We've all done it. Ignored a side comment. Passed off a repetitive action for a one time occurrence. Made excuses and concocted reasons for why a person does or says what they do. Later you realize you may have missed some warning signs, and now you're left feeling used, hurt and mislead. And no matter how much we push it away, IT SUCKS!

I'm a firm believer in the idea that people will always, ALWAYS show you their true intentions. You just have to be open enough to see it. Unfortunately, so many of us want something to so bad, we're able to will away the warning signs. So just to take a look at a few that should just not be ignored:

I taked on this once before. A man or woman who is really into you will make you a priority. MAKE you fit into their schedule. MAKE time to call or talk to you. If they don't, walk away. They're playing.

If they are always canceling on you. Bounce. This goes inline with the no time thing. You have a calendar. You have a clock/watch/phone with date and time. A few cancellations with rescheduling here or there...fine. Always canceling with no word on when you'll reschedule...problem. If I've cleared out my schedule to fit you in, you can respect me enough to do the same. If not...deuces.

You guys go hard for 2 weeks then all of a sudden it's like you're playing Where's Waldo (and everyone's got on a stripped shirt). Then they want to resurface weeks later like nothings happened. No, no. Unless you were out in the mountains having tea with the Uni-bomber you have a way to reach me. (Hell, when I was out in the middle of the ocean on a cruise I still got phone calls). Constantly pulling a disappearing act is a big red flag. Even if there's nothing wrong between the two of you, there's SOMETHING going on there. That is not OK. Plus, that tends to perpetuate the idea that you'll always be there no matter what. Have they earned that?

And lastly an honorable mention (cause I'm tired of this same old song)....

Look, if you run into a guy or girl frequently and they're like call me, email me, text me, hit me up and then they never respond. STOP TRYING TO TALK TO THEM! (Light bulb moment, I know, how insightful). Even if the conversation goes like this:

You: oh I hit you up the other day and you didn't respond

Them: oh I didn't get the message, dang, well look I'll be home today call me...

*Pause*

Fuck them. Seriously. They're playing. Unless your driver's license says Sony Playstation you are not to be played with. Remember, you love and respect yourself. Respect yourself enough to not put up with the bullshit.

Black women, please hear me. You MUST...STOP...strolling public venus in your head scarf, rollers, and house shoes. I don't care if you're just running to the store real quick, about to get it done or hell even going to your own mailbox. Take 2 seconds, and take the scarf off and put on some real shoes. You don't even have to comb the wrap down (but you do have to take the silver pins out). This look is not cute!

If it's not done, put it in a pony tail. If it's too short for a pony tail either get some gel and slick it down or go buy a hat. Do what ever it is you have to do so you're not roaming the streets looking like a field hand from Roots.

And this also goes for the leggings and the too small t-shirts on the behinds that don't need to be in spandex as well. Put it all together and you got a hot mess just click-clacking all around the grocery store. Meanwhile, I gotta stand there in the line embarrassed cause the uppity 'others' are looking at me like - get your girl - when they clearly don't understand that we don't all know each other. Your mama should have taught you better and if she didn't let me just tell you that all of that is just NOT A GOOD LOOK!

Ah, Thanksgiving.... A wonderful time to gather together with loved ones and friends and give thanks for all the things you have, reflect on the year and enjoy good food and good company. I thought it'd be only fitting to give some guidelines for next year to help make each and every Thanksgiving (or other family gathering) fun and free of social faux pas.

1. If you are in the immediate family of the one hosting the gathering, it is your responsibility to either: help cook the meal or assist with any of the final preparations (but only if you can cook), arrive early to assist with the set up - clean dishes, set up tables and chairs, etc. or stay late and assist with the clean up. The only exception to this rule is if the elders or the host tell you to get somewhere and sit down. In that case you should do as ordered.

2. If someone was there last year, but is not there this year, don't mention it. While this can be applied to any family member, this is most applicable to in-laws, girlfriends, boyfriends or fiances. Sometimes ignoring it can be the best thing. Trust me, some one will pull you into a corner and get you in the loop later.

3. Be on time. If you're late, you'll be hungry. When the family says they are eating at 12, they mean it. Hands will be joined at 11:50 for prayer. Prayer will end at 11:59 and plates will be filled at 12. Whether you're there or not.

4. Wait until all people are sat and fed before you come back for seconds....Greedy....

5. Let the old people be old people. Let them argue with each other. Let them tell you 15 different ways to do one thing (which will ultimately not be what you were trying to do in the first place). Don't fight back. Don't disagree. Just nod your head and say yes mama, no sir and keep it moving. They've earned the right to be that way.

6. Just enjoy each other. Have fun, play some games, sit, talk, eat and reminisce. Time is fleeting. Enjoy the moments you have with each other while you can.

While I'm waiting for my sisters to get up so we can leave for my Grandmother's house for Thanksgiving, I thought I'd take a moment to say thanks. We all know that we should do this more than one time a year, but at least this is a day that we can take some time and really focus in on the good parts....

So thank you to my family. Always down and supportive and a good kick in the pants when I needed it. Thanks to my sisters for being sisters. I know I can count on you guys for any and everything. We've had to climb a lot of mountains to get to this point and I'm happy we made it.

Thanks to Carole, for giving me a chance. I was really stuck and truly at my limit when I was hired. I was broke, frustrated and starting to become unsure if I would make it after graduate school. I don't think I ever truly thanked you enough. So really and truly thank you.

Thanks to my boss man, Professor Locs. If you haven't checked out his blog you are truly missing out. You motivate and inspire me every day, not just on the job but with my writing and creating. I've learned a lot from you over the years and truly appreciate you. The work you do with the students is above and beyond the call of duty (many don't even care to try).

Thanks to all of my people! My friends, hommies, girls, boys, everyone who's been there for me over the years. You guys get me laughing when I need it, let me decompress, give me plenty of things to think (and write) about and are just truly good people. We may not talk like we should but we know we appreciate each other.

Thanks to my students who inspire me and piss me off on a daily basis (sometimes, simultaneously). You give me reasons to keep doing what I do, reasons to quit and do something else, reasons to create, study and be better. I can't wait to see what you guys will become...

Well, I think I've been nice enough for today. Tomorrow, it's back to your regularly scheduled program. But for real. We all know that times are hard. People are frustrated. Things may not be ideal. But if you look hard enough, you will find plenty of things to be thankful for. Even if you are thankful that you're not the dude sitting next to you, that's something...

It has been a good 2 years since the last installment of the know your role series. This time we are back to discuss the rules of engagement for the jump-off. For this role it is vitally important for all those involved to be aware of your position and play them accordingly, because this is probably, by far, the most misinterpreted and dangerous role. Therefore, I'll be as direct as possible.

As a jump-off you must understand fully that you are NOT the girlfriend/boyfriend and should not be expected to be treated as such. You are not required to listen to any conversation that expands beyond either a) pillow talk or b) hook up arrangements. You are not required to buy you any gifts or celebrate any holidays with each other. You are not required to spend a scheduled amount of time with each other. (In other words be ready when needed but don't expect to be called in.) You are not required to go out to eat together unless it part of the pre or post hook-up ritual. (Please be advised having extended contact with your jump-off outside of the bedroom can lead to a development of feelings and generate a potential for future complications.)

Both participants in this arrangement must be conscious not to overstep their boundaries. Remember, he is not your man and she is not your woman. Neither should engage in behaviors that would lead the other to believe that they are anything other than a jump-off. Failure to comply with these regulations could lead to property damage, a waste of tax payers dollars and unnecessary aggravation.

Because of the nature of this position, it is imperative that those wishing to apply and those reviewing applications, do not accept those with insecurities. This will help reduce the possibility of jealousy issues that often occur within this position. It is also to be understood that your jump-off has the ability to freelance and accept other contract jobs. There is no binding contract to you.

Those deciding to accept the position of the jump-off must do so with the understanding that their time in this position can be a short one. This position is easily filled and turns over quite frequently, so it is also very important that security procedures are followed to the letter and appropriate background checks are performed before hiring. On very rare occasions, some jump-offs have been successful and making the transition to the girlfriend. However, those deciding to accept the jump-off position must be aware that this type of advancement is not guaranteed.

Remember, no role is permanent. Just make sure your behavior gets you a promotion and not the pink slip.