An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Head's Up I'm Open

1:00 PM |

Love on the rebound...

I'm always very apprehensive when a friend catches feelings for someone new when they are just coming out of a relationship. Sure I'm happy when they're happy, but unless you give yourself time to heal, how do you know you really like this new person?

There are two caveats to look for when dating someone 'on the rebound':

1. You could be in like with the differences.
This person is probably giving you everything your ex never did. Saying things you ex would never say. Doing things your ex would never do. Ultimately leaving you in like with the differences and not in like with the person. One sure fire way I find out if this is the case is in the way you describe your new boo. If every description of their good qualities come with a 'jo-jo never did that' flag. And don't try and clean up how you talk about your new hottie now. Really ask yourself: What do you like about this person? Why? If your reason why has anything to do with your ex, be careful. This may not truly be the relationship for you.

2. You're getting exactly what you used to get.
Another reason many people jump immediately into another relationship after one ends is because they're trying to fill that hole. You could be looking for someone to take the place of your ex. That would lead you to ultimately date some one just like them. And is that what you really want? What's to say that things wouldn't eventually end up where they are now with this new one? How do you keep yourself from repeating the cycle?

No one can tell you how long you should wait after a break-up before you start dating again. Just like no one can honestly say that relationships started on a rebound won't work either. However it is important to be sure this new person in your life is there for the right reasons. Take time to look inward and see how you contributed to the failure of your past relationships so you can grow. And as always make sure that you close the door on one chapter in your life before you open a new one. Leaving that door open only lets in flies. And we all know how annoying flies can be.