  So it may be time for some inner reflection.  Some alone time.  Some time for self-discovery and exploration.  You have to look deep within yourself and find out what it is about you, what you keep putting out there, that attracts all the busted babies. By evaluating what you do, what you offer, what you put out, you may just find the reason why you can't find a good girl.

I'm just saying…