An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, November 26, 2012

Know Your Role: The Harem Chick

10:08 AM |

One of many...

Originally when I began exploring the roles women play in men's dating lives, I came up with the four roles: Wifey/Girlfriend, Other Woman, Jump-off, Friend.  I forgot completely about the Harem Chick.  

The Harem Chick is one of many a guy is currently dating.  Truthfully, this role isn't really  bad one.  When you date, and truly date, you could be dating several people at one time.  As long as none of you have decided to date exclusively, there is nothing wrong with this role.  Now the number of women men juggle is a topic for a whole 'nother conversation.

In essence the Harem Chick is a girl a guy is interested in.  This is the starting level, the launching point into one of the other main roles, if you will.  Right now you just truthfully don't have one of the main titles yet.  You may never make it to be one of the main title ladies, but at least the guy is interested in you enough to spend time with you and get to know you better.  Like I said, this is a good thing.  You're actually dating!

Now how you behave while you are a part of the harem will determine what role you land in once he does decide to get serious or begin handing out assignments.  If you've managed to capture his heart out of all the other ladies, congratulations, you'll be promoted to the Wifey/Girlfriend position.  

If you are still very special to him, but not quite offering everything that one of the other ladies are (and he's greedy) he'll move you to the Other Woman position.  If he's not greedy, you'll probably land into that awkward friend position that will either be terminated for the good of his current relationship, be the rebound if said relationship goes belly up or be the 'what-if' homegirl, best friend you want to do the nasty with but never do because the two of you respect each other's relationship-the very definition of why men and women are said to not be able to just be friends. 

If you spend a majority of your time in the harem on your back or knees, congratulations to you, you are and will probably forever be the Jump-off. (Get up off the floor). 

And if the two of you connect but there's not as much chemistry as he has with other girls, the two of you are just moving in different directions, want different things out of life or if there's not really any sexual fire between the two of you at all, you are now his Friend/Homegirl. Or you could just be cut from the roster all together and the two of you will never speak again.

Like I said, every man and woman starts off in this role when you first begin dating.  It's very rare that you 'date' just one person at a time in the very beginning.  And truthfully, why limit yourself in the beginning. If you plan to be sexually active with all these people (wouldn't recommend it), then hey boo, do you.  But do you safely and protected.  

There are so many people in this world to get to know.  Find people you share common interests with, spend time with them, get to know them, and then decide who you'd like to begin developing a deeper connection with.  Who knows, spending more time in this role could help you out if you were to move into one of the other positions. The two of you will have actually taken the time to get to know one another before making a commitment.  And truthfully, I think that's really what more people need to do. 


Unknown said...

Loved this post. Very interesting and it has a lot of truth to it.