An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Saturday, April 17, 2010


10:28 AM |

Are you paying attention?

Picture it. You've met some one. They appear to be great. You hang out, you enjoy each other's company, things seem to be going really great. Time passes and then the bottom falls out. It can be anything. They can be flaky and unreliable, overly aggressive with a bad temper, a kleptomaniac, they could even have another lover. What happened? Why didn't I know?

Many people will say that the reason they never noticed their partner's 'bad habits' are because when you first start dating your not dating that person, you are dating their representative (Chris Rock). I'm sure every woman has heard at some point, 'Don't show him all the crazy on the first night. Wait until you got him to show him the crazy.' We're taught, from when we are young, to always put your best foot forward. Don't spread family business out in public, etc. I do believe in some respect you have to hold some things back. No need to put all of your business out there all at once.

However, I believe the main reason people don't notice the true nature of their partner is because they are 'blinded' by the bliss. When relationships are new, everything is butterflies and daisies. "Ain't it cute the way he cussed out the waiter when my food wasn't right? He's so protective and caring." Later you realize he was a rude prick.

When your relationship is over you can always look back and see the signs. When a person turns out to be crazy you can always look back and see the signs. You just can't see it while you're in it cause you're blinded by the bliss. It doesn't matter how well a person 'acts', they will always reveal their true nature. It may not be a blaring, naked man in the middle of the streets, reveal. But it will be a reveal. You just have to be open to receiving those signs.

And you can try and grey area it all you want to, but remember: if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck........


Anonymous said...

I tell friends and young people all the time to pay attention to the 'caution' signs, those flashing red lights.
I can remember to the moment I should have checked my partner when she addressed me incorrectly but being the peace-maker/keeper, I swallowed hard and kept it moving.
Once you start that pattern, it is SOOO easy to justify the next and the next and so on. Before you know it, you'll turn around and wonder, 'why am I putting up wit dis crap?' and even worse, 'who have I become (as a result)?'
Yes, the signs are ALWAYS there. Like my girl Badu says, you just gotta stay woke!