An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, March 23, 2009

Princess Save-A-Bro

12:44 AM |

...woman's need to fix men

I don't honestly know why women feel like they can "fix" a man. Like if you are dating a crack head, magically your love will make him change his fiendish ways to be with you. It really doesn't even have to be that complicated, but nevertheless, some women have this burning desire to rescue a man who is apparently drowning in his own issues.

At times it's easy to look at a man like you'd look at a house. It's got a good framework, good bones, but the foundation is cracking a bit and it needs a lot of cosmetic work. And with the population of women increasing and the population of men decreasing, it really skews the balances of supply and demand. Making it easier to fall into this "Princess Save-A-Bro" lifestyle. I mean why throw a theoretically good man away when all he needs is a little work? You could save him? If you put in the right amount of work he could be right? Right? So he has issues, but doesn't everyone?

When you try to "fix" someone or "rescue" them, you ultimately run the risk of being more needed than wanted. Meaning that you fulfill this void in that person's life you are trying to save. He doesn't love you, but he needs you. And the feelings that are developed are not so much because of who you are, but for what your are, but for what you did for them. And I think that women that have this save 'em mentality are also searching for some of the same thing. They need to be needed. But what happens when his issues are fixed? Will he stay? And what if he's never able to get over those issues?

If both are "needed" in the same sort of ways is that not OK? I guess it depends on what you want out of a relationship. Personally I think relationships build out of need grow into severely dependent relationships. I'd rather be wanted than needed (but that's for another post).

It's not to say that with certain inspiration and support a man can't find the additional strength to overcome his obstacles. I'm not saying that you can't be someone's support system. Nor am I saying that trying to help or rescue someone is a bad thing. I just think that women should never enter into a relationship with the intent to save.