An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Miss Independent

Shouldn't you love her because she has her own...

There's always talk about what's bad about the independent woman. How she "acts like she doesn't need a man for anything". Or how she "doesn't know how to act like a lady". Meaning she tries to pay for everything, be domineering or whatever. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Let's just set the record straight, shall we? Ok.

So. What must be understood is: A woman is independent out of necessity and circumstance, not always simply out of choice. Meaning there were things that occurred in her life that allowed her to develop into this strong woman you see before you. She's had to learn how to pay our own bills, change the tire and get maintenance on the car, fix things around the house, etc. Not because that's what she SO loves to do, but because that's what she's HAD to do. That doesn't mean that when a man comes along that's willing to help take off some of her burdens, she doesn't know how to lay them before his feet.

I don't know of any woman on the face of this earth that would not like to be taken care of or that doesn't want some help. I hate to do blanket statements, but I truly believe that EVERY woman would appreciate the help. Don't think for one second that because she can handle it on her own that she is incapable of letting you handle it for her.

Understand that many independent women have been doing it by themselves for so long, they are not just going to trust just anybody with the responsibility of taking care of them. You must be able to show and prove to that independent woman that you are trustworthy, faithful and reliable. She must know that without a doubt you will be there to pick up the pieces when things sometimes fall apart. Because trust me, every independent woman has had to bend down and pick up those pieces alone a time or two. No matter how put together she may seem.

What you are really saying when you say that "independent women act like they don't need no man" is that you don't know how to be that MAN for that woman. Apparently you are insecure about your ability to be a man and a provider to that independent woman. You're showing that you do not think you can be of any value to that woman. Instead of putting it on the woman, look into the mirror and figure out why what you have to offer comes up so short that she still feels the need to handle business on her own.

And to all of my beautiful independent women out there, please, acknowledge your good man when you get him. If he has shown to you that he can support you, provide for you, take care of you...let him. Be sure to do the same thing back. Let him know that you value what he has done for you and that you are willing to do for him and support him as well. Remember relationships are not one sided. So don't expect him to do for you, what you won't do for him.


Nakia Stewart said...

I enjoy reading your blogs and they really hit home. I do have a great man by my side and I treasure the ground that he walks on. We have been together for almost 4 years now and we are now planning our wedding. Hopefully we will be getting married in July and I can't wait. He accepts my son like his own and we have a 9 month old together. Our family is so happy and we look forward to our future. Someone said that a good man is hard to find but sometimes he's right in your face. Have you watched the show called What Chilli Wants on VH1? She clearly doesn't know what she wants in a man and she has too much pride. Post to you again soon. Feel free to post to my blog at any time.

Miss_A said...

Nakia thanks for your comment, and congrats on your engagement and upcoming nuptials. I have watched the show What Chili Wants. And I agree with you totally. Her list of what she "wants" is just crazy. There is clearly something else going on there that is preventing her from giving a guy, any guy, a fair chance. I think when looking for someone you do have to have an idea of what you're looking for. If not, how do you know when you've got him. But she's taking this to the extreme.