Truly, truly, truly outrageous...

Can't we all just get along...

Random thought here. When did it become OK to just fight a bitch? Seems like every time I turn on the TV, someone is in someone else's face ready to throw blows. And these are grown ass people. Last time I checked grown ass people who fought got arrested. Perhaps my legalese is out dated. Must be because why else would it be promoted everywhere. You think is all fine and good on the TV but you know muthafuckas are stoopid. Monkey see, monkey do with out thought of any reprocussions.

Personally I'm kinda over it. Use your words you dumb fucks. Volume doesn't make you right, lower your voice bitch. Stop swinging on people cause soon as you get knocked you'll be mad cause now you look like even more of an ass on national television. Now the whole world knows you're a bitch. Who wins here?

Alone with my thoughts...

Today I was thinking about the students I interact with on a daily basis. I was just telling a friend of mine how I find it funny that the students I am always looking out for or are the closets to are male. Often I find myself in a room just discussing school, relationships and life with a group of guys. I've never really connected with many of my female students the way I connect with the male students. Not that I purposely go out and try to, it just happens. And I just rhetorically asked why that was.

My friends reply was something I didn't expect. She told me that from the day we met one thing that I used to say was a pet peeve of mine was seeing a young man with all the potential in the world not living up to it. I guess because I the time I was always hearing of these programs for girls, things for girls, support groups for girls but I felt that many times black men were being left out. Not to say that there weren't programs out there, I just heard of the girl activities more. Not only that, there is such a disparity in the number of black men in higher education to women it just concerns me. She reminded me that even when I was a tutor at a middle school in undergrad I was always tutoring and mentoring the young black males who people had basically given up on. And that in a sense it would be hypocritical of me to have such strong opinions about it and not do anything about it.

I had never really thought about that mostly because I think one of the greatest influences a young man can have comes from another man. There are things that boys learn from men that cannot be taught by women. And I don't mean that whole how to be a man stuff either, because there are plenty of great single women raising wonderful men. But there are things that I believe can only be taught to a man by another man. So I never really saw what I was doing as anything as influential per say.

Nonetheless, I've always felt that I related to guys sometimes better than girls. They communicate in a way that makes sense to me. Often I would just use my time to I guess be the voice of reason in a sea of silly chics. Kick them in the ass when they needed it. Congratulate them when it was time. And I guess that connection I made, gave me a way to subconsciously help in some ways alleviate that pet peeve I had stored up. I've always helped out with younger kids but I guess no matter what age you are it always helps to have someone in your corner. That's really all a mentor is in my opinion. Today 3 of "my boys" finished their degrees and I couldn't have been more proud. I got to hear one tell his mom and sister how much I helped them. And another who was out there alone and has no support at home gave me a big hug and just said thank you.

So I have the beginnings of 3 success stories....but alas there are many others that make me want to drop kick them ERREY DAY!!! Guess it's time to get back to work.....

Do not look where you fell but where you slipped. - Proverb

When I came across this quote I found it to be very insightful. Too often when we fail we are so focused on the failure that we don't look to see what we did to cause it. Think about it. Think about a time in your life when you failed miserably or were in a bad place. Did you dwell on your failure or did you think about what happened to get you there?

I find myself often thinking, not so much about what was bad, but what happened to get me there. I spend hours during my day replaying my steps, what I said, what I did and what I could possibly have done differently. I play out all these random scenarios. Good or bad. Not so much to dwell on the past but to learn from it so I can be an improved me the next day.

So don't focus so much on failure. Learn what not to do so you can be successful the next time.

A Kinetic Type Experiment...

Though I teach motion graphics, it's been a while since I actually created something just for the sake of creating something. I've always had ideas but never had the time to do something. So I thought I'd take some time and start off small. I give this assignment to my students so I decided to do one myself. This is done to the first verse of NAS's "Where Are They Now?" Enjoy.



Where Are They Now from Lea Anderson on Vimeo.

I sit alone in my four-cornered room, staring at candles....

I don't know why it is I am opposed to sleeping. I actually really have come to hate it. I don't mind resting, lets get that straight. Lying down, relaxing and all is just fine. But there is something about sleeping that I just don't like. It's come to a point where I try and find any and everything to do until I just can't function anymore. Even then once I get into bed, I just toss and turn trying to silence everything in my head so I can sleep. Plus I just don't feel rested. I wake up just as tired as I did when I layed down.

Some say I need to sleep in the dark. Currently I tend to leave the tv on. It's muted but the light helps. I must confess I'm a bit afraid of the dark. It doesn't help that A) the only other living thing in my house is a plant donated by my mother and B) every night at about 1:00am there is a rather unsettling sound...like a thud or something...don't know what it is but it freaks me the hell out. Either way when it's dark my mind sees things. Real or imaginary. Sometimes my thoughts wander to places that cause me much anxiety in the dark. Sometimes I start thinking about what I need to do the next day, what bills I need to pay, or replay what I did that day. Perhaps I should just get a nightlight but either way...me and the dark just don't get along.

My best ideas come to me at night as well. So it's hard to go to sleep when I have so many things I want to do. So I dunno what to try. Guess I'll just stay up...