An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Did You Really Just Do That??

12:00 PM |

A guy's guide to avoiding social faux pas...

Fellas, fellas, fellas.  Gather round.  We need to have a discussion.  We must talk about what is and is not appropriate behavior when you first meet a woman. There are some things you should and absolutely SHOULD NOT do. Think of these as general guidelines you can use to help you establish appropriate social boundaries.  If you are currently doing any of the following don' must stop immediately!

Greet the young lady with a handshake or, if the opening is there and it seems appropriate, a hello/nice to meet you hug.

Get fresh. Keep the hug appropriate.  It is not an opening to get a little poke, a squeeze, a feel.  It should not be weirdly lengthy. No rubbing of the back. Don't be a horn-dog. Same goes for the handshake.  When it's over, let go.  No rubbing your thumb against the back of her hand or taking your middle finger and running it down the palm of her had as you pull away (-_-) 

I mean really.

Stick your hands in the girls hair all the way to her scalp.  She is not a puppy.

Point out grey hairs.  I don't care if it is supposed to be a compliment.

Squeeze her thigh and say 'oh I like that'.  I really shouldn't have to tell you that.

Make an effort to remember her name.  I'm not good with names at all. There is no harm in having her repeat it.  Sometimes, things get crazy, it's hard to hear or you've just had 1 too many drinks and it may have slipped your mind. 

Call her baby, baby girl, sweetheart, sweetie, boo or any other random 'term of endearment' or by some other abbreviated form of her name.  You never know what she may or may not like.

Ask appropriate conversation starter questions.  Things like "Where are you from?", "What do you do for a living?", "Have you ever seen Flashdance?".  I mean, really anything that could generate more than a 1 word answer, and hopefully spark up a conversation.

If you have asked her all of these great opened ended questions, that would actually require more than a 1 word answer and all you get back from her are 1 word answers...

Move it along.

If she's not making eye contact, not trying to help extend the conversation either with her answers or follow up questions, she's not interested man.

Ask her why she's single.

That honestly can go for any one of any sex and any age. What kind of answer are you expecting?  What? Am I supposed to say...."oh well I stabbed my last boyfriend and the courts say I can't be within 100 yards of a single man that favors him".  Like... how are we supposed to answer that question?!?

And if she does say that she's single, I don't think your follow up question should be "You like men right?"


While I can't knock you for trying to be certain, especially these days, there has to be a better time and a more tactful way of asking that question.

Get caught looking at her goods.  Come on, man.  Watch those eyes. We can feel you looking at us. You're stare can go from endearing to just totally off-putting really quickly.  I'm not telling you not to look.  That'd be totally pointless.  Just don't get caught doing it.

Feel free to give appropriate compliments.  You can say that she's pretty, or you can compliment her style of dress, or the way she walks, but it has to be done tastefully.  Most girls really do like a compliment or two.

Over do the compliments.  One is nice.  Two can be seen a sweet.  Three may even make you seem like you're really into her.  But beyond that you start to sound insincere, pushy and like you're fishing for a compliment back.  If the girl says 'thank you' or 'oh, that's sweet', just leave it at that.  Don't keep harping on it.

Be creepy! Some of you fellas can say the word 'beautiful' and make a girl feel like she's just been stripped searched by the TSA.

And while I'm on it...

Be a creeper.  While it is OK to talk and socialize with more than one person at a part or a get-together (depending on its size), you don't want to be the guy that has honestly 'hollered' at every girl in the place, outside in the line into the place, in the parking lot next to the place....

Hopefully these guidelines will help clear up any confusion or answer some deeply held questions you may have had.  As the world turns, I will continue to bring forth more tips to help you in your socializing adventures.

Until next time fellas.  Meeting adjourned.