An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Ask A Black Girl

10:39 AM | Labels:

  1. confessdbgirl

    Why do tall dudes always check short chicks?! I mean do you like bending over to kiss your date... hmmmmm.

    So my mind went to three different places when I got this question so follow me on my train of thought:

    One: It's not so much about bending over, as it is about physical versatility. I mean why do you think they make short, petite girls the tops of the cheerleading pyramids and the flyers. Short chics give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'smack it up, flip it...." well, you can finish the rest.

    Two: In all seriousness, I think it could be a part of the male need to feel like a protector and provider. The height difference can provide a sense of security and protection for the women. And this is something I think a lot of men like to be able to do for their women. Since most women today have just as much as men, if not more, being a traditional 'provider' isn't as necessary as it was before. For a short girl you can be a provider in new ways. Like, provide access to the high shelves.

    Three: Besides, it takes a strong man to date a woman, period. And truthfully many are just punks and intimidated by a woman who can stare him down.

    Got a question? Want an honest answer? Ask me.



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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Doing Too Much?

6:30 PM | Labels: , , , ,

Cutely Interested vs Creepy Stalker....


If a man you weren't remotely interested, in popped up and showered you with unexpected, unrequested gifts, what would you do? Would you be flattered and impressed? Or creeped out and concerned? Back in the day when men were interested in pursuing a relationship with a woman they would send love letters, wine her, dine her, buy gifts, etc in an effort to earn her affection. In other words, court or woo her, even if it appeared that she may not have as much interest in him. Back then, it was cute. Today, you'd be a stalker.

Sometimes, I think guys feel like they can win a woman over. Buy her enough gifts, show her enough interest and she'll bow down. You'll show her you're interested. She'll hate you. You continue to pursue her. And then one day after a horrible life experience, you'll be there to comfort her. She'll look at you like she's never looked at you before and it'll happen. She's now and forever yours . That's how they do it in the movies, right?

Truthfully, if you are giving unwanted advances, no matter how sincere, you are really just doing entirely too much. There is a very, VERY thin line between interested and stalker. Regardless of the degree of attention a woman needs to feel wanted, no woman wants unwanted attention.

So what do you, a guy, do when trying to win the heart of a girl do? Do you just give up? Stop trying? Or wear her down? You have to respect her wishes, whatever they may be. There could be an opportunity in the future to win her heart. However if you keep pushing, you'll permanently lock that door. If you've shown that you are interested, trust that she gets it and if she's interested she'll show you. If she's not interested, then she's just not interested. Get the message and back off.



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Monday, November 8, 2010

Moment of Simple

12:00 PM | Labels: , , ,



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Sunday, November 7, 2010

Thoughts After Seeing 'For Colored Girls'...

12:33 AM | Labels: , , ,

Among other things...

This evening I went out to see the Tyler Perry adaptation of the Ntozake Shange play/book For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf. I left the movie with a lot of thoughts. Not so much about the film but about us as a people and black movies in general.

First, I must say that I enjoyed the movie. I had read the book and was curious to how Tyler Perry was going to pull this off. (If any of you have seen the play or read the book I'm sure you were probably wondering the same thing). Though Perry deals with some dark topics in his movies, I didn't know if he could be true to the pictures and images created by Shange's words. I clearly blocked some parts of the story out of my head (all which came rushing back to me at the appropriate places...if you've seen it you can OMG with me). I think that if you are unfamiliar with the stories or the nature of the play/book there will be parts of it that are a bit confusing and dialogue that makes no real natural sense. But in general, I can truly say that I enjoyed watching it.

However, when I left the movie I felt so heavy. My spirit was just tired. This is where my mind went: So much of the Black experience that gets told are stories about triumph out of pain. Success over all obstacles. Unity in times of peril. I think we spend so much time explaining and celebrating our strength in times of hardship that we forget that our strength was there long before the hardship even existed. It is because of that pre-existing strength, versatility, courage and faith that we were able to survive all of these years.

Please understand that I'm not saying that those stories don't need to be told. We have to keep those stories alive or else they'll become dusty, fogotten pages in the history books. What I am saying is, we have to find a way to celebrate our lives in general. We need to show that it's OK to be happy. It's OK to have an 'easy' life. It's OK to be OK. I believe those who fought and died for us to live this 'equal' life did so to make it OK. The entire black experience cannot solely be summarized by oppression. Nor can we say everything is WONDERFUL, cause we know it's not. We (just like EV-ER-RY-THING) need a balance.

And please believe that balance does not come in the form of a wedding, reunion, or funeral movie. I saw yet another wedding movie trailer. (Looks interesting but really....) For some of the most creative and innovative people we recycle the most tired ass story lines. We just cannot, CANNOT have yet another wedding movie. We just can't. Nervous groom, crazy, panicked bride, evil mother in law, crazy groomsman, man hating, jealous bridesmaids, reconnecting with old loves, resolving past unfinished business..I get it...we all have country cousins, hood cousins, sididdy cousins, broke cousins, lazy cousins, thieving cousins.... Funerals can quickly become a hot mess if not clearly controlled...I get it.... let's just sum them all up with a "haha, oh! no she didn't, awww, two snaps in z-formation, oooooh".... Feel good? Great...let's do something else.




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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Questions

12:28 PM | Labels: , ,

What you don't know could hurt...

I've always found it interesting that many people spend years together or get married, only later to realize that they have virtually nothing in common with the person that was supposed to be their soulmate. Sure they may both like rainy days, chocolate and the color purple, but what else do they have in common. Why is it that people don't talk about the real stuff until it's too late?

I know that in the beginning of a relationship you tend not to want to be bogged down with the serious side of life. Things are great when a relationship is new. The flowers smell sweeter, sky is bluer, them farting in front of you is funny and cute. But when the flowers are dry and the weather turns cold, will those small things keep you warm?

At some point, couples need to have the tough conversations and make smart observations. How does he/she handle their finances? How do they handle conflict? What are their views about raising kids? What does it take for them to be happy and comfortable in their skin, with their life? Do they have goals in life? While these questions in the beginning don't really matter, if the relationship grows, these could be deal breakers. And though some opinions can be changed, no one should go into any relationship thinking they can manipulate the other into bending to their will.

Though they may say love is blind, they never said it was deaf, mute or dumb. Even a blind man has a walking stick to keep him from bumping into doors or walking out into traffic....




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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Random Thought

1:11 PM | Labels: , ,



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Friday, October 29, 2010

Acting Right

8:48 AM | Labels: ,

The Culture of Lateness...


As I sit on the brink of having three 8am classes to teach next quarter, I have to explore this late culture that has developed over the years. I know that today more than ever people have more responsibilities, more commitments, just more things to do in general. However, that is no excuse.

In what world is it OK to arrive anywhere one hour or more late? What makes you think that I have nothing else to do with my time than to sit here and wait on someone to get here? These are classes, appointments, meetings that YOU have agreed to. It's not like the times just snuck up on you. You agreed to take this class, set up this appointment, scheduled this meeting and commitments need to be scheduled accordingly.

Now I do understand things come up. People have families and kids that can't always be scheduled. However, I'm not talking about those late people. Those late people have actual justifications and many of them will contact the person they are meeting. I'm talking about the people who are consistently oversleeping, always stuck in traffic, always late for no real reason.

Fix it. Get up earlier. Leave earlier. Set several alarm clocks. Do whatever is necessary. I'm up late. I have things to do. But I got here. Because while you may not intend for your lateness to be perceived as rude, disrespectful, inconsiderate, self-serving, self-absorbed, it can come off that way.

Remember. To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late. To be late is......



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