An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, February 15, 2010

Absences Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

12:22 AM |

Thoughts on LDRs....

Another age old question: Can a long distance relationship work? Most people are totally polarized on this subject. Either they strongly agree or they strongly disagree. I have yet to be in a conversation where someone was in the middle on this subject. Can it work? It depends.

In order for a LDR to really work, the people involved have to be 100% committed to making it work. The minute the responsibilities shift weight to one partner, the relationship will become strained and eventually topple over. If one person is always the one to travel, always the one to call, always the one to initiate everything, they will soon get tired and things will come to an end.

However, your standard Susie and Jim couple can't just enter in a LDR. Each person has to have complete trust in the other. You must be confident in your relationship and confident in the love your partner has for you. You have to be able to communicate and be honest with each other. If there is no trust, no confidence, no honesty then the LDR will not survive.

LDR's do have their advantages. You truly get to enjoy a person for what they have in their head and heart and less for the body. You spend more time talking to one another and learning about them. Each person gets to go off and have interesting things happen to them and bring the stories and experiences back to share with one another. Because you aren't able to physically be with that person as much, your mental connection has the possibility to grow and be strong. And for many once the mind is stimulated, when the two of you do meet again, the body is sure to be stimulated.

I think what people do have to understand is that LDR's cannot be a permanent situation. And if you look at it that way then anyone can make it through the long distance period. The reason they are not permanent situations is because at some point relationships need to move to the next level. Be it engagement, living together, marriage. That cannot happen when two people are living in separate cities. So at some point a discussion needs to be had about when the move will happen, who's going to do the big move, etc. Know that if one person picks up their life to move to the other, there are going to be some expectations, so be ready.

All in all, I think that with the right people, the right relationships, the right circumstances a long distance relationship can really work. But understand that it is work. If the two are committed to each other and the relationship, while it may be hard at times, LDR's can be just as rewarding as one that's not so long distance.



I don't think they work very well. When two people see each other infrequently during a relationship, all they see is the better part of the other. It's important to see and experience the other side.

Miss_A said...

Good point. I do believe that people at some point, no matter how much they try, signs of their true selves will be shown. But you are right. When people are coming in from out of town you will do all types of things to put your best foot forward and spending quality time with someone is important so you can learn more about them.

Ellie said...

Entirely dependent on the individuals in the relationship - and what they each want from it!