An honest dialogue about love, life, and everything in-between...

Monday, January 28, 2008

Road Rage 3.0

12:55 PM |

...the rant continues

Ladies and gentleman, allow me to direct your attention to the following images:

These are signs commonly found in your daily commute. I draw your attention to these signs because many of you appear to think that these warning signs are mere suggestions. However quite unlike the speed limit signs, the instructions printed on these are not recommendations that leave you room for variation. No. These signs let your stupid ass know that there is no more pavement in that lane to drive in. So to help keep you from driving off into the median, kicking up trash, rocks and old broken car parts in my direction, I will explain what each of these signs mean.

The first is a pictorial representation of what is about to happen. This is for my illiterate drivers and for those who don't know the English language but have somehow managed to frustrate the DMV enough to the point where they give you your license. (Don't laugh I promise I witnessed a man who could not understand what the DMV was asking, nor could he read the signs, even with the help of the translator, be given a book to study and sent back into the line to try again. I am willing to bet a years salary that that man got his license that day). What this picture says is that the right lane ends, you must merge, or get over into the other lane.

The second breaks it down even further. For those who think that image is too much like early man's caveman drawings to decipher the meaning from, they have spelled it out for you. Right Lane Ends. Putting deductive reasoning into play, your brain should send signals to tell you that because the lane you are in is ending, you must find another lane to drive in.

The third leaves no room for interpretation. It tells you what is about to happen, and what you need to do. Lane Ends, Merge Left. Now I don't know how much simpler that can get. I mean really. Aside from the hand of God coming down from the heavens to physically pick up your car and put it in the right lane, what more could you need? A whole dissertation on the sign to explain to your money ass that there is no more pavement in that lane, so get over or drive in the grass??? Is it that hard?

Even more of a reason I must, I MUST, I MUST make dollars to get a chauffeur. Or I'll probably disable myself from a stroke at the age of 30.


Lawrenorder said...

If it helps you any those "self-driving" cars are on their way. I'm hoping they're employed like HOV lanes and allow those cars to zoom-zoom past those too whack to upgrade the technology.
On the other hand, I'm all about the chauffeur.
Ha ha, you have to commute. *snicker*

Lawrenorder said...

I forgot to say...
"This is not a suggestion people... you'll end up in the grass" is slightly incorrect:

If you don't merge, THERE IS NO GRASS FOR YOU! It's: hello car, meet traffic barrier, say bye to car. Non-driving dumbass...